Mell-o's Thoughts

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Championship Round)

2012-01-21T11:06:00.006-05:00

"Bobbin' and weavin' and let the good get even
C'mon down and welcome to the terrordome."

Saturday, 11:18: Man I thought I was pumped up last week. Haha, it's time to get back to that Super Bowl boys! Seriously, we are feeling it up here for two reasons. 1.) There are few teams left that we have not got vengeance on, and those would be the Ravens and the G-Men...that alone is enough right there, but then there's the fact that 2.) this team, despite having bad D stats and all that good stuff, has been on fire for the past wo months, and it could be argued that the current offense is even better than the one we had in 2007.

The Ravens have shown that they have a formidable defense. That's pretty much the most obvious observation you can make about this team, but let's face it, they are the only chance for the Ravens tomorrow. They are going to need all on them to stop the offensive freight train that we have been pummeling opponents with for the last three months. Clearly the focus will continue to be up the middle of the field for the offense. Ed Reed, who is one of the best safeties in the history of the game (Bill refers to him as "the greatest free safety in the history of the league"), but his game is really based on deflecting/catching the deep ball, something the Pats do not nearly as much as they did in the last playoff encounter, or really for the entire decade of dominance. Instead, short passes have burned opposing D's, and if one or two of the members of WHONK is getting doubled, you're going to get burned by the others.

I was watching "AFC Playbook" on NFL Network this morning, because I was pretty sure the Pats game was going to be focused on big time being as it's the only AFC game left this year. Anyway, they ran an interesting piece about the effect that Ray Rice could potentially have. It's no secret that he is their biggest weapon, and in the last two meetings, he's had over 100 yards on the ground. Knowing our "bend, don't break" defensive philosophy, Rice could be close to that in this game, but what was shown was the Pats' ability to limit his yards catching balls out of the backfield. By having Brandon Spikes and Patrick Chung back, we have means for stopping the flow over the middle. They aren't all-pros (yet), but it cannot be emphasized how much they both mean to this D.

I understand Baltimore's got a great team, but I'm taking my chances making Joe Flacco try and beat us, because ultimately, he's going to have to try and keep pace with the Pats' scoring. We likely won't get 45 like last week, but I'll be stunned if we're not right around 25-30 at least, even against such a good defense. What tends to get overlooked when people talk about the divisional playoff game when we got blown out was that Wes got hurt in the final game of the year, and the starting receivers that day were Moss, Edelman, and Sam Aiken. Nothing against those guys, but the lineup of Welker, Gronk, Hernandez, Branch, and the Ocho (yes, that guy) puts them to absolute shame. All I see is an offense that is firing on all cylinders and a defense that is looking to prove themselves, mostly in terms of shutting Rice down.

New England (-7) vs. Baltimore: I will say this: Flacco has a tremendous record in road playoff games (4-1 in non-Pittsburgh games, who he's lost to twice at Heinz), but played fairly shitty in basically all of them (with their blowout of the Chiefs being the exception). He's going to need a monster game ti pull this off, but again, the Ravens have never played against all these weapons,mand while they will put pressure on Tom, he has too many checkdowns up the middlenfor that to work like it has in the past.

The G-MEN (+3) vs. San Fran: I'm not even getting into the stats of it, but more like attempting to reach back to the past to find the answers to this game. So the Niners are coming off a game that was eerily similar to the T.O. catch game (i.e. The Catch II), right down to the crying part. In '98 when that happened, the Niners lost their next game. The G-Men are looking like the road warriors that they were in '07, where they of course won the whole thing. I'll give the Niners all the credit in the world if they can somehow pull this one out because I don't know how they would have anything left after that game last week (in all honesty, the Niners/Saints game is up there with The Music City Miracle and Pats/Panthers in terms of the greatest playoff game I've ever seen).

Alright guys, time to get this party started! Haha, I'm actually finishing this up on Sunday morning (sorry about not time-stamping it...it's 11:00 if you must know), so the excitement is really at a fever pitch right now. I'm pumped. Let's do this. GO PATS!!! Peace.

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Divisional Round)

2012-01-13T14:28:00.003-05:00

"Freak to the funk that no one else is bringing."

Friday, 2:31: So pumped about tomorrow that I couldn't even wait to get this one in. You're probably aware that Tim Tebow will be playing tomorrow night, but it seems like the rest is completely irrelevant. I just want to say thanks to every media outlet for playing the Tebow angle up...again. That really helped the first time around, and I'm hoping for similar results tomorrow.

As for what to expect: Tim Tebow is a gifted athlete, a captivating figure, and a spark plug for football in Denver and the league en general...however, that is not going to matter a whole lot tomorrow in Foxboro. Let me set the mood for you.

The past two seasons, the Pats have been knocked out of the playoffs in their first game. This season, Brady has been playing with that "pissed off, I'm going to light you up" look in his eye more often than not. Expect similar results tomorrow night. As much as Tebow has the desire to win, no one has it more than Tom when he's in the zone. That alone should be a terrifying warning to Denver and Tebow jumkies, but it gets worse (for them...really great for us).

The game is also going to showcase a lot of personalities not present at the last meeting. You may recall Andre Carter actually got injured early on in the first Pats/Denver game, but let's also not forget that Patrick Chung, Brandon Spikes, and Sebastian Vollmer were also not involved. With all three, they will have a big effect on the things Denver loves to do: Rush the ball and rush the passer. While Dane Fletcher had a great season, Spikes is a presence. Comboing him and Mayo will solidify the middle, right where Tebow and Co. do their damage.

Patrick Chung is one of the best hitters in the game. He really is cut from a Rodney Harrison-like cloth. The Pats were playing their safeties way back in their first encounter. While they will likely show the same look this week (the 80 yard TD at the end of the Steelers game was a nice reminder that this team has big play making abilities), Chung has shown the ability to get up to the line as quick as anyone in the league at the free safety position.

Vollmer adds more depth to a line that actually did quite well this season. Him and Matty Light will likely be the starting tackles with Nate Solder serving in spot duty. Denver will be coming with Dumervil and Von Miller all night long. Not saying they won't be able to get a few shots in, but it's great to finally be playing with a full deck on the exterior to at least attempt to stop the pass rush.

The Josh McDaniels angle is really not being played up at all, which I find to be a bit surprising, but in any event, he's back in the fold, which just makes our offense that much better. Not saying that he is going to somehow be able to blueprint everything that Denver will do (he coached there two years ago and drafted Tebow and DeMaryius Thomas...you're welcome for that Denver by the way), but his presence adds another element that we probably didn't even need, but gladly accept.

Denver has one chance, and that's if the Pats just don't show up. Otherwise, there is no way this game will not get ugly...like really ugly. The Tebow phenomenon could not have picked up at a better time. The Pats are poised to piggyback off of this again and jump start the playoffs much like it did the regular season for us. I think Denver has a solid team, a great running game, and obviously a QB whose future potential is limitless...but I just don't see it...call me biased (I am), but I see domination coming.

New England (-13.5) vs. Denver: Apparently Vegas feels likewise.

San Fran (+4) vs. New Orleans: The splits are loaded in the Niners favor, plus it seems like you can't find anyone even willing to entertain the possibility of San Fran winning this game. We're about to find out what this defense is made of tomorrow.

Baltimore (-7.5) vs. Houston: Andre Johnson was not in the first matchup when the Ravens won handily. He's back, but I don't see that being able to compensate for T.J. Yates' inexperience in playoff conditions. The running attack was held in check the last time around for Houston, and while the Texans have had a good attack against the opposing ground game, Ray Rice should carve this team up yet again (over 160 yards from srimmage last outing).

The G-MEN (+7.5) vs. The Pack: I can't help but think the G-Men will at the very least keep it close on Sunday. They have been the hottest team on the NFL leading into the playoffs. The Pack may get a huge boost from the returns of both Greg Jennings and A.J. Hawk, but look for the Giants to expose that secondary that was 31st in the league against the pass. Green Bay is more than capable of running it up on anyone, but they have shown the affinity for outlasting the good teams instead of blowing them out.

Can't wait for tomorrow! LET'S GO PATS!!!

Peace.

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Wild Card Weekend...You Know, The One The Pats Aren't Playing 'Cause We're Nasty And What Not)

2012-01-07T10:29:00.007-05:00

"Get the duck boats ready, the Cup is coming home."

10:48: It's the start of the NFL playoffs, and yet all I really care about is the defending Stanley Cup champs. Huge game today not only because it's a rematch of the finals from last year, but Vancouver, as much as we do not like them (just watched Game 7 looped to the radio call...man those cheap shots at the end of the game are fueling the fire), are one of the best teams in the game, so a nice barometer, and an even better excuse to stumble down memory lane today. I love afternoon hockey! Okay, so to keep appearances, the picks...

Houston (-4) vs. Cincy: So the line and the over/under (38), are exactly what I would predict the final score to be (Houston 21, Cincy 17). Basically, it would be wise to not bet on this game, and you're gonna have to hope there is something good on TV elsewhere because I'm getting bored just thinking about this game. Houston has two premiere backs (Ben Tate is a backup, and rushed for 100 yards twice coming off the bench while Arian Foster also ran for 100...that is a joke!), and while the QB play of T.J. Yates may be brought into question, you can't deny the importance of a player like Andre Johnson being back in the fold. The Texans also feature Jonathan Joseph (all-pro Gamecock!), who shut down A.J. Green, Cincy's lone equalizer, the first time around. Tough team to beat at home, and also Foster had a week to rest. He might be tearing shit up from the jump.

New Orleans (-10) vs. Detroit: "New Orleans, at home, at night" has been the mantra all year long, and it is no different today. If I had to say anything betting wise, I would say bet the under. Sounds insane considering who is playing, but I see an epic beatdown by the Saints here based on the Lions being too tight, and the Saints, coming off of "The Run" and the apparent game that subsequently went with it in Seattle last year. If you think like 42-10 or even a more conservative 35-21, it's still under.

Sunday:

10:37: I'm again trying to use my iPad to type this, and again, it erased everything I just wrote (apparently I underestimated the "undo" button in this scenario). So while I restrain myself from throwing this increasingly evil machine on the ground, let's get to Sunday's picks...

By the way, went through every week and tabulated my win % at about 55 for the year. While that may not sound like much, consider that if you go 60% for a season, you are a god. So, five ticks away from being a fake gambling god?...I'll take it!

THE G-MEN (-3) vs. The ATL: The lone bright spot going into this game for the Falcons would be that their corners are good enough to slow down at least two of the Giants' receivers...but therein lies the problem. With Nicks, Cruz, and Manningham, someone is going to be open. If that isn't bad enough, the Giants also have a big-time running game that has only been getting better lately. The Falcons have a great passing attack and one of the best runners in the league in Michael Turner, but they are simply outmatched in basically every facet of the game.

Denver (+9) vs. Pittsburgh: While Isaac Redman has certainly proved his worth when called upon this year, the loss of Rashard Mendenhall cannot be overlooked. It is absolutely huge for them. In addition, no Ryan Clark, and Big Ben on one leg...this sounds like a team that can be taken advantage of by an agressive, athletic team. Enter Denver, with you know who at QB, a fantastic running game, and a super-aggressive defense that should be all over Ben (also, no Maurkice Pouncey today either, another huge blow). Tebow has been horrendous in the cold weather, but quite frankly, he needs to do just enough today to win. I'm thinking around a 13-10 game, so if Tebow can limit mistakes and they stick to keeping the ball on the ground, they may have enough to actually take this.

Whoever wins is going to get smashed in Foxboro next week anyway, so good luck with all that. Have a good rest of you weekend everyone. Peace.

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 17, 2011)

2012-01-01T08:55:00.002-05:00

"We can break through
Though torn in two
We can be one."

9:30: Happy New Years everyone! What is happening? I just spent a half an hour typing on my iPad, and it erased everything I wrote...no warning, nothing. You know I got it for Christmas, and honestly, I keep wondering if I should have just asked for a new laptop (currently using the one I had in college, which was now, unfortunately, kind of a long time ago, and the one I bought last year has a busted hinge and is totally infected with viruses because my roommate does not understand the power of softcore Cinemax porn and chooses to go on XXX sites on my laptop, then does a horrendous job trying to cover it up...it's like dude, at least erase the history...or not have it on the site when I open up the lid!). I mean I think the technology is great, and the apps and the potential it has is big, but right now, all I wanna do is type, download illegal music, and bootleg movies and TV shows, and I guess I can't do any of those things on there.

Anyway, the jist of what I was saying is that the Pats are probably going to rope-a-dope Ryan Fitzpatrick today, much like they did against Matt Moore last week, and really, any non-elite QB that we play. Lots of soft zone to start the game to identify the targets, routes, and tendencies, and then once the 2nd quarter, or perhaps maybe even later into the 2nd half, the adjustments come in...and nobody adjusts better than the Pats. Spiller has been huge for them (111 yards and a score in the Tim Tebow beatdown of last week), and expect him to have an equally big game today. Remember though, Reggie Bush was torching us last week, but ultimately, he did not win the game for them...and why? We just didn't allow the big play to happen on the ground. Credit the D-Line and our MLBs (Jerod and Dane Fletcher) for containing Bush.

At risking the chance of repeating myself, here's how it is: The Pats are not losing this game because we just don't lose to the same team twice, and furthermore, that #1 seed is looking real shiny, especially because there is a very good chance we would avoid having to play Baltimore or Pittsburgh until the AFC Championship game, which, God-willing, would be at Gillette Stadium. Tom Brady is going to play probably more than he should today (at least 3 1/2 quarters) and, as we keep seeing over and over again, no one can stop this offense right now. Some teams have multiple weapons, and then there are teams like the Pats, Green Bay, and New Orleans who have three or four elite playmakers, making it impossible to double one or two without leaving someone really, really good open.

Ohhhhhh man is it going to be Welker time today. 217 yards on 16 receptions in the first meeting, which of course was a loss, but even so...217 yards! Lots of Wes, and I would be shocked if Gronk was not brought back in as the focal point of the offense, especially down by paydirt (do I owe James Brown any money for saying "paydirt" by the way?). I mean...how in the world are they going to stop us?

Alright, so let's dive right into it. No diary today. SBS (Social Boston Sports for those of you not in the know) is having some kind of brunch shindig for the game, so I'll be hitting that up. I'm not going to lie, I didn't even go out last night. I watched Lethal Weapon 3, passed out because I was really tired (drunk...well really a combination of the two...I was getting trunked up!), and I woke up at 11:45, went to my roof to watch the fireworks, and that was pretty much it...not bad, but anyway, I have energy and I'm feeling way better than I probably should, so I'm predicting rowdiness today.

It's about to get Rowdy Roddy Piper in this bitch!

Your New England Patriots (-10.5) vs. Buffalo: Thank you Miami for backdoor covering last week and making this spread lower than the 20 it probably would have been had we kept our 10 point lead. Also, with concerns about Brady, that also can explain why this is not a 2-TD spread. Anyway, you know we're winning, so now it becomes by how much? I would think we want to get this one over with real quick so the starters can rest for a least a portion of the 4th quarter.

Philadelphia (-8) vs. Washington: The Skins are stumbling to the finish, and the Eagles are playing like they actually have something to play for, which they do not. The only real noteworthy event is Shady McCoy's attempt to track down MoJoDo for the rushing title (although down over 100 yards already, it's going to take a miracle).

Atlanta (-10) vs. Tampa: Atlanta's got really nothing left to play for than seeding, but Tampa has been just so abysmal, especially on defense this year, that I think even a 60% effort from the Falcons could result in a two TD spread here.

San Fran (-10) vs. St. Louis: The #2 seed on the line against probably the worst team in football (I wish I could say Indy, but they're running hot on a two-game winning streak putting their total wins to...2)...even if the Rams do cover this, could you really see it coming?

Minnesota (-2) vs. Chicago: No Cutler/Forte > no Adrian Peterson.

Green Bay (+6) vs. Detroit: When else are you going to be able to bet on the Pack as 'dogs? Also, I was at Foxboro when Matt Flynn took the reigns last year for this Packer offense (this game will affectionately be known forever as the "Dan Connolly run-back" game), and he's not too bad. Plus, you have to figure that even though everything is locked up, they're not going to allow Detroit to just waltz into Lambeau and steal one here right?...

Right?

Carolina (+8) vs. New Orleans: I just love how basically all year, I've been able to pick Cam Newton as an underdog and having that come through over and over again. The Saints are at home, but it's an early start, meaning the Panthers should be able to jump out to a pretty decent start. New Orleans is also playing for that first round bye, but once that Niners score gets out of hand (which I have a feeling it will), the Saints will be locked into that #3 spot regardless of what happens.

Houston (+3) vs. Tennessee: Andre Johnson is back...hopefully to stay this time. Yes, Matt Hasselbeck was brilliant last week, but Houston's defense has been near the top of the league all season, so this should speak volumes in terms of how good he really is right now.

Cincinnati (+3) vs. Baltimore: The fact that this spread hasn't wavered very much since it opened (if anything it's shading towards Cincy) tells me that I'm not the only one who thinks Cincy is feeling that playoff push right now (currently 6th, win and they're in).

Pittsburgh (-6) vs. Cleveland: Can anyone name something besides Peyton Hillis as a reason to not think the Steelers are pulling this off?

Indy (+4) vs. Jacksonville: See this is painful for me because I slammed the door on the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes a bit prematurely as the Rams continue to get smoked in basically every game they play, and Indy, who has had over a week of rest going into this game, has won two in a row. It seems like they don't want to be known as the worst team in the NFL.

Miami (-2.5) vs. Jersey: J-E-T-S suck suck suck! Hahaha, hey it's true.

Oakland (-3) vs. San Diego: The AFC West is on the line, and if that wasn't enough, it's San Diego on the road...so yeah.

Kansas City (+3) vs. Denver: Yes, I'm betting against Tebow. However, I am betting on the poetic justice that Kyle Orton, who was benched and then released by Denver so they could start said Tebow, can go back into Denver and stop their season in its tracks...that would be amazing.

Arizona (-2.5) vs. Seattle: It's okay...Kevin Kolb is not playing, so you can feel free to once again bet on the Cards.

The G-MEN (-3) vs. Dallas: I actually had Dallas at first, and I changed it not because of how bad they play in December/games that mean anything, but because of how impressed I am with the Giants' offense and their pass rush. You could argue that the two biggest breakout stars of this year play on the same (Victor Cruz and Jason Pierre-Paul).

Alright, let's get drunk...again. Yeah-ya! Hopefully 2012 treats us well. Have a great day everyone. Remember, USC/Nebraska tomorrow at 1:00.

GO COCKS!!!!...

and of course...

GO PATS!!!!

Bass in the face means peace see ya later!

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 16, 2011)

2011-12-24T11:06:00.012-05:00

"Football? Football? What's a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out 'football'''.

11:08: Well, we are definitely having a white Christmas...eve...ehhh, close enough! Never ceases to amaze me how wacky the weather changes are here. Over the Sagamore Bridge, it was like driving through a blizzard, and over here on the Bourne Bridge side (which is approx. 15 mins. away in case you did not know), we have blue skies, sunshine...I mean sure it's still cold as shit, but it's a beautiful day outside. Anyway, wait, where were we? Oh yeah, football.

So from what I'm gathering, there is definitely some underlying tension Pats fans are having with an injury list that continues to pile up (although Patrick Chung is back today), and a Miami team that has seen somewhat of a resurgence, and has managed to keep the pieces together through a coaching change 3/4 of the way through the season (a change that occurred during a 3-1 stretch mind you). One word basically describes Reggie Bush's season...vintage. Man does he have a pop to his step that we haven't seen since his early Saints days. Miami could have potentially duped the Saints into selling low on another franchise running back, with the first being Ricky Williams.

This secondary is good, but let's not forget that Tom Brady totally had 500 yards against them in the season opener, and I know, there was a shortened offseason, minicamps, OTA, etc. Dude, 500 yards? "I don't care who you play." That is pretty damn impressive. They have no one to stop the WHONK, with Vontae Davis much more of a shutdown the outside corner than a do-anything type of corner (he's more Champ Bailey than Darelle Revis if that helps...it probably didn't), meaning that the entirety of Miami's chances to at least attempt to slow us down will have to come from pressure on Brady, and Karlos Dansby, who is a solid player, but even he can't control Welker, Hernandez, and the new face of awesome, Gronk. Denver did everything they could to stop Welker and Gronk last week, and they were successful to the most part, but they were caught napping on like four or five plays and Brady just torched them, and that's really all it takes. If Brady is Brady, we'll kill them...book it. Here's the thing: Sometimes things go awry, and it's almost dumbfounding to watch some of the throws, because it's so not Brady...and he knows it, which is why he gets super pissed when he misses a throw, or a receiver runs a wrong route...he gets a little frustrated...but I'm hoping for Christmas beatdown today...I can see it getting close at times, but I'm seeing like a 14-17 point victory here...annnndddddddd segway...

Pats (-8.5) vs. The Fins: Basically for all the reasons listed above, and the fact that Matt Moore beating us would totally be Grinching us, and I won't have it.

KC (-2.5) vs. Oakland: Ummm, so I was completely wrong about Kyle Orton! Holy shit was he good! So KC probably ends up getting a better QB in Orton than the one they started with in Matty Cassel...funny how that works out. Oh, and Carson Palmer is looking very 2010-like instead of the 2004-2008 Palmer which he showed for like a month...it's all ovaaaahhhh dude!

Denver (-2.5) vs. Buffalo: I'm not saying you should go all Gomer Pyle on yourself like in Full Metal Jacket for betting against Tebow, but yeah, betting against him is like blowing your head off in a bathroom after you just shot the dick drill sergeant who had arguably one of the top 10 scenes in movie history (which Family Guy parodied to an amazing level last week, but I couldn't find that, so here's elves cursing, enjoy!).

Tennessee (-7) vs. Jacksonville: Lots of favorites...that can't be good for me...oh well. I'm picking Tennessee this week even though they shit the bed against Indy (who in all fairness looked really good last week). Hasselbeck is inexplicably still the QB...I'm all for giving a little leeway to vets for past performance (see: Donovan McNabb this year), but there is no way you're telling me this team is better with Hasselbeck vs. Locker, especially given the energy Locker brings to this offense.

Cleveland (+11) vs. Baltimore: Yes, an underdog! Nice dude. Actually yeah, I like Cleveland with Seneca at the QB right now. No Boldin for the Ravens, so load up on Ray Rice and make Flacco beat you...that's actually been a winning strategy in the past, and after a huge game from Peyton Hillis last week, there's reason to believe he's back to 100%, or very close to it.

The G-Men (+2.5) vs. Jets: I have more faith in Eli Manning than Mark Sanchez...like way more faith...that can't be good you Rex Ryan.

Cincinnati (-4) vs. Zona: Kevin Kolb is back...so I'm picking against him obviously.

Minnesota (+7) vs. Washington: Oh man, no Roy Helu? That's a big blow to the Skins, who now will be relying on Evan Royster...and that's it. All Day, defense, and wacky shit will be key for Minny.

Carolina (-7.5) vs. Tampa: I originally had Tampa, but that team has screwed me fake-gambling wise and fantasy-wise all freggin' year, so scccaaaareeeeewwww them (that's that Christmas spirit I'm talking about!)

Pittsburgh (-10) vs. St. Louis: Really mad at myself for going w/ the Steelers last week. Clearly playing the Niners in a primetime situation in their house is not the ideal situation to be in. Having said that, the Rams are just dreadful, and have amazingly got themselves back into the Luck sweepstakes by being terrible and having Indy win their first game last week.

Detroit (-2.5) vs. San Diego: This move is purely based on the amazing splits of just how well the Chargers do at home and how hopelessly awful they are on the road. This is a weird 4:00 game because it features a Cali team not playing in Cali...and in Detroit of all places.

I'd like to use this space to say that Ndomakung Suh is a total thug...but he's a tremendous football player.

Seattle (+3) vs. San Fran: Free the beast!!! Plus, Seattle at home, San Fran on a short week...yeah I'm all about it.

Philly (+1) vs. Dallas: After watching them last week, I've convinced myself that the Eagles "are who we thought they were!!!" This is the team that was supposed to dominate this division from the jump. Also, no DeMarco, no Felix Jones...who is going to run the ball for them? Sammy Morris? I mean I love the guy, but not as THE guy.

Green Bay (-insert any number lower than 30 here) vs. Chicago: The spread is actually -11, but I'm predicting a humungous bounce back from the Pack tonight...is there a better matchup to play on Christmas Eve than this? I think not.

New Orleans (-7) vs. Atlanta: New Orleans, at home, at night...wait, why do they keep getting all these primetime games at home? Damn...Drew Brees should get 6,000 yards the way this schedule is breaking for them. No bueno for our first round pick we're getting for them though.

12:53: Hopefully I'll be staying on this at least until the Chinese food gets here and I'm watching A Christmas Story (Chinese food on Christmas Eve is absolutely amazing by the way). Merry Christmas everyone! LET'S GO PATS!!! SQUISH THE FISH!!!

1:03: Starting temp. in Foxboro: 31 degrees. Starting temp. in Buffalo: 35 degrees...is it me or is that the strangest freggin' thing you've ever seen?

1:05: Reggie Bush has been freakishly effective so far. Apparently there's a huge mismatch on Shaun Ellis' side, so that could be a developing story. Eaaarrrrllllyyyy timeout by the 'Fins...it's RedZone time!

1:08: There's mention of how A.J. Green will be covered by "rookie phenom corner Patrick Peterson." I think Peterson has a ton of potential, but he is no phenom corner...he's a phenom return man for sure, but A.J. Green should tear it up today.

1:10: Dolphins got to the Pats' 30 all of a sudden. Devone Bess (huge in Hawaii!) makes a catch to get them to the 25. That play is now under review. Dan Fouts, who is doing color commentary, just said "why would you challenge that?...you only move the field goal back 5 yards." Ahhh, dude, if the call was wrong (it clearly was by the way), what is the point of having challenges if you don't, ummm, challenge shit? Hahaha, I mean maybe that's me.

1:15: Carpenter is good from 48. 3-0 Miami.

McGahee was ruled to have gotten a TD in Buffalo, but that's getting reviewed...and it's coming back to the half yard line. It's time, it's Tebow time!

Jets went for it on 4th down from the G-Men 35. They ran a horrible play that resulted in an incomplete pass (and one could argue a lateral that was recovered by the Giants), but the G-Men had 12 men on the field...ugggghhhhhh.

1:18: No Matt Light, no Sebastian Vollmer. We have Logan Mankins, our Pro Bowl guard, at left tackle, and Nate Solder, a rookie, at right tackle.

Woodie with two rushes for the first down, including one with Aaron Hernandez in the backfield...I'm sorry, you gotta love the Pats!

1:22: All Wes all the time. Three targets already, one catch. Jeremiah Bell just scored a sack on Brady. They've hit him three times now as well. This patchwork line is killing the franchise! Step it up boys! Big Z punts it down to the 15.

1:29: Reggie still running wild, but a bad handoff exchange, and yet another Miami timeout has us back on the momentum train.

Back-to-back Gamecock sightings with a Ryan (Wooooooooo) Succop FG. 3-3 there, and a HUGE TD to Jared Cook. 55 yarder. 10-0 Titans.

1:35: Tom is getting killed today. Miami is stacking the line repeatedly, and getting pressure through. Jason Taylor gets a sack. 3 and out after a failed pass attempt to, who else, the Dubster.

1:41: Miami goes three and out. Pats fresh off a first down after an Aaron Hernandez catch. Logan Mankins got rolled up on earlier, so he's out of the game...jeesh. I expect Miami to be blitzing, umm, all the time now.

1:43: The aforemetioned Vontae Davis breaks up a Wes Welker pass which I aforementioned would not happen...whoops. Anyway, he's good. Speaking of good, Big Z kicked the crap out of the last punt. Fish inside their own 20 to start.

1:47: Giant pass play to Brandon Marshall. McCourty had good coverage, but never turned around to see the ball. He's been getting better in recent weeks though after a really slow start this year.

Jake Long is now on the Miami sidelines...bad day to be a left tackle.

1:48: Brandon Marshall makes a TD catch in traffic. 10-0 'Fins...this is not what I had in mind at all. Hopefully this is like last week and we can get a spark going here (that would mean throw to Gronk by the way).

So I Talk To My NFL Diary Week Pats vs.Tebow (15), 2011)

2011-12-18T10:59:00.004-05:00

"That rack was not built by ninjas."

11:08: Question: Is anyone else playing this week? I'm not really sure anyone seems to think so. Hahaha, dude, I want to know about Redskins/Giants like a thousand times more than Pats/Broncos...this is getting kinda gross how much coverage this is getting. Anyway...but yeah, it does have the feel of the biggest thing ever. Haha, but it's ALL anyone's talking about! So I'm going to be ridiculously brief in the breakdown this week.

This game will be decided in my mind in the first half. Honestly, we just need to go super-charged on offense and go up 34-0 or 34-3...otherwise, if you let this team hang around and have any chance, they are GD frightening right now...and it was probably a good call to say "GD" there given the holy ghost overtones. Tebow is terrifying, and the way to beat him is to go all Detroit Lions on them and put them out of their misery early. The problem is that everyone is throwing for 300 yards on us...could Tebow possibly do it today? Can't be definitively sure about that.

The pass rush is where the Broncos are going to try and continue to keep the energy up that this game is sure to bring to Denver (and really it has everywhere else). If any team can destroy an over-aggressive team, it's the Pats. No one has the checkdown options Tom has...actually there is no other offense in which the check downs are the focal point of the offense (outside of the epic down the field Gronkowski lobs...which are sublime). This again is another game in which the balance on offense does not have to be there. It's so cliché, but the short pass is going to be our running game in this one (hoping for a few Law Firm sightings though). No Deion Branch today...what's crazy is that Ochocinco, who has like 20 catches this year, is going to draw Champ Bailey (because no offense, he can't hang with Welker or Gronk...which is okay, few can). So their best player is on arguably our 5th or 6th option (seriously, Woodhead is ahead of Ochocinco on target looks).

Injuries are still killing us. No Chung, Spikes, or Vollmer again today...of course all of those positions are huge today, esp. Vollmer with Von Miller and Elvis Dumervil out there. Spikes and Chung are solid up the middle, but realistically, the battery of Vince Wilfork and Jerod Mayo up the middle is what's going to key our D. Unless I'm way off, their defense is going to be fueled by everything up the middle, which is what we do (again, they don't have Welker and Gronk...that makes a difference), and sprinkle Demaryus Thomas on medium-to-deep sideline routes. Their run game is great, but Vince Wilfork and Jerod Mayo, again, are great.

Tebow time could happen, but the attitude has to be demolition. It has to be "let's beat the shit out of them and not have to hear about this until the next time we play them" kind of attitude. If Tebow has any chance, their fans and the rest of America not associated with us will pull for him to do it again, because it's fun to a.) watch, and b.) pull against the Pats, which they LOVE to do if they can.

...but enough of all that, because that went on way too long...but at least it was only like three sentences about Tebow (okay maybe four now), and really that is all I'm hearing about this game...so hopefully that was semi-refreshing, well probably not to Tebow freaks (five). Okay, here's show you where to place all your fake money...

Pats (-7) vs. Denver: This is not a slam dunk by any means (I actually just erased "Denver +8"), but it can happen where we can throw up 30 points before they know what hit them...I dunno though...how have we done in like really, REALLY high-TV rated games lately? Not so hot (last big win was against the G-Men to go 16-0 in that season that I don't want to talk about). Tebow time will happen...you just want to be up by 40 when it does.

...and yes, there are other games today...I know I was shocked!!! Haha.

G-Men (-6) vs. DC: I just love when they go to Roy Hellllluuuuuuuuuu (Mrs. Doubtfire is actually on right now, how great is that)...but yeah way too much...I dunno...everything from the Giants.

Green Bay (-12) vs. KC: I wanna help you out KC, but what exactly are you showing me? Is Kyle Orton the answer to keep it close against the Packers...ahhhhh nooooooooo.

New Orleans (-7) vs. Minnesota: Again, it's like can Joe Webb keep it close against the Saints? Ahhhhhh noooooooooo. Update: Adrian Peterson will play...still can't pick 'em.

Seattle (+3.5) vs. Chicago: And I'm free...I'm free falling! Sorry to jinx Marshawn Lynch but I'm hoping for more beast mode...who doesn't like beast mode?

Buffalo (Pk) vs. Miami: Here's our 23-17 game this week...all I have to say: Thank God for RedZone.

Carolina (+4.5) vs. Houston: Why can't Andre Johnson catch a break?

Tennessee (-6.5) vs. Indy: Again, no offense Matt Hasselbeck, but I'm kind of pulling for this to be Jake Locker and the Titans -6.5 vs. Indy.

Cincinnati (-7) vs. St. Louis: This spread opened at -3.5 and moved all the way up to -7 with no injuries and really nothing notable to speak of occurring...so Vegas scccrrreeeeewwweeeddd up (I like when they're wrong).

Detroit (-3) vs. Oakland: Started at +1, now at -3...we're bringing down the house this weekend! Ndomakung Suh is back to commit more assault and battery-like plays, and the Raiders can't stop the Lions' O now back at full strength.

Jersey (-3) vs. Philly: Vick is back, but he is hobbling to the finish. The Jets made a statement against the 'Skins on the road two weeks ago, and they need this win to keep pace with us, especially since a win for us is not a lock.

Arizona (-7) vs. Cleveland: Show me 24-3.

San Diego Super Chargers (+3) vs. Baltimore: We desperately need Baltimore to lose because they currently hold the #1 spot in the AFC, and not only do we need one, but the Chargers need one because Denver is starting to run away with the division, and hopefully they will be in a position to gain a game tonight.

Pittsburgh (-3) vs. 49ers: Holy shit ESPN got a good game. This game better be worth like 1.7 billion dollars man! Hahaha. The Niners have nothing to play for, something I should have taken into account last week when they lost to the Cards...really San Fran...really? The Cardinals? This is why no one has faith in the long-term aspirations of this team (that and the Packers).

Alright, this took entirely too long. Haha, I'm getting so distracted by movies on TV right now. Mrs. Doubtfire, Donnie Brasco, Kindergarten Cop, Beverly Hills Ninja...a loaded Sunday block I must say. It's looking like a halftime of the 1:00 games journey out into the real world today, which I hear is absolutely frigid. Stay warm, drink lots. GO PATS!!!

1:22: Just sat down to a nice bowl of cereal. Now, time for a few updates. The Seahawks just unleashed the beast for a -7 gain and a 5 yard reception inside the 10 on 2nd and 3rd and goal after Johnny Knox got absolutely blown up trying to recover a fumble (he's okay...sort of). 3-0 Hawks. Update: The Bears get called for using their own players for leverage to block a kick, 1st and Goal for Seattle...UNLEASH THE BEAST!!! Marshawn Lynch with a TD in 10 straight games. 7-0 Seattle.

GB is looking wildly human against KC, with a 3-0 lead for the Chiefs and Jordy Nelson about to receive an offensive pass interference penalty.

Lance Moore is in the end zone in Minny. 7-3 Vikings.

Rex just threw his second pick of the game, and yet the Skins are still up 3-0.

1:31: C.J. Spiller with a TD to put the Bills up 7-0 in the blinding snow! Haha, I love it. Is this the first game that's had snow in it? I want to say yes. Anyway, a team from Miami playing in the snow? Yeah I'm liking that pick a lot right now.

1:33: Green Bay getting knocked around at Arrowhead...can't even begin to get into how huge of a story this could potentially be...it is probably the only thing that could take anything away from Pats/Tebow today.

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 14, 2011)

2011-12-11T11:25:00.012-05:00

"Dude, the ink on his divorce hasn't even dried yet."
"Man, lawyers should get pens that don't bleed as much because it seems like the amount of time it takes for divorce papers to dry is completely unacceptable."

11:26: Yeahhhhhhhh buddy! I just made the drive from Cambridge to the Cape in like an hour and 5 minutes while abiding by most of the traffic rules. Super pumped. I'm not working, Pats are on in a little bit, I am hunngggggover. Hahaha, so let's get right to the pickeroos.

The Best Team In All Of New England (sorry Bruins and Harvard basketball) (-7.5) vs. The Formerly Boston Redskins: So Fred Davis and Trent Williams conveniently start their four games suspensions today, effectively ending their seasons. The Pats' pass rush has actually been decent to really good this year, and Andre Carter should probably have a bit of a chip on his shoulder playing in DC (thanks for just giving him to us by the way). I mean I know we give up 300 yards to QBs who have never won a start in their careers, but in no way does Rex Grossman frighten me enough to think he has enough to beat us. Davis was a HUGE part of their lineup, and they seem lost without him.

Their defense is one of those that can keep them in the game, but the thing is that there is not a human being on Earth or even any kind of cyborg/android/whatever that can cover Rob Gronkowski. He just cannot be stopped. So even if they try and take Wes away (which they will attempt but in no way have the ability to hold him down all game), you're still looking at Gronk over the middle, and if that was enough, Deion and Hernandez could easily go for 100 yards in any given game...and did I mention we have a legit 4-RB rotation...oh...and one more thing...

Tom F'ing Brady y'all!!! Haha.

Baltimore (-16.5) vs. Indy: Indy nearly pulled off the most miraculous comeback in the history of the league last week, when the Pats inexplicably stopped playing football and Dan Orlovsky and Co. were bombing on our secondary. So that worked last week...the problem with playing Baltimore is that they have the ability to put 40 up on Indy, and they also have the ability to shut them out, something our defense doesn't have. So, yeah, good (Andrew) luck with that Indy.

Green Bay (-12) vs. Oakland: After a few close calls, you definitely want to put up an ass-kicking here Green Bay...trust me, I'm seasoned in the ways of undefeated teams (by the way, their best chance to go back to back winning Super Bowls is to lose a regular season game...it's terrible to lose, but you probably want to lose one in the regular season as opposed to the playoffs...because it's a sucky feeking when that goes down).

Detroit (-10) vs. Minnesota: Again, no Adrian Peterson for the Vikes...although Detroit is without Suh and Fairley on the D-line, I'll take my chances vs. Toby Gerhart.

Tennessee (+3.5) vs. New Orleans: Riding the hottest player in the league right now (Chris Johnson) and, as if Pats fans needed to hear it again, we have the Saints' first round pick next year...so go Titans!

Philly (+3) vs. Miami: Okay, so everyone is healthy for the Eagles now, and I mean at some point, they have to make a statement game saying they don't completely suck right?...These teams have the same records! Haha, really Philly? I mean I know things haven't broke your way for the most part this season, but they're Miami bad?...I have to give them one game here, even though Vick might be rusty, and who knows how much he's going to want to run after just coming back from a rib injury that sidelined him for almost a month (doesn't that just breed so much confidence in them? haha).

Houston (+3) vs. Cincinnati: Basically, you have two even teams with Cincy getting three points for playing at home. Yes, no Andre Johnson for the Texans, but they continue to find ways to win without three of their top players (Johnson, Super Mario, Schaubie). This has 21-17 written all over it.

Atlanta (-3) vs. Carolina: Love Cam Newton, but Atlanta needs to take control of the wild card with Cutler and now Forte done for the year in Chicago, and the shitshow known as the Detroit Lions who are wobbling to the finish line like I stumbled home last night, and the night before that...

and the night before that...jeesh...

The Bucs (-2.5) vs. The Jags: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I dunno if I believe entirely in Josh Freeman right now...having said that, after last week, I'm so not picking Jacksonville...even the Colts would give them a game.

Niners (-3.5) vs. Zona: Zona needed two miracles to beat Dallas last week (how great was it when Jason Garrett iced his own kicker? hahaha). The Niners seemingly are out to dismantle everyone in this division when they play them.

Denver (-3) vs. Chicago: Picking against Tebow just doesn't work.

San Diego Super Chargers (-6.5) vs. The Bills: Yeah not happening Buffalo.

The G-Men (+5) vs. Dallas: Both teams desperately need this, and you should spot the Giants like 10 points because this is Dallas in December. Also, are you serious with a Hakeem Nicks/Victor Cruz (ZoooooooooMass!!!)/Mario Manningham receiver trio? And a Umenyiora/Tuck/Pierre-Paul trio on the D-Line? This team is frightening if they are banging on all cylinders.

Seattle (-10) vs. St. Louis: Hahaha, how did the Chris Myers game get on Monday Night Football? Ohhhhh man is there gonna have to be nothing on for me to want anything to do with this game...having said that, Marshawn Lynch is on tear right now, so that could be enjoyable.

1:01: Alright, we're about to kickoff in DC. Watching the game at a bar with my Dad, so we'll see you for the second half most likely. Leaving the Army/Navy logos in the end zones at FedEx Field is amazing by the way. Take care everyone.

2:58: Oh my God Gronk cannot be stopped!!! Warn the town the beast is loose!!! Hahaha. 27-20 Pats. Yeah, 27-20...why is this game so close? Again, letting inferior teams hang around is just unacceptable...and having said that...GRROOOOONNNNNKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!! 155 yards and 2 TDs!!! Simply unbelievable.

Elsewhere around the league, Jake Locker is in the game in Tennessee...I'm telling you, the Saints did not want to see him in this game. Panthers all over the Falcons, so apparently they didn't get the memo about grasping onto their playoff chances. Detroit killing Minny off of two defensive TDs, and the exact same can be said about the Jags scoring 28 unanswered points with two coming off of fumble recoveries for TDs inside the 5 yard line.

3:05: The secondary continues to be porous at best. Santana Moss for a first down at the Pats' 30...yikes dude. Grossman with 190, and Helu knocking on the door of 100.

3:07: Complete and utter bullshit personal foul call on Vinnie Mac for making a tackle on Evan Royster, who was on the ground, but was untouched, meaning he could get up and run. Vinnie hits him with a forearm, they call it a head shot because their helmets touched on impact...wow people, it's football...that would have been a shitty call in field hockey man (for the record on BS calls, that's now two against us, one against them...you owe us another one refs!) Helu now over 100.

3:09: Once again, we can't control play action inside the 5. Grossman gets his second TD to a wide open receiver to tie the game up...again. I'm baffled by how bad our secondary is playing. Also, despite scoring a TD on a sack in the end zone, the pass rush has been extremely inconsistent today. Rex getting this much time to throw is ridiculous...he's getting Orlovsky time here.

3:19: In case you needed a reminder of how great our offense is, there you go...that a Dub-Step I can get down to! Wes Welker in the house y'all! 34-27...what a freggin' crazy game!

3:23: Blue Royster Club sightings in DC today. Amazing. They went from Torain/Hightower to Helu/Royster, and they're probably better on the ground now than they have been all year.

3:26: McCourty with another nice breakup...wow, what a journey he's had today. He's gotten burned by both Jabar Gaffney and former friend to the red, white, and blue club Donte Stallworth, but he's made some great plays (including a pick that got taken off the board...see: bullshit calls).

3:29: Another reception for the dubster...oh yeah, remember Wes Welker? Yeah, he's only leading the league in both receptions and receiving yards...yeah buddy.

3:33: Wow, just a terrible play call on third down running the ball. I love the Firm, I've advocated he should get more looks...but not today. We're just smoking them in the pass game, like we don't even need to show them anything else.

3:40: McCourty with another break up. Edelman, our starting outside linebacker/slot receiver/return team tackle machine/return man extraordinaire, brings it to midfield.

3:45: Hernandez lighting it up. Woodhead having a terrific day. Down inside the 5.

3:47: Pick in the end zone...wow we've thrown away three touchdowns today. Now the Skins are driving with the run game and the pass game seemingly both working out. Two horrendous defensive efforts, with DC's going a little more under the radar considering we should have close to 50 points right now.

3:53: Around the league, Jacksonville continues their onslaught on Tampa. Atlanta has come back in a big way and currently holds a one point lead in Charlotte. Jake Locker, J.P. Losman, and Joe Webb are currently QBs for their respective teams. Locker is tearing it up, although the Saints still hold an advantage. Joe Webb has been tremendous leading the Vikes all the way back to within a TD.

3:56: Continuing to let the Skins stay in this game. They (DC receivers) have been sitting down in the middle of the field against our zone, and we're getting crushed every single time. Jabar for another first down. This game should have been over hours ago.

4:03: Ohhhhhhhh huge offensive pass interference penalty on Santana Moss negating a TD. We are down to the nitty gritty. Pats up 7 with the game on the line!

4:05: MAAYYYYYOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! It looks like there's no evidence to say he didn't catch that ball. I'm thinking interception here, and if so, we may escape Landover with a win.

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 13, 2011)

2011-12-04T11:11:00.019-05:00

"My allergy to those f*cking fans has returned!!!"

11:18: Well here we are, at long last, a return to the running diary. Hopefully I don't get too belligerent during the 1:00 games because it would probably mean that I would be terrible typing (which I already am...but perhaps I could go down another notch perhaps never seen by mankind) and the Pats are losing...and dude, if we lose this game...I'm gonna go ahead and not think about that anymore. Let's get right to it...

(I love Virginia Tech, their fans, their alums, all of it...but that was the most shameful football performance I have ever seen. How dare you make Clemson out to be any better than the .500 team they are. Even Oklahoma State's thrashing of Oklahoma was more justifiable. All we asked is that you go out and play decent...even if they lost like that, I mean, I would have still been pissed, but I wouldn't be wanting to do vodka shots at 2:30 in the morning because I was miserable that those orange and purple loving idiots get to go to a BCS game and we get squadoosh (although I'm hoping we go to the Cotton Bowl because I'm totally going...and I mean it this time (I said I was going to the SEC Championship game last year and did not...not my fault the tickets cost more than what I make in a week...and also...probably the right move in hindsight.))

Indy (+21) vs. 3 QTRS. Of Tom Brady and Co.: I mean they're not beating us, but this has backdoor cover written all over it. Indy is like KC, but with completely nothing to lose...except another game...so they're going to be super-feisty from the jump because this is the biggest spread I think I've seen in like five years...that usually does not end up working out...and having said all that, f___ Indy, I hope they get completely annihilated today.

Tennessee (+2.5) vs. Buffalo: Don't look now, but the Titans are contending for the playoffs, Chris Johnson is tearing it up, and you can't even tell that their best receiver has been out for like the whole year...and Buffalo keeps screwing me, so sccccrrrreeeeewwww them (this is why I don't gamble...too emotional)

Miami (-3) vs. Oakland: If you had told me two months ago that we would be in the first week of December, and the Dolphins looked better on both offense and defense than Buffalo, you would have gotten slapped...or sack-wacked...something terrible. Now, we're looking at a Miami team that was a Tony Romo shuffle in the pocket away from having a three game win streak going into this game.

Cincy (+6.5) vs. Pittsburgh: Cincy = Pesky.

Baltimore (-6.5) vs. Cleveland: Cleveland = Not Pesky.

Jersey (-3) vs. Washington: Hate the Jets, but they need this one, and they usually win games they need. Hey Shanny, a big Heeelllllllluuuuu to you too (do that all Mrs. Doubtfire and what not)! Wow, they run Helu, he gets 100 yards and they win...sometimes this game isn't that complicated.

Houston (+3) vs. Atlanta: Pretty sure T.J. Yates is getting absolutely no credit. He's actually decent, they have Andre Johnson back, big-time run game, strong defense, no Julio Jones, no Brett Grimes...am I missing something? Haha, the spread makes me feel like I am.

Carolina (+2) vs. Tampa: Picking Cam +2 worked out for me last week. Now you're going to see a Tampa offense that's even worse than before with Josh Johnson in there trying to keep up with the Panthers scoring? Oohhhh-tay!

Minnesota (+2.5) vs. Denver: I predicted the demise of Tebow last week...and he proved me wrong...again...but this week, they have no Von Miller, and they are playing a game that they're supposed to win. I like the comeback, underdog Tebow, not the front-runner...reminds me of Florida...so...yeah, you know how that goes...

Speaking of Florida alums, Percy Harvin has been on the injury report like every week since he was a rookie. Once again, it appears as (illness) by his name today...I really like this guy...someone find this man a cure!!!

San Francisco (-13.5) vs. St. Louis: And I'm totally done picking against the Niners at home in the regular season...can't have it.

"Can I win with him?...can't do it"

Arizona (+5) vs. Dallas: Hahaha, I mean I'm hoping for a December collapse by the Cowboys as much as the next guy...I think this could actually happen. Kevin Kolb may be able to wiggle away from mediocrity for one game here.

Green Bay (-7) vs. The G-Men: If they're going to lose in the regular season, this is it.

New Orleans (-9) vs. Detroit: The Saints at home at night...anndddddd scene.

Jacksonville (+3) vs. San Diego: Nothing like a front office leak right before a game saying that Norv Turner is so fired to get your team pumped up for this one...by the way, this rumor should have been leaked like three years ago, but Philip Rivers' performance against the Pats in the '07 AFC Championship game on one leg literally has carried him into the present day. He has shown a level of incompetence in big moments that can't be rivaled by anyone in the past or present-day. How bad must it be to be a Charger fan just knowing that no matter how good your team does, they are not gonna win shit? Sort of a Dallas kind of thing but even more hopeless it seems.

Alright, it's totally sushi/hard alcohol time. Dude, Shaw's throws down on some sushi now...they have Japanese people there rolling it...or maybe they're just faking it...in any event, it's effort, and I can appreciate (also helps that it's comparably cheap as shit). No Patrick Chung, no Spikes, no Vollmer...all I have to say is hopefully this is a precautionary thing and we're not talking long term with any of those guys, all of whom have spent multiple weeks on the injury list this year. Alright, back in a bit...passion fruit juice and sweet tea vodka today baby (Sweet Carolina Sweet Tea Vodka mind you). It sounds good, and it is good...haha, I did like quickly debate if the passion fruit was even necessary, and then I realized that I want to watch like 10 hours of football, not one...gotta pace yourself! Yeah buddy...LET'S GO PATS!!!

1:05: Hey-oh! Starting off with a holding call, Orlovski showing some life after a holding call, but get's saaccckkkeedddd!!! on 3rd down! Oh punt that!

1:10: It's just another day being Wes Welker. A little Firm, a little Capt. Faulk, and we are a moving!

1:13: Oh a Captain fumble!!! Ahhhh, but on further lookback in super slow-mo...there's no way that was a fumble...and here comes the red flag from the sock...and the drive continues!

1:17: Marv Albert notated that last 3rd down Brady scramble as being of "some nifty moves"...well he avoided concussion at the last minute with two Indy linebackers bearing down on him...I'll say that. Gostkowski FG (6th all time in efficiency kid!). 3-0 Pats.

1:21: Haha, Minny has 3rd and goal at the Bronco 2 become 1st and 10 Broncos at the 50...so that's kinda how that's going. Dan Orlovsky, as if it was not mentioned before, could become the 1st QB to start for winless teams...that would actually be an amazing feat...let's make history!!!

1:26: Annnndddd we're in "walking in cement boots" mode here. Just gotta get a spark going. Vince just crushed Donald Brown, but another 1st dizzie for Indy.

1:29: Wow, yet another great tackle by Vinnie Mac, but Orlovsky continues to march on us...this is that little spark I was speaking of earlier...don't let them think that today is going to be different than the rest of the year Pats!

1:32: Matty Ice with two picks to start. Chris Johnson just sneaks through right side of the line, slips out of potential tackles...vintage CJ. 10-7 Titans.

1:35: Indy all over us now at the 1. 3rd and goal after a near acrobatic catch by Tamme. Vince Wilfork has shown up big time for us todday.

1:37: False start! Huuuuggggeeee!!! Back that bus up!!!

Matt Forte got rocked in his knee. He's out for the game and hopefully that's it.

1:41: Roy Helu running all over the Jets in DC. See...isn't this better Shanny? 60 yards and a TD. Who's rocking it for my fantasy bench? That guy! (Arian Foster, The Firm, and Peyton Hillis ahead of him...I mean what are ya gonna do?)

1:44: Reggie Bush doing likewise. Haha.

1:45: If there's ever a doubt, you give it to Wes, i.e. Rinco, and you set it and forget it kid! Move those chains!

Ohhhh, big hit on the Dubster...coulda been illegal...I dunno, it looked like football to me.

1:47: Kinda unnecessary throw down the sidelines to Deion, who played amazing defense to break up the pick. On the punt, a near fumblerooski, but seems like down by contact. And this game continues to trudge along...not good...

1:50: Mendenhall just working the Bungles. Two touchdowns on the day. Miami with another sack on Carson Palmer. Chris Johnson is back in a big way.

1:53: That drive was so quick by Indy that I totally missed it...which is awesome. First down good guys at the 15.

1:55: Haha, they had Danny Woodhead double-covered...I'm thinking they saw that coming.

1:56: Bill told his team to not treat Indy like a winless team...we're totally treating them like a winless team. Bring out the rebel in you Bill! Go crazy man!

1:57: Okay here we go now. Two carries for the Firm, two throws to Gronk, Hernandez, Neon Deion...yeah dude.

2:02: Oh the human chain mover is back! It's that #83 again after a great avoidance by Tom Terrific!

2:04: GRRRROOOOOOONNNNNNNKKKKKKK! He is such a machine!!! 12 TDs now! Wooooo, 10-3. Yeah-yah (this is what we needed by the way)

2:12: Yeah Devin McCourty being back! Haha, oh man I had no idea!

Kyle Rudolph might get Calvin Johnson'd on his catch...I hope not...that catch was nuts.

2:15: I will never like Rich Gannon...ever...I hear him, and all I hear in his voice about the Pats is "you son of a bitches cost me a Super Bowl"...yup, we did...blame them, not us bitch.

2:18: First down at the 1, and we go play action...interesting...that's one of those ones that looked bad, but if we pulled it out, it would have been nuts.

2:24: The FIRM baby! That's how that shit goes!!! 17-3 Pats...the Firm continues to be open on Sundays!

2:25: Skins going to the air a lot on this latest drive getting them inside the 5, esp. on 1st and goal, and 2nd and goal...and 3rd and goal? And to a checkdown on 3rd down? Come on man!

2:27: Wow Antonio Brown is nasty...honestly, if Ben wasn't their QB, and their fans didn't venomously hate us so much, I would really like them.

2:57: A half hour break for food provides TWO TDs to Gronk. The most TDs by a tight end in a season, uh, evvvaaaahhhhhh dude! 31-3 Pats...oh there's a reason we were favored by that much.

3:10: Seymour just got kicked out of the game in Miami. They now break the all-time record for most personal fouls on a defense in a season...and still plenty of time for them to add on to it this year.

Mike Wallace = nasty. Cincy = not pesky. Haha, I thought one of those Ohio teams would make it tough for their opponent...maybe Cleveland w/ no Ray Lewis for the Ravens and a fully healthy Peyton Hillis?

3:16: Donald Brown is in for the score, and at this point, gambling comes full circle. Will the Pats take Tom out? They already took out the Firm, they're sprinkling Edelman in there already...also, now that the TD reception was wiped away, perhaps another Gronk hookup is in order?

3:22: Tom is back, but the offense stalls on three downs. Tebowmania strikes once again in Minny. Man...yet again...completely out of nowhere. Running to the sidelines, hits Demaryius Thomas, and he somehow maneuvers his way in for the score. Denver down 1...I'm sorry, you gotta love this.

3:30: Tom Brady...still in??? I mean, at some point, I'm thinking we need a Brian Hoyer cameo. Elsewhere, Cam Newton has his 3rd rushing TD of the game, his 13th on the season. If ever there was a QB made for fantasy football, it's Cam Newton (and prob. a healthy Michael Vick).

3:40: Pierre Garcon for a touchdown...and there's your backdoor cover. Man, if I could nail it down a little better on the other shit, I would be spooky good at this.

3:42: Percy Harvin in again!!! 2 TDs and 145 yards, ahhh good for him!!!

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 12, 2011)

2011-11-27T08:29:00.006-05:00

"We champs like Magic at the point, Jordan with the 2's, Bird with the 3's, Pip with the D."

8:33: I'm up super early...I have no idea why. Unfortunately, with work today, no running diary, no watching the Pats in real time (which means most likely hearing about what happened in the game before I can watch it in DVR land). Sooooooo, yeah, there's that. Pretty sure I'm gonna head back to bed here in a little bit, but while I have my eyes open, why not do some fake gambling? (although I didn't write it down, went GB (-4.5), Miami (+6...yeah I did), and Baltimore (-2) on Turkey Day...again, I conveniently didn't record those three games and won all of them, so choose to believe that...or not...I...I don't really care)

The Red, White, and Blue Express (-3.5) vs. Philly: Vince Young is clearly a wild card in all of this, something I probably should have seen coming when Philly beat the G-Men last week rather than simply writing them off. I think really that's my only problem with this game. We just have no idea what Philly team will show up today literally and figuratively. No Vick, no Nnamdi, probably no Maclin...they're going to have to get creative. Once again, Bill, please, run the freggin' ball. 121.9 yards a game on the ground in their seven wins, 85.7 in their three losses (although they did go just over 100 against the Bills and the Giants, but the Steelers game really helps my argument).

St. Louis (-2.5) vs. Arizona: The "Chris Myers Game" is the first on the board today. Don't gamble or watch this game...that's literally all I have to say about this.

Jets (-9) vs. Buffalo: Annnnnddddddd I'm officially off the Buffalo bandwagon. No Fred Jackson = no chance.

Cleveland (+7) vs. Cincinnati: Another game that would probably be foolish to place any money/interest on...wow, I'm almost glad I'm working today so I don't have to be subjected to this giant shit-fest of games...almost.

Houston (-6) vs. Jacksonville: So if Houston had any sense about them, they would run, and run...and run in this game. Andre Johnson pushed this line up to 6 from as low as 3, but again, Foster and Tate will determine the outcome of this game. Also, despite not having Mario Williams, this defense is still pretty nasty. Jacksonville scares me because they're one of those "grind it out against the really good teams, play like shit against the bad ones" kind of team.

Carolina (-2) vs. Indy: Even after last week's backdoor cover by Detroit over the Panthers, I refuse to pull against Cam Newton...also, because it feels great to say...YOU SUCK INDY!!!

Tampa (+3) vs. Tennessee: Wait, so all we have to do is run LeGarrette Blount and open up the passing game for JAASSSSHHHH Freeman, and we could win games? Wow, what a fascinating concept that they should have been doing ALL F***ING YEAR!!! Oh my God dude, this team has been the singular most frustrating freggin' team to watch. They have all the tools on offense, and yet they do nothing about it. Then, in perhaps the swan song to end Green Bay's undefeated run in the regular season, they put together by far their best performance. Blount had his monster run and went over 100 on the ground, Freeman went over 300...it's been right there the whole time!!! Ahhhhhh!!! Anyway, I'm hoping Tampa beats them down so the Titans can get Jake Locker in there with their season basically being done. You gotta love this guy. His first NFL action is on the road down 21 points, and he promptly throws two TDs against a stingy defense led by Dunta Robinson (Game-the F-Cocks!)...again, I think Hasselbeck is adequate, but there's a potential gold mine on the bench that needs to get the call at some point.

Atlanta (-9.5) vs. Minnesota: Boy, it's amazing how easy picks are when stud running backs are out. No Peterson for the Vikes? Forget it.

Oakland (-3) vs. Chicago: Hinne looked good against the Packers in the NFC Champ game last year, but again, you have to remember that the Pack give up yards in bunches, so not really a good barometer there. Carson Palmer has like two or three of his best receivers out, but I would just keep giving it to Michael Bush, who has been arguably the most valuable player in the league in the last two weeks.

Washington (+3.5) vs. Seattle: Jesus Shanahan, run Roy Helu. What is wrong with this guy? 'Skins have a sneaky good defense that I can see Tarvaris and Co. sleeping on. The key of course will be Marshawn Lynch, who went from being a god after "The Run" last year, to being completely irrelevant, to being one of the top 10 backs in this league right now...what a journey.

San Diego (-5.5) vs. Denver: Being a Gamecock, I found it to be very surprising how much I have thoroughly enjoyed Tim Tebow owning basically all of the non-Green Bay spotlight in the league. However, I see this game, and I'm thinking if San Diego has anything at all, they will destroy the Broncos today. The Chargers are playing like crap, and they are absolutely in the thick of things in the AFC West...man that division sucks.

Kansas City (+11) vs. Pittsburgh: NBC for the first time all year got a potential dud game due to injuries. I must be crazy to pick the Chiefs after their annihilation last week, but again, they're in the AFC West, and thus, in the playoff hunt despite being shitty.

New Orleans (-7) vs. The G-Men: Everyone needs to pray that New Orleans never plays in the Super Bowl at the Superdome...the roof would literally explode due to fan excitement or rioting...or both. Anyway, rule of thumb: Don't go against the Saints when it's a night game in the dome...I know the whole night thing shouldn't play a factor being as they play indoors and what not...but it totally does (I would go ahead and chalk that up to tailgaiting...if you know anything about southern football, you know it's on for hours and hours before the game).

One final note (you had to see this coming): USC beat the shit out of Clemson...again. This is now three years in a row that we've taken out the idiots who continue to wear orange and purple like it's so bad ass (seriously, who wears orange and purple?). If I said it a thousand times before, I'll say it again: We are here, we're not going anywhere. Quite honestly, given the passion that exists for this program, it's amazing that we have only eclipsed the 10-win mark twice in our history, and while most of the winning history of our athletic department has come recently, I would like to commend all those Gamecocks who were Gamecocks before I was born and before I went there. The history of USC sports pre-2001 can be summed up in one word...torturous. It takes heart to be a Gamecock, because no one knows about us (yet), and no one gives the proper respect that should be shown for someone who went to USC like they do with Florida and Georgia and basically every other big-time program in the south and, furthermore, in the country. I'm not sure if USC had a person like me in mind (mild-tempered in regular life, completely psycho in my sports life...and yes, I live two separate lives like that) in terms of spreading the good word about the USC, but I'm not going to rest until everyone knows us...I will say it is a lot easier when your football team is nasty and your baseball team is the defending back-to-back national champions! Ahhhhh yeah.

Alright, hope everything's going alright for ya out there. I'm going back to bed. Go Gamecocks!!!...and...

YOU SUCK CLEMSON!!!!...and....

YOU SUCK INDY!!!!

Oh peace out!

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 11, 2011)

2011-11-20T09:48:00.056-05:00

"Well it's soon one morning, down the road I'm gone."

10:13: Ahhhhhhh waaazzzzzuuuupppp?!?!? In NFL draft diaries, you need a two week bye period to get your shit together (and go to South Carolina...which was great in pretty much every regard...by the way, after the epic meltdowns of a few top teams, including a certain team that for whatever reason continues to wear orange and purple, heeeeelllllllllooooo top 10 USC!). So I'm back. I have a drive down the Cape to go, but once I'm there, it's gonna be cold, and most likely, the only thing left to do will be to write about football (and NASCAR...not gonna lie, I am hugely intrigued by the Carl Edwards/Tony Stewart duel, which pits the two top drivers head to head in the last race at Homestead today).

To recap Thursday's game, all Tim Tebow does is win, and I honestly encourage people to hate on him, because he only gets better amidst adversity it seems. Darrelle Revis said the Denver offense could get "boring"...well, it seems like that plan worked, as the almighty and powerful Jets D sleepwalked through the last drive, ending with an epic 20-yard Tebow run for the win. Tim Tebow perhaps just won the Pats the division, and he continues to frustrate the crap out of everyone playing against me in fantasy (going into the last drive, he had 4 pts., after: 17!)...I can Tebow to that.

Here's my preview of the Pats game: If we don't win by at least 20, I'll be stunned. The only way it's even close is if we are sooooooo amazingly rusty after a 7-day layoff that the Chiefs sneak like 14 on the board real quick. Otherwise, I see this as another game for the no-name defense to continue to iron out the kinks. How about that Jets game? Hahaha, what was going through Jet fans minds when Rob Nichlovich pick 6'd Sanchez inside his own 15? They absolutely had to win that game, and it seemed like they were at least keeping us in check up until the infamous Sanchez timeout with a minute and a half to go in the first half (Rex Ryan said it was the "dumbest play he'd ever seen"...he has been riding a rage-filled, stupefied roller coaster over these last two weeks).

We're looking at Tyler Palko, who I've never heard of...and I pretend like I know what I'm talking about. You do have to keep in mind the Chiefs, despite not having Matt Cassel, do set themselves up well in the passing game with D-Bowe, Breaston, and Jon Baldwin, who came out of nowhere to be their best deep threat option. On defense, it's all about Tamba Hali and Derrick Johnson. Hali is one of the best pass-rushers that's not mentioned in the "best pass rushers in the league, i.e. the Jared Allen/Clay Matthews" category, and Johnson, who was famous in Texas for the wrap-around punch-out technique of forcing fumbles, has become one of the best middle linebackers in the league.

So having said all that, we still have Tom Brady...so it's over.

Anyway, onto predictions...haha, I think I was so awful after proclaiming myself to be on fire that I needed a two week humblement (that's a made up word meaning a period of humbling...you're welcome world) to come back...so let's make it a f*ckin' good week shall we?

Da Pats (-14...or really any number here) vs. KC: His name is Tyler Palko...again, if they score 14, I will be really surprised. Dial up the WHONK (Welker-Hernandez-Gronk), a little neon Deion, and some Ocho Cinco (yeah, that guy who almost had 100 yards last week), and it is ovvvvvaaaaaahhhhh.

Buffalo (+2) vs. Miami: Eaaaassssssyyyyy does it people. Just because the Bills got decimated by the Cowboys, don't for a second think that this team still doesn't have it. Miami's offense has had a nice boost from 2005 Reggie Bush, but their team is still for the most part awful. We'll see how much magic Matt Moore has in his right arm...my guess is none.

With A.J. Green: Cincinnati (+6.5) vs. Baltimore
Without A.J. Green:...ehhhhh...Cincinnati (+6.5) vs. Baltimore: Why is it that right now, I would much rather start Andy Dalton over Joe Flacco against basically everyone but the Steelers (who Flacco apparently owns now). I really like how Cincy has emerged, and yet continues to be the team in the weeds...I don't know how you can be both simultaneously, but they're doing it. Also, keep in mind that there will be no Ray Lewis for the first time in like five years for Baltimore.

Jacksonville (+1) vs. Cleveland: All I have to say is this: I was pining to get Josh Scobee and Jags D specifically for this week. The O/U is 34.5!...and I'm leaning under! (15-12 or 18-15 I'm almost guaranteeing it).

Oakland (+1.5) vs. Minnesota: Who's liking road 'dogs this week? Ahhhh this guy! Denarius Moore could have a monster game here. The Vikings are coming off a short, mostly shame-filled week after getting embarrassed on MNF by the machine known as the Green Bay Packers. Carson Palmer, who, like Reggie Bush, is channeling his 2005 self and the Raiders looked great against the Bolts last Thursday. My suggestion: Crush the line with Michael Bush...who literally is crushing people the way he is running, and throw bombs to Moore and DHB (Derrius Heyward-Bey)...even with Adrian Peterson, the Vikes have no passing game to be able to keep up with the amount of scoring Oakland should do.

Carolina (+7) vs. Detroit: ROAD DOGS!!!!!!!!! Question: How could you possibly like Detroit right now? They went from being a top-5 team in the league, to perhaps not being able to beat the Panthers at home. In using the Tim Tebow axiom, don't bet against winners. Cam had a terrible game last week, but with Carolina able to load up on pass D with an ineffective Detroit rush attack, and the Lions having no defensive answer for the Carolina run game or Steve Smith, I'm looking for a monster bounce-back game from Cam (or Scam as it's pronounced in the south).

Green Bay (-13.5) vs. Tampa Bay: If Tampa's offense was anything close to what it really should be, they might only lose this game by two touchdowns...so with them being quite shitty right now, yeah, ride the Packers until they prove otherwise.

Dallas (-7) vs. Washington: If the 'Skins had some semblance of a passing game, I would be all over them in this game. I just don't see how they score more than 10 in this game though.

Atlanta (-6.5) vs. Tennessee: Finally Chris Johnson has returned from Suckyville and looks like a premiere back. The only problem here is that Atlanta has had their premiere back playing like one the whole season. How can you tackle Michael Turner? A question no one in the league has solved yet. With the emergence of Harry Douglas last week as an equal replacement to Julio Jones, the Falcons should have no problem piling on the points in the dome.

Arizona (+10.5) vs. San Francisco: I know Philly sucks, but I did see the Cards formulate some magic in that passing game, which, if you're going to beat or at least come close to beating the Niners, you absolutely have to have.

St. Louis (-3) vs. Seattle: In the NFC's version of the game that should never see the light of TV/radio/internet, or any other medium (this is what I call the "Chris Myers game," where invariably, FOX has Myers be the play-by-play guy for the absolute worst game on the schedule...and lemme check if he's calling this one (I'm 99% without checking)...hahaha I knew it!!!). Anyway, Marshawn Lynch has been a revelation lately after seemingly taking most of the first half of the year off (perhaps recovering from the greatest run in the history of the league). However, St. Louis seems to be able to put it together at home, especially with a healthy Steven Jackson bowling people over, and Brandon Lloyd putting together big game after big game (can you imagine if the Broncos held onto Lloyd?...Tebow would have McGahee/Moreno/Ball out of the backfield, and be throwing to Decker and Lloyd?...as if things weren't interesting enough in Denver).

Chicago (-4) vs. San Diego: I know it's normal for a team to have a letdown after a collosal beatdown (see: New Orleans getting thumped by St. Louis after beating the Colts 62-7), but the Bears basically won without having to utilize Matt Forte, who has arguably been the MVP of the season that is not named Aaron Rodgers. Also, the Bears absolutely need to win every game to keep pace in the wild card, while San Diego is looking at a division being dominated by Carson Palmer and Tim Tebow...in other words, even if they do go two games back, they are still very much in the playoff picture.

THE G-MEN (-5) vs. Philly: If the Giants can't avenge "The Crumble" from last year at home, I don't want them anywhere near the playoffs. Seriously, what more motivation will this team need? (sidenote: tonight is the first professional start for Mark Herzlich...you don't want to bet against that guy)

And now, the terrible:

Andrew Luck Sweepstakes (although lately, you could consider this to also be the Matt Barkley Sweepstakes...but I dunno...doesn't have quite the ring to it)

Indy (Even): So in the two weeks since I wrote the last of these colums, Indy has emerged from the crowd to be the absolute shittiest team in the league. This team gets crushed by eeevvvvveeerrryyyybody. Plus, this could have been the best season to completely tank. Clearly, Peyton Manning has reached the back nine of his career, and could potentially be drinking at the 19th hole pretty soon...so it will probably be nice to have a potential franchise QB waiting in the wings.

...and that's it...I'm telling you, we have finally found a winner...hahaha, there is no need for handicapping the rest. Oh Indy. You thought you were on the same level as the Pats, but when the franchise went down, man did we take opposite paths (namely us going 11-5 with Matt Cassel and the Colts seemingly destined to go 0-16). Quite frankly, Indy and its fans deserved this humbling experience because you will never have what we have. You continue to be Patriot wannabes, so continue to suck a long and hard one Indy...you earned Andrew Luck and you earned to be one of the worst teams in the history of professional football...SUCK IT!!!

Ahhhh it was good to get all that Indy hate out. Alright, off to the Cape I go. Expect some updates right around the first half of the 1:00 games. Hope all your fantasy and gambling propositions go as well as they can possibly go...even if you're playing me (I've learned that my strong suit is not shit-talking, but rather being the silent, respectful one who beats people down). Take care everyone...

Update: A.J. Green will not play today for Cincy, but again, for some reason, I like them.

2:13: Annnnddd we're here. It's actually a glorious day in New England...sweatshirt weather in November. Niiiicccceeeee. Anyway, Miami is up 21-3? Haha, that prediction's not looking so hot. Less shocking, again, is Carolina way up on Detroit (although the Lions did just punch one in). Tampa keeping it close in Green Bay. I have only heard about the LeGarette Blount TD (I was literally 30 seconds from my parents' driveway), but apparently it was epic. Road dogs and Miami getting it done thus far.

2:19: Grossman is in for 6. Roy Helu has 3 yards? Really? I mean fantasy-wise, I'm stunned, but real-lifewise, the guy is clearly their best runner, and they go with Torain, who was awesome for one game, and Tashard Choice, who was cut by Dallas in the pre-DeMarco era.

2:23: The complexion of the Oakland/Minny game changed on a dime with the Adrian Peterson injury. He is the Peyton Manning of running backs in terms of how irreplaceable he is to this team.

2:26: I can't believe I'm saying this: I really wish I had Carson Palmer on my fantasy team. Oakland up BIG on the Vikes. Elsewhere, Torrey Smith just got dread-tackled, and Miami's TD was taken off the board after review.

2:28: Flacco's pick right there to Nate Clements reminds me of why I have Andy Dalton over him...shhhaaaakkkkyyyyy sometimes.

TD to Devone Bess...in Hawaii, the pecking order is Don Ho, Elvis, and Davone Bess...he's huuuggggeee over there...I seeeeeeeeeeemmmm to do the drawn out words thing a lot today.

2:37: Haha, remember the good times Florida fans. Tebow on Thursday, and now, the ever-potent Rex Grossman-Jabar Gaffney combo hooks up for six.

2:40: Jermichael Finley now out for the Pack. A huge blow, but if any team can get by without an all-pro TE, it's gotta be the Pack.

2:45: The most efficient QB of the day? Haha, Matty Moore in Miami! 3 TDs! He couldn't beat out Jimmy Clausen, but he's making it happen for the Fish as of late. Adrian Peterson is back on the sidelines, and I just saw the Blount run...and it was indeed epic.

2:51: Ray Rice breaks off a mammoth run, but he gets stopped on first and second, then Flacco for some reason tried to scramble against the grain of the D...okay Vick. Cundiff puts in a FG. 17-7 Ravens. Nate Burleson puts it in for Detroit, then mocks Cam's superman pose. Haha, we'll see if that pays off.

3:00: Cincy driving on Baltimore after a huge pass play to Brian Leonard, who, along with Ray Rice, created a Pony Express like backfield at Rutgers. Cedric Benson punches it in for 6 after a big completion to Gresham. 17-14...tellin' ya, Cincy is pesky.

3:05: Josh Freeman is having a big game against Green Bay's one lone weakness, their pass D. Blount with another jaw-dropping run through the middle. Kellen Winslow (soldier!) just got called for pass interference for pushing off in the end zone. On 3rd and long, Tampa stalls out and will settle for 3.

Miami just blocked a punt! 35-6!!! Oh my!

3:24: Ray Rice...what can you say? Dalton threw a horrendous pick to Jimmy Smith, who then fumbled all the way to the Bengal 3. The head ref nearly got jacked up, but the Ravens players diving for the fumble for the most part avoided him, although he did take a shot to the leg that looked like it hurt.

3:28: Mike Williams...remember him? He scores, but a botched 2PC attempt to Winslow keeps it at 21-19. It's games like these they make me remember why I'm not a sharp...I'm not a complete square but I definitely am not a sharp.

3:33: Speaking of gambling calls that aren't working out, Dalton gets picked again, and Flacco hooks up on a bomb to Torrey Smith, who has had a breakout season that is rivaling A.J. Green for best rookie receiver.

3:38: Oh yeah, Green Bay has James Starks too. He's been running a fool on Tampa this drive, currently putting the Pack at the 8 for a first and goal...and this is probably where the Bucs get put out of their misery.

3:41: John Kuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhnnnnn is in the end zone. Pack up 9. Andre Caldwell just destroyed Jimmy Smith on a route for a giant TD the Bungles desperately needed. Detroit seems like they're wearing the Panthers out on D, grounding and pounding down the field to make it a first and goal from the 2, and Kevin Smith just scored running straight through the Carolina D. Now over 100 yards on the day. Lions up 8.

3:47: The Raiders are coming undone with penalties, and then Ponder throws his third pick of the day inside the 5. Oakland goes from being kind of screwed on the momentum train to being in complete control.

3:53: Cam Newton is in yet again, and the Panthers convert on the 2PC to Steve Smith to tie the game at 35. Jacksonville/Cleveland is winding down to a wild finish with Jacksonville inside the 5 after a MoJoDo carry.

3:56: MoJo gets it on first down but is stopped short of the end zone, then Jason Hill drops a TD, then another incompletion on 3rd down ends the game. Cleveland takes it 14-10...again, the under in that game was the lock of the day, but there was definitely three TDs I didn't see coming.

4:03: Tampa again brought it down to 2 on a Dezmon Briscoe score, but the Pack answer right back with a Jordy Nelson TD and push the advantage up to 9. Washington is on the move at the 2 after a Fred Davis reception. 34 seconds left with Dallas up 7.

4:05: Donte Stallworth is in for the Skins! Yes, that Donte Stallworth that we haven't heard from in like two years. Wow Dallas. The play is under review, but from what I'm gathering, that's going to count. Cam Newton threw a pick, and Detroit just got another Kevin Smith rushing TD. Now that's called a backdoor cover by Detroit.

4:13: Skins/Cowboys officially into OT. The 4:00 games just kicked off. First look at San Fran/Zona, my pick for the upset special today.

4:16: Ohhhhhhhh man what a catch by Jerome Simpson. First and goal at the 8!

7:07: Sorry about that everyone. Nap and dinner time kind of foiled the updates on the 4:00 games. Dallas ended up pulling it out in Washington. Seattle is all over the STL, as is San Fran over Zona (John Skelton: 99 yards and 3 picks...yikes). Matty Ice and Roddy White are having huge games in the Hottie, and the Bears continue to stay hot at home against the Bolts.

7:13: Chicago tries a fake punt, which you have to admire from a balls standpoint, but the punter of course throws a terrible throw to a wide open tight end who would have had a 30 yard gain at least if the ball was there. The Chargers get the ball back, and Rivers promptly throws another pick to ice the game for da Bears.

7:20: The Niners are a winner against Zona. Wow Skelton looked terrible today. So much for that. Nate Washington with 110 yards and two scores for Tennessee, but it seems like that won't be enough as the Falcons look like they're running out the clock. Again. predictions were way off today. No bueno.

7:24: In completely unrelated to football news, Tony Stewart is currently 4th, Carl Edwards is in 6th with 48 laps left in Miami. As of right now, Smoke is 2 pts. down to Edwards. Kyle Busch is in the lead, with his heir to the most polarizing driver in NASCAR, Brad Keselowski, in 2nd.

7:48: Finally the race just restarted, and Tony Stewart has taken the lead. Keselowski in 2nd, Edwards is in 3rd. If the race were to end now, Stewart would win the championship by 2 pts.

7:50: Edwards just passed Keselowski. We are at a dead heat with 2403 projected points for each driver, with Stewart holding the ultimate tiebreaker having four wins to Edwards' one...I have to say even to a non-race fan, this is riveting stuff.

7:58: With less than 20 laps to go, it remains Stewart-Edwards 1-2 in the race and for the championship with the deficit being about a second in the race. Keep in mind that NASCAR has made it a point to show more favortism towards wins while attempting to keep the consistency factor in play. Stewart of course has won more races, but Edwards has been by far the most consistent driver on the circuit this year. This theme has also carried into today, where Stewart has been up and down in terms of race status, while Edwards has been close to the top of the field all day. Ultimately though, it will come down to wins.

8:06: There was a little lap traffic that Smoke and Edwards had to overcome, and it seemed that perhaps Edwards could pull closer, and did, getting it to within 0.70 seconds, but once the traffic dissolved, Stewart has opened the lead back up to 1.3 seconds. We're now on the last lap. Stewart is in command, and he will win his 3rd championship. This was an amazing finish all things considered. Only two drivers had a shot to win the championship, they finish 1-2 in the final race, and in a dead heat in points in a season that started in mid-February in Daytona. Really astounding stuff. Now it's back to football to see if the G-Men can erase the memory of the Crumble...and if they can't, with Vick and Maclin and a sub-par Eagles team coming into Jersey, then they probably don't deserve to make the playoffs.

8:34: And we are underway in Jersey. Making the smooth transition to vodka/mango juice, and pulling for Vince Young...Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, Vince Young all starting now...for someone who is about three or four years behind my time, this is actually quite refreshing.

8:37: The Eagles are the bizarro Packers. Sure, VY is in at QB tonight, but they had Vick for the entire season, who was 2nd in MVP voting last year, and a super team on paper, and they're 3-6??? Again, the Washington Redskins method of making a fantasy super team rarely translates into real success. Draft, draft, draft. This is why I put so much personal emphasis on what the Pats do on draft day. You have to realize that if we had been smarter about like four or five picks, we would have had a Packer-like team for like the last five years.

8:44: VY forcing the deep ball already. I like the thought of getting DeSean more involved in this offense, especially with Maclin out tonight, but let's save that shall we? Haha, easy G-Men pick setting Eli and Co. up at midfield.

8:50: Eli throws an equally horrible pick right to Darryl Tapp up the middle of the field...that was one of those "I don't know who the intentional receiver was, wow was that freggin' terrible" throws...yeeeaaaaahhhhhh.

8:53: Now listening to Mitch Hedberg on Spotify because this game is boring the crap out of me, so expect a truckload of those jokes coming tonight. Three and out for Philly. G-Men ball inside their own 10 now...

"Man, I wish I played little league now, I'd kick some f*cking ass!"

8:59: 3rd and long for Eli, and he botches a screen pass. Wow, VY and Eli are looking like they did three years ago when Vince was in semi-suicide mode, and Eli sucked balls. Again, this has been a blast from the past weekend in the NFL...I am enjoying this thoroughly.

"On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield. On a banana, green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the f*ck did you get that banana?"

9:08: Yet another 3 and out...what a yawn-fest this is becoming. At least the two teams seem like they're getting almost to the Chicago/Detroit level of perhaps beating the crap out of each other, which would make this game at least somewhat interesting.

9:11: The BCS standings are out, and USC...is still 12th? Really? After everything that happened the past few days, we went nowhere? Oklahoma has lost to a borderline top 25 team (Baylor, although they were probably ranked lower than they should have been), and Texas Tech, who is nowhere close to any ranking whatsoever. USC lost to Arkansas on the road, they're currently 3rd, and Auburn by a point, although, again, we probably should have had two seconds at the end of the game to attempt a FG or at least a hail mary, but nothing. Anyway, Auburn is 24th...why are we not in the top 10?

"I have hotel room, and my friend came over, and he wanted to use the phone, and he said "do I have to dial 9," and I said "yeah, especially if it's in the number...I mean you can try dialing 4 and 5 really fast."

9:29: VY throws another pick (although to his credit, it probably should have been defensive pass interference). Wow this game sucks. I switched over to a 50/50 vodka/mango split. Pretty soon I'll be breaking out the oldies music. This is painful to watch. 3-0 after another G-Men 3 and out that did include Eli getting destroyed by Cullen Jenkins on 3rd down, so there's that.

9:36: Wow the Eagles just got screwed on that deal. A near 50-yard reception by DeSean is wiped out because he flicked the ball at a Giants coach, then brushed himself off in front of their bench...apparently that was unsportsmanlike. Why this wasn't assessed after the catch so the ball would be around the 35 yard line and not at the original line (Philly's own 2) is a mystery to me.

"No matter how good at tennis I get, I can never beat the wall...I played the wall, and they're f*cking relentless."

9:41: Corey Webster with an amazing pick, but the throw was equally amazing in a shitty way. Come on Vince!!! First down G-Men...there is a significant chance tomorrow's game, which hopefully will be a blowout, will be 100 times more entertaining than this (hey, at least we'll score points).

9:44: Upon further review, that shit totally bounced, so take away the pick, and we're back to 4th down Eagles.

"I get instant oatmeal and don't do shit for an hour. That makes me feel like I should get regular oatmeal and feel way more productive."

9:47: "I did a radio interview one time, and the DJ's first question was "who are you?" That made me think is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong radio station?"

9:50: DeSean nearly took another one back to the house in Jersey...why are they kicking to him again? I'm looking at the replay and I don't think he even stepped out, although they marked him out at the 11. Steve Smith, the former Giant version who wound up on Philly, just caught VY's first TD of the season. 10-0 Philly.

"Alcoholism is the only disease you get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you're an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have lupus...one of those doesn't sound right."

9:55: Jake Ballard is dropping everything in sight...where the f*ck was this two weeks ago? The lone bright spot for the Giants has been Zoo-Mass' own Victor Cruz.

"I don't get the regular AIDS test, I get the roundabout AIDS test. Say Brian, do you know anyone with AIDS?...No?...cool...because you know me."

10:00: "Some songs have special meaning for a man in regards to a special woman, but this can backfire, because maybe the song had deeper meaning, and got cheapened..."We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a better life so let's keep on giving."...remember that song baby?...the night I f*cked you in the pet cemetery...that's our song."

Giants FG makes it 10-3...seriously, Mitch Hedberg is way more f*cking interesting than this, and I've listened to this album (Strategic Grill Locations) about 50 times, but it's amazing.

10:09: Watching the video from the Occupy group out in UC Davis...really coppers? Spraying pepper spray on defenseless people with a group of people my age all gathered around? Did you not think they would be shooting this on their iPhone, Droids, whatever? You know all you have to do is wait them out, and they'll leave. Hahaha, do you really think there is going to be a tent village next year outside of South Station? Probably not.

By the way, it's 10-3 at half. I've switched it up to Aziz Asnari on my comedy playlist. This guy has to be my favorite comic going. This is like Mitch but more upbeat and with more cursing...absolutely love it. My friend turned me on to "Human Giant," which is a show he did on MTV. Check it out on YouTube, it's amazing.

10:25: Seriously, this game sucks, and it's keeping me from enjoying comedy and my parents' booze...slick move grabbing mango juice though...that was really my best call of the day.

10:40: "Nothing's happening, nothing's happening...something about a map...nothing's happening, nothing's happening...it's over...a lot of the people look pissed."

10:52: Huge pass to Hakeem Nicks has set the G-Men up inside the 25...wow, finally, something.

Victor Cruz!!! I love this guy. G-Men about to tie the game up.

11:04: VY converts on a 3rd and short. Philly is driving and are now down by the 30 after an eight yard run by Shady McCoy...where has he been all night?

11:10: Philly has it down around the Giant 30. They just took a time out. I hate Eli Manning, but do not give him any kind of time to get back into this game.

11:13: DeSean shakes a tackle and gets a first down (although he stepped out of bounds...every second counts). VY is crushing third down conversions. After a Shady run to the 5, we're under 3 minutes. This game is finally getting interesting.

11:16: Hanging with Mr. (Riley) Cooper for six. Florida's alma mater continues to have a big day. Philly takes the lead 17-10. 75 yards for Coop on the night. Vince freggin' Young man...vintage...

11:24: Victor Cruz with a huuuuggggeeeee catch down the sidelines. First down G-Men.

Oohhhhhhhhh! Manning is sacked from behind and fumbles! Philly ball with 1:20 left!

11:27: Shady McCoy all the way down to the G-Men 2 yard line. Victory formation! Down go the G-Men. Haha, I think I was like 3-11 in predictions, or in other words, way too shitty to actually go back and count all of the losses.

11:35: Alright, I've tired myself out trying to get drunk...you know how that is when you're drinking by yourself, and you want to get drunk, but the motivation/urgency just isn't there...it's a very tiring experience. One final thing: Jay Cutler broke his thumb, played through it, won, but could possibly miss the rest of the regular season because of it. Also, with Hasselbeck out, and Tennessee kinda sucking, can we please start the Jake Locker era already? You have a QB who can run like the wind and bomb the ball down the field...it might be too late this year, but if they can get this guy reps in a few games down the stretch, look out for this offense next year (they've had a miserable season from Chris Johnson and like one and a half games from Kenny Britt, and they're still like .500...not bad). Hope everyone has fun at work tomorrow. I'll most likely be completely wreck-loose, totally unproductive, and stuffing an entire weekend into a couple of hours, and obviously that's a plan destined for disaster. Sweet dreams y'all. GO PATS! Peace.

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 8, 2011)

2011-10-30T09:46:00.058-04:00

"Thanks for not making me wear a condom...f*ckin' classy move."

9:48: Welcome, welcome. Although we're not in snowshovel conditions yet in Boston (they are like everywhere else though...2 million without power?...ouch, that sucks bro), I have to tell you that the snow just doesn't do it for me at all. I'm an outdoorsman...but I'm not a winter outdoorsman...see what I mean? Born and raised here, but I have the thinnest blood because when I was a kid, I was fat and lazy and didn't go outside, like, ever in the winter, so now I'm really feeling the effects of that, especially after being down south from '03-'08. Anyway, the weather has me a little down (Fall lasted for one week...one!...how the f*ck am I supposed to pick apples when there's six inches of snow on the ground!), but I'm feeling good about this week, and heeeeeeeeeeerrrrreeeeee's why...

It seems like a month since the Pats played against Dallas (upon further examination, apparently it's only been two weeks), but if any really good team needed a bye, it's us. We're 5-1 right now, and really, who is beating Buffalo at Buffalo ever? Amazing game against the Cowboys though. We held the 'Boys to 16 pts., but I have to say that their running attack was in shambles after Felix Jones went down (more on the Dallas running game later...DEMARCO!!!), and Romo threw for over 300 yards. I just wish we weren't so "bend not break." I mean obviously in that scenario, you would rather bend, but I still want to believe that we have the personnel to really dominate an opposing offense.

This is where the Steelers come in. Now before I get into belittling them, which I kind of will, I'll say that they really do have a good team. Mike Wallace is an animal, and there are significant odds he will scorch us for a big play/TD today. However, their line sucks to be blunt about it. Maurkice Pouncey can't play all five line positions, so there are going to be areas the Pats need to focus on exploiting. Jerod may be back in there today, but even if he isn't, the Pats should let Andre Carter and Jermaine Cunningham loose on Big Ben, and definitely throw in some Patrick Chung safety blitz action. The Steelers can move the ball on the ground, but considering there is a real possibility that the middle 4 starting today will consist of Mayo, Spikes, Haynesworth, and, of course, Vinnie Wilfork, I'm more than confident about slowing Mendy, Redman, and Mewelde down.

The big play is the out for the Steelers. They will be looking to exploit our secondary now that Leigh Bodden has been released (I really liked him if you've read any of my material, but I guess he may not have been the same player coming back from a season-ending rotator cuff surgery, not to mention the groin injury he sustained this year. Couple this with Ras-I being placed on IR, and clearly, we're thin at the CB position. The man of the hour will be Kyle Arrington, who has shown flashes of brilliance like another #24 (Ty Law), but can he put it all together and help this team march towards a Super Bowl? This will be a great game to kind of see into that snow globe of the future.

The Steelers' D you obviously know about. Will they make big plays? Most likely. Will they bring constant pressure on Brady? Without a doubt (although they will be playing without James Harrison, which is just huge for us). Once again, the running game is going to be absolutely critical for us. We went away from it against Dallas, and it nearly cost us the game. I just don't understand how the combo of The Firm/Woodhead/Mr. Ridley does not get at least 30 carries a game. If we're passing every time on second down, wouldn't there be reason to believe that the defense knows this, and will be blitzing and pass rushing every time? (DeMarcus had three sacks last game, and, yes, he nearly Reggie White'd us like I predicted). I'm hoping they just get the run game going immediately, make the crowd put their towels in their pocket, and just dominate like we should do up front.

Outside of the "Ty Law broken leg/end of the 21-game win streak", and the regular season we had with them two years ago, we have dominated this team, with most of its part in tact (Mike Wallace, Mendenhall, and Lawrence Timmons we haven't seen a whole lot from in fairness, and they're all really good). The game comes down to the recognition of the zone blitz, and right now, there are two guys who are money in that situation, and like you probably suspected, they are Aaron Rodgers, and your two time MVP and two time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady. Sure, everyone in New England gushes about Tom Brady...you would too if he was your quarterback. Brady has shown through the years that he can carve defenses up. I would be stunned if the same didn't happen today.

I think a factor that can't be overlooked is the "what have you done for me lately?" factor. The Pats are coming off a bye after beating Dallas, a team many have winning the NFC East and potentially taking on Green Bay in the NFC Championship. Pittsburgh is coming off a game against arguably the worst non-winless team in the league. With Mayo and potentially Sebastian Vollmer returning (Vollmer has played one game this year...ONE!), I will really be surprised if the Steelers can pull this one out. They have beaten one .500 team this year (Tennessee), and the rest have been sub-.500. In addition, they get Baltimore on Sunday night next week...I know we're the shit, but some of those players have to be already mentally wanting to play them at home next week.

As if this was obvious enough, the Pats just have to get out to a fast start. The way to do that is to show the Steelers that even though they have Polamalu and Woodley, we own the middle. The Steelers have great defensive personnel, but they're totally getting WHONKed anyway (WHONK= Welker + Hernandez + Gronk)...no one in the league can figure it out, and I really hope they continue to have no clue because damn is it fun to watch these guys tear it up every week. Again, a medium to heavy size dusting of the Firm and whoever else you want to run at these guys, and we should blow them out. Will we? Ehhh...50/50, but definitely expecting a big game from the offense with Harrison out.

10:33: So, we have that one game covered pretty well, so on that note, it's time to get into gambling advice time (I know I said ya probably shouldn't take much of this into consideration, but with that being said, I've torn up three out of the last four weeks, so let's keep this train rolling).

What'cha Know About Tom Brady and Us? (-2.5) vs. Pittsburgh: Potentially the all-around offense's coming out party.

Indianapolis (+8.5) vs. Tennessee: I do realize that it's probably not the brightest idea to be banking on a team that just lost by 80 points (or whatever it was) last week, but I also believe it's not the brightest idea to be banking on a team that simply can't run the ball for some reason, and Matt Hasselbeck looking more and more like Carson Palmer sans the emotional outbursts (which may come...you never know).

Jacksonville (+10) vs. Houston: Apparently a lot of people are expecting a let down game from the Jags, but they played Pittsburgh tight on the road two weeks ago, then beat the Ravens in what my chef deemed "the ugliest game I have ever seen in my life"...there may be something to the Jags. We'll find out.

Carolina (-3.5) vs. Minnesota: I love All Day, but I'm looking at Christian Ponder, and I just don't know. I know what I have with the Panthers. Cam is going to bomb the ball to Steve Smith, which he will be able to do because the Vikes don't really have a good secondary. Otah should be able to at least slow Jared Allen down a little of the corner, and the Panthers are loaded with playmakers on their secondary, a perfect recipe for a 250 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs line from Ponder.

New Orleans (-13) vs. St. Louis: The Saints scored 62 points last week, the Rams almost gave up the single-game all-time rushing record last week...the Rams are going to have to pray for a letdown of epic proportions to keep this close (let's not forget that A.J. Feeley is their QB).

Baltimore (-12.5) vs. Arizona: I will be stunned if Arizona scores in this game...stunned.

Miami (+10.5) vs. The G-MEN: After what happened against Seattle, why not take a shitty team playing the Giants at the Meadowlands?

Buffalo (-4.5) vs. Washington: This is one of those trap spreads that I cannot get around. Why would you ever take John Beck on the road in perhaps the most hostile home field we've seen this year? Also, why would you bet against Fred Jackson ever?

Denver (+3) vs. Detroit: Here's my theory on Detroit: The Jim Schwartz flip out after the Niners game has created an "Emperor With New Clothes" situation in which they looked terrible down the stretch of the SF game, then the flip out, then they looked terrible (at home again mind you) against Atlanta, now they travel to Denver, where Tebowroo is in full effect (I hope Tebowroo sticks...I dunno...it probably has a better shot of surviving than WHONK though). The Tebow home effect is still applicable to the pros (I'm pretty sure he only lost the one game at the Swamp to Ole Miss, and outside of that he never lost...not saying Denver is like Gainesville for him, but they made freggin' billboards to get this guy to play...I think they like him).

San Francisco (-9) vs. Cleveland: I think once the Browns can figure out how to use the Hardesty/Hillis combo, or once they are both fully healthy, Cleveland might be okay. However, I'm looking at San Fran's D at home, and I'm thinking the Brownies won't get into double-digits today.

Seattle (+2) vs. Cincy: I never thought I would say this, but because Tarvaris Jackson is playing, I really like Seattle's chances (that and the crowd...actually it's mostly due to the crowd...who is enjoying the NBA lockout more than people in Seattle by the way?..."feel our pain for a year everyone!"...and then when they start playing next year, they will turn into a pumpkin again).

Philadelphia (-3) vs. Dallas: This is easy enough...if the Eagles lose, their season is finished. That enough motivation for ya?

Kansas City (+4) vs. San Diego: It could be let down city for the Chiefs, but they have to realize that even without Jamaal Charles and getting off to an incredibly slow start, they are actually still vying for a division title at 3-3. Also, Chargers: 3-0 at home, 1-2 on the road...yeahhhhh.

11:11: And now, probably my favorite thing to do in the world right now: Handicapping who is the shittiest team in the NFL...

The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes:

Miami (3/2): Who honors the QB who is playing against you? It's like Tebow was sucking, then they did the halftime ceremony with the '08 Gators, and he turned back into the hero in the second half. Who would possibly do that unless they were trying to lose every game? Kudos Miami, you're halfway there.
Indy (2/1): The Colts took a markedly good approach by losing by 55 points in New Orleans on Sunday to jump into the 2-spot. Again, it looks as though the infrastructure of their team alone would be worth 4-5 wins alone, but if they continue to play as disheartened as they did on Sunday, they could play a major factor down the stretch.
St. Louis (5/2): While the Rams fell back one spot, they have time to make up ground this week with a potential blowout at home coupled with two perhaps winnable games from Miami and Indy. Also, the Rams getting Brandon Lloyd...I'm puzzled by that. There is no way they will win the division thanks to San Fran being who they thought they were (and yes, I just crowned their asses), and no way of stealing a wild card...why get better? There's not going to be a lot of guys that have their own sweepstakes columns, why not strive for futility? I think the fans might actually get it. Imagine a scenario where the Rams have Miami's first round pick for the next three years, including their own awesome pick because they will probably suck for a while...could they not turn that franchise around with five first round picks, including three or four in the top 10? And there's a rookie wage scale? Come on St. Louis, you're better (worse) than that.
Arizona (6/1): The Cards continue to inch closer and closer to the top 3 after an abysmal performance against Pittsburgh at home. Now, they're on the road against Baltimore who, as I mentioned before, will probably shut them out (I'm feeling 23-0...I dunno, that score is sticking out to me right now). Kevin Kolb is looking like a backup, which, hey, he probably should be right? Shouldn't you have to earn your starting QB stripes on merit? The guy got concussed by Clay Matthews, benched for Michael Vick, and then gets a giant contract. That's like a 16-year old kid wrecking a Pontiac, and then once they're ready to get back on the road, you give them a Benz...it stunk from the beginning, and it's really stinking right now.
Minnesota (8/1): It's a dogfight right now between the Vikes and Seattle to get on the board. Based on the predictions for today, I'm going with Minny here, but Seattle could put up a stinkeroo against Cincy at home and climb back into the hunt. Drrraaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaa!!!

Alright guys, I'm going to brave the cold for about a half an hour to re-up my T pass ("it's the end of the month, so tap your pass and come on!") and get some Rumpelstiltskin for my passion fruit (35 degrees + snow on the ground = boat drinks blowout...all about some arithmetic today). Hope your fantasy matchups go as well as they possibly could, except of course if you're playing me...I'm out for blood now. Oh it's so on!!! Haha, see you in a bit peeps.

12:22: Got the cheap rum and the passion fruit. It's 35 degrees in Boston...so ya might as well consider me dead to the outside world now (unless I get food...there's always that 10-15 min. possibility of undeadness).

12:35: Watching an episode of Family Guy. Can you remember a show that has been more wildly hit and miss than this one? It was just amazing comedy for years and years, then all of a sudden, there was a big emphasis on the graphic upkeep and having guest stars, and it kind of went to shit after that. Don't get me wrong, they still have amazing moments and episodes (the "Brothers and Sisters" episode, when Adam West marries Lois' sister stands out in recent history), but you can tell they phone a lot of it in...in fact, at the beginning of the third Star Wars spoof, they literally said they were phoning this in...and they were right...actually that was the funniest part of the entire episode. It has to be tough to stay completely hysterical for this length of time...I'm lucky to get a half hour out a week too.

12:58: We're in countdown mode. I just benched Larry Fitzgerald...that's called bold. He was I think #11 in receivers and top 20 overall...I'm going with Delone Carter...think about it like this: If I think a team will not score a point today ('Zona), should I really start their receiver no matter how good he is? Carter, meanwhile, likely gets the majority of both carries and red zone/goal line touches...hey, sometimes you need to take a chance (man do I wish I had DeMarco back on this team...I dropped him when it looked like Choice supplanted him to #2 behind Felix Jones, now Jones is hurt, Choice is off the team, and the name DeMarco Murray was probably in the top 10 google'd sports related names last Sunday...my how three weeks can change everything).

1:04: NFL record for touchbacks in one year is going down today...it's still Week 8 right? They have nine more to go, and the record for touchbacks is already going down? Goddell, dude, put the kickoffs back at the 30. This is totally ridiculous.

1:06: Kevin Kolb just went down for an 18-yard sack...again, expect that to be something of a recurring theme.

Minny had a huge kick return on a rare non-touchback, then goes 3 and out, misses a FG, Ponder got sacked on 3rd down too. Not quite what we had in mind to start.

1:08: Houston is rocking those slick red jerseys today...I'm a fan. Inside the 20 right now after two straight to Kevin Walter...the other 83.

1:12: Rams are rocking the "these were ugly back in the day but now they look amazing" throwback blue uniforms...this has to be the only chance they have against the Saints...it's their "orange jersey"-like go to.

1:14: Dolphins looking realllllllly fired up. Call me optimistic, but I'm really liking where that prediction's heading.

Rams again continue to look good early (again, you have to say "early")...someone's putting their first W on the board today.

1:17: Baltimore's offense looks atrocious again. What is happening with Joe Flacco right now? Not so bueno, esp. on the last attempt to Boldin.

We're gonna have 1st and Goal for the 'Fins at the 1 on a pass interference call. I have to say, just really, I have no reason to like either team, so I'll pull for the winless.

1:20: Steve Slaton punches it in for Miami. If you started him in fantasy today, you should automatically win this week regardless of what anyone else on your team does.

Fitzgerald with a huuuuggggggeeeee catch. Now they announce he's donating $10,000 for every TD to breast cancer research...even if he's on the bench, gotta love him. Kolb gets sacked on 3rd down. Baltimore's 3rd sack already...I'm totally bummed, they may actually score and get a FG.

1:24: Ooohhhhhh shit, Blaine Gabbert got worked after he slid in Houston. Cushing just crushed him. Probably one of those personal foul fines upcoming for him. Gabbert is out, Luke McCown in...wow did the dynamics just make a sharp left there (or right, whatever your preference is).

1:35: Cam is again getting it done on 3rd down, and end-around to Steve Smith for another first plus a 15-yard facemask on the play. Panthers in business to tie up the Vikes (also, Capt. Munnerlyn with a sack on Ponder earlier...Gamecocks bitch!...most likely coming to a top 10 near you).

1:37: Baltimore is inside the two after a pass to Boldin. Ricky Williams had a huge run earlier, and Ray Rice was moving the chains afterwards. Flacco needs this game for a little confidence boost with the Steelers looking for revenge (and most likely coming off a loss) next week.

1:41: Man Steve Smith made another amazing TD catch (review pending). Elsewhere, Blaine Gabbert is back in the game...you gotta love it. Nothing like a guy who wants to be in there to be in there.

1:43: Feeley gets sacked inside the 2 for the Rams, and it turns out Steve Smith was short at the 1. On first down, they go to Stewart who lost yardage...I would go to Olsen or Shockey here.

1:46: Shockey for 6.

Dare I say, vintage Reggie Bush. Huge run followed by the rare combo of unnecessary roughness with a horse-collar tackle out of bounds. Miami is inside the 5.

1:50: Oh Miami goes for it on 4th down, they run the bootleg to absolute perfection. Matty Moore is in. That is another six for Miami. Wow, 14-3 in Jersey.

1:56: Wow the Colts are really bad. Delone Carter, give him the rock!!!

Annnnddddd the punt gets blocked in the end zone for six. Well...that means more Delone...give him the freggin' rock baby!

1:58: Beanie Wells puts it in for 'Zona. They've got 10 now...okay I'm impressed.

2:00: Cam throws another strike to a TE, this time to Greg Olsen for a score. 14-7 Carolina.

2:08: Ammmmaaaaazzzzzziiinnnngggg return by Patrick Peterson on a punt return for the touchdown, and then Flacco throws a pick...WOOOOOWWWW. 17-3 Cards with the ball inside the Raven 25.

2:12: Kevin Kolb to Early Doucet for six. 24-3 Cards...if you are a shitty team, chances are you're doing quite well right now.

Speaking of which, Captain Munnerlyn (Gamecock!), who was previously fighting with Percy Harvin on the sidelines 15 mins. ago, just stole the ball from him on a reception. First down Carolina.

2:48: Alright, quick food break, and again, if you've been sucking, you're doing amazing today. Ravens got a FG right before the half on 'Zona though, and now they have the ball at the 1 after a pass interference penalty. Ray Rice just exploded in for 6. Here we go.

2:59: Houston goes with goal line formation from the 8 twice in a row, they get stood up, but Schaub somehow fits it into Joel Dressien for a touchdown. Meanwhile, Kevin Kolb gets sacked again. Oh Arizona I feel it all just slipping away for ya.

3:04: Steven Jackson rolls in for another TD. 110 yards rushing and two scores. 24-zip Rams...that's what they call a letdown game for New Orleans.

Cam Newton with three passing TDs today, but Carolina is forced to punt. Minnesota is hanging in there.

3:11: Baltimore is beating Kolb senselessly right now. Zona is going to punt again. They are just opening the door wide for a comeback win. Flacco seems out of sync outside of their TD drive, but he'll have plenty of chances it seems.

3:17: All Day in for his second score ties the game up in Carolina. It continues to be the Anquan Boldin show in Baltimore. He's got three 20+ yard receptions on this drive. Finally, Zona just put Patrick Peterson on him, but Peterson was just flagged in the end zone for pass interference. First and goal Ravens in Ray Rice territory.

3:20: And Rice is in for the score. 24-20 Cards. G-Men w/ a FG to make it 17-13. Jon Vilma w/ a fumble recovery in the end zone to put New Orleans on the board (most interesting stat of the day thus far: Drew Brees has never been shut out in his professional career...ever).

3:24: Kolb throws another pick thanks to contact from Terrell Suggs. It's just a matter of time now. Zona went from climbing out of the Luck Sweepstakes to perhaps entrenching themselves even further. Another pass interference penalty coming on Anquan in the end zone. It's first and goal Ravens at the 1...time for #27.

3:29: As if there was ever a doubt. Ray Rice puts it in for his third score of the game. Vontae Leech, who was on Houston last year when Arian Foster won his rushing title, has been one of the more unheralded signings of this season, making a nice close-off block on Rice's TD.

3:35: Victor Cruz is perhaps better than anyone, maybe even Victor Cruz could imagine. After the catch, he shakes two tackles and makes it into the end zone for six. G-Men out front for the first time.

Arian Foster is in to the end zone in Houston. A bow to you. 21-7 Houston. Kolb just was sacked, fumbled, and Baltimore recovered, but holding on the defense negates it all. First down Zona over midfield.

3:39: Yet another Raven turnover (this time an Ed Reed pick) taken off the board because of a defensive penalty. You do realize Zona is just giving this game away, yet Baltimore for some reason wants no part of it.

3:42: Nate Washington is in for six, and that effectively ices the game for Tennessee. Indy will once again be in the Luck mix, but will they be #1? Zona, who is also very much in the mix, goes for it on 4th down and gets it inside the 30. First down Cards with less than 10 left down 3.

3:47: Feely ties the game for Zona at 27. Ponder continues to lead the Vikes down the field with passes to Aromashadu and Harvin. All Day continues to be ruthless on the Panther defense. First down Minny. Miami has the ball at their own 40, but Moore was just sacked by Umenyiora.

3:51: Minny falls short of the TD, has to settle for a Longwell FG. 24-21 w/ 3 mins. left. It's Cam time.

3:53: Matt Moore throws a pick to seal the fate of the winless Dolphins, but they covered, and if you cared about any aspect of this game, that was it.

3:55: Two minute warning in Charlotte. First down after a quick screen pass to Jonathan Stweart...it's happening Minnesota.

3:59: On fourth down, Cam unloads a 44 yard completion to Brandon LaFell. Unbelievable, yet very believable at the same time. Rams just picked Drew Brees, and it, is, ovah. Considering teams scoring 60 points in an NFL game are now 2-6 in their next game, probably should have seen that coming.

4:04: Wowwwwwwwwww. Olindo Mare missed a real short FG that would have tied the game. Minny escapes with a win. 10 minutes until the Pats!!!

4:07: Haha the Buffalo game is in Toronto? Whoooppps. Well that shows you how much I'm gambling on this stuff (big big fat zero).

4:10: Kevin Kolb rushes for the first down to get them out of inside their own 10. The Colts inexplicably threw four times on two separate occasions to end the game inside the 10...no running at all? Really? I mean I have Delone Carter (who was vultured inexplicably by Donald Brown on a goalline TD today), but really, what were they thinking?

4:14: Baltimore gets the ball back at midfield w/ a minute left in a tie game. I would just be going to Ray Rice all day, but Flacco goes deep, and Torrey Smith hauls it in inside the 5! First down Ravens...it looks like this comeback may happen.

Tebow nearly had a TD to Decker but apparently Decker couldn't get his 2nd foot down...that woulda helped me out on a lot of different fronts.

4:18: We're underway in Pittsburgh. This just in: You can pass on the Pats.

4:20: Three in a row to Miller. Wow we need Jerod Mayo in there big time.

4:22: Now four to Miller. Literally no one up the middle. This is what happens when you ask for Mayo at Heinz Field.

4:24: D looked horrendous on the opening drive, as the Steelers strike with Mewelde Moore on a quick slant. Elsewhere, apparently covering Titus Young results in some kind of penalty. He was wide, wide open for six. Then, the man known as Scott Chandler catches a TD for the Bills north of the border.

4:30: Captain Faulk is back!!!!!!! Over a year since he last played. Awesome to see him back. Farrior and Harrison are not playing today for the Steelers, but they force a three and out. Antonio Brown smartly makes a fair catch despite not having anyone within 15 yards of him. Thanks buddy!

4:35: I can't believe the Steelers got Jericho Cotchery...I thought I was done with this guy! Heath Miller gets yet another reception...this is getting ridiculous.

4:46: Mendenhall running all over us, but on 1st and goal, Big Ben needs a timeout because he is not feeling it...what "it" is, we shall see...probably never like seeing your starting QB just shaking his head his entire trip to the sidelines though.

4:49: And he's definitely not feeling any better after getting whacked by Vinnie Mac! (the rhymes do come unrehearsed)

Charlie Whitehurst is in at QB for Seattle? ABORT! ABORT!!!

4:55: Kevin Faulk is back! A rush and a reception, then a first down rush. Captain Faulk moving the chains!

4:59: William Gay called for groping, and a false start on us...here's momentum, and there it goes...and Wes just dropped an easy one for someone named Wes Welker.

5:01: Yup, Brady had Welker open, didn't throw it to him, that resulted in an incomplete. Then, Brady gets bumrushed by Lamarr Woodley...yikes.

5:15: Neon Deion in for Six! Steelers with the ball...they continue to hound us over the middle. Also, a bad luck play with the corner slipping resulted in a 20 yard pass play to Sanders.

5:34: The fake bad snap play to Kevin Faulk! It's like they're playing his greatest hits list. My request is the bubble screen! Do the bubble screen!!! Haha. Gostkowski for three.

5:38: Cincy looking great with their Dalton/Green combo. So, yeah, I guess I have to continue to apologize to A.J. about saying Julio was better than him...as of right now, advantage A.J., and worth the #3 pick.

6:04: Mendenhall making it happen. Again, the middle of the field...what is happening there? Third and long upcoming for Pittsburgh.

6:05: Wow...another third down conversion...over the middle...wow.

6:14: Settle for the three...I hate saying that...why are we settling for anything. Meanwhile, Tebow is now getting annihilated, San Fran dominating, and Seattle and Cincy? No idea.

6:19: Pats come out w/ a first down to Gronk, then a unnecessary roughness call brings it up another 15. Neon Deion with a first down. Pats really perking up right now...we need points desperately here.

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 7, 2011)

2011-10-23T11:12:00.004-04:00

"It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie..."

11:14: That's right...bye (USC) bye (Pats)...bye (I have no third one here). What's up people. I'm hoping to get a lot in here today. Down the Cape now, but hopefully will be back to the homestead for about halftime of the 4:00 games (I can't help it...I have to see Tebow). In the meantime, hope your weeks are good. I'm stoked to not work today, so let's get right the hell into it.

Predictions...let's turn it around today!!!

JAAAAAAASSSSHHHHHH and the Bucs (+1.5) vs. Da Bears: I love not picking a Pats game this week...fantastic...anyway. So, the Bucs just rolled on a team that is 75/25 offensively reliant last week (I mean no offense to Sproles, Ingram, and Thomas, but that team passes to win), now they get another one at home? I love Forte and Hester, but they are really gonna have to go ballistic for them to take this on the road...Freeman at home is a beast...keep it going with Earnest Graham in LeGarrette's absence man.

Carolina (-2.5) vs. Washington: I'm really surprised by how low this is. Washington's defense is going to have to come up with a monster effort. Never like seeing a guy's first start due to demotion be on the road either, especially when all things considered, Rex really had like the one terrible game, and that was about it. That can't be a good sign when the guy who did have you atop the division for a little bit (hopefully all my Redskins fans out there took pictures) gets pulled after one bad game...kind of a wavering situation there.

San Diego (Pk) vs. Jets: I had the Jets penciled (typed) in here...I dunno...call it a feeling. They might also get crushed. I mean right now, the Jets have to be thinking every game is must win as the Pats keep rolling along, winning all kinds of games (close ones, games that were close on the scoreboard but really weren't that close (hellllloooooo Miami!!!...spoiler: you're still #1 in something!). However, I think the Jets play better when they are loose, and going into every game thinking you have to win rather than just playing your game might get them into trouble. Can we seriously give Mike Tolbert the ball? He became available in my league, I didn't know why, and then I read his stat line...dude has under 35 yards rushing in every game this year! (although his first game he did have three receiving TDs). Man if San Diego figured out how to make him a part of the plan.

Cleveland (-3) vs. Seattle: It figured Tarvaris Jackson has one of the more important wins of his career on the road, and now he's hurt. Sooooooo what you're telling me is you have a Clemson QB going up against an extremely underrated secondary and running attack at home? Yeahhhhhhh...

Oh, so my dad wants to go to lunch, like...now...and I'm pretty sure I'm still on the payment plan in this situation (which will change soon, but I'm not that financially flush to turn down free beer and food), so, it's time for the lightning round!

Denver (-1) vs. Miami: Vegas clearly underestimated the Tebow effect and the potential that its tentacles (whoa that's a letter away from this going south) would spread to NFL gambling. Opened at Miami -3, now it's as high in some places as -2.5 Denver, and this is after they traded Brandon Lloyd away. It is Tebow to Decker time.

Atlanta (+5.5) vs. Detroit: Detroit will win by 30 or lose by 7 I feel.

KC (+3.5) vs. Oakland: The Raiders are a classic "play up to the level" of the opponent. They'll probably sleep on KC like Indy did, and hopefully Matt Cassel can remember that despite not having their star RB, they have one emerging in Battle and Bowe and Breaston (lots of B's) are monsters, esp. D-Bowe (what you got on my 40 homie?)

Pittsburgh (-4) vs. Arizona: This is going to feel like Heinz Field after a while.

St. Louis (+14) vs. Dallas: At some point, don't you get tired of getting your asses kicked?

Green Bay (-10) vs. Minnesota: At no point does kicking ass get tired.

New Orleans (-13.5) vs. Indy: Something about the SuperDome for a night game...it's like they can push the A button for turbo (I wanna say I just referenced Madden '94 on Sega...I could be wrong...was it B?...no, no way!) and their stamina meter stays on glowing red.

Jacksonville (+10) vs. Baltimore: The Ravens may eventually travel as well as the Steelers do in terms of fans, but they're not there quite yet. Jag fans have no choice now but to get behind Gabbert. MoJoDo can divert some attention, and look at what happened against Pittsburgh (yes, them again) last week.

Luck Sweepstakes (he looked freggin' amazing against U-Dub yesterday):

Miami (3/2): Still no sign of Kyle Orton
St. Louis (2/1): No Bradford today. Again, I think they put up at least a bit of a fight today.
Indy (8/1): I think the favorites are kind of separating a bit from the field. Again, Indy is winless, but I could see them winning at some point...those two above?...ehhhh...
Minnesota (9/1): Christian Ponder is gonna have to be real good real quick.
Arizona (12/1): Very much the dark horse in all of this. Their incompetency must be credited in print though. They have one win, and it was Cam Newton's first start...and let's be honest, they probably should have lost that one too. I think 'Zona's stock might be on the rise (or plummeting, depending on how you view things...but once you get into the top 5, you immediately have to start tanking...do you realize whoever has the #1 pick will be locked into as many as three first round picks?...possibly more?...it is a sweepstakes people)

Alright, I'm feeling good, but that's always what happens before they play the games. Sometimes you're aware of impending doom (the Buffalo game), but sometimes you just feel good, which can only stay with you, or could thoroughly crush you in the balls with an ice pick...and that's why we watch. Alright kids, let's hope everyone but people I'm playing do great in fantasy. Time to sit back as the best team in the whole damn AFC takes a breather this week.

4:44: Alright, about to head home. Two thoughts: Arian F'ing Foster. If you looked down, then looked up again at Foster's stat line, you honestly wouldn't know at first if you were looking at running or receiving...that's what the f*ck is up), and if you were not aware of this, this is Tebow's league (you know, with Brady on a bye and all). Broncos in a screecher. DeMarco just went for a 91-yard TD run...it's like I know what I'm talking about...scary shit. We'll see you later on in Cambridge (might be bowling tonight cause I'm feeling totally crappy, but that's an upgrade from totally shitty, so we'll see).

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 6, 2011)

2011-10-15T20:37:00.005-04:00

"Yo part two, bum rush the show."

Saturday (8:38...whoa, 8:39...time is flying!): So I'm working tomorrow, and I know, you're devastated, you're outraged!!! Buuuuutttttt...ehhh, don't feel too bad ($$, work I love, me busting Jack, Sinatra, the Beatles entire catalog, and a mellow (pun intended) soundtrack I made for a girl that I was in love with for two or so years...see here's the thing people: mixtapes are cheesy...if there is no meaning in the list...see when I make some shit, it means something. Like when I made that, my thought process was "hey, so this is definitively me , and it's really early in the morning, but this is gonna help you out BIG time," but I'm pretty sure she never heard it...

Changes- David Bowie
In The Waiting Line- Zero 7
Glad Tidings- Van Morrison
Candyman- Grateful Dead
1979- Smashing Pumpkins
Please Me Like You Want To- Ben Harper
Happiness Is A Warm Gun- Beatles
Long Time Gone- CSNY
Never Going Back- Fleetwood Mac
The Only Living Boy in New York- Simon and Garfunkel (say what you will about me, but it's not my fault Zach Braff picked a good soundtrack for Garden State
Ohio- Neil Young (a live version that has one of the most awkward audience clap-alongs when they are wildly off time to start, then on time, but still incredibly awkward, then a deathly silence the rest of the way, which makes that version so much better...you know...when assholes like us aren't singing every word)
Married With Children- Oasis
House of Cards- Radiohead
Sweet Black Angel- Rolling Stones
Constellations- Jack
We Never Change- Coldplay (they are a total pussy band now...man those first two albums are absolutely some of the most groundbreaking shit of my lifetime)
Shelter From The Storm- Bob Dylan
Bad -U2

haha, someone will see this...

Okay, predictions, and then the segment I started that Rick Reilly stole even though I'm sure he thought he was wicked original considering not a lot of people read this and in no way could that have gotten back to him...thank God for timestamping (actually you can totally tamper with that shit...let's agree to agree on this).

Okay, picks. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really pissed at myself...I had Seattle, I had Pittsburgh...dunno why on Earth I changed it. Hopefully the lack of pregame coverage coming into this will help.

The Picks Dude:

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PATS BIIIAAATTTTCCCHHHHH (-6.5) vs. Dallas: Holy shit can we run the ball!!! Forget it. I mean seriously forget it if we remember the formula of run game + Brady = W's even if the defense doesn't show. Not saying that didn't happen last week (at least not the whole game), but we cannot be stopped if the Firm is running at full potential and Brady is given the time to operate...it's over.

Soooooooo, I'm a little tight on one issue, which is one that I have basically had my entire life with the Pats...pass f***in' rush man. Seriously, when will this happen? Could you imagine what we could do if Bill had any kind of elite pass rusher for basically the entire time he's been in New England (best pass rushers: Seymour and Vrabel)? I dunno...it's frustrating to know going into every year, this is going to be your team's weakness, and they know it, and they continue to not improve at all because they got burned by the A-Train (Adalius Thomas) and Roosevelt Colvin.

Having said that, the pass rush will take a back seat to Romo combusting. I mean this guy could have 400 yards tomorrow...but will he make the big one? It's like racing at Talladega or Daytona...you know there's gonna be that "big one" eventually. The only problem I have is that he's underdogged, when more often than not, he fails when he's expected to do well. Hopefully my proclamation he would go for 400 jinxed him...and hopefully me just saying that didn't reverse jinx that...

Honestly, I think Sean Lee is the key to this whole equation. He's this deceptively fast MLB who quite frankly could potentially hang with Hernando down the middle. So hopefully Tom realizes this, and really starts to pick on the safety/some other linebacker on Gronk. He may have a huge game tomorrow...I mean the thing about this team is that anyone could have 100 and 2 TDs...even Woodhead, who will be back...that would be The Firm, Woodie, and Mr. Ridley all, day, long. Brady needs to utilize an over-aggressive team like he did last week. The Pats went for 450 yards and 30 pts. on Rex's D, which you know is basically like Rob's D...I mean the O/U is 55...you know they think we'll go for at least 30...again, if we really want to, we could destroy every team in the league (something Green Bay is grasping a little better than we are right now).

Green Bay (-14) vs. St. Louis: It is absolutely pointless to bet against Green Bay right now.

Jacksonville (+13) vs. Pittsbugh: Way too high of a spread for a team with a good running game and a pesky D.

Washington (+3) v.s Philly: Sorry Philly, I think you're waiting until the bye week to turn this around...and how sweet would it be for DC to come off the bye and score a revenge W against Vick and Co.?

Detroit (-4) vs. San Fran: San Fran is the team we thought they would be last year, and I think the key has had everything to do with the defense being completely menacing. I dunno though man. I see that Green Bay/Detroit game on Thanksgiving Day...and if they were both undefeated, it would be the most highly anticipated Turkey Day game of our lifetimes, possibly ever.

Carolina (+3.5) vs. Atlanta: Cam Newton is a covering machine. 4-0-1 ATS this year...it continues to be tougher and tougher to root against this guy's success.

Indy (+6.5) vs. Cincy: I'm officially sold on Curtis Painter to be a better-than-average QB for this team. It took Dwayne Bowe and Steve Breaston to go out of their collective minds last week to beat them. Cincy has A.J. (who looks great), and Gresham (likewise), but that Painter/Pierre combo continues to be red hot right now, and least we forget they have Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark kinda chillin' right now. Throw some Delone Carter in there (biggggggg game for him), and I like Indy to get it, well, not back on track, but at least in the direction of it.

THE G-MEN (-3.5) vs. Buffalo: Okay, so this game screams at me to take the Bills...I'm learning to realize that, and just go opposite no matter how tempting it is to go otherwise.

Baltimore (-7) vs. Houston: It's gonna take more than one week to get over arguably the best player on your whole team going down for the season...trust me.

Cleveland (+7) vs. Oakland: Cleveland is not that bad at Oakland is not that good...they're both on the exact same level...+3 for the home field I get, but +7 is a little steep.

New Orleans (-7) vs. Tampa Bay: Is it possible that Tampa is like the Emperor With New Clothes, and we were all buying into this offense being great despite only having one reliable wide receiver (the Mike Williams), a good but not great tight end (Soldier), and a back who is unstoppable when he's in there, but yet has only been in there for like ten games? Also, New Orleans has a way of letting teams back in (Houston, Carolina) only to pound them out in the end.

Chicago (-2.5) vs. Minnesota: Just load up the box and see if McNabb can beat you...that has to be the strategy going into this week right? Especially after last week and what happened against 'Zona, the Bears have to throw everything they have at All Day, and they likely won't have Peppers for the game. However, Minny's defense is so suspect and, as with everyone else this year, they won't have an answer for what Forte brings to the table.

Jets (-6) vs. 'Fins: Shiiiitttttttttttttttyyy game. Matt Moore vs. a Rex Ryan D off of a Pats loss? Yeeeaaaahhhhh right dude!

Alright, here's the original:

The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes:

Miami (3/1): So this is the team to watch out for tanking. Here's how you'll know: 1.) They in no way attempt to trade or at least inquire about Kyle Orton, 2.) Reggie Bush gets more carries out of the backfield, 3.) One of the coordinators gets fired. I think if Miami follows this simple three-step program, Luck and a 1-15 season will be theirs.
St. Louis (4/1): Let's be honest...if they get the #1 pick, they won't go with Luck considering they already have a franchise #1 overall QB on the roster...so, it's just not as fun (this is of course if San Fran trades up to get him...that would be hysterical).
Indy (6/1): I do think there's a chance they go like 6-10 this year because I think Painter is actually decent, and their offense and pass rush is good enough to knock off a few lightweights here and there...speaking of which...
Kansas City (8/1): They are 2-3, but I see literally nothing happening the rest of the way unless Dwayne Bowe goes for 2000 yards and 20 TDs (which would be huuuuggggeeee fantasy wise). I still see 4-12...or am I missing something?
Arizona (9/1): Of all the one-win teams, this one seems the most helpless...like they could conceivably lose to every team in the league...can't say that about Philly, Minny, Carolina, or Denver.

Alright, short, and almost to the point. Have a great week everyone. Peace.

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 5, 2011)

2011-10-09T08:49:00.072-04:00

"I want an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin!"

8:50: Howdy, howdy. Off to an early start today due to a weird sleeping system I was on this weekend (sleep all morning Saturday, most of the afternoon, and all night), so the batteries are recharged, and we are ready for Week 5 to get going!...but there's still four more hours so don't get too excited.

I know last week I said something to the effect that I was going to tidy up the mess I made in concluding the thoughts, but I decided (procrastinated) to come in for some closure right here:

Again, Josh Freeman and LeGarrette Blount...Thank...You...Man oh man, it looked like Tampa was going into an offensive coma for a while, but two and a half straight showings of Freeman being the calm, cool, collected general that is his meal ticket, and Blount literally destroying everything in his path. Tampa is 3-1 after beating the Peyton-less Colts (told you it was going to be close...oh, and I'm probably going to use this space to tell you how nasty I've been with picks lately...I might as well, because I'm pretty sure it won't last).

I was surprised how bad the Jets looked against Baltimore. It's like they showed up to a fight, but forgot to strap the gloves on tight enough, so they wound up just jabbing while the Ravens came out with haymakers. I was secretly hoping the Jets would pull it out so the Pats would slam them today in a let-down game, but clearly, the dynamic of today's game has changed. Now at 2-2, the Jets are being pushed into a corner where if they lose this game, they all of a sudden fall into Buffalo's company of "might make the playoffs, but likely won't."

So, what's going to happen today? Well, I just can't see a blowout. I mean if the Jets had won last week, maybe. Right now though, the Jets have to be motivated to at least make a respectable showing. The two things I'm fearing the most:

Losing The Run Game: I don't know why, but it seems like we get into a lot of trouble when we face early adversity in the running game. It's like all of a sudden, we decide that because it hasn't worked, it won't work. That simply won't be the case today. Yes, the Jets have a stout defense...clearly one of the best in the league, but they are 27th in the league against the run. Even with the great Danny Woodhead not out there sticking it to Rex today, we have The Firm and America's favorite backup pickup this week, Stevan Ridley. The number is 135. If the Pats gets to 135 on the ground (more than capable), they Jets should have absolutely no chance.
Plaxico: While Santonio Holmes is a terror, at least Devin McCourty can slow him down a little. We simply have no answer for Plaxico right now. The one chance we have is that the Jets believe they can exploit the middle of the field with no Jerod Mayo. While I agree that Keller will have a decent game because of this, the Pats LB core is very underrated, and that space will not be there all game. If Sanchez is smart, he would work the ball from the outside-in, meaning go to Santonio and Plax early, then work it back to the middle to exploit a defense that will be overcompensating by playing too wide.

The defense will be tested today, but the offense should flourish even with Wes Welker's alleged move to Revis Island. By the way, please go ahead and do that Rex. Look, I think Revis is in the top 2 or 3 CBs in the league (Nnamdi, Revis, Woodson...I dunno, you decide), but putting him on Welker is not going to solve anything. All that's going to do is leave Cromartie and someone not named Revis on the outside (Kyle Wilson?) against Neion Deion and the Ocho...yes, again with the Ocho. Revis is set up for bump and run off the line, not chasing guys over the middle. So if all of this is true, Brady is going to have a mammoth game, and Wes will still get his as well.

9:43: Okay, time for predictions...again, I have been outstanding, and I quite frankly don't care if this jinxes me. Anytime you put up 12+ wins in back-to-back weeks, you should take time out to tell everyone that this is the reason you should tune in every week...I'm the f*cking man, and that's all there is to it. How about that action?...

Daaaaaaaaaaa Pats (-7) vs. The Jets: While I don't think it will be a blowout, that means no 45-3. What I do see happening is the Jets being completely out of place all game long. This Patriots team just put its best game up last week, so there's relatively no film of what Ridley does, what the Fletcher/Spikes combo brings up the middle, and also, we still haven't seen the Ocho in full effect. Playing at home and not having Revis on him should get him back up and running...oh, by the way, did I mention the Pats might be getting Aaron Hernandez back? Him and Gronk? Forget it.

Indy (-2) vs. KC: I think we saw a little glimpse of what Curtis Painter can do last week. This week will be his coming out party. His expanded use of Garcon last week pushed the Bucs to the brink on Monday. Matt Cassel against Freeney and Mathis? Yeah I'll pass.

Minnesota (-3) vs. Arizona: How long can this possibly go on for? Here's yet another mediocre team for Minny, and this team should suit them perfectly. All Day should have his usual strong showing, but I'm more cuP=rious to see what McNabb does against this downright awful secondary.

Philly (-3) vs. Buffalo: I will be stunned if Philly doesn't totally drill Buffalo today. The Bills were exposed for the .500 team that they are. They need at least two weeks to get pumped up for playing anyone good. I know Philly is 1-3, but I think we all get the feeling that they aren't that bad. That loss to the Niners last week had to be a wake up call. I mean if they can't turn it around here, then when? (this is going to be a recurring theme I have a feeling...we've already had two "if not now, when?" games).

Oakland (+5) vs. Houston: I will lose this pick happily if not to just root for the Raiders for one day...just one.

Carolina (+7) vs. New Orleans: What can I say? I thought Chicago would put some kind of hurting on Cam to welcome him to the league properly, and instead, he was outstanding again. So, until otherwise noted, keep putting the money on Cam. This would be a massive win if they could get this one done at home.

Jacksonville (+1.5) vs. Cincy: In a battle of rookie QBs, I'm going with the Jags, who are on the upper cusp of the sucky teams (I assumed this would be the Gus Johnson game, so I looked it up, and he isn't on the schedule again!...what the hell is going on man???).

Tennessee (+3.5) vs. Pittsburgh: This line went from 8 to 2.5 in some places (and yes, I use the most favorable point spreads for my picks...you would too). I mean what is going on with the Steelers? I wouldn't put all the blame on the D, but they certainly have been playing under their level this year. The worst thing for them is going up against a vet QB who can side on his ability to not make mistakes and rely on the running game. I'm going Titans, but I mean really Pittsburgh...really?

The G-MEN (-10.5) vs. Seattle: A lot to a little.

San Fran (-3) vs. Tampa: This was a tough one. You have a great Niners defense (and yes, those words sounded funny thinking and writing them) against one of the best clutch QBs in the game. It will come down to the wire, but I'm going to take my chances with the defense and a heavy dose of the running game and V-Dub from the offense.

San Diego (-3.5) vs. Denver: I finally just decided to go with the better team and the likelihood there will be a mock mutiny at Mile High to get Tebow the starting gig.

Atlanta (+6.5) vs. Green Bay: Probably not the wisest decision to once again go against the best team in football, but Atlanta has looked phenomenal at the Hottie, and that Packer secondary is going to get worn out by Rowdy Roddy and Julio streaking up the sidelines, with Gonzo in the middle, and the Burner crushing it up the middle.

Detroit (-5) vs. Chicago: Hey, why wake up from this dream now?

11:27: Wow, that took a long time. I went back and forth on Denver/San Diego about 40 times, but that's finally over, now, onto more pressing issues...

The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes (oh, by the way Rick Reilly, you're a follower and your shit hasn't been good since you were on the back page of SI...once I saw that article, I knew I was officially done with that issue)

Minnesota (3/1): Once the Vikings blew yet another lead and lost, they climbed to the top of the board. Now if they lose to 'Zona today, they will have a stranglehold over it come next week. I mean really Minnesota?
Miami (7/2): You know it's bad when you get more sucky during a bye week. Chad Henne is done for the year...we have our long-term favorites in South Beach.
Seattle (4/1): If Seattle can somehow pull this game off today, they may get themselves out of this discussion all together...YOU'RE SUBPOSED TO BE TANKING!!!
KC (9/2): After a loss today, they will be right back in the thick of things.
St. Louis (5/1): A bye week saves them from moving up the ranks...they are terrible right now though.

Alright, booze run, then it's time for Week 5! (by the way, Rashard Mendenhall will play today, but will be limited).

12:30: Wow, we almost had a situation there (man it feels good to say that again). Sunday before Columbus Day = closing of liquor stores apparently. Thank God for the 24/7 Tedeschi's (the less sucky 7-11 in the northeast). We're rocking Oktoberfest Narragansetts...you heard me (they actually call it "Fest"...which is wicked freggin' stupid guys). Okay, we're back on the right path.

12:37: I'm thinking Jacoby Jones and Michael Jenkins will be the biggest beneficiaries of injuries on the receiving front. Issac Redman could get the bulk of the carries today vs. the Titans.

12:42: Picks I'm most worried about: Houston, San Fran, San Diego...ummm...basically, stay away from them. Especially that San Fran game...if anything, they'll probably just cover with a field goal win. That game is gonna be real tight.

12:58: Countdown mode!!! Does it get any better than NFL Films music? I put "A New Game" in one of my power hours, and it was amazing!

1:01: Official review on 'Gansett "Fest"...you'll appreciate the value or think it totally sucks.

1:01: Sorry, I know I shouldn't do this...I'm officially changing the pick to the Raiders...see above.

1:05: Haha, Oakland looked horrrrreeennnndous on their first drive. If Oakland loses, I'll feel bad...I won't be crushed though. All I need is a close game and Arian Foster to have over 200 and two scores...I think that's what they've been projecting him to get this week.

1:06: The newest trend in fantasy: The Vulture Tight End Score...what can I say, you gotta have two real good ones to be making it happen now-a-days.

1:10: Vintage MoJoDo. The original bowling ball back.

I have a feeling that by switching my pick, I basically spotted Houston 30 points...so we'll see how that goes.
.
1:11: Two inside runs to Foster on first and goal from the 7. Am I crazy for thinking that in the first two downs, you should attempt one throw every time?

1:13: From what I'm seeing in Jersey, the G-Men did not wake up for this one. Hmmm...not liking where that's headed (pick-wise...in reality sense, go Pete Carroll).

1:16: Pierre Garcon for six on a screen. The Painter/Pierre combo is on fire baby!

1:19: At least once a day, you have to mention that this game is going to commercial, but Red Zone doesn't do commercials!!!

1:21: Where's Jake Ballard going? A fantasy team near you, that's where.

Adrian Peterson...if ever an appropriate nickname...it's All Day in a game Minny has to win.

1:23: Fred Jackson puts it in for the Bills. Their fans are insane this year. Vick needs a, ya know, Vick performance.

1:27: ALL...DAY...

A.J. Green for another score. Again, I like him, but over Julio...ehhh...hey I was wrong about Mario Williams, so I could be wrong again.

1:30: Schaub gets picked. Seriously, one day, go Oakland.

1:31: Antonio Brown with a big kick return and a big catch setting up a TD to HEATH. The walking wounded looking good against the Titans.

1:32: Yeah Minny's not losing this game.

1:33: Janikowski paints it from 54 yards! An arena league field goal kick. Strongest kicker evvvaaaaahhhhh dude.

1:35: Donovan doesn't do the Thriller TD dance anymore...what's with that? He can't do it once? (ohhhh wait, they've blown every lead they've had this year...riiiiggghhhhtttt).

1:38: Ohhhh huge Cam/Steve Smith hookup for 6. Hit in the end zone, Smith is throwing punches...classic "egging him on" move by New Orleans...that's a double-edged sword (he may get thrown out, he may get 250 yards)

1:40: Mario Williams is down in Houston? Can we please just get all the stars through one week unharmed please?

1:42: Marcedes with a drop in the end zone...he's good, but really off to a slow start thus far.

Joseph Addai just got pulled from the Indy game...it's time to see what Delone Carter is all about.

1:43: Marshawn Lynch in for six. Seattle, the lone double-digit underdog this week...is it possible that Tarvaris Jackson is battling Eli in the "who would you absolutely not any sum of money riding on" game?

1:45: Horrendous fumble call in the Philly/BUF game...even so, Philly needs something big to happen soon before this one gets out of hand.

They keep showing the replay, and it looks uglier and uglier every time.

1:49: Huge roughing the passer play on Vick! Man, he is getting pounded this year. Again, the game is better with him in it.

1:52: Vick to Maclin...okay I was wrong about him. He might be in the "nasty" category after all.

1:53: Steelers making a statement. Shitttttt, I should have seen this coming.

Painter/Pierre again! Oh my Dick Emberg!

1:55: Schaub throws a huge TD pass to Joel Dreissen. Raiders!!! Ahhhh...emotional let down was why I picked against you in the first place!

1:58: Woowwwww, Seattle driving again? Unreal. Every time you pick Eli, he loses. It's only when you least expect him when he strikes...

1:59: Huuugggggeeeee pass play to Fred Jackson...okay the picks might totally suck this week.

Dude, Philly's D should be embarrassed. They have looked completely unresponsive in a game that they absolutely need. Buffalo is apparently the toughest place to play in the league now.

2:05: I think perhaps we underestimated the Jonathan Dwyer/Issac Redman combo. It's 2nd and goal with Redman looking unstoppable to this point.

2:10: All systems go for teams who had to win: Minny, Indy, Steelers. Not a good omen going against a Jets team that probably has to win.

2:18: Delone Carter...you know where he's going...

2:21: Gigantic option play to DeAngelo for six in Charlotte. My fantasy bench is lighting it up! (did I mention Dwayne Bowe had his second straight week with "oh no he didn't" TD catches?)

2:23: Big Ben is getting into like Vladimir Guerrero "this is getting painful to watch him do anything" range.

2:27: I'm calling it right now...Philly comes back...I'm sorry, I still just can't see them being this bad. It was the Redskin way to do things this offseason, but they had no QB. Vick with three picks...this won't get any worse right?

2:29: Why chase the points Oakland??? 14-12 in Houston...close.

2:33: G-MEN tie it up. Philly gets the ball down to the 30, Vick waits a second too long, and costs them 3 points. Wow. Elsewhere, Carolina calls an unspeakable timeout with the Saints scrambling to get into their FG formation, allowing the Saints to put 3 on the board before the half.

2:38: Oakland's on their own 30 w/ two seconds left...I was absolutely expecting at least a camera shot of Janikowski there.

2:39: Jacksonville/Cincy is already two minutes into the second half...is it possible this game is commercial free? I would say that would be a nice promotion to do for the NFL...the absolute worst game each week gets finished as fast as is humanly possible.

2:46: Mario Williams is not walking through that door fans, and if he does, he'll be in street clothes...wow.

2:48: Speaking of wow, Jimmy Graham makes another impressive catch. Sucks to play against him in anything most likely.

2:52: Philly gets bailed out of a total overcompensation call by going for the "surprise" onsides kick. Just let the defense do...something.

And as I say that, Buffalo goes over midfield...okay maybe that was a good idea.

2:55: Alright kids, going to take advantage of the Subway any foot long is 5 bucks campaign (yes, advertising does work people, as long as it's cheap/catchy or the rare combo). Back in a bit. While I'm gone, enjoy the Jack Chop video...it's festive man...and wicked freggin' funny.

3:33: And we're back. Just in time to see Blaine Gabbert bomb one to a wide...WIDE open Jason Hill for a monster 6. In Buffalo, a Vick/DeSean combo leads to six...here we go.

3:35 Run DMC and Jammaster Jay...McFadden on the loose in a 17-15 game going into 4th.

T-Jack out for Seattle? Dude no way! This was the one game he had a chance to pull off, now Charlie Whitehurst...I don't like where that's headed.

3:38 Smart timeout by J-Cam...I mean it's stupid that they couldn't get a play off, but they're down by the red zone and they had two...you can't argue with them in a 2 pt. game.

3:40: Ohhhhhhh Victor Cruz with the tip catch! Huuuggggeeeee for the G, G, G, G, G-MEN!

J-Cam to Schillens for the first Oakland lead of the day. THHHEEEE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIDDEERRRSSS!!!

3:44: Here comes Philly. Down inside the red zone down 10. Ohhhhh Buffalo. They should just intentionally go down two scores a game. That's the one way you know you're in trouble with Buffalo.

3:46: Philly gets a TD wiped off the board with a block in the back. Cincy keeps the chains moving with a desperation fourth down play. I think there are as many Cincy fans as Jag fans in Jacksonville.

3:52: Fake punt by Oakland! That was genius. You will be reading that one was for Al tonight.

3:54: G-Men fumble. Gabbert just olayed a snap. Cincy ball in deep with the lead. Indy is trying to survive the KC passing game coming out party.

3;56: Indy trusting the defense...interesting. I would probably cover Bowe and Breaston who have torched them all game.

3:58: Janikowski is going to Hawaii...book it Dano (hahaha, I'm priceless).

3:59: Jackie Battle...here he comes.

4:01: Alright, time for some 5 dolla footlong action. Let's Go PATS!!! It's 83 time baby!

4:02: 5 dolla footlong action...gross out of context.

4:16: We are under way in Foxboro. Pats rocking the retro reds! Oh you're done! Haha, it is interesting to note that Mangold is back under center. Despite the egregious coverage of Mangold being out = why they suck, he is a big part of their offense.

4:18: Three and out! Leigh Bodden with the break up. Good pressure on the Sanchize. Here we go D!

4:20: Very spotty on the picks this afternoon...bummer. Well, I set myself up for that one.

4:21: We have a WELKER sighting, but nothing materializes. Richard Seymour is having a monster game for the silver and black.

4:26: Another series that goes nowhere for the Jets. Huge reception for Dub-Dub. Gunning with Wes, running with the Firm...we're all about it baby!

4:31: Seahawks get a 94 yard pick 6...ballgame...man...of course I'll say this now, but I was thinking about going w/ T-Jack...oh well...was not happening early today. The Firm just punched it in though! 7-0 PATS baby!

4:37: Raiders get it done...another pick by Schaub. Great game though.

4:38: A Neon Deion catch is negated by a Gronk facemask call, we have a Brady sack, Hernando gets a false start (still, thank God he's back)...5 receiver on third down and 27...and Hernandez was interfered with!!! First down good guys over midfield!

4:41: False start on Solder (are all our young guys getting called today?). Ridley was in there for a bit, but we're back in business with the Firm.

4:43: Hernandez is beating guys off the line after being out for two weeks with a hamstring injury...you gotta love this guy, but the good guys do punt it into the end zone. First down Jersey.

4:45: Freeman gets pick-6'd. Wow I am not doing so hot picking who to start fantasy-wise so far.

4:49: Pats make another 3rd down stop. Well alright now! Welker on the punt return (Edelman inactive today...no idea why), and Wes is getting a little bit of star treatment with a 15 yard "late hit" (look, I know there are rules and what not...if a guy is close to the sideline, it should be okay to push/deck him).

4:52: Al Davis was born in Brockton? I did not know that.

4:53: Chris Culliver with another pick thrown by Freeman. Sucks for me, but GAMECOCK! First career one too.

4:55: Kyle Wilson yells "all day!" to Gronk after making a tackle...then gets an illegal contact penalty the very next play. I'm telling you, throw it at that guy.

4:57: Ocho misses a block and Deion is stopped short on the bubble screen on third down. Gostkowski nails a 44 yarder. 10-0 Pats. Defense still needs to keep on keeping on. LT seems like he's intent on breaking our will today.

5:05: Heavy, heavy dose of Shonn Greene here. Close to another first down, that's five straight rushes.

5:11: Plaxico w/ another third down reception...this was what I was afraid of.

5:15: Shonn Grenne simply overpowering the line on that drive. 10-7. We gotta get some Firm, and definitely some Aaron Hernandez, who seems to be breaking away on every pass play.

5:55: WES FOR 73 YARDS!!! Then, Neon wide open in the back of the end zone for six. 17-7...and we are out of the gate running!

5:58: McKnight makes a huge return. Shonn Greene is pounding us...gotta hope it comes down to Sanchez trying to win this game.

6:18: Another 3 and out for the good guys. D is stepping up like I hoped they would.

6:19: Kyle Arrington nearly gets to Sanchez, but he gets out of it, and makes a great play to get it out of bounds...okay I admit he's one of the better ones...whatever. 10 yard return from Wes. Ridley gets the carry on first...I dunno...Benjarvus has been dominant today.

6:27: A pass exhibition and a lotta the Firm sets us up inside the 5 with first and goal.

6:29: THHHEEEEE FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMM BABY!!! Two-time that. 24-14 awesome uniforms.

6:31: V-Dub for another score in 'Frisco...so much for that nail-biter...the count is 41-3. Yikes Bucs.

6:34: The Jets' upcoming schedule is showed with Brady pictured right next to it. Yup, that's how much we're in their heads.

6:35: Plax makes a huge catch, but he steps on the line. Bill throws the challenge flag. Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to be off to the bonus challenge round!

6:50: Short Gostkowski field goal, but the Jets are currently driving with passes to Plax and Santonio and a first down run by Shonn Greene.

By the way. it's Tebow time in Denver.

6:53: Jets continue their methodical drive. Meanwhile, it's most certainly Tebow Time in Denver. Has no passing yards through over a quarter, yet there's no way he doesn't start next game.

6:58: Santonio for six...perfect...everything...damn it. 27-21...and yes, that means we're not covering.

Tuesday: Ooooopps. Haha. You know a game is good when it's at the point where I don't want to type and I just wanna watch every second of the game and not have to worry about missing anything. Really a great game on Sunday. Pats get a win in a game the Jets clearly needed. I have a bad feeling about what could potentially happen south of the border in the Meadowlands...I honestly think they'll be like thirsty for our blood...that doesn't sit well with me as a rational fan. In any event, I'm gonna enjoy this while it lasts. Dallas is up next...I mean Ware has the potential to "Reggie White" us (Super Bowl XXXI, which I'm tired of bringing up, so henceforth, Reggie White = dude who single-handedly destroys teams). I dunno though...Dez Bryant and Miles Austin could sink us if we don't have a decent pass rush. 2 sacks last week...it's something. Mike Anderson was a beast! Where do we get these guys man...Tully Banta-Cain 3.0. As previously noted, Romo is like one game away from losing bones, organs...both? I actually like our chances against Witten. Sanchez tried to get Keller into the equation numerous times, and nothing really transpired...RUN THE BALL!!! Hahaha....it's so simple man!!! The Firm baby!!! He was absolutely amazing. I love what Stevan Ridley is doing, but man, Benjarvus was rolling 7's on every carry it seemed! That was a great performance. Brady over 300, a long freggin' winning streak at Gillette prevails...I'm gonna be surprised if we lose any time before the Jets (not calling the Steelers out or anything, but we're gonna be favored in that game...favored = we should win...that's all).

Okay paragraph break because that looked lengthy...well past any paragraph/# of sentences in one of 'em. Anyway, I'm going to go outside because I know this shit won't last. Catch ya later. Peace.

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 4, 2011)

2011-10-02T10:03:00.097-04:00

"Summer has come and passed
The innocent will never last."

10:04: Hey everybody. Man was I ready for last week to be over. Everyone of my teams had leads going into the last inning/quarter, and they all got snuffed out (Pats, Sox, Cocks...even my slow pitch softball team!). So, let's hope today we can start fresh...I think at least everyone from down the block to the adjacent states would like the same.

First I'm going to start off on a completely unrelated to football note. I want to use this space to say thanks to Terry Francona. Sure, the Sox were unbelievably bad down the stretch, and their season ended in an indescribable two-hour series of events that went from us wondering who was pitching Game 1 against Texas to asking "when are the Bruins starting?", but the man did lead us to two, count 'em, TWO World Series titles. I watched the '04 final out a few times lately because clearly that's the highlight of...I dunno, our lives (and particularly Tito's, which is probably why they were showing it so much), and I still can't believe it...we've won two, and I still can't believe the first happened.

I think it's become part of our (Boston fans) lifestyles to now just expect winning to happen. This is how we have not only been rewarded with some of the greatest moments of the past decade ('04 Sox vs. Yankees, '07 Sox vs. The Tribe, Brady's ascent to being the greatest QB of all time, Vinatieri's 2 winning Super Bowl kicks, The Big 3 winning Game 7 after Game 7 in '08, the 2011 B's), but we have also been subjected to the lowest of lows (Boone, the Indy AFC Champ game, Tyree, the Brady injury, the 2009 C's, the 2010 B's, and now, the 2011 Sox). This is what happens when you almost expect greatness to just happen. Sometimes, the pendulum can swing the other way and knock your teeth in. We are the luckiest fans alive, but the losses we have endured make me think that, over the long haul, I'm just hoping to have a 50/50 split of great and shitty moments.

What if you were a Buffalo fan? I couldn't even imagine how much last week's win vs. the Pats meant to them. Their entire history is hedged on losing in the most horrible fashions (of course most notably Scott Norwood and the Brett Hull in-the-crease goal), and they have never won anything!!! Same with Cleveland, although basically, their sports history runs parallel with that of the Cubs in that they have blown games in epic fashion (The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot), but they've really only got to the big dance once ever (Tribe vs. Marlins in '97). It must be bad just following a loser you're entire life. Update: Forgot that LeBron's Cavs made it to the Finals once and got swept by the Spurs, so sorry...twice I guess Cleveland.

Trust me, through the 90s, I thought I was heading that way. The closest any team ever got to even sniffing a title was the '96 Pats, and even Pats fans knew once Desmond Howard returned that kick for a touchdown, it was all over (by the way, Desmond Howard winning the MVP for that Super Bowl is one of the single most asinine decisions the NFL has ever made...he made one good return, and we gave it to him?...Favre (246 yds., 2 TDS, 0 INTs), Antonio Freeman (105 yds, 1 TD) or Reggie White (literally owned us the second half, 3 sacks...by the way, A Football Life that featured him and Jerome Brown was fantastic) easily outdid Howard). I honestly didn't know what winning a big game was until Vinatieri's kick went through the uprights...and I didn't know how to react, which is basically what happened in '04 with the Sox. I think the thing I'm trying to get at is that we should be so lucky to be where we're from and root for the teams we root for. They were all laughing stocks just twenty years ago, and now we own professional sports...I think fans need to step back and kind of take it all in. We have been blessed these past ten years, and I hope there is more to come, but let's all be thankful for where we're at right now.

Terry Francona (yeah I remembered where I was going with this) took a team that melted down in an epic collapse and made them champions twice over and had us in the hunt for the playoffs basically every year he was in office (outside of '06, but he was basically playing with the PawSox for like half the year). I don't know who is coming in next, but they will be hard-pressed to pull us out of a collapse the way Tito did when he first arrived on the scene. Hopefully Terry will go somewhere where every asshole like me doesn't stay up all night wondering why he did the things he did even though he won us two freggin' titles. God speed Tito, off to a better place hopefully you go (wow, this is sounding funeraly...let's get back to football).

Okay, so Pats/Raiders at 4. I have to say I'm liking our chances. I believe J-Cam's career has been f***ed up enough by the Redskins that a career revival will not be happening. If it was coming, why would the Raiders have drafted the still-suspended Terrelle Pryor? That's not a move to add depth, rather, it's a move to be like "okay, I dunno what the hell Campbell is going to do this year, but in case he totally sucks, we may have a guy here." They didn't get him in case J-Cam goes down, but rather, if he started sucking. That can't be the most assuring thing to hear as a starting QB in the league (hellllllooooooo Kyle Orton!). The defense should have plenty to slow him down.

Run DMC is really the whole thing here. If Fred Jackson was the key to the game last week, McFadden, is the key, the lock, the door, the building, the power lines, the city ordinances...all of it. If he's good, they're good, if he's not...well I think you know where this is headed. Again, right now on the landscape of the NFL, the RB hierarchy goes Peterson, Ray Rice, DMC, Shady McCoy, and MoJoDo (with Fred Jackson barely outside the top 5). McFadden could win this game, but I'm under the impression he won't. Bill is going to be planning to stop him from the jump, which means it will be J-Cam over the top to Denarius Moore and Heyward-Bey to beat us. The Pats' corners and coverage in general will need a huge game because I just don't even want to get to the point where this game is close, and they can still run the ball to get back into the game. The key will be to demoralize them like we did with Buffalo early last week. The difference is that Buffalo has the tools to make the big comeback, while Oakland does not. The Raiders will be looking to keep this game under 45 total points. If they can do that, they have a very good chance of pulling this off or at least keeping it close. Me, personally, how could you possibly bet against the Pats coming off a loss? That's downright dangerous there.

10:51: Alright, time to show my face and my throwback Welker jersey to the world for a quick few, then I'll be back with more rantings and predictions. Until then, stay classy...or don't if you weren't classy before...I mean it does take un-classy people to make people classy right? I mean classiness isn't an assumed quality (although it should be), so keep on doing what you're doing...we do need people like you...you classless sons of bitches! Haha.

11:50: I'm finishing up the end of Bridesmaids because I bootlegged it off the 'net, and they only give you 72 free minutes, then you gotta wait an hour, then you can watch the rest (who settled on 72 being the number anyway?...I guess they figured no movie is going to go under that, so we might as well spoil your free fun at some point). In any event, this is really a fantastic movie...it's a more real Hangover. Sure that movie was hilarious, but almost nothing outside of guys going to Vegas getting drunk and taking drugs before a wedding was real. This at least could have conceivably happened. So, I figured I'd throw my two cents in on that. Melissa McCarthy, who plays Megan in the movie, probably should have won some kind of award for best supporting actress. Were you not laughing at literally everything she said/did? Outstanding.

11:55: Okay, onto predictions. I honestly haven't paid attention to...anything this week. Maybe this is kind of like Two For The Money where I become way too cocky with how I've been picking (which has been quite good thus far...I think I was like 12-4 or 13-3 last week), but nevertheless, here comes the magic:

Pats (-6) vs. Oakland: I actually saw this spread at one point be something like 4.5...that's probably what it should have been last week vs. Buffalo (8 or 9 was completely ridiculous). Again, there is no way the Pats should lose this game unless McFadden has over 200 yds. rushing...no way. Once again, no Aaron Hernandez, but Vollmer and Chung should be back, and that really helps. The Pats have allowed a 300+ yard passer in every game this year. If J-Cam gets 300 today and they're not losing by more than 2 TDs all game, it's time to hit the panic button. Oakland simply has no answer for Welker or Gronk, and it should be a monster game for both Brady and the running backs if we actually decide to...ya know, run.

Detroit (+3) vs. Dallas: I saw bad things happening to the Lions last week, and they did nearly lose to a terrible Minnesota team (Andrew Luck Sweepstakes segment following predictions...welcome to the party Vikings). This week, I see Dallas coming off a one point win to a kinda overrated Redskins team with a semi-healthy Dez Bryant returning and Tony Romo, whose lung may literally pop out of his mouth if Suh gets to him today. Also, why the hell would you root for the Cowboys in this game? Keep the Detroit dream alive!

New Orleans (-7.5) vs. Jacksonville: I mean, the Jags could cover in a backwards universe, I'll give you that.

San Francisco (+10) vs. Philadelphia: I have Philly with the straight up win, but the Niners are going to be incredibly annoying to the Eagles in this game. I think Vick actually lasts the entire game this time though, so have no fear fantasy people. He'll have a good game, but the Niners will be able to keep it close because the one guy that Nnamdi and Asante should be on is playing tight end. Another monster game from Vernon Davis (V-Dub) today.

St. Louis (+3) vs. Washington: The 'Skins have no receiving depth, meaning the Rams can load up on Moss and Fred Davis. In addition, Steven Jackson is...playing? I mean that's pretty much what we know to this point, but even that knowledge should be enough for the Rams to get off the snide.

Tennessee (Pk) vs. Cleveland: The best passing defense so far has been Pittsburgh...okay that's no surprise. Second? The Tennessee Titans. Now that's surprising. Sure, the Titans lost Kenny Britt for the season last week, but they have another home run hitter in Nate Washington who can absolutely have a big game in this one. The same can be said for Jared Cook (Gamecock!) as well.

Cincinnati (+3) vs. Buffalo: This line is disturbingly low. Without even breaking it down (because breaking it down from every conceivable angle would suggest Buffalo kills them), I'm going Bungles with the trap spread. Buffalo hadn't beat the Pats in eight years. Cincy hasn't beat the Bills in twelve. Karma is a biiiiiiaaaaaaatttttttccccchhhhhh.

Minnesota (-3) vs. Kansas City: I really think the Chiefs put all they could into the San Diego game last week. The Vikings blew yet another game late...this game is tough because both teams reeeeeaaaaaalllllllllllllllly suck right now. I give the edge to the Vikes because how long can a .500 team keep blowing games?

Chicago (-7) vs. Carolina: Ummmm...this will be the official "welcome to the NFL" game for Cam.

Houston (-3.5) vs. Pittsburgh: Bad sign if you're the Steelers. They open up as underdogs to a team who choked another fourth quarter game away last week, and rather than the spread moving towards them, it's gone up a point and a half the other way. The Texans have to beat someone legit this year right?

The Hottie (-4.5) vs. Seattle: Trap spreads aside, this game is Matt Ryan vs. Tarvaris Jackson. Unless the Seahawks get spotted a 20-point lead, this should not even be close.

The G-MEN (-1) vs. 'Zona: As much as I can't stand betting on Eli, I really, really can't bet on the Cards' secondary in any situation right now.

San Diego (-6.5) vs. Miami: The Dolphins now have Steve Slaton at running back. The Chargers coming off what can only be called a disappointing win against KC. Why shouldn't this game be a total, epic blowout?

Denver (+13) vs. Green Bay: While the Pack are clearly the best team in the league right now, their pass D has been quietly sucky. Kyle Orton will once again be playing for his job, so I expect a monster game from him. A little McGahee sprinkled in...they should keep it close.

NY Jets (+5) vs. Baltimore: After the Pittsburgh game, everyone including myself thought that Baltimore perhaps may have taken the next step to "elite" status, but after seeing how they did against the Titans in Week 2, and watching Pittsburgh be...ehhhh...not so good, I say the Jets and Ravens are still on the same plane. All I'm hoping for is that they both beat the holy hell out of each other like last year.

Indy (+10) vs. The Bucs: Another terrible Monday nighter. Of course you're aware that I love JAAAAAAAASH Freeman and LeGarrette, but I don't think this offense has enough firepower to cover a double-digit spread right now.

12:46: And now, the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes Front Runners:

Kansas City (2/1): I honestly think they threw their absolute best game at San Diego, and they still got outplayed basically the whole game and lost...again, this can't bode well for your future endeavors.
Miami (4/1): They had a must-win game against a team that was shredded with injuries. They got 100 yards from their rookie running back...and they lost. No bueno.
Seattle (9/2): Seattle gets bumped back to the 3rd spot after unfortunately winning last week. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TANKING!!! Get it together Seattle! Haha.
Minnesota (5/1): And suddenly, a new contender has emerged. Hey, this team deserves it considering they can't hold a lead...ever. If they go up on KC and lose today, they will officially take the #1 spot next week regardless of what happens.
Indy (6/1): The Colts narrowly edge out the Panthers for the last spot due to Carolina winning last week. However, after this week, when the Colts put up their 2nd back-to-back respectable showing, and Carolina most likely gets trampled in Chi-Town, they might be out of this discussion come next week.

12:58: We're in countdown mode people! Enjoy Week 4!!!

1:01: Two biggest things I'm looking at besides anything Pats related. 1.) If Detroit beats Dallas, they enter the discussion for top 5 teams in the league, and 2.) Kendall Hunter is starting in place of Frank Gore, who is active. Hunter could very well take the job if he has a big one today against Philly.

1:14: Carolina looked impressive on their first drive. If they continue to use DeAngelo (who is still good by the way) and Jon Stewart, they could do something here.

1:16: Saints and 'Boys strike first with TDs. Dez Bryant continues to be an absolute animal, and on the other end of the physical spectrum, Darren Sproles (who didn't score, but set up a one-yard TD) is having an outstanding season.

1:20: Arian. Foster. Is. Back. Oh my! He's just tearing up the Steeler front. Schaub with a play action pass to a wide open Owen Daniels, and we have a 7-0 Texans lead.

1:21: Chicago already knocking on the Panther doorstep after giving up a FG. Cutler goes for a QB sneak on 3rd and goal from the 6...interesting. Bears settle for 3...that has to be a let down after a huge Forte run.

1:23: Vick throws a "Stephen Garcia" pick...which will henceforth be known as a "Garcia," throwing a jump ball 5 yards behind his receiver. Pick by San Fran...uh-oh Philly.

1:27: LaVelle Hawkins...you have to love a guy who not only could you not name where he went to school, but probably couldn't name who he plays for (Titans by the way...and thhhhheeeeeeeyyyyyy're in the RED ZONE)

1:29: Whooooooooaaaaaaaaa we have a Kaepernick sighting! Could he possibly make Harbaugh forget about Andrew Luck? Most likely not, but I would love to see what this guy has.

1:30: Cowboys are taking it to Detroit right now. Laurent Robinson for a firsr down, Felix with a run to get to the 5...looking down the barrel of a 14-0 1st quarter deficit. Man if they could pull this comeback off...I can see it.

1:32: Cam Newton gets Pick 6'd. Yeeeeaaaahhhh, that'll happen. D.L. Moore is in a head to head match with D.L, Hughley for most known "D.L." going...Hughley has a huge lead, but if this guy makes Pro Bowls (he could, he's actually really good), you never know.

1:34: Detroit stuffs them on 4th and goal! Lights, Camera, MegaTron.

Kaepernick in the game because of an "undisclosed injury" to Alex Smith...do they really care how it happens at this point?...it's a J.D. Drew/Josh Reddick corollary.

1:37: Huuuugggggggeeeeee Steve Smith catch. How have they not figured out that all he does is make big plays? Really...this has been a legit five years where's he just the big-play beast, and yet they don't have any defense for it?

1:39: And now Smith is back in?...hmmmm....well, guess the Kaepernick unveiling will have to wait.

1:40: Wow, I mean Cam Newton kind of looking vintage like he's wearing #2 taking it into the end zone. Replay pending...it will totally stand, and if it doesn't, replay is utterly useless.

1:42: Mark Ingram: Probably overrated on how he would do fantasy-wise, but a Ingram/Sproles/Thomas is absolutely terrifying.

1:45: Jimmy Graham...all day...eeevvvvveeerrrrryyyy day dude! What a fantastic player.

1:46: Oh man, another fantastic Devin Hester return, another fantastic TD for Forte.

1:49: JARED COOK!!! 80 YARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's 6! We're talking Gamecocks baby! You might as well give me two seconds to talk about them...God knows they couldn't give us two last night.

1:50: Another Dez TD. Cowboys in firm control. Detroit's still got this...right?

1:53: Andy Dalton just got strip-sixed (you know, pick six, but with a striped fumble...well there should be some kind of term for it right?). Bills up 10-3...ehhh, but they don't look so good. They looked better against us...so hopefully that's just a letdown feeling and not Cincy being at all better than us in any way.

1:56: Replay strikes twice! Andy Dalton got the tuck rule call. THE TUCK RULE!!! Cincy tied up. Wooowwwww. Then, All Day's fumble gets overturned in KC (Gus Johnson is back on the mic baby!).

1:58: All Day fumbles again, recovers, then McNabb throws a pick...not a good series of events there for the Vikes. Meanwhile, Andre Johnson just went down grabbing the back of his leg...no contact...ohhhhh wow.

1:59: Vick just slammed his right hand into Justin Smith's helmet. It seems unavoidable that he's gonna get hurt in every game.

2:00: By the way, I actually skipped over this for some reason, but Devin Hester had a breathtaking return for a score. He is literally just the man in that facet of the game. No offense Deion, but Devin Hester is Deion on all sorts of banned substances (in terms of the return game).

2:04: Is it just me, or does every time an unknown gets to around the 1-yard line, every fan, including the fans of his own team, have that "please don't score and rob me of the guy I have starting in fantasy" gasp?

2:08: Speaking of fantasy, Clay Harbor, coming to a fantasy team near you.

2:10: Is Washington that good or St. Louis that bad...we may have the answer by the end of the day.

2:12: Cassel and Todd Haley get into it on the sidelines...just give the ball to Dwayne Bowe. Sure I have him on my fantasy team, but sometimes, the real and fantasy intertwine themselves.

2:13: I don't remember a year of my life that Jason Hanson wasn't kicking for Detroit. The Lions, despite being dominated, are only down 11.

2:15: I make some good decisions...most bad...some terrible. I would say that I have like a 50/50 on good/absolutely shitty decisions. Today though, cider and rum...I'm thinking pumpkin spice to kick it up a notch. Also, I can call it CHR for Cider House Rules (you have cider, and the house rule is football = drinking).

2:18: Pittsburgh fans are deafening with their "HEATH" chant in Houston. Steelers on the move by yet another huge play from Mike Wallace. Him and Steve Smith are head and shoulders above the rest in the big play category...where the hell is DeSean Jackson by the way?

2:19: Oh man, the Bills get a pick 6 from the guy who had a fumble return TD called back earlier! What are the odds? And this one was far more impressive!

2:24: Unbelievable stuff going on here. Daniel Manning, who had just blocked a field goal with a clear path for Jonathan Joseph (Gamecock!) to return it for a TD. However, rather than use his head and not commit a block in the back that happened 15 yards from the return...he did. Wow. Texans go from 17-0 to 10-0 for no reason.

2:30: The Cowboys and Bills with big leads going into the half. Cincy has to be broken up about a ball hitting their receiver while he's on the ground, having it bounce up, and have it returned for a TD at home. That just sucks.

3:00: Alright, back after a short "linner" break. The Eagles block a FG, setting themselves up nicely. Vick looks human, and while even that is still a really good QB...it's not Vick ya know?

3:04: The non-blocked FG for a TD continues to haunt Houston. They allow Big Ben and Co. to stay in the game, now in the red zone w/ 2 mins. left in the 3rd. Houston up 10-7.

3:08: Gresham for 6 in Cincy! Ohhhhhh Buffalo...not easy being the kings.

3:10: Jeesh, Matt Cassel looks terrible unless he's throwing to Steve Breaston today. Speaking of Cassel, one hour to the Pats baby!!!

3:12: Bobby Carpenter takes a pick back to the 1, fumbles to his teammate for a TD...okay Detroit. Signs of life are encouraging. 27-10...that's a long way to go though.

3:16: Fred Jackson is slowly killing Cincy's will to live with relentless pressure up the middle, then gets another first down with Jackson catching a screen.

3:18: Detroit might have gotten another pick 6 (sure, the first one wasn't one really, but the guy got to the one then fumbled)! This time, Chris Houston, who does the Deion highstep (if you've been doing it for your whole career, you're allowed to do it). Tennessee gets a pick 6 of their own...and...Arian...Foster...is...baaaaaaaaccccccckkkkkkk. 142 yards and a score. That's a Texans lead.

3:22: Dwayne Bowe...did I not say this would help? 52 yards and a score. We're talking Chiefs lead, we're talking "I know what the f*ck I'm talking about"...LET'S GO PATS!!! Haha.

3:26: If you have anyone on my fantasy team, you're in the money right now baby. V-Dub for 6. San Fran is closing in on Philly.

3:29: Thank God Gus is calling the Minny/KC game. Without him, where would mediocre to shitty games go? Monday night? Ohhhhhhhh...that's right ESPN! You guys are clowns putting these games on!!!

3:31: Something kind of getting lost today is Cam keeping it close in Chicago. He hasn't really been as brutalized as I thought he might have been.

Speaking of brutal...St. Louis? Wooooowwwww they suck.

3:36: Big Ben is getting brutalized in Houston. Meanwhile, San Fran/Philly could become a David Akers revenge game after Alex Henery just missed for Philly. Imagine a kicker revenge game? Sometimes that will happen in the No Ferocity League.

3:40: Haha, there is absolutely no stopping MegaTron...this is absolutely sickening how good he is. In triple coverage he brings it down. Detroit climbing back 30-24.

3:41: Schaub goes for the home run ball. Then, the report is that Andre Johnson is in street clothes on the sideline. A.) that totally blows, and B.) why aren't they running non-stop with Foster and Tate? 170 yards on the ground for Houston today. Pittsburgh with a huge return up to midfield.

3:45: Houston holds the Steelers on fourth down. Attention Gary Kubiak: RUN THE F***ING BALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

3:46: Cincy inside the 35 with 7 to go down seven. Minny gets a huge end around from Percy Harvin. They're down 5 over midfield with two to play. Wild stuff.

3:48: Wow, riveting stuff here in Cincy. Down at the 10 with a second down, we have a Dalton/Andre Caldwell connection. First and goal at the 3. Believe in the Bungles!

3:51: Dalton is in for 6! We are tied at the Brownie (Paul Brown Stadium). Elsewhere, Minny is in an all or nothing situation in KC down 5 w/ a minute 45 to go. Detroit just got the ball back. STL scores (they still suck a lot)...this is unreal!

3:53: Stafford just missed MegaTron for a huge connection. Detroit hanging on for dear life. Minny just turned it over on downs. KC is out of the top spot in the Luck sweepstakes!

3:55: Jonathan Joseph gets robbed of another TD, but have no fear Texan fans, your running back is back, and the Texans are going to get a big-time win vs. the Steelers. Meanwhile, Rex Grossman is reverting back to his old sucky self, throwing a pick to James Lauranitis, which sets Bradford and Co. up inside the 25.

3:57: Matt Forte goes over 200, and the Bears just iced the game with a Marion Barber TD. The Rams are shooting themselves in the foot trying to tie the game up. Buffalo somehow cannot figure out the Cincy defense today. Detroit gets the ball inside the 50. This is great stuff. Pats in 10!!!

4:01: Henery misses another one! Oh man let's go Niners!!!

4:04: We've gone QuadBox on RedZone...that's when you officially know shit it going down. Not gonna lie, I'm going against MegaTron...I feel the doom coming.

4:06: Cam Newton gets the garbage TD that gamblers dread. The Panthers cover, but are looking like they're done. San Fran all over Philly. Kendall Hunter and Frank Gore are all over them...and Gore just scored. Akers for the lead against Philly!

4:08: Jason Hanson man...forget about it. 52-yard FG puts Detroit down 3.

4:09: The Bills are attempting to ice Mike Nugent. If he makes, Buffalo is no longer undefeated, and I'm a genius.

4:10: I'M A F***ING GENIUS BABY! Buh-bye Buffalo. We'll see you at the top in three hours baby!

4:12: Woooooowwwwww Romo is dogging it. He throws a "Garcia," Lions ball at midfield. Detroit continues to hang on. Don't let the dream die!!!

4:13: MegaTron is ripping up Dallas...this looks like it could be it for Detroit right here...this is where to make the statement.

4:15: Niners up 1 after an Akers XP. Philly is at midfield with a little over 2 to play.

4:16: LET's GO PATS!!!!!!!!!! (uh-oh, ball fell off the tee on the opening kickoff, then Gostkowski kicks the ball out of bounds...auspicious start here)

4:18: First looks at Denarius Moore and Run DMC...it all comes down to those two on offense for us today. Raiders take a timeout...I'll take it.

4:20: Screen pass to McFadden for 15. He seems...healthy...that can't be good for business. McCourty makes the stop on DMC on first down. Please just keep putting them in passing situations.

4:23: Maclin fumbles at midfield! San Fran ball at the 2 minute warning. Wowsers. I'm looking really good today.

3rd and long right here for the Raiders. We absolutely need this stop just to halt whatever momentum they have going...and they make the pass, but it's short of the first. Bring on that fat bastard! (Janikowski)

4:25: MegaTron again! I knew it! I freggin' knew it! Haha, today's fantasy day was going way too good!

4:27: Philly and San Fran...one team is 3-1, the other is 1-3...yeah it's exactly the opposite of what it probably should be.

4:28: Detroit is 4-0! Felix Jones stepped out of bounds! What the hell was he thinking??? Haha.

4:30: Brady uses an early timeout...ughhhhhh...that's what bad teams like the Raiders do! Haha, oh come on they're not that good...sure they have a chance to win, but in the overall scheme of things, they're not even close to us. Come on...you know the truth...can you handle it!!!

4:37: Seymour gets 15 for slamming Brady to the ground after a delay of game penalty blew that play dead. The Firm has been busy early...let's keep that trend going.

4:38: Seymour gets another 15 yarder for grabbing The Firm by the facemask. What's his deal today? Ridley gets his first carry of the game for a first down. See, running the ball...isn't this nice?

4:40: It's Dub-Dub...and it's for the SIX! Yeah Wes!!! 7-3 good guys (in this league, if you put all 32 teams in this field, and said "who would be the "good guys" and who would be the "bad guys,"' wouldn't it be Pats vs. Raiders?...Oh I think so).

4:44: Hey, Jordy! Baby I got your money, don't you worry!

4:45: The Raiders are playing like...the Raiders (ya know, the sucky ones)...I'm liking it. Nothing going yet for Oakland on offense.

4:49: Oh wow, just found out Vollmer is out today again. Why did I think he was playing? Anyway, J-Cam hits on a 15-yarder to Heyward-Bey, and he was wide the F open..."can't have it...can I win with them...can't do it."

4:51: We have been horrendous for the last two plus years on third down defense. What is it about backing teams into a corner that makes us want to lay off so much? I hate when Bill shows compassion.

4:53: Charles Woodson Pick-Six...when is it time Denver? When is it time to push the Tebow button? I say if it goes 21-3, that's it.

4:54: Oakland intentionally takes a delay of game penalty on 4th and 2 from the 40...they know they would have got it if they went for it right? I mean we still don't really have an answer for the running game or the screen game. Oh well, they hit a nice punt pinning us inside the 5...that just means more passing yards for TFB.

4:56: We have a GROONNNKKK sighting. First down Pats, but we just hit the end of the quarter...could that have gone any better for Oakland? Down 4 after the first. They have to be taking that.

4:59: He's talented, and he's Mr. Ridley for 25. Seymour jumps offsides on the play...seriously? Is he looking for blood? That can't be good for us.

5:00: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh man, nearly a huge Brady-Welker hookup yet again. Man, he is most dangerous little man in the league. Sorry Darren Sproles.

5:09: Run DMC with a huge gain, setting up Oakland to punch it in w/ Michael Bush. 10-7 bad guys. Orton to my man Eric Decker up in Green Bay. 21-10 Pack with an A-Rod rushing TD. Julio Jones has been an animal the last two weeks. I believe I remember saying something about this about 1,000 times before the season started.

5:12: Another stupid penalty, then it's, oh you know it's Welker time baby! 24 for the first down, then an illegal contact penalty on the Raiders trying to stop the Dubster. First down good guys. The Firm gets three up the middle.

5:17: Another huge catch by your NFL leader in receiving yards Wes Welker, and then, well Bill must have been reading John Grisham because you gotta ride The Firm in for 6! 14-10 red, white and, blue.

5:22: Oh sweet Jesus, Mayo is being helped off the field without being able to put pressure on his leg...man oh man we gotta step it up big time right now. Arrington makes a great stop on 2nd down. Can we get a stop please?

5:24: Un-freggin'-believable.

5:26: Without Mayo, you're looking at an even weaker run stop. Look for J-Cam to be almost taken out of this game by his own team and have them just run it down our throats with DMC and Michael Bush, who could pick up any short yardage play they need from him.

5:27: Jacoby Ford unfortunately decided to play today. Another missed tackle by the Pats (another unfortunate recurring theme), and he's down by the 5 on the end-around.

5:29: Ba-da-da-da-da-dum-dum Patrick Chung! First down good guys. J-Cam, thank you for being who we thought you were!!!

5:30: It's Woodhead, it's a first down. Two minute warning. Let the good guys go to work!

5:31: Denver keeping it interesting down 21-17, but GB and A-rod are driving to end the half. Pass to JJ for the first down, then a near pick that would have stolen all the momentum, then Starks, who with Ryan Grant out makes that RB decision much simpler, gets a screen play for 18. Pack in the bizzie.

5:33: Woodhead barely limps off the field. Man what is going on today with the injuries? We have back-to-back Ocho receptions which sandwiched an eerily similar underthrown attempt to Gronk which would have gone for 6...again.

5:35: The Firm makes a catch out of the backfield...perhaps a new wrinkle with what happened to Woodie. An incomplete pass to Welker, but he had the defenders beat yet again, which he's done all game long.

5:37: Oakland calls a timeout with the clock running and 15 secs. left on 3rd down. Okay, so they're making stupid penalties, making bad clock decisions...we should be capitalizing on this no

5:39: Okay, no 6, but Gostkowski puts it up to 17-10...hey the way this game is going, I like where we're at (minus the injuries to the two guys I absolutely love).

5:40: We are at halftime in Oakland. Elsewhere around the league, the Bolts just made it 13-10 right before halftime. Again, it seems like the Chargers like to let shitty teams hang around. Dunno what's with that.

5:46: Wow Larry Fitzgerald is simply unbelievable. 'Zona is in business in the red zone. Julio Jones is over 100 as the Hottie keep putting to the Nottie (hey-oh!).

5:50: 'Zona is going 1st and goal from the 1. A Matt Bryant FG gives Atlanta the lead by a lot to a little.

5:53: Von Miller for defensive rookie of the year is going to be as easy of a pick as Suh was for it last year. Imagine that, the #1 and #2 picks get offensive and defensive players of the year...it's like hey, finally some teams are getting their shit together in the draft!

5:55: Here comes the 2nd half, and here comes Tom F'ing Brady baby!

5:57: It's time...it's Welker time! First down baby!

5:59: Oh I was wondering earlier where DeSean Jackson went...six catches, 171 yards today...hey there he is!

6:00: The Firm with a big run to get the first, and then Stevan Ridley rolls in for a huggggeeeee TD run. Oh yeah running game!!! 24-10 you know who!

6:03: A-Rod close for the TD, they review it, and apparently he got in (he didn't, oh well). Pack up 34-17. Two rushing TDs for A-Rod. G-Men sputtering in 'Zona. They're punting again...this is what happens when you bet on Eli Manning (I could change my blog name to "Shit-Talking Eli Manning," write for three hours a day, and have absolutely no problem with it...don't push me!).

6:06: McFadden getting only 11 is totally disappointing to the Oakland crowd...you spoiled bunch of face-painters.

6:08: Another third down conversion by Oakland, then a pass to Boss...I remember him having fumble issues...perhaps exploit that a little?

6:10: Again, 3rd down = 1st down. Absolutely no pass rush today. We are so terrified of the run that we're playing prevent along the D-Line...and they're still getting a bunch of rushing yards too.

6:13: Can't stop Michael Bush...again, I'm surprised this isn't a 3:1 run/pass ratio right now. Why would you want Campbell to try and win this game when you can control the clock and just beat the hell out of a Mayo-less defense.

6:14: Wooowwwwww, they waive off a pass interference penalty...and it was pass interference against Arrington...oh for the love of God make a third down stop!!!

6:17: Yessssssssss!!!! Bring on that fat bastard!!! 24-13 America's Team.

Can you tell I'm by myself in my place today? Haha, I've been updating every two seconds for crying out loud!

6:21: Wow, Aaron Rodgers is destroying Denver. Five total TDs for him...he's always going to be #2 in this league with our guy around, but he is a phenomenal talent.

6:25: The money train is now leaving off of track 83. 130 yards for the biggest little man in the league. Your NFL receiving leader will be in New England for yet another week. Here comes the Flying Elvises!!!

6:31: Dub-dub puts it up to 158, and then it's Neon Deion for Six! It's now us winning by way more than they ever should have a chance to come back from. Yeah Pats!

6:38: 3rd. Down. Defense. It continues to be the theme of the day...I honestly don't get it. We have no pass rush where J-Cam looks horrendous when he has even a speckle of a rush against him.

6:40: Oh man Colt McCoy had 61 attempts today? You have Hillis and Hardesty, yet the best way to score points against the second ranked pass defense in the league is by...passing? Haha, dude really? Haha, I can't even get over it...61 attempts. Man oh man.

6:42: Patrick Chung gets a bullshit helmet-to-helmet call. Fifteen yards, first down, but then, IT'S VINNIE MAC ON THE PICK!!! First down non-shitty guys at midfield. Suck it Oakland!!!

6:48: Ryan Torain...he is coming to fantasy team near you (and if I'm lucky, incredibly close to me).

6:52: Wow Green Bay...just...wow. Back in the Silver Bridge City (Oakland), the Pats stop the Raiders because Heyward-Bey has a drop on third down...that's one way to do it. Seattle has brought it down to a 30-28 score. Drrrraaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaaaa,

7:00: And good night Oakland. We win, and again, y'all can suck it. Tuck rule bitch! Your New England Patriots are once again on top of the division (sure we have company, but who cares?). Well, the dude's gotta go bowling. Have a great night everyone. If you don't have Wes Welker, he will destroy your team...real or fantasy...it don't stop, and it just don't stop. I'll be back mid-week to clean up this mess I've left. Until then, I'll just go Don Cornelius on ya and bid you a bit of peace, love, and soul my brothers.

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 3, 2011)

2011-09-25T10:01:00.055-04:00

"But he's coming for you, yeah he's coming for you."

10:03: Well hello there. Glad you could stop by for some ramblings in this, the third week of what has been a truly wild NFL season. I think we have to start off with the absolute rash of injuries around the league. Say what you will, but I'm thinking not having those mini-camps and that extended time that teams could get together that they were slighted from due to the lockout are creeping up on teams. KC and STL could potentially be done already and they've only played two games.

Having said that, I think we're going to add a new segment today. Here are the favorites in the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes...

Kansas City (5/2): I have Dwayne Bowe on one of my teams...I am terrified he's next (knock on wood).
Seattle (3/1): I put the 'Hawks at a slight advantage over the Chiefs considering they have not had any season-ending injuries and we still haven't seen the re-unitization of Tarvaris and Sidney Rice, which should be great for two or three games.
Miami (4/1): Anytime the coach is on the hot seat in Week 3, that can't be good for business.
Carolina (6/1): I don't think anyone has talked about the fact that the Panthers may go back to back #1 picks, and could have potentially gotten Patrick Peterson or Von Miller this year and got Luck the next. That would have been a huge gamble considering there was a franchise QB out there this year (not saying Cam Newton is going to be a star, but he's got all the tools to do it).
Indy (8/1): They are going to be terrible this year, but they at least have the talent to win 5 games...right?

10:34: NFL Network is live in Buffalo...I think this is the most the Patriots Nation has been rattled by Buffalo...ever?...maybe the '03 season opener when Lawyer wound up on the Bills and Drew was all pissed off that TFB unseated him as the face of the Patriots. Man, the Bills have to be playing this game like it's the biggest game ever. I think one thing that has gone overlooked is the fact that the Bills' secondary totally blows. J-Camp tore them apart last week and made Denarius Moore the hottest fantasy pickup of the week.

The key to this game will be stopping Fred Jackson. Sure, Fitzy is a good QB, he has some weapons in Steve Johnson, the emerging David Nelson, and everyone's favorite Gronk clone, Scott Chandler (don't give it to the big guy!), but his success falls squarely on how well Jackson does at wearing down the front seven. The Pats' secondary is ravaged with injuries, but we're still going to have enough to at least slow the Bills' passing attack down. However, I do have my concerns about Jackson vs. the line, especially now that the hybrid 4-3 run D scheme we run is out the window with Haynesworth not going today. Look for the Bills to attack us all day long with Jackson and perhaps some C.J. Spiller out of the backfield.

10:47: The injury report for the Pats took like a minute and a half to run through the bottom line. Jerod is questionable too? Ugggggggghhhhhhhh....

10:49: Alright, let's get into the predictions, and get the Pats pick over with because I'm sick to my stomach and you'll see why...

Buffalo (+8) vs. Da Pats: Ugggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cincy (-2.5) vs. San Fran: A game that could go either way, so rather than bore you with details, I'm going Cincy.
Houston (+4) vs. New Orleans: I originally had the Saints here, but the Texans have been probably waiting on this game forever, and now with a new defense in line that seems to be stopping the pass well (first in the league). Ben Tate is carrying the load literally in place of Arian Foster (who is inactive again today). Plus, gotta keep hoping the Saints lose so we can get into the Alshon Jeffrey sweepstakes.
Philly (-8.5) vs. The G-MEN: If Kafka was starting, I would take the Eagles up to like -10...everyone knows that Eli Manning is starting for the Giants right? And they're going up against like the best secondary in the league right?...How could you possibly like the Giants in this one? I mean they are going to need the most amazing set of circumstances to fall into place to win this game. Plus, Philly is coming off a tough loss, G-Men coming off an easy win. This has the makings of a 30-point game (I know I said something to that effect last week when Philly was playing Atlanta...to put it simply, with Vick involved, every game is a potential blowout).
Miami (+3) vs. Cleveland: Simply put, a must win game for Miami. Their season is basically finished at 0-3 (I mean their season was finished before it started, but don't tell them that). Sparano probably won't survive much longer if they keep losing, and nothing will push a GM or owner over the edge like losing to Cleveland...trust me, we did it last year, and it was incredibly embarrassing (we avenged this by not losing the rest of the regular season).
Tennessee (-7) vs. Denver: Get those Tim Tebow billboards out Bronco fans.
Minnesota (+3.5) vs. Detroit: For some reason, I forsee bad things happening here for the Lions. They have been running white-hot this year, which is surprising because everyone thought they would be really good, and Detroit...yes, Detroit is exceeding expectations. Minny is the doormat up the division right now, and let one slip last week against the Bucs. I'm thinking this is close at the very least. Donovan is playing for his job in this one.
Carolina (-3.5) vs. Jacksonville: Blaine Gabbert will do okay today (if you can pick up Marcedes Lewis, that would probably be a wise decision), but Cam is going to crush the Jags vertically, and the way he has been able to handle himself so far, I still can't bet against him.
San Diego (-15) vs. Kansas City: Until proven otherwise, all money goes against KC.
Oakland (+3.5) vs. The Jets: I think the Jets are one of the top 5 or 6 teams in the league, but I see the Sanchize struggling due to the fact that the Jets have yet to establish a ground game. Oakland gets healthier this week with Heyward-Bey and Kevin Boss back in the fold.
Baltimore (-5) vs. St. Louis: The Ravens once again are in a trap game, but St. Louis is probably going to be in the Andrew Luck sweepstakes column pretty soon. Steven Jackson and the Cadillac are both wildly questionable for today.
The Bucs (-1.5) vs. the ATL: This game screams "Josh Freeman two-minute drill for the win."
Seattle (+3) vs. 'Zona: Sidney Rice is back, Zona's defense is terrible, Seattle is playing at home...these are the three things you absolutely need when you are thinking about picking Seattle at any time.
The Pack (-4.5) vs. Chicago: I see this game, and I want a reason to pick the Bears due to the trap spread, but I see Cutler against a healthy Packers defense...I don't see that going well.
Pittsburgh (-10.5) vs. Indy: Yeah it's not happening Indy.
Dallas (Even) vs. Washington: This isn't so much me liking Dallas as it is me not believing the 'Skins could go 3-0...I just don't see it happening. Here comes DeMarco Murray. Let's see what ya got young fella!

12:22: Notable inactives today: Nick Mangold, Champ Bailey, Peyton Hillis...and I'm picking against all of them. What is Denver going to do about Kenny Britt? Yikes. Also, first time ever the Sanchize goes under center without Mangold, arguably the best center in the game. Oh I'm liking it.

12:26: Time for a bodega trip. I'm going to go ahead and name-drop here. The Goya brands of fruit juice (weather it be passion fruit, guava, mango...even the pear one) are amazing. Here's the thing: I've had a few that have this random kinda pulp/non-great tasting shit in them. I really hope I get lucky today...seriously could be a fore-telling experience here...Buffalo is officially in my head.

12:45: No shit in my passion fruit. YES!!!

So we're gonna be heavy on the Pats games for obvious reasons today, but I'll keep you in tune on the rest of the proceedings as well.

12:48: No pulp in the passion, but my Pats mug is leaking...MY PATS MUG IS LEAKING....WHAT THE F%$K!!!!!! I swear if Captain Planet breaks (you really have to know me to know what that means), we're all going to die...so you better hope I'm careful.

12:53: Marv Albert on the call today. I'm liking it from an announcing perspective, but he's like Mr. New York, and Rich Gannon on the color, who is famously known for having two amazing seasons and having both end in spectacular fashion (we were responsible for one of them). Man oh man, they are stacking the deck today.

12:55: I'm convinced there's no way to get around saying Ryan Fitzpatrick and not throwing some kind of intelligence comment in there. When people are asked to tell you how good Fitzy is at QB, do they not every time come back with something like "he's a smart player," or "has a lot of QB IQ"...he does throw darts too...like he actually is...you know, a good quarterback.

1:02: RedZone's audio is totally f**ked...WHAT IS HAPPENING TODAY??? hahaha.

1:03: And the opening kickoff goes out of the end zone.....whoopidy doo!

1:04: If you hear Wes Welker's name, you should be obligated to extend the arm and make the first down sign...all day, every day baby! Dub-Dub!

1:07: Dub-Dub for 33!!! Oh baby!

1:08: Another to Welker! Oh man, three catches for 55 yards already!

1:09: Gronk gets a false start, I'm still feeling great about things though

And just as I say it...another pass to Welker for 6!!! So, this is what happens when Hernando goes down...it just means 83 all day long baby!!!

1:15: And the rest of the league...ahhhh, nothing's happening. Texans are up 7-0 though.

1:16: Steve Johnson strikes again! That might be a recurring theme.

1:17: But a tipped ball, and Kyle Arrington brings it in. First down good guys in FG territory already!

Oh man, Welker again!!! Oh my God dude. Welker's having a game in the first like 12 mins. of this game. Five catches, 91 yards. So glad I benched him this week!!!

1:22: No luck with the firm on the first play from the goal line, but when in doubt, GIVE IT TO THE BIG GUY!!!!!!!! Gronk for 6...we're talking 14-0 baby!

1:26: The Texans' O is just dominating the Saints. Already in the red zone and looking like they're about to punch another one in. Big time effort from them. It looks like Ben Tate may have a stranglehold on the starting job even with a healthy Arian Foster.

1:28: David Nelson and Scott Chandler both get their first catches, both for first downs. Need to keep an eye on these two...and about six to eight on Steve Johnson.

1:29: Fitzpatrick throws so hard, he's going to have those tough-luck tip INTs like he had earlier a lot if he keeps doing that...but he did just totally hum one into Stevie Johnson (apparently it's Stevie...who knew?)

1:32: Huge chop block penalty negates a near first down by Nelson. After a small gain on 3rd down, they're going on 4th...and Kyle Arrington makes another pick!!! Oh my!!! Pats with the ball, the 1st quarter is about over...14-nada kid!

1:39: 3-and-out for the Pats. Elsewhere, Matthew Stafford has 5 yards passing...5...in the entire first quarter. The G-Men have a surprising 14-0 lead due to the fact that no one on Philly seems ready or perhaps more importantly willing to tackle anyone.

1:43: As was noted constantly in the pre-game coverage, Bill is going to make Fitzy beat us through the air, which he has done on occasion, but Fred Jackson is not making it happen thus far, which makes me optimistic...that and a 14 point lead helps.

1:52: Man, Darren Sproles is en fuego this year. Saints keep it at 10-7. Also, there has to be a serious positive correlation between shitty teams and amazing kickers. Carpenter is amazing, but he of course just missed a 50+ yarder, and as I say that, Scobee knocks one through from 52.

1:55: Every week the Bills have someone else that you've never heard of step in for them. Helllloooo Donald Jones (I know he had a big catch last week, but come on).

1:58: The Bungles have now played in three consecutive "Clockwork Orange" games (these would be games where you would have to strap me to a chair and keep my eyes open with that weird device they had to have me watch the entire game).

2:02: GRRRRROOOOOONNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! 21-zip bitches!

2:07: If David Nelson is available in your league, and you're playing with at least 9 other teams involved, I would strongly suggest picking him up. 15 yard reception, then a head-to-head 15 yarded on Niklovich, then a 23 yarder for Nelson again. 5 catches, 68 yards in the first half.

2:12: Stevie Johnson for 6...well that was inevitable...oh well. 21-7 Pats...I am worried because it seems like the Bills like to spot themselves like 20 point holes just so they can do the underdog thing and crawl there way out of it.

2:14: Shady McCoy is playing at a different level than perhaps we were ever aware of. 14-10 G-Men...again, someone should tell the Eagles that they are playing against Eli Manning and Umenyiora is out...so beat the shit out of them is what I'm saying.

2:19: Brady gets picked because of Favre-itis (throwing the ball way too f***ing hard when you don't have too)...if they had scored there, it's over...that's what makes me nervous about this game...they had a chance to end it, and they didn't...ohhhhhhh boy.

2:23: Carolina vs. Jacksonville is currently in monsoon conditions. Haha, Cam just had a 60 yard screen pass to Jon Stewart. First and goal Panthers (they're reviewing it, but I think the ruling will be that that was some kind of wonderful and it will stand).

2:24: I keep wanting to call Kyle Arrington Jonathan Wilhite...damn you number changes!

2:25: Huge screen pass to Fred Jackson...again, you feel it kind of slipping...I just hope the Pats don't feel it too.

2:31: Lindell hits a FG to make it 21-10 Pats.......ugh.....and I was feeling so good, and now, not so much. Elsewhere, Blaine Gabbert had the most ridiculous TD at the end of the half, throwing the ball 10 yards short of the line to Mike Thomas, who proceeded to swerve through an apparent unknowing defense for 6...and that Cam Newton screen pass apparently got taken off the board (not completely off the board, but 55 of the 65 yards were)

Kenny Britt's knee got messed up...that's one way to cover him.

2:40: Montario Hardesty is definitely showing something today. Looking good running the ball, perhaps even better in blocking situations.

2:41: If San Fran doesn't get the #1 pick, what are the odds they try and trade their entire draft a la Herschel/Ricky Williams for Luck?...I mean unless they play Kaepernick, the Niners are going to be looking at themselves saying "is this really our QB still?"

2:46: Andre Carter man...I mean he's been good obviously, but seeing him on a team I give a shit about...wow can he play...fooled on an end-around, he still came back to make the tackle. What an athlete...and Bill likes him too...can't go wrong with that action. 3-and-out, here we go Pats!

2:48: Another 3-and-out for Detroit. Newsflash: You're not the Patriots.

2:50: Leodis McKelvin picks off Brady...dude really?

2:51: Totally sunny in Carolina now after it looked like Irene made another pass through Charlotte...wow I'm freggin' bummed about Brady right now.

2:58: After a huge run by Fred Jackson, guess who shows up in the end zone? America's favorite Gronk clone Scott Chandler, who literally had a 15 yard radius of open field. 21-17 Pats....sinking...sinking...sinking feeling. I dunno where the Firm is. He's had 10 yards on the ground...seriously Bill?

3:02: Straight hand-off to Julian Edelman. If there was a prop bet for Julian Edelman getting a straight handoff from Brady on a non-end around play, and you put 5 bucks on it, you would have been a millionaire.

3:03: Huge play to Gronk (100 yards, 2 TDS = fantasy money shot), but they fall short of scoring, settle for a field goal...again...what the hell are we doing? Where is Benjarvus man?

3:12: Leigh Bodden...heeeeeeeeeeeee's baaaaaaaaaaacccccckkkkkk! I mean it was only a break up of a pass, but that guy is so dirty when he's out there.

3:25: Detroit is fighting their way back into it. Philly has taken the lead with the G-Men "threatening" (in parentheses because Eli Manning is still the QB). Gronk and Dub-Dub are totally murdering the Bills' defense.

3:28: Another Pats punt (I honestly thought Zoltan was done for the year, and he's kicking this week)...but their only down 7! Come on D!!!

3:35: Pats come through with a stop. End-around to Welker for the first down. He has to have like 200 all-purpose by now. Incredible game. He didn't have a TD against Buffalo prior to today...now?...not so much!!!

3:36: Rolling with Stefan Ridley now...man do we have some great backs.

3:37: Yet another pick by Brady. He tried to go to Gronk, but under-threw him big time. TFB should not have just flashes of brilliance like he's been having today, it should just be full-time brilliance.

3:39: Roughing the passer, and a giant pass play later, and Buffalo is in business. Again, there's a reason for the nervousness.

3:42: Yeah you can check out SportsCenter for what just happened...I'm not even going to relive it. All you have to know is that we're tied and I'm pissed.

3:54: After a 10 minute catatonic state where I'm not even going to embellish what just happened, Dub-Dub gets yet another first. We're in business, let's keep it going Pats! (by the way, where has the Firm been? Man! Ridley's making it happen, but the Firm is not getting used at all today)

3:56: WEELLLKKKKEEEERRRR!!! One time baby! The meter reads 200!!!

3:59: Another Welker catch! This is absolutely out of control. Two carries by the Firm lead to nothing. 3rd and goal. Brady with the TO...let's get it done Pats!

4:03: Oh man, let's do it one more time: WEEEEEELLLLLLLKKKKKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! It's Dub-Dub's world, and I'm just happy to be involved in it: 214 yards, 2 TD's...again, destroying shit on my fantasy bench!

4:54: Sorry, I needed about, what, close to an hour to just take in, you know, whatever just happened there that I'm immediately blanking out of my memory. Only thing about the game: Wes Welker: possibly the greatest single performance in a game by a receiver from this team in their entire history. He's my favorite Patriot ever, and damn it, he was freggin' extraordinary today.

5:22: Where did Torrey Smith come from besides Maryland? Oh man! He's having a Moss game! 3 receptions, 3 TDs!

5:23: Ray Rice is just amazing to watch. Him and McFadden going back and forth here in the 4:00 games. Absolutely mesmerizing.

5:28: Okay, a thing to hang the hat on: The picks are going well. I mean I'm just so distraught about the Pats game (which I swore to my roommate we shouldn't talk about until they win/play again, and we ended up talking about it graphic detail) and fantasy...but we got something going today.

5:42: I swear I love every player under 5'9 playing in the NFL (RB, wide-out...kicker, anyone). The Quiz Show has arrived in the Hottie (everyone calls it Hotlanta...even me last week...how about the Hottie?...not bad).

5:48: Man, Kenny Britt out for the year? The shortened offseason strikes again perhaps. Him and Calvin Johnson were probably the top 2 receivers going this year.

6:15: Amazing Bradford/Gibson hookup to break the doughnut for STL. Also, flash to KC: Please don't use McCluster so much out of the backfield. I swear he went in between the tackles and I thought he was going to be dismembered.

Wednesday, 7:39: So seriously, I just stopped because I felt like I was going to write down was going to be Pats rants...and I couldn't really get by that, and didn't feel like subjecting everyone to it like my roommate, my head chef, and coming this weekend when I make the "weekend call," my Dad. So, let's look ahead shall we?...

So Oakland is coming up at their place. Of course you have to be kind of terrified by Run DMC at this point. He was Tecmo Bo last week. That long run he had was sublime...that's really the only word I could come up with there. There seems to be talk about a potential "groin injury" scenario would have him questionable for the game...I think even at 50%, he's probably going to be a rich man's Willis McGahee (can totally go for like 75-80 yards with a score). I have to say I wouldn't mind seeing Albert Haynesworth. I'm feeling a lot better if McFadden doesn't have the chance to make that real quick burst he gets off the handoff.

Could J-Cam potentially beat us? Man that wouldn't look good...wouldn't that be the pep talk going into this week? How to potentially avoid anything close to that? I am actually fine with the Buffalo loss because I braced myself that it could potentially get ugly (I think we all did), and...it did. Bright side: No one got hurt, Gronk right now is a top 4 TE (Jermichael Finley clllleeeeaaarrrrrllllyyyy is #1...wow...then Gates, Vernon Davis...I would say right here is Gronk or Jimmy Graham)...and Wes F'ing Welker.

Speaking of which, I would suggest just continually fielding him the ball while going around Rolando McClain (okay, him and Seymour...I'm hoping for "extremely passive" games from both). Welker and Gronk, and, again, I know I love the guy, but I let Chad recover this week. He had a big drop, and he's been a little late getting to the party, the party is still totally rocking (Brady will have >375 yards...again), and if you get the Ocho involved, and we sprinkle in a little more Firm, Woodie, and the talented Mr. Ridley (I swear that's the last time I'll ever call him that), this offense is unstoppable...Bill's gotta feel like right now, he has the both the keys to a nuclear warhead that could destroy anything ever seen in this league...I say give the other key to Brady and blow this shit up!

I'd now like to give credit to Indy's defense, who were phenomenal in a game where even when they played as good as they did, they have no chance without Peyton Manning...I mean this is what happens when you don't have the B Plan in order. Curtis Painter will probably get the start vs. TB this weekend...I don't know man. If that D puts up another big one (which will be tough because Blount is back baby!)...they're still in the "doubtful" range.

Mike Vick is becoming the running Operation board...he has to be like "okay, apparently everyone knows I'm great, and they all seem like they want to murder me because they want to be who lays me out." In terms of just all-around talent, it's him, Brady, and A-Rod clearly over the (healthy, or at least playing) QBs. However, defensive guys do seem like they want to take his head off. I really think diving needs to be brought into the repertoire. I know he's not a diver, but he doesn't have to be like 100% of the time diving like half the QBs in the league absolutely have to do. By all means keep pulling off gigantic runs, but still have that QB clock in your head to know "okay, right about now would be a good place to at least think about it." He's great because it seems like when he runs, he cannot be stopped by anyone, but I think he has to be aware of some of the hits that might be coming...ducking for cover so a guy doesn't posterize you (I think maybe "SportsCenter" you might be a better phrase now considering you can't get the really good poster of gigantic freggin' hits because the NFL is now both the "No Fun League" and, what I'm deeming, the "No Ferocity League"...but it's still totally cool on TV...they need to bring "Jacked Up" back). Anyway, I just wanna see the guy play...that's all.

Haha, well hopefully that tied Week 3 together. We got Pats at 4 this week, so I'm guaranteeing no tapering off this week...unless we're totally getting smashed and DMC just ran for his 300th yard, then yes (unless it's close or we're somehow winning). Right now, got to get back to the most meaningful Red Sox/Orioles game perhaps of all time (I'm sure way back when, there was a biggie, but I can't think of it). Quick note about the Sox: They're showing me at least something ya know? Hopefully tonight goes well (currently tied at 2 in the 4th...and scored the tying run on a balk of all things...5-0 Skanks, top of 5...Don Orsillo said "Red Sox fans are thanking Mark Teixeira for hitting a grand slam."...NO WE'RE NOT!!!...dude, I don't like anything helping them...unless we lose and they win...then okay, thanks buddy). I mean I look at this team, and we could potentially be "slow dancing" into the playoffs like it's 7th grade all over again, and you've been waiting for just the right moment to ask a girl you hardly know but would like to send the message that yes, you have interest in her, and you dance (hopefully she says yes...ever get a no?...wow does that suck...but I guess she's being honest unlike the girls that tell you to call them and they never call back, or say they'll be right back, and then...their definition of right back means "hopefully never seeing you again"...it's a bit unnecessary, be honest), but then right after that, the DJ goes un-seamlessly into "California Love," and you go back to your friends, sing every word that you know ("soon as I step on the scene, I'm hearing hoochies screaming" and "Dre putting it down for Califor-ni-a" were go-tos), but you're back into party mode you know? I guess that's what I'm at least hoping for.

Take care everyone. Love topped with a little Peace.

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 2, 2011)

2011-09-18T09:28:00.017-04:00

"I'm a peacock! You gotta let me fly!"

9:31: Ayyyyyyyy-ohhhhhhh! Good morning, good morning (good underrated Beatles song by the way). Gearing up for Week 2 at world headquarters in the people's republic. First item on the agenda today: Re-watch the Belichick special I DVR'd off of NFL Network. A guy at work is referring to this show as "Patriots porn"...which really it is...do you have any idea how many times I've watched the Rams/Pats Super Bowl off NFL Network or ESPN, and I own all the "Three Games To Glory?" The moral of the story is that we can't get enough Pats coverage, and we certainly can't get enough of "behind-the-scenes" Belichick (how great was it when he cusses out Derrick Mason?).

9:41: Okay a few quick things before we get into pre-game coverage (again, this is for the NFL addicts who simply can't get enough, for people who can't wait any longer to hear about football, and the people who got up early because they're hungover, vanquishing their Saturday night hookups (some perhaps vanquishing at a faster pace than others), and were on Facebook, and decided to stop by, and to them, I say "heeeeeyyyyy buddddddddyyyyy!").

The "Chalk" Best Game of the 1:00'ers: Chicago vs. New Orleans: Two of arguably the top 8 or 9 teams in the league, which by definition makes it the highlight game of the early session, but the game I'm looking forward to is...
The Best Game of the 1:00'ers: Oakland vs. Buffalo: This game has me written all over it. Two teams that no one outside of their fan bases a.) care about, b.) before the season gave absolutely no chance to do anything, c.) will care what happens today, and d.) two teams who were the laughing stocks of the NFL like two years ago, but now suddenly have become two teams looking at perhaps .500, with Oakland having an outside chance of winning the division (San Diego did look really good last week though). Orton had over 300 yards passing on the Raiders last week, look for Fitzy and Co. to exploit the hell out of that (give it to the big guy! (Scott Chandler)). Buffalo brings a more balanced attack, but Oakland counters with the ground game that can control time of possession. RUN DMC looked like an elite back...it's just nice to be able to watch him now, and not think "when is he going down," much like I think about Steven Jackson (and it took exactly one week for that prophecy to come true).
The "Chalk" and "Best" Game of the 4:00'ers: Da Bolts vs. Daaaaaaaaaaaa Pats: Okay, so I do have my reservations about this one. I think everyone in Patriot Nation does to, but whether they admit to it or not is another story. Philip Rivers keeps losing and losing to the Pats, and it seems like the margin of the difference is getting slimmer and slimmer with every passing year...remind you of anyone? For me, this is like Peyton Manning and the Colts 2.0...the guy keeps coming and coming, and I think eventually he's gonna beat us once right? I mean I hope not...but I'm real. Plus, a seven point spread? Also, you have Tom Brady coming out and saying we need to be drunk because we have to make a lot of noise? I mean I appreciate the suggestion, but I mean we're already going to be drunk anyway...we probably didn't need the push right there. He knows the Chargers are going to need something completely out of their control (drunken fan noise, tipped passes, wind gusts) to totally have control over this game.
Biggest Story of the 4:00'ers: The Return of Arian Foster: I think this is probably more of a bigger fantasy story than real story...I gotta tell you, if the Texans can't win the AFC South this season, they have literally no hope for the future. The other QBs in the division are Matt Hasselbeck, Kerry Collins, and the Luke McCown/Blaine Gabbert two-headed attack...if not now, when? Foster is nasty. At his peak, he is at least on the Adrian Peterson level...he can own opposing defenses...and yet, the Texans don't really even need him this week. Against the 'Fins, all they need is a passing offense and a decent running attack (which they have with Ben Tate). Foster is starting today, but Kubiak says he's not going to get the "normal" workload...has Bill Belichick taught you anything? NEVER SAY HOW MUCH A GUY IS GONNA PLAY!!! Watch the Belichick show man!!! Anyway, it will be good to see if this guy remains at his current level, or the injury plagues him off the bat.

10:33: Might as well do predictions as well (which are subject to change up until kickoff, so sorry if it ends up costing anyone money...by the way, what the hell are you listening to me for for gambling advice?...listen to the little man inside of you!)...

Chargers (+7) vs. Da Pats: These are the games when the offense will for some reason become constricted, and we're probably going to be too cute about everything, and if we know anything, cute doesn't work in football (just ask Latimer from The Program). If we have the same offensive attack as we did against Miami, we'd never lose...even if the other guy throws for 400 yards. Our passing game almost doubles as a run game, just picking away at the defense, controlling the clock, and wearing out the defense. Tolbert is going to have a big game as well...was there any more overlooked RB than Tolbert in fantasy? Pretty sure not.
Saints (-6.5) vs. Da Bears: The Saints have a weak secondary, but call me skeptical for believing that the Devin Hester/Roy Williams combo will be enough to outscore the Saints at the Dome (by the way, the Superdome will now be referred to as "The Dome," and the Metrodome will go by "The Bubble," "The Trash Bag," or "The Baggie"...we'll go with Baggie in reference to the old right field wall the Twins had). If the Bears win, it will be entirely due to either Matt Forte having 300 all-purpose yards, or the Bears D/ST scoring 80 points in fantasy.
Chiefs (+9) vs. Lions: Everyone is completely dismissing the Chiefs and anointing the Lions as the hottest team alive right now. Losing Eric Berry is a tremendous loss for them, but you still have a decent defense despite that, and Matt Cassell will look better this week...he has to right? Also, Dexter McCluster, not Jammal Charles, was the leading rusher for KC last week. Barring injury, that should never, ever...ever happen again! Having said that, if you told me one defensive player totally changed the outcome of a game, my first guess would be Ndomukung Suh...and it's his second year! The Lions' pass attack will be great, but so will KC's...it's just really tough for me to say with 100% likelihood the Lions are covering 9 right now...they might, but it's tough.
Jets (-9.5) vs. Jags: This spread would be 14 if the Jags lost last week. It would be probably 9 or 10 if the Jets lost, which makes me feel like we're giving the Jags just a little bit too much credit considering they don't really have a good defense, they have one healthy running back (who I admit is nasty but he is one man), and Luke McCown going against that D? Okie-dokie artichokie.
Bills (-4) vs. Raiders: The game of the day! No, but again, I really am looking forward to this one. I can't get over the Rob Gronkowski cyborg the Bills have otherwise known as Scott Chandler.
Redskins (-3.5) vs. Cards: Here's my pick for the surprise 2-0 team in the NFL. Hey, look what happens when you get rid of all the overpriced free agent signings...a good team! Hoooooooraaaayyyy! The 'Skins finally figured it out (this isn't baseball, you can't buy rings). Rex Grossman could be the leading passer in the NFL by the end of this game.
Ravens (-5.5) vs. Titans: The spread screams "trap," but the Titans scream "shitty," so I hear that over the trap yells.
Steelers (-14) vs. Seahawks: Still no Sidney...I'm completely bummed out for him outside of the fact that he's making a ton of bank to rehab. So long as the QB1 remains Tarvaris Jackson, I continue to have little to no faith in the Seahawks (I would look at Bruce Gradkowski, who is backing up Andy Dalton in Cincy...he actually wins big games...it's proven!!!...seriously, I would absolutely take the 'Hawks if he were there, or someone else that was breathing at the time).
Panthers (+10) vs. Packers: This could be a mistake, but rooting for Cam Newton on a team like the Panthers feels right...it's tough to really hate the Panthers (unless you're from Baltimore and they inexplicably got an NFL franchise before you). The Panthers, Bills, Bucs, and Lions...I would find it tough for anyone to have legit beef with them (these things happen when the group has won a combined one Super Bowl).
Bucs (+2.5) vs. Vikings: The Vikes for some reason decided to not open things up with Harvin, Berrian, and Jenkins, and decided to use the "Marcus Lattimore Strategy" with Adrian Peterson (I will call this the "Lattimore" from now on...Spurrier may run this kid into the ground before he even gets into the pros). I refuse to accept the fact that LeGarrette Blount is going to rush five times today (it should be at least in double figures), and Freeman right now is a waaaaaayyyyy better QB than McNabb. Minny could use the home turf to their advantage, but the Bucs should have a much better attack on both sides of the ball.
Browns (-1) vs. Indy: Did you ever think it could come to this? Indy is a 'dog at home to Cleveland??? Well, far be it for me to slow down the apocalypse.
49ers (+3) vs. Cowboys: This game is either going to be a blowout for the Cowboys or a grind it out, let Dallas choke again game...I'm pulling for the latter. Is there a line on if Ted Ginn has another return TD? I'll set it at +450 and take it.
Dolphins (+3) vs. Texans: Either the Cowboys or Dolphins are winning, and I couldn't really decide who. If Arian Foster is actually healthy, this game should be a laugher. However, I feel like the Dolphins know they are totally screwed at 0-2 (welcome to the AFC East), and get back-to-backers at home. The Texans have to know they're the better team (and with good reason because they are), but I feel a little Chad Henne magic today (that could mean 4 TDs or 4 picks...either way, it's magic!).
Bungles (+3.5) vs. Broncos: In the weekly edition of "this game does not deserve to be on TV anywhere but within five miles of each city's limits," I'm taking the Bungles expecting that this is going to be a down-to-the-wire game, which is why whenever you see the "this game does not deserve to be on TV," Gus Johnson should be calling it, because then, it does (by the way, looking through the announcer guide...no mention of Gus?...as Vince Lombardi would say: "hey what the hell is going on out there?!?!")
Philly (-1.5) vs. Hotlanta: This is by far the most intriguing game of the week in Mike Vick's return to where it all started...and ended (the first time). Ummm...this is a close spread I think just due to the fact that people may suspect that the Falcons are good and that Vick may get the shakes upon his return...while I know very little of prison outside of what I hear through rap and the allusions that people make towards the show "Oz" (which I never personally watched because the premise alone really freaked me out), I'm going to go ahead an bank that entering prison for the first time is likely a little bit more nerve-rattling than entering a stadium you used to play in. I would not be surprised if Philly wins by 30 here.
The G-MEN (-6.5) vs. Rams: Who at ESPN is allowing this continuous tipped see-saw effect to happen between the Sunday and Monday night games? I've been noticing this for two years now, and it seems that every week, the Sunday night game is good-to-amazing, while the Monday night ones are totally shitty-to-absolutely boring outside of about five minutes. Why would ESPN pay billions of dollars ($1.9 billion a year allegedly) to broadcast such awful games? You would think they would have top billing on what games to show, so either they don't or the people who run the NFL broadcasting department in Bristol are total morons. In any event, the Rams have a chance to keep it close so long as Sam Bradford is up against Eli Manning...you always have a chance if the Eli factor is in play.

12:00: High noon. Still haven't watched any pre-game coverage because I lost my remote in my room and the box is tuned onto ESPN, and you know how I feel about that. Out for my Sunday booze run. See you very shortly, and enjoy your Sunday everyone!

12:40: Just got back. Watching ManU/Chelsea, and Torres missed a literal empty-netter (I say "literal" because sometimes the net is kind of empty, and sometimes it's completely vacant, like today). He's been J.D. Drew/John Lackey-esque upon his arrival to the Blues. And after watching that, I'm officially switching over to football.

12:46: Roy Williams is out for Chicago...big money on New Orleans now.

12:47: Poll question on CBS: "Who would be better/is better in Atlanta, Vick or Matty Ice"...I mean I love me some Matt Ryan, but he has absolutely no chance in a better QB race against Vick. The only loophole to all of it would be if you thought Vick would have a bunch of haters, but to that I say that if he started winning games in Atlanta, the haters would slowly be removed from that situation. All about winning.

12:57: Jeff Otah, Carolina's starting left tackle, is out today...still going Panthers.

1:05: Jeremy Shockey's getting mad looks early on. Already w/ two receptions (should have been three but he dropped one right in his hands). Steve Smith gets two quick receptions. It's early, but the Carolina Panthers are in business!

1:08: Cam runs the option for five...has any option play after the year 1965 gone for more than 10 yards? You could say the wildcat was kind of an option package, but we're talking about a QB running down the line and pitching...needless to say it's tough to do

1:11: The Jets are wearing the "Titans" throwbacks, which combine the perfect look of "ugly as shit" and the feeling that they haven't lost a game in those yet (have they?...I don't remember it happening).

1:12: Despite two ridiculous stupid penalties nullifying a TD, the Panthers are first and goal from the 2. Cam lobbed a great ball to Brandon LaFell for a TD (for now, it's under review...it looked good though)

1:18: Jets score a safety off the Jags. This is like the foreword for a blowout.

1:29: Jammal Charles just totally did something terrible to his leg. Wow, the luck I have with a Charles/Steven Jackson fantasy combo.

1:30: Minny's offense looks improved, or Tampa's defense totally sucks...Adrian Peterson literally bull-rushed the entire D almost into the end zone. Third and goal for Minny, and at last check, Josh Freeman's mouth stopped bleeding (did I mention that before?...oh yeah, by the way, Josh Freeman was QBing with a mouth full of blood. Is this the end of my fantasy relevance this year already? Shit like the last two posts make ya wonder.

1:40: Official verdict on the Bills' home uni's: Love 'em. 3rd and goal Oakland at the 1 though...and they just had a neutral zone infraction, but if you're gonna do it, ya might as well do it when it's only going to cost a half a yard.

1:46: Nick Mangold is the next victim of "nasty players who are getting hurt way too early" list. Charles' has a knee injury they're saying. No word on the severity, but one of my teams is totally f***ed.

2:10: Wow, Roethlisberger barely walking off the field. A rash of injuries to stars. At least one person in this world is thinking about a who's year is going to end office pool...hopefully for somewhat my conscience's sake, at least two.

Ray Rice: #2 RB in the league...I'm pretty sure if the first two weeks haven't done it for ya, dunno what's gonna.

2:11: Tampa's offense has been horrifyingly anemic. It's getting to the point where I question if I know what I'm talking about...and then really, I say it's okay...like everyone hits 100%?

2:19: Brownies take the lead in Indy off a Peyton Hillis TD. Again, this is a landmark moment for the Browns being favored in a meaningful game on the road vs. Indy.

J-Camp makes it 21-3 Oakland...man Oakland has the line and the RBs to make it happen. Basically no starting receivers today. Quite impressive. WHERE IS SCOTT CHANDLER??? Haha, give it to the big guy!

2:27: I would like to use this as a podium to take back everything I've ever said negatively about Matthew Stafford. Wow can he just burn throws in there. I dunno what happened during the last rehab stint, but he's made some serious adjustments. Detroit up big, Matt Cassel has entered the "I want to kill all my teammates" phase of this game. That can't be good for them.

2:36: Defining screwed up fantasy moment of the day: I am now pseudo rooting against Matt Schaub tonight to at least attempt to justify starting Josh Freeman this week (who, again, I'm convinced in nasty). After the first half, Freeman is 7-11 for 52 yards....reeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyyyy??? 52 yards man? Shouldn't that be how much Mike Williams has by now?

2:45: Yes LeGarette Blount! FINALLY!!!! He's broken through!!!

2:47: Sorry to abruptly cut this short, but a friend is in need at the airport, and drinking alone is just not acceptable when you're a guest in Titletown, so I'll be back later for ramblings about how awesome the Pats are...or how shitty it all went. Fred Jackson just scored. Circle the wagons!

Tuesday (obviously time not really an issue...it is 7:33...there ya go): So due to my love of airport bars and kickball, I haven't really been able to throw...anything up about anything, so this will kind of be long-but-not-annoying-long winded summation and what the dilly yo is and could be yo...

Okay, the Pats were great, but first, THANK YOU TAMPA! JOSH FREEMAN AND LEGARRETTE BLOUNT ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE! Oh man was that Detroit game so tough to watch (more on Detroit in a bit...to Detroit, I say hey why not?), but the Bucs responded in a big way at the Baggie. Blount was ruining guys, Freeman was sharp (his mouth not bleeding profusely like earlier in the game may have helped)...haha, I mean I have to tell you, I benched Blount for Wes this week (I was envisioning a Welker bonanza again because for some reason I think he has found a nose for the end zone...or the Miami game totally suckered me in, either way). So it's good to see Tampa back to pulling off the comebacks.

Sooooo, the Pats are a machine, but man, the injuries just seemed to keep piling up. This is up-and-down clearly a solid team (even with the Brandon Meriweather getting released, which could have got bad but Sergio Brown is really playing well for them and got a pick Sunday), but Aaron Hernandez, Patrick Chung, Ras-I, the other big Z (Zoltan Mesko, who had a look like his own lineman falling on his leg while punting was not in his intentions)?...Man, how fun is the Gronkowski/Hernando combo to watch? Two tight ends literally have dominated the opposing defense in the first two games being critical to equal 14 point wins (did you see how many passing yards Henne and Rivers threw up?...I don't even want to know...haha, >700 for sure, wow).

Ocho may have not had his defining game as a Patriot, but I really love watching him play, and whatever it is that he does when he's on, just go for it. Everyone, EVERYONE loves Chad in New England. Seriously, Randy Moss...how are you not coming out of retirement to play with these guys?...Deion Branch is like the fifth passing option, and he's still pretty great. He could be like how he was in the Cunningham-Vikings era...just bring him out for like 15-20 plays, and when he's open, throw him the ball...and that's pretty much it. There is a reason that when you say the phrase "Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback of all time," you absolutely have to at least think about it. I think Moss is now fully aware, and I think he could be like the bizarro Favre/Jordan and be amazing coming back from retirement (the second time for both of them) and could benefit him getting his first ring (as of right now, he's the greatest player to EVER play the game and not win a ring...but I do love Earl Campbell, Steve Largent and Eric Dickerson...I'm totally getting a Dickerson Rams throwback in blue...already have the white!).

Oh well.

So the injuries are mounting...I have to say Buffalo is absolutely gonna play this week completely out of their minds (if you're a Pats fan, and you've always wanted to go up to Buffalo to see them destroy the Bills like they have in the past, I would not suggest this game). The crowd is going to be totally nuts, at least until we hopefully take them out of it. I know those secondary injuries are going to be apparent, but right now, if you are a fan of this team, you must believe that Tom Brady and his accompaniment will show you the promised land. That's not supposed to be a knock on the D in any way (the Vince Wilfork pick?...I love this man), but I really do think he at least spends some of his time in the Fortress of Solitude that was organically made for Tom Brady to go to, and when he emerges, he...is...the...man. When he gets the Tom Brady "you're mine, bitch!" look, it is over. It's like the alley-oop through the legs Vince Carter dunk (I'm pretty sure 1,000,000 people have linked this up, make it 1,000,001...the reactions are almost as good as the dunks...Dikembe was literally thanking God).

Elsewhere, Jamaal Charles going down for the season? Wow did they not need for that to go down in KC (I just re-read what I wrote earlier and I mentioned something about Jamaal should be the #1 back on KC always "barring injury"...sorry buddy). Getting blown out once, it's like "okay, shit happens, we just weren't there...that happens...twice?...not to good teams at least. Thomas Jones is going to make some things happen, but KC just lost everyone, and it's going to take them at least a few weeks just to get back to somewhat even-kilter (just need an easy team...okay, I think they have two winnable games...annnnnndddd for now, that's about it...why couldn't we have gotten KC's first round pick instead of New Orleans?!?!

PATRIOT DRAFT WATCH:

The Saints handled the Bears, moving them to 1-1. In picking that game, I didn't even let my biasedness of hoping the Saints don't do anything too terrific this year block me on that one. As of right now, the highest the Pats would be picking 9th, but I'm sure with tiebreakers and however they determine draft order, they would be lower (hopefully something a bit higher than 24th, the other end of the spectrum currently).

The Bills and the Lions were the spotlight-stealers this week, with a surprising Titan performance being the runner-up (Baltimore looked so good and Tennessee looked so bad in Week 1, I guess that's why I went with the Ravens despite knowing the -5.5 spread was a trap). The Bills came all the way back from a double score deficit late to go to 2-0 with a huge win over Oakland, another upstart coming off a big win last week. Again, Ryan Fitzpatrick...the guy can play. Steve Johnson has left off right where he left us at Week 7 or 8 last year when he basically became a non-factor due to constant double-teaming. Once again, I'm not 100% like I was against Miami. If anything, I'm probably about the same as I was against San Diego...like 70-75% confident. Without looking, I'm going to go ahead and say the spread is 5.5 (and now the look-up...9.5???...really???...thank God I'm not playing Cousin Sal in "Pick The Spread). I just don't like any of the circumstances with Buffalo perhaps bringing their best possible game, and again, they probably have a 25-30% chance of winning...that makes me a little nervous.

Detroit has looked amazing. Again, Matthew Stafford went through some kind of awakening during his injury (he basically has only played one year, and that first year he was not anything like he is now). Him and MegaTron are absolutely killing it, and there's no sign of that letting up.

Last thought: HUUUUGGGGGGEEEEE win for Atlanta against Philly. Sure Vick got hurt (no word yet on if and when he's coming back...it's looking like "questionable" for the G-Ment this week), but when you're trying to win division titles, you get them how you can, and when they give you the hats and the shirts, they don't come with asterisks. Falcons had a great day from Gonzo and the Burner when they absolutely needed them considering Nnamdi and Asante were heads-up vs. Rowdy Roddy and Double J (that could have actually been a tag-team partnership in WCW). The two combined for 52 yards receiving on the night. Kafka played well in Vick's absence, but this would be a devastation if he had to miss any extended amount of time. I would say by Week 7 or 8, he has to come back or all of a sudden you're competing against a combo of New Orleans, Atlanta, Tampa (2 of those 3) and Detroit for the remaining two playoff spots. The way things are looking in the NFC East, you have a suddenly hobbling Cowboy team sneaking out a victory in San Fran due to a giant pass reception by a guy I've never heard of (and still don't know), a suddenly hot Redskins team coming off another big win vs. two teams that were completely outmatched due to different reasons (the G-Men with their injuries, the Cards with their defense), and the aforementioned Jersey Giants who looked bad against half of the Rams. If Philly can stay the course with a Kafka/Vince Young combo (VY is still inactive mind you), and stay like 5-2, or 4-3, they should get to 11 W's and take that division.

Alright, well, sorry the live diary didn't go as according to plan, but there's always next week right? We'll see how it all goes down. Take care until then though huh. CAN WE GET SOME WINS RED SOX! COME ON!!!...haha, take it easy. Peace.

~Mell-o

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 1, 2011)...

2011-09-11T11:23:00.044-04:00

"You can run, you can hide, but there's no escape."

11:25: I'm so pumped for the season to start I can't even stand myself. It's like the normal "why don't they freggin' kick off now" feeling you get right around 11:30, when you've already watched three hours of pregame and it's enough already, but this year, it's like times 50...seriously, I think the NFL lockout could have been a conspiracy because now I care about football even more, and like three months ago, there was really no definitive answer as to if they would play at all.

In any event, doing a live diary, which I admit is stolen from Bill Simmons...but I give him full credit for that, continue to love everything he does (dude, a bad QB draft?...how great is that?)...but I feel like real time articulation mixed with Parrot Bay and mango juice (I loooovvvveeee bodegas)...there's room for more of it. So away we go...

11:47: JFK is outstanding, but it's so close to non-fiction that you go away thinking "they still really don't know?" I have to say, Bin Laden, Whitey...Obama has three big moves left...JFK, 2Pac, and Biggie...if he figures that out, you have to have him go four more years. I'm telling you, they need to kick the games off at 12:00...dude, church is out right? Sorry, been awhile.

11:54: NFL Network in my opinion just murders ESPN in terms of the pre pre-game coverage. Here's the thing: when you put on NFL Network, you pretty much know what you're getting yourself into. Anything even somewhat non-football related (even the commercials) is the most unexpected thing you will find there...it's football...all...the...time, which is great, because sometimes, I just wanna watch NFL replay real-time, or just watch football because it freggin' great. With ESPN, you have options...making NFL Countdown an hour longer...ehhh...it's enough already. Seriously, throw me some Premier League, or the German soccer league that's supposed to be nasty that I've never seen (I know it's on FOX Soccer, but it's not in HD...and I know that's no excuse, but I'm gonna go ahead and use it anyway). I know, Sunday is supposed to be all about football, but I need an hour...maybe an hour and a half of pregame, one sad/inspirational story, and I'm good to go. Also, I gotta tell you...it seems like Berman is going through the motions, and really, his wheelhouse right now is the "Fastest Three Minutes"...he's got a solid three minutes...the bookends of your sex life basically, and the Home Run Derby...at least the first "back, back, back, back," and then it gets incredibly annoying. Hiring Rich Eisen to be the face of the network was brilliant...I mean how do you not love him running the 40 in dress shirt-pants-shoes at the Combine?

12:12: Okay, we're inside an hour, here's what I'm thinking today: Clearly Steelers/Ravens is top billing, but of course, I can't help but want to see Michael Vick...I'll be the first to admit that I can't stand another story about him or the Eagles because honestly, it's kind of been overdone this offseason. However, if you objectionably have to pay money to see anyone play, Vick is either #1 or #2 to whoever you love that you can't even look at objectionably (in my case, Tom F'ing Brady...I still don't want to say the F word here ("the big one, the F dash-dash-dash word"), but I'll say shit every now and again...think of this as taking the career timeline of FX or Comedy Central). Lots of talk about the Rams making a game of it. I can't help but think that they do. Call me crazy but I'm completely sold on Sam Bradford being a franchise QB. He just came out of the box and was at a higher progression than he probably had no business being at as a rookie. Also, he's using like the all-underrated team...even Steven Jackson is underrated and he's a star!

Philly's expectations are actually reachable, but the dream team stuff sometimes doesn't work unless you absolutely have total locker room control. Andy Reid is a fantastic coach, but this team will lose at some point, and when the playoffs roll around, Vick is not going to be able to win games on his own like he'll be able to in the regular season (yes, he's that good...I know I know, I'm one of them).

Love Amendola, love Bradford, love Jackson, love Lauranitis, and it looks like they have something in Lance Kendricks...the Rams are no joke, and if Kevin Kolb can be just "good," it will be a Cards/Rams two-horse race of "these teams would win anywhere from 5 to 12 games in another division, but will win at least 8 by playing in their division."

12:26: Okay, so that's pretty much all the pregame material I got...that was fairly painless right? Okay, going to get food because I don't wanna stray too too far from my house today...FOOTBALL IS BAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKK (I know they played on Thursday, but it's really back when you got seven games going on at the same time, FantasyCast blasting out ever-changing colors and numbers (I'm definitely going to gush about my fantasy teams today, just a heads up...and you're pretty much gonna sit there and take it...sooooo...yeah)...seriously, it may be said like 10 trillion times knowing what today is, but GOD BLESS AMERICA BABY!!!

12:55: Absolutely perfect timing coming back. We're in countdown mode on RedZone (cable's F-You to Sunday Ticket), I've walked about an eighth of a mile today roughly, so there's the exercise (seriously, I'm no John Basedow, but I'm doing okay, and it's not brain surgery on how to get in shape...move and don't eat bad shit...so where's my fitness millions?...where are my infomercials?..."Have you heard about the don't eat bad shit and moving plan? Here's how to order"). One more thing before we actually get into...you know, football...having a frozen pizza on hand at all times is a really good idea...they're cheap, the quality isn't as bad as it once was when D'giorno's was by far and away the best you could get...also, you can kind of get an asshole barometer in terms of the reaction to frozen pizza...like if someone scoffs, it's like "well, you're kind of a douche huh?"

1:09: The 9/11 tributes have been great today, but they are such a downer. I mean we will always remember...especially today, but I can't watch too much of it. Having said that, the anthem singer in Chicago was amazing.

1:14: Matt Schaub got kind of screwed on an Andre Johnson tip of all people. This is worth noting because I'm starting him this week. You know what, rather than just elude to it and saying this guy's on my team, here's the two fantasy teams I have:

Breeze By Ya Like Tecmo Bo:

QB: Schaub, JAAAASSSSHHHHHH Freeman
RB: Arian Foster, LeGarrette Blount, The Firm (Benjarvus Green-Ellis, and Associates), Woodhead, Tim Hightower
WR: Roddy White, Larry Fitzgerald, Dwayne Bowe, Wes Welker, Julio Jones
TE: Vernon Davis, Marcedes Lewis
D/ST: Jets (who I'll be dropping when they play the Pats...and if I don't get 'em again...oh well?)
K: Gostkowski

You Should Return Your Heisman Too Leinart:

QB: JAAAASSSSSHHHH Freeman, Kyle Orton (who I just picked up and I'm starting him this week...love Freeman obviously, but the Lions are gonna be a tester...one of those game where you scrape and do anything to win, which may mean not doing well in fantasy basically)
RB: Jamaal Charles, Steven Jackson, LeGarrette Blount, Woodie, Daniel Thomas
WR: Mike Wallace, Mike Williams, Julio Jones, Danny Amendola, Jacoby Ford
TE: Marcedes Lewis, Jared Cook (Gamecock!)
D/ST: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Pats
K: Woooooooooo Succop (Game-F'ing-Cocks baby!!!)

So there's that...I know, nasty.

1:29: Indy has absolutely no idea what they're in for. They are gonna get someone nasty in the draft next year. Oh, and Texan receivers, feel free to not tip the ball every time Schaubie throws one in there...I mean I'm confident, but it's a little much.

1:31: How is it conscionable to start Luke McCown in Jacksonville...they trade up to get a QB in the first round, they cut Garrard...but Luke McCown is beating out a top 10 pick? Jeeeeessssssshhhhh...another team who is going to get someone nasty next year (at from what I've learned in recent history, probably will be a reach "with huge upside").

1:36: Cincy is starting Dalton...see Jacksonville, it can work...and he went in the second!

1:38: Wow Indy.

1:38: Ray Rice just scored. He actually was close to getting in before, but they reviewed it and spotted him at the 2. Oh, so apparently they're reviewing every TD? I guess this is kinda like the home run replay rule in baseball. I dunno though...it takes a little of the guess-work away from the coaches and their staffs right? Don't they have like replay consultants? Isn't that what Tressel is doing in Indy once he comes back from suspension because of that whole thing at Ohio State?

1:54: I feel like Baltimore is going to fall asleep at the wheel with the lead against the Steelers. They're clearly outplaying them, but that's not a team to take your foot off the pedal with.

1:55: Not getting a lot of updates from Philly/STL...pretty sure it's still 14-7...that's a matchup that if played like 10 weeks from now, it's probably getting flexed in on Sunday night...oh I'm big on the Rams.

2:05: JAAASSSHHHHH just threw a pick. I have to tell you though, he is going to be nasty this year...but I totally sat him on both teams because I kinda knew what was coming...and I totally saw the Texans just destroying Indy today. So, a quick little pat on the back for that action.

2:09: Detroit was just in "no man's land" and managed to pull off a miracle TD throw to MegaTron (two guys I wish I had on one of my teams: Brady and Calvin Johnson). Is there any stat out there that shows any correlation for going for it on 4th down between the opponents 35-45 and having more success than punting? Besides the fact that you'll be labelled with having no balls and if you have just the shittiest defense ever, I'm not so sure punting isn't the best move at that point. Also, what happened to the emphasis on the coffin corner? That's a practicable maneuver that could potentially get your defense started inside the 5 without having to worry about cover men doing acrobatics to save the ball from entering the end zone.

2:36: Stafford is going simply bananas against the Tampa secondary. The Bucs have an improving pass rush, but they're going to have to become amazing quickly because if this is a sign of things to come, they are going to have a tough time with Drew Brees twice and Matty Ice twice.

2:40: Detroit just got called for mimicking a snap count on a field goal, giving Tampa a first down right at the end of the half. Two things: First, if the field goal is normally a silent count with the holder basically just yelling whenever he's ready, why try a snap count to throw them off? Second, how far can this penalty go? Can you imagine if they botched a call accusing the defense of that and it ended up costing them the game?

2:44: Baltimore just went up 29-7...I can feel the NyQuill about to set in...I'm not even a Steelers fan, but I would be so pissed if a team ran a fake extra point when they were up three TDs. They're having a little too much fun with the lead. Also, shouldn't every Baltimore/Pittsburgh game be played at night? I feel like that kind of adds another element to what is already most likely going to be a classic game.

3:06: Steven Jackson is out with apparently a pulled quad...2 rushes, 58 yards...I guess these are the prices you pay for going with someone with some questionable health issues.

3:08: The Chiefs are getting bombed at home with Buffalo on the doorstep again. The break-up of the Charlie Weis/Romeo Crennel duo kind of went under the radar in terms of significant offseason stories.

3:10: Scott Chandler...coming to a fantasy team near you.

3:35: So the Ravens eased off, but the Steelers seem to have taken it past the boiling point and are going ballistic like a robot whose CPU goes haywire, and the eyes turn red, and it just starts destroying everything in its path. They seem to be focused on being as chippy as is humanly possible instead of trying to win.

3:41: Despite Mike Vick doing a dance on them, the Rams are still in it as we get into the 4th. Unfortunately, everyone is dropping Bradford's passes, so they kinda have it in neutral.

3:41: Josh Freeman has returned after a bit of a scary situation involving his throwing shoulder being the middle of a ground/wicked big guy sandwich.

3:52: Six turnovers for Pittsburgh today...so you know how that story ends.

3:54: It's totally pouring in Cleveland. I hate watching the impending doom that is bound to hit us either today or tomorrow. If I see that like the Phillies or the Indians are on, I usually tune over just to see what it's doing there so I know what I'm gonna be waking up to. I mean I could probably watch the news, but what's the point of that?

3:58: Seven turnovers.

3:58: Bradford just left the game holding his hand, Jackson and Amendola are out (Amendola has a dislocated elbow...that sounds horrifyingly painful, like somewhere in between a shoulder injury and being shot with a harpoon gun like at the end of Face/Off). Wow, the Rams are ravaged and it's Week 1.

4:03: 15 yards for LeGarette Blount today? Did he get hurt too? I mean my teams are still bad ass, but seriously, what's with that shit?

4:07: Tennessee was just driving in search of a winning field goal (which was abruptly put to rest just now with a JAX pick), but I mention this because Hasselbeck was going for a spike, and Tyson Alualu attempted to pick off the spike attempt by diving under the O-Line...I'm not sure what's more surprising: Seeing that, or the fact that I've never seen that before...I mean don't you think someone would have thought of that before the year 2011?

4:14: Cleveland/Cincinnati is under two minutes and sports a field goal spread, making it watchable for the first time today (actually, Peyton Hillis is really fun to watch).

4:15: Colt McCoy looks like a rookie against Cincy, this is not good because a.) it's Cincy, and b.) he's not a rookie (you could technically consider him one because he hasn't started for a full season, but he's played enough that he shouldn't be throwing the ball to his offensive lineman on 4th down because he's facing pressure.

4:19: Bold prediction: Carolina beats Arizona in the debut of Cam Newton (or at the very least do not get their asses totally kicked). I think 'Zona's just not that great, and the Cam effect will carry over for at least one game in the NFL.

4:21: Josh Freeman running the two-minute drill makes me remember why I like him so much. He does the classic sidearmed toss a la Favre for a first down. The Bucs just went over the 50 down a touch w/ 16 seconds left...dial up Mike Williams baby!

4:22: Second bold prediction (actually it's not too bold): The 'Skins take the G-Men out today. No Tuck, no Umenyiora (I just spelled that right without looking it up for the first time in my life)...I think Hightower will be alright too. Don't mess it up Rex!

4:27: Amazingly the Chargers continue to be the best team with the shittiest special teams unit in the history of the league. Percy Harvin goes 103 yards on the opening kickoff. No headaches for him means more headaches for anyone playing against him.

4:30: Trying to figure out who's going to replace Donovan McNabb after his time in Minny's up on their carousel of QBs who could conceivably have retired, then have one more good year, then become completely washed up...this of course assuming that I'm right about Christian Ponder really not doing all that well as a starter when his time comes.

4:55: Chad Pennington has resurfaced as a color man for FOX. One of the larger "what-ifs" of the past decade. He was the all-time leader in accuracy for a while (and just looked it up, and he's still #1)...if he doesn't get hurt, he could have been on a Matt Ryan/Matt Schaub/Joe Flacco level, which, while not sounding all that great, would have been a mega upgrade from where his career ended up at.

5:00: I unfortunately am coming to grips with the fact that I may lose at least one, probably both of my matchups...in both cases, I had the better team on paper, and I know, the games aren't played on paper...but this one actually is, so I did my job...hopefully things work out better next week. Even Schaub didn't really have a great game and the Texans dominated Indy.

5:06: Tim Hightower may have found something here in DC. He seems like he's playing with a renewed vigor. Also, it's Shanahan...you have to like being a runner in a system where seemingly everyone, no matter how big or not so big their name is, is getting 1,000 yards.

5:13: I've been really disappointed in the coverage of the games from a technical standpoint. This league makes billions of dollars, and four games so far have cut in and out, and I'm pretty sure you can't put that on RedZone because that channel is clear as a bell. Tighten it up FOX and CBS!

5:17: Thomas Davis just got a fumble recovery for the Panthers...I think the most interesting stat of the day is that Davis had missed 22 straight games before today with two ACL surgeries. That's impressive. This guy is a beast. Remember when he was at UGA? I know I do (nothing specific, just him being nasty really).

5:20: Joe Buck clearly is in the Jim Nantz "these guys are going to call the big games even though there's way more talented and more enthusiastic announcers out there" level, although at least Nantz is tolerable...Joe Buck? Not so much.

5:31: While it's only Week 1, Percy Harvin and Beanie Wells seem hellbent on making up for lost time. Really keep an eye on Harvin. The migraine thing killed his first two seasons, but he has looked just amazing when he's been healthy.

5:48: Haha, I'm calling for Alex Smith to go play action, which he does. Of course he doesn't go to Vernon Davis (yes fantasy, and yes, I know I'm losing), but rather, attempts to shorten his career by diving into two Seahawks in the end zone. It may not happen today, but Colin Kapernick is probably going to have a say in who starts for this team in the present and future. Really like him.

5:51: Cam Newton has like 200 yards and has figured out Steve Smith, while perhaps being completely insane, is still an absolute burner off of the line, esp. against a weak Card secondary.

6:00: Again, it's early, but the Mike Tolbert/Ryan Mathews combo has to be the best 1-2 in the league right now. Mathews can absolutely turn it on in open field, and Tolbert is like Bettis Lite.

6:03: While Newton continues to just bomb it to Steve Smith (the last catch is about to be overturned, and would have been for 42 yards, but I mean he's out of bounds by a half a step...and he's burned them for two deep TDs already...this could get record breaking), DeAngelo Williams? 5 yards.

6:07: I know the impending doom Giants fans are feeling right now.

6:12: It's really late to be bringing this one up, but SC/UGA was an epic slugfest (Isaiah Crowell was so good it was just frustrating we had no answer on how to stop him). If you were wondering when Jadevion Clowney was going to make an impact, that period of thought is over. He's a large man amongst grown kids. Melvin Ingram? Have you ever heard of a D-Tackle on the hands team? Unbelievable. Antonio Allen, I'm telling you...double A in the double A (All-American). ND/Michigan? Anytime the next day, when you hear "one of the greatest finishes of all time," and cannot in any way dismiss that fact...amazing.

6:23: The Newton passing meter reads 288 right now, 14 off the rookie Week 1 record by the unheard from Peyton Manning (again, dude today, wow Indy). The crowd in Zona, which is usually hyped, is totally silent. This is an interesting story that's developing (also I like when bold predictions work out...who wants to predict shit and not be right?)

6:33: Rex Grossman on the heels of 300 yards is almost as big as Newton. He's looked...you know...good. Ah good for dem! Ah good for dem!

6:35: Finally checked the Sox score. 9-1? Really? I didn't think it would get to the point where I thought I would get nervous...and I don't even know if I am nervous, but you can't help but be a little concerned. I mean five losses in a row and getting swept by a team that was so far in our rear view that I could care less what Tampa was doing like a month ago, now I'm hanging on every Devil Rays score...not an ideal situation I would say.

6:40: Greg Olsen all day.

6:40: I dunno if I'm going to keep this going through the Sunday night game...I think at some point, I might run out of semi-cleaver shit to say...I hope not, but I do want to throw that possibility out there. I've been googling (or is it googleing...googleing is okay I guess...kinda looks weird) LeGarrette Blount, and all we know is that he had five carries today, and in his previous starts, his low carry amount was 13...so...what gives Raheem?

6:47: Penalties that are stupid: 15 yards for going to the ground to celebrate (called on Cam Newton...and that's it...even though dudes have been doing it all day long), 15 yards for hitting anyone remotely hard...I'm telling you, penalties are not going to stop hard hits, and most of them are a part of the game (the absolute malicious like I want to literally knock your head off of your body hits...those are penalties). It sucks when guys get knocked out, and I understand the severity of post-concussion syndromes, but I feel like once you step in between those lines, you have to be aware of the fact that things could go south at any point. You're affecting games because of the things that naturally happen in said games, thus making it less of a game...ya dig?

6:54: Cam Newton: 331

6:55: Okay, Antrel Rolle just led with his head and went helmet to helmet on Fred Davis while he was on the ground...that's 15...that's the literal definition of unnecessary roughness...when you can touch a guy to get him down, and you lay into his head...probably a little unnecessary.

6:58: Fred Davis is finally breaking through. I love Chris Cooley, but Davis has to be #1 on that depth chart (I swear Troy Aikman literally just said the same thing...I dunno if he said "I love Chris Cooley" though.

6:59: In case I'm not here tonight, I do want to comment on Cowboys/Jets. First, I'm picking the Cowboys because I think they need this one to showcase that they are not the ugly stepsister to Philly in the East. Felix Jones has a monster first week. I still remain skeptical about him being an every down guy. I really want to see how much exposure they give DeMarco Murray in his first week. If they use the Jones/Murray combo correctly, Dallas could have a juggernaut on offenese.

7:05: Patrick Peterson is having a tremendous game. He just made a really slick move eluding a tackle on a punt return, then turned on the jets, then high-stepped, then realized he was about to get hit, then turned the jets on again for the score. Brandon LaFell, while not being the most marquee guy in the league, is still decent, and only got three catches.

7:10: The Vikes just lost on an offsides forced by a Philip Rivers hard count...ouch...then comes the new leader for stat of the day...Donovan McNabb: 39 yards passing...I swear I got all the numbers in there.

7:13: I love Rex Ryan, but if he thinks this game tonight is the most pressure-packed game he's had because of 9/11 and perhaps from facing his brother, you can see why he's lost two AFC Championship games. Again, I love Rex Ryan, and I'm sort of jealous that the Jets have him because he fits in there so well and I honestly didn't mind when the Jets totally sucked (and their fans couldn't be found unless they were at the draft booing), but this is just a regular season game. Yes, it will be emotional with all that's going on, but pressure-wise? You want to win them all, but you get to play next week win, lose, or draw, but the playoffs? Now that's some pressure there.

7:19: Okay now RedZone is shorting out...a message to you NFL: Get your shit together dog!

7:21: Carolina/Zona is enthralling...fourth down at the 6 for Carolina!

7:22: 'Zona with the time out, that lets me talk about Entourage, which is coming to a finale...finally. Seriously that show had the same formula for four consecutive years and I wouldn't watch it until I had absolutely exercised literally every other option I had for TV. The show had some great moments, but wow, it really got old. This is the show's shot to at least go out well...they can make that happen right? Oh, but before, a new Curb...that show and Louie have had possibly the best single seasons of comedy since the Seinfeld era. Outstanding.

7:27: Ted Ginn takes it to the house! Then, he runs by the cheerleaders who should be going nuts, and they're going through the motions...that was disappointing I have to say. This game continues to be close for some reason. The Niners have dominated...and they're playing against Tarvaris Jackson...this should be like a 20-point spread at least right now.

7:28: The 'Skins win, and the Panthers make it respectable (although they prob should have won that game...Mike Goodson ran a four yard pattern when they needed five). Hate him or love him, Cam Newton is the leading passer in the NFL for at least today (Brady might be up in those numbers...hopefully Orton for me in the league that I actually might have a chance to lose by less than 50)...Four, Hundred, Twenty, Freggin' Two Yards today.

7:31: Oh my God Ted Ginn!!! This is what we've been waiting for him to do since he busted out his rookie season. Wow, two consecutive returns (one kick, one punt) for touchdowns!

7:36: Finally gonna talk about the Pats for a little bit. Honestly, I'll be stunned if we win by less than 20. Unless Cameron Wake is able to be like Shang Tsung and just morph into different people's bodies, their D sucks for the most part (Vontae Davis and Karlos Dansby being exceptions). Let me lay it down like this: Anytime when by far the best offensive player you have is a tackle, and after Brandon Marshall, average at best? We should just smash them. I think orange jerseys are the only way Miami has a chance. It seems like when they rock those, they just play better for some reason.

7:41: T-Jack with another fumble. I think him and Donovan are 1-2 in bad QB draft rankings...where is JaMarcus Russell when you need him?

7:42: Well, I'm gonna eat, and after that, I dunno...I'll throw out some thoughts about the Boys/Jets and Curb and Entourage. See ya in a bit.

8:52: Ahhhhh, rising crust pizza. So good! Tellin' ya, frozen pizza is no joke. Speaking of no jokes, Dez Bryant is just an animal. And he's the punt returner? He's gotta be the biggest return man I've ever seen. Sad thing is, like Clay Matthews, I'll always associate him with a team who traded with the Pats to get him. There have been Kyle Bollers in that situation, but there have been Dez Bryants in that situation as well (speaking of the draft, without taking tiebreakers and common sense into account, the Pats would be drafting #1 overall with the Saints' pick...I'm just saying).

9:28: Splitting time between the game and Fletch and Fletch Lives. I see Dez has been shipped off to Revis Island. I guess that was bound to happen. The best of Hard Knocks was on today, and I couldn't help but continue to be spellbound as Antonio Cromartie attempted to name all his kids' names. He was solid through the first four, but you could see the gears turning right around the sixth one...I think he was just saying "my son" and "my daughter" instead of their actual names. Seriously, after like three, does it not dawn on you that you can have sex and not potentially be looking down the barrel of a paternity suit every time.

9:33: Cowboys are on the move. Clearly they are picking on Cromartie tonight, first with Dez, now with Miles Austin. The Cowboys are a nightmare to try and cover. The run attack has been good with Felix. We just had our first DeMarco sighting. Very surprised Choice is still the #2 back.

9:43: Defensive Player of The Year Nominees:

DeMarcus Ware
Ndamukong Suh
Patrick Willis
Jerod Mayo
Lawrence Timmons

I can't see basically anyone else having a chance...maybe Mario Williams, a different Steeler perhaps? I don't know if Revis or Nnamdi will ever win one because the award is based purely on numbers, which they don't get because no one throws to them, so no numbers.

11:18: Tired and heavily distracted at this point. Just watched the last Entourage...again, bits and pieces were great (Johnny Drama's last line after Turtle says he's getting emotional: "Yeah me too...I hope I find something in Paris to f___"...classic), but overall, the show always felt rushed and things would just happen just so they could conveniently happen. How does the girl go from not really liking Vince to marrying him after one night...I mean I've had good nights, and I've thought "hmmm, we might have an interesting future together," but marriage? Haha, anyway it's finally over, we can all move on.

Curb was mostly brilliant, as it has been all year. I would say however that the finale and the invention episodes were the weakest, but even the weak ones were can't miss.

11:25: The Jets are in the middle of the two minute drill finding themselves tied up after a miraculous blocked punt that was returned for a TD. The Jets need to work on methods to help protect the Sanchize. He is getting harassed on every play, and it's only a matter of time before something bad happens.

11:28: Anthony Spencer just sacked Sanchez on 3rd down with a minute left. So, like I was saying, protection...

11:29: Watched the promo for next week's Sunday night game: Philly at Atlanta...wow. Falcons need to rebound from today, where they didn't play terribly, but did manage to get their asses kicked by the Bears, and Philly?...well, if one week means anything, they'll be okay.

11:31: Romo gives the ball right back to the Jets...really? Dez didn't look like he was 100%...perhaps something happened? (I'm reading around...cramps maybe?). In any event, why even chance it throwing it anywhere near Revis? Also, if you for some reason do try it, don't throw a half-ass duck like that.

11:34: Nick Folk, former Cowboy (which was only mentioned by Al Michaels five times in the last 30, 40 seconds), nails a 50 yarder to put the Jets up for the first time.

11:36: Witten got called for a questionable pick on the defender, which sprung Miles Austin wide open across the middle...the worst I could say about that play was that it was "craftily done," but I wouldn't say illegal.

11:37: And now...the best stat of the day: Dallas has never...ever lost a game when leading by 2 TDs going into the 4th quarter...not once...never ever ever in the history of the franchise...that's amazing.

11:39: The wheels have come off the wagon for Dallas yet again in Week 1. Romo just botched the snap, has to throw it away w/ 3 seconds left. Rob Ryan looks like he's about to kill numerous amounts of people...wow, what a difference a few shows on HBO made when coming back to this game. Jets take it 27-24.

11:42: Alright, well, there's Week 1...that was actually fun...less grueling than it perhaps could have been...I just had to remember to actually write down what I was thinking...that was new, and kind of an adjustment (you'll see just giant blocks of time in between posts where I was just entranced...and then I looked down at my open computer, and it's like "ohhhhh, I should have probably noted some of the things I was saying for the last half hour huh?"). I have to say though, it's not like I was doing a whole lot else. Actually, it was a way to be somewhat productive when I would have been drinking and watching football anyway. Might as well write something too ya know? We'll see what happens next week (I dunno if I'll be around, we'll see), but I can almost assure you that this will not be the last NFL diary (otherwise, dating it in the title would have been kinda pointless). So, from world headquarters above a Haitian market, have a good night everyone. GO PATS! Later. Peace.

~Mell-o

Fantasy Football Dossier 3.0

2011-08-13T20:21:00.062-04:00

"Don't let me stand in your way, please don't let me stand in your way. The last thing I want to be remembered as is an annoying blabbermouth...You know, nothing grinds my gears worse than some chowderhead that doesn't know when to keep his big trap shut...If you catch me running off with my mouth, just give me a poke on the chubbs..."

Brought to you unofficially by Yuengling...fueling yet another unorganized series of ranting and perhaps maybe even raving...

I know the feeling of real football being back is not as shocking as it was the first time you heard it now, but life just isn't the same without professional football. I mean really, we (the editorial "we") plan everything around pro football...it's Sunday, and I love college football (by the way, South Carolina Gamecocks...we're getting there in a hurry, believe it), but that would not have had even close to the same feel than pro football on Sunday. I want to say it's because I had to work like every Sunday since I had to work because gas was an insane $1.35 a gallon. Now that I have them off (and I mean hopefully I continue to...have you ever worked on Sundays?...it's a strange atmosphere of tiredness that makes time creep in the slowest of ways), I really, really appreciate what the NFL does for me. Even if the Pats are in a bye week, watching RedZone all day long and watching real-time fantasy stats is just a great way to spend a day in my opinion.

Okay, there's the preamble, let's dive right in (by the way, the Bruins won the Stanley Cup since I've been away from this...the second most significant championship of my life (which is saying a lot...winning)...that was a long time ago though it seems (two months)...I should write more maybe?...yeah definitely...(doing the Rene Rancourt salute and fist pump)...BRUINS!!!)

The "Michael Vick is the Greatest Thing To Happen To Fantasy Football Because For Some Reason He's Not The #1 Ranked Player In Fantasy" Theory:

Hmmm...should the theory names be that blatant and to the point? Doesn't leave much more for me to say. So Kevin Kolb is young Drew Bledsoe now...I mean think about it...the only difference is that Drew signed that $100 million deal before the trade, where Kolb signed an equally ludicrous deal w/ 'Zona (officially making the Cards kinda suckers unless Kolb gets to a Roethlisberger/Brees level of "almost all-time great, but sorta not" level...and good luck with that).

Vick's value right now cannot diminish unless literally every offensive starter goes down...right now, it's him, Brady, and probably Aaron Rodgers who can say that...these guys would be amazing with back-ups (Brady in '06 is all I have to say). Vick gets major points for running that no other QB can even get close to. Last year, second only to Arian Foster in points. No one has ever figured out how to stop him...except the Pats like eight years ago.

I am, however, happy to see three QBs hit the top 10-15 in the rankings this year...they get the most points, and it is so tough to win a fantasy with a QB that you never can tell how they will do...okay, there's my QB love rambling, let's switch it up a little...

The "Unless I Have Vick or Brady, Let's Get A Little JOSSSSSHHHHH Freeman Action Going" Theory:

I don't see this guy's train slowing down anytime soon. Another year of Mike Williams, the Soldier, LeGarrette Blount running people over (amazing last name for a power back). More points last year than Matty Ice, Flacco, Matt Schaub...Eli (have you ever felt confident starting him...ever?...that's why I can't have him). I know, everyone loves him, and that's usually a pitfall, but some players can bring it to that next level, and consider me a believer that this guy will do it.

The "Let's Draft A Darkhorse RB Late Because There's Always One That Works Out" Theory:

This also goes by the "Peyton Hillis" theory (never heard of him really and now he's on the cover of Madden...good to dream). I guess my suggestion on this would be to see if there's any indecision about what RB is going to be the one that is the man for the entire season on a team, not just the start of it. Here are a few that I'm watching:

Detroit: I love that Jahvid Best can run in and out of tackles...call me a hater, but I just don't see an every-down back there. He's a fantastic compliment to someone, which is why he and Mikel Leshoure were getting a lot of love going into the season, because it seemed like Best was going to do what he would be best at doing (being Danny Woodhead basically). With Leshoure out for the entire 2011 season, odds are Detroit starts Best, but at the same time, will be looking for someone to be the workhorse. It looks as though Jerome Harrison will be getting the shot, which is fascinating considering just last year, he was ousted by the aforementioned Peyton Hillis in Cleveland, then resurfaced with Philly and had a nice run towards the end of the season. Right now, he's going 125th in drafts (8th-11th rounds)...that has to be worth taking a flyer...he's ranked just ahead of Ricky Williams...I mean I love Ricky Williams, "Run Ricky Run," forget about it...even he would have to be the most wildly optimistic person to believe he gets as many chances as Harrison will at starting. Also, a uber-super duper darkhorse is Ian Johnson...yeah, the "statue of liberty, Boise State, marry my cheerleader girlfriend right afterward qualifying as one of the greatest "this is a movie and not real" moments in sports history (Miracle on Ice, '04 Sox)"' guy...very interesting indeed.

Arizona: What kind of odds would I get right now if I say Beanie Wells will not start in half of the games this year...not ridiculously low, but not ridiculously high either...that's a red flag. This could also be my reaction to the Cards trading Tim Hightower because they didn't think he could be "the guy" (more on him in a moment). paving the way for a Beanie Wells/Ryan Williams 1-2. I absolutely love Williams. He does it all, and he can handle that workload. I feel like if Beanie Wells was going to be elite, he would have done it already. He's not terrible by any means, but he's not the long-term guy. Williams on the other hand...if 'Zona is thinking like me, who knows? (update on 8/20: Williams was hurt on Thursday night and will miss the entire season with a ruptured patella tendon...so much for that)

Green Bay: James Starks is too good to keep down, so you can never tell if a trade is coming. The thing is that this is going to become like what Carolina has, so even if they keep Grant, Starks can fill out like what Jonathan Stewart does.

Carolina: Someone is going to be willing to overpay to get DeAngelo (Denver as rumored earlier this offseason?, maybe Dallas?)...overpay meaning as of his current value (I know it's just fantasy, but it can't be good if last year, I was thinking he could be elite, and now going into this season, I'm not touching him with a stick of any extension?). Stewart could be good because they have Goodson as well, so Stewart would start, but not get an overbearing workload. His value goes up, and Goodson could thrive because he has shown he could potentially start in this league. (update 8/22: DeAngelo signed a mega-extension a little while back, an interesting turn of events...this almost plays worse for Stewart now with Goodson being there as well, and the $$ guaranteeing DeAngelo is there for at least this year...Goodson's a sleeper for sure)

Washington: Wow what a total mess this team is. They need to hit every single draft and nail every free agent pickup for like at least five years to get back into long postseason run contention. Having said that, the Ryan Torain/Roy Helu/Tim Hightower situation is shaking up to be what Foster/Slaton/Tate was last year. If I had to guess, I say they start with Torain, and when healthy, he was a beast...I hate that "when healthy" though. If I had to handicap long-term, I say Hightower. I mean why not? The guy went to Richmond, he's from around the area...also, there has to be some motivation after basically being thrown on the cutting room floor in Arizona, and now he's in a place where he could absolutely outduel Torain and win the starting job as early as Week 1.

The "Who Cares If Chris Johnson Is Holding Out And May Not Play? He's Freggin' Nasty, Take Him Top 5" Theory:

I have to preface this with this little sidenote: If you have a chance to get either Adrian Peterson, Arian Foster, Michael Vick, or perhaps even Jammal Charles, because he's the biggest home run hitter in the league to...Chris Johnson, then I would say go for it. This is still the fastest guy in football, and while his contract, at least right now, is kind of looming and he's kind of being made out to look greedy (did I say kind of?...yeah, second thought, it totally does). I'm sorry...I love Aaron Rodgers, and Tom Brady...well, you know...but if there is the possibility of getting Chris Johnson, knowing that all of this is probably getting blown out of proportion and he just doesn't want to play in the preseason (justifiable by the way...if you're a star, not all the "rules" have to apply), you have to at least consider it. Those fines are gonna start adding up to when he's losing hundreds of thousands. I mean be happy you're not on the current rookie wage scale. I know I made mention of this to everyone I know via Facebook, but Cam Newton got 56 MILLION LESS than Sam Bradford...Fifty-F'ing-Six! What's weird though is that I looked up CJ's deal now (which expires in two years), 5yrs/12 mil, with bells and whistles, call it 18-20 mil, and Cam Jordan, this year's #24...his is 4yrs/7.74mil with signing bonus, 11 mil...that's like a 7 mil difference...I get that...not a huge transition number... but 56 MILLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIOOOOOONNNNN?!?! Woooooooo-who-who!

Yeah, so I'm not worried because they're keeping him...he's by far the best thing going in Tennessee...until...

The "Jake Locker Goes Kinda Tebow On Us This Year" Theory:

I consider Matt Hasselbeck the Paul Konerko of football. He has put up really, really good numbers for awhile, yet when talking about the upper echelon QBs, you never hear Hasselbeck in the top 5...even in his prime when he was! However, you have to believe after the Vince Young experiment, people in Tennessee really like the mobile QB because this is a fast offense that was resurrected from the McNair era when they were so successful with Young, and it he feels like Locker and CJ would be a dynamic running tandem...he's not Vick, but I have to say that he's huge, he runs really fast, he throws...he's Tebow, but potentially better, and I think Tebow could turn out to be a great player...remember, last year, he was hands down the #1 pick last year coming off a season when Tebow won the Heisman and looked invincible. Also, you're telling me that like Tebow, he's not playing with a chip on his shoulder? Hasselbeck may still get it done for like 10-11 weeks, but if your back-up already played in your starters bye week, I would scoop Locker up (or Tebow, one of the two).

The "They Said The Last Draft Lacked Offense, Yet A Bunch Of Guys Will Make Impacts This Year" Theory:

True, if you needed defense, this year's draft was very beneficial to you. Right now, you have no starting rookie QBs, and yet I have a feeling at least four will be starting by Week 10 (Locker, Cam Newton (Claussen as of now is still #1), Andy Dalton (Carson Palmer threatened retirement...fairly good sign he's not happy), and Colin Kaepernick (I think once they start seeing what this guy can do, the fans are going to go "hey, this is what we were promised with Alex Smith," and they're gonna really get into him).

If you're looking at guys who will produce from the jump, I would say Julio Jones and Daniel Thomas are the safest bets. The Jones pick was genius I think. The only thing that Julio has to get by is the whole Herschel Walker/Ricky Williams "we basically traded an entire draft for you, and you weren't so great" situation, but he doesn't have to be the man yet...Roddy White and Andre Johnson are in an epic duel for best receiver in football, so you just need him to play like he always has. Really, Atlanta's offense is set up for two dynamic vertical threats, and they kept trying to have Michael Jenkins work out, but ultimately, he didn't. Jones has the "it" quality, and I do like A.J. Green, but, I mean, when is it all going to just come completely undone up there in Cincy? I will say I like Green way more with Palmer in control than Dalton (if Dalton does become the starter, I would move quickly on Jermaine Gresham if he's still there). Julio Jones is going to be 80-100 yards and a score almost on average the whole season.

Thomas is being put in a position where he has relatively no competition to his starting spot, and his #2 (Reggie Bush) knows his role and also knows that he is most effective in the role of being the playmaking assassin, not the every down man. Plus, throw in a suspect passing game, and the fact that I've have no clue who is their #3 RB is...he's going to get every opportunity to get to 1,000 yards and score the goal-line TDs as well...that's the other thing...if you get a guy who does both the workload and the goal-lines, those are the most valuable guys. (and great football is about great football...).

Right now, he's not in the mix due to injury, but keep an eye on DeMarco Murray in Dallas. Cowboys just released Marion Barber, and although they have tried to make Felix Jones their every down back, that simply has not been his strong suit (which would be a Woodhead guy), so if Murray can get a few carries towards the end of the preseason, he might have some pretty quick returns, although I feel like he won't be able to earn the job until a few weeks in...not a bad guy to snag if you have the bench space. Other rooks I feel good about:

Ryan Williams, ARZ (96.6 ADP (Average Draft Position): Pretty much said everything I needed to about him earlier, but in case you missed it, I like a Ryan Williams overthrow of the Cards' #1 back spot. (update: that is of course if he gets hurt for the season...wow that's totally bumming me out)
Jacquizz Rodgers, ATL (170.0 (from here on out, I'm gonna go "undrafted" for the 170ers...makes it sound like even more of a bargain): Ever since Kevin Faulk emerged for the Pats way back in the day, I've come to this conclusion: Little running backs are amazing in doses (Darren Sproles, Woodhead, Jahvid, etc.). If Atlanta uses him properly, he could be a punt return man and a guy who helps you out in PPR leagues catching passes from out of the backfield.
Austin Pettis/Greg Salas, STL (170.0): I looped these two together because STL has them both, and while I like both of them, probably only one will emerge as an every game guy. I would have to say Salas is the better receiver right now, with Pettis having the biggest upside...remember, right now, for Rams' receivers, you're looking at Mike Sims-Walker (who could be a Pro-Bowler or get cut before the season starts...needless to say my opinion on him has changed from last year), Danny Amendola (more on him in a bit), and Brandon Gibson...it seems to me that there are still a bunch of balls waiting to be scooped up by one of these guys. Keep an eye on this situation as it develops through Week 1.

The "170, errr...Undrafted Club" Theory:

And now, more of the best of the guys who need a home:

Quarterbacks:

Tim Tebow, DEN: Remember, you cannot let the people who finance your team (i.e. fans, sponsors, and the guy who owns the team) stay restless for too long. Someone could really use Kyle Orton right now because he is at an above average level, then you factor in that he can't win either way in Denver unless he literally wins every game or puts up Brady/Manning numbers. If I had to guess...Miami? Washington? Seattle? If he went to any of them, he would put up really great numbers. Kyle Orton pulling off an entire season in Denver would be miraculous...I mean if you're a Denver fan, you have to be flummoxed because you want Tebow, yet if Orton stays as the QB the whole year, that team would probably have won 12-13 games. So, again, Tebow if you have room...about Week 8 is my bubble on when to pick him up.
Jake Locker, TEN: Ditto.
Andy Dalton, CIN: Seems to be a theme here...
Colin Kaepernick, SF: Probably a reason there was a crush of QBs in the first two rounds of the draft this year right?

Running Backs:

Donald Brown, IND: I'm always going to have a soft spot for UConn...football (nothing else really, unless you're Ray Allen, Kemba Walker, Khalid El-Amin, Rip Hamilton, Emeka Okafor, Sue Bird...and other people I know that went there, and those I'll meet that aren't assholes in the future). Wasn't it like kind of a close call that Indy brought Joesph Addai back anyway? (I realize I think I've been a Joesph Addai hater for basically his entire career...I think it's more because he's on Indy...otherwise I might like him perhaps). Also, Addai can't be every down, you get a boost in the PPRs, this will be like, what, your 5th running back? Not too shabby.

Wide Receivers:

Bernard Berrian, MIN: So you have the #1 deep threat receiver on a team that has Donovan McNabb, who is entering the "grip it and rip" stage of his career, and plays at least nine games indoors?...I can live with that.
Anthony Armstrong, WSH: Every time I saw a 'Skins box score on the Bottom Line last year, Armstrong was always the leading receiver. They bring back Santana Moss, but Armstrong definitely was doing reps with Beck last year on the second team before injuries brought him up to being basically the man for Donovan last year. They drafted Leonard Hankerson, but I still think Armstrong remains the #2 for an aging Santana Moss. In addition, if need be, he's already been the #1, so no worries.
Arrelious Benn, TB: Freeman is going to have a bunch of yards, and he's gotta throw it somewhere. You have to worry about the ACL tear, which apparently is getting better, but still being held out of the preseason thus far, and perhaps may be the rest of the way until Week 1. Even with Williams probably having another stellar season, Benn is still in range to get 850 and 6 TDS and have two or three huge freggin' games (in which hopefully you're starting him because your main guys are on a bye or no bueno en general).
Jordan Shipley, CIN: Really big on the Ship now that the Ocho has landed in Foxboro. A rookie #1 receiver in the mix too? Now I'm very curious. Jerome Simpson is another guy whose undervalued, but people are actually drafting him. Shipley works both with Palmer and Dalton (Palmer has a reipore with him, Dalton will have tunnel vision coming out, and will be throwing a lot over the middle). Again, a PPR league guy for sure.
Josh Cribbs, CLE: Is anyone else finding this list fascinating? Like the really good quality of receivers no one seems to be taking? Cribbs of course is fantastic in returns, but has also proved to be a reliable receiver and a big-time home run hitter on returns and receptions.
Nate Washington, TEN: One, he's good. Two, no one know what's happening with Kenny Britt. He is so good, but seems content on throwing his career right into the street and dodging traffic like Frogger. Three, Hasselbeck really never had a vertical threat like Washington in Seattle...I think if he has any success in the early goings, it's going to be due to him and Jared Cook (Gamecock!).
Mohamed Massaquoi, CLE: This is perhaps the wildest undrafteds of them all...I don't know why I didn't list him first (probably because I'm going down the list on ESPN, and saying frequently "are you f-ing serious dude?"). Massaqoui is their #1, and the Browns are going West Coast, meaning he's in the money with Colt McCoy firmly at the helm (keep in mind Jake Delhomme, who, at a combined $22 million he received from Carolina and Cleveland, was the highest paid player in the NFL last year (good trivia question if you need it), started the first five weeks, so #'s for Browns receivers were down across the board).
Eric Decker, DEN: It seems like Decker is about to supplant Eddie Royal for the #2 wideout spot. He's a big target, tons of potential...I believe he's going to last on the wire for about a week, then he might have such a big week, that you will have to throw a claim in just to try and get him...in this offense, Decker could have a major impact.

Tight Ends:

Jared Cook (Gamecock!), TEN: He's poised to explode with Hasselbeck or Locker at the helm. We all saw him at USC, and have seen glimpses of him being that big, freakish athlete target in the pros. Now with no one in front of him, consider him the poor man's Vernon Davis...yeah, he's a freak.
Jermaine Gresham, CIN: Again, when Dalton takes over, Gresham's value will skyrocket, but even when Palmer is behind center, he'll get targets and is great in the red zone if they ever get there.
Jeremy Shockey, CAR: Wait, Shockey's on the Panthers? Did that kind of sneak up on anyone else? In any event, Shockey is probably the best receiver the Panthers have considering Steve Smith is wildly unpredictable to say the least (with health, temper, etc.). Can you imagine plugging in Shockey for a bye week? Not bad...I guess the problem would be that Greg Olsen is ahead of him on the depth chart, but I don't even know about him. Really an up-and-down player there with Olsen.
Jacob Tamme, IND: I don't care if Peyton Manning literally has his head on a physical swivel, you cannot, I repeat, cannot go wrong with any starting Indy receiver...and you can get him this late? Wow. I say starting because I'm almost certain Indy is going to start going with a bunch of 2-TE sets because of what Tamme showed he could do, meaning that even with Dallas Clark back, he'll be out there plenty.

Defense/Special Teams:

Houston: This one puzzles me because it seems like Houston and Detroit are this year's "sexy picks." Houston realized that without your #1 corner being a Gamecock (Dunta Robinson, who signed with Atlanta before last season), the defense doesn't work, so the Texans went out and got Jo-Jo (Jonathan Joseph) from Cincy, and did a phenomenal job drafting defensive talent in J.J. Watt, Brooks Reed, and Brandon Harris, all of whom I wish the Pats had.
Tampa Bay: They have been upping their pass rush in seemingly every draft...look for yet another bump in sack production with Adrian Clayborne, Da'Quan Bowers, and another full season of Gerald McCoy.

The "Here's Where ESPN Rankings Can Win Your Fantasy Season" Theory:

Actually, this isn't in praise of the ESPN rankings at all...rather, this is how their rankings can get into people's heads and make them believe that you have to draft a certain guy in this round, or you can wait until this round, and for the most part, they kind of follow along...I know I used to be one of these people, but now? I'm telling you, I look at a player pool, and I get it...I know who people are going to want, I understand the wild card variable (this would be your drafting a defense in the 5th round, drafting 5 RBs with the first five picks types), so my advice to you is this: If you don't know what you're talking about, use them, because they are handy at times, but if you watch the game and study this, just let it hang out. Sure, this is a certain pleasure from waiting on a guy, then having him still be there, but if you like a guy, and you want him, and you're fairly sure he's not hurt/sitting out the whole year, just go for it...I...I suck with inspirational shit I have to tell you...

Guys Going 2-3 Rounds Late:...this might take awhile...

LeGarrette Blount, TB (37. 4 ADP): Unless I missed something, this guy should be a borderline first rounder. He is a battering ram with no competition on his team, on a team whose offense could really come into its own this year (say what you will about how the Pats just man-handled them in the preseason, I think they use that as fuel...kind of a "let's show them what they were saying we would do" turnaround).
Santonio Holmes, NYJ (48.2): There is no way he should be getting past the third round, let alone perhaps making it into the 5th. This is an elite receiver...he made an amazing catch in a Super Bowl, and he continues to back it up...he's like the bizarro David Tyree.
Brandon Lloyd, DEN (52.3): So...he was #1 in points for receivers last year...yeah...Brandon Lloyd. The reason Brandon Lloyd is going this low is because having Marques Colston just sounds like a better idea. The fact is that yes, Lloyd came out of nowhere...but that was two years ago...I'm pretty sure he's arrived full-time.
Vernon Davis, SF (61.7): Okay, so this guy clearly got pissed from people saying he wasn't living up to the hype...he's clearly the #1 tight end in the league in terms of a guy who will play the whole season (if you were saying one guy, one game...probably Gates). Tight End is always a curious position to be drafting this high, but if he's the fourth player you take, you have to be liking the fact that you're going to get double-digit points consistently.
Steve Johnson, BUF (64.8): I envision him as the Chris Johnson of receivers...him and Mike Wallace are the biggest home run hitters in the league. The only thing that could possibly stunt his growth will be the lack of a supporting cast to spread the defensive love on (I will say I do like where Roscoe Parrish is headed, but the rest? Brad Smith? David Nelson?...ehhhh...).
Chad Ochocinco, NE (72.5): More on him in a bit...the short: I love him...everyone in New England loves him and he hasn't played a game.
Daniel Thomas, MIA (78.8): No way he should be getting out of the 4th let alone going close to the 7th?
Marcedes Lewis, JAX (86.5): Red zone freak. Garrard will get it to him, Gabbert will really get it to him if he ever takes over (by the way, what happened to the love for David Garrard? He was a better Byron Leftwich, who was pretty good in his time with the Jags...and they trade up to get a guy who I'm not even sure will be that franchise starter two years from now?...so much for that).
Julio Jones, ATL/Ryan Williams, ARZ (96.2): You know. (update: I will say that next year, Williams will be a sleeper...he might be in the exact same spot next year as he was this year fighting for the starting spot)
Sam Bradford, STL (97.9): Couldn't have been more wrong about him last year (I believe I put him in the "Seriously Bro?" column next to Matt Leinart...again, a thousand pardons). Bradford set a rookie record for attempts, and now he has Josh McDaniels?...all systems are a go.
Ryan Torain, WSH (106.2): I think Hightower ultimately takes over, but Torain will be a early season beast, so a great guy to start at the flex (RB/WR) position.
Tim Hightower, WSH (114.4): Yeah.
Jimmy Graham, NO (118.8): Had first hand experience with this guy, and even with Shockey in the fold, he was almost good for a TD a week. Now he is the go-to for a Saints team that loves the middle. This is a prime breakout candidate.
Tony Gonzalez, ATL (122.9): His numbers went down, but he's still a fantastic red-zone target. Atlanta will put up a ton of yards and a ton of points this year. Give me anyone I can get off the Falcons (Ryan, Turner, White, Jones, Gonzo...any of them).
Rob Gronkowski, NE (123.2): This huge freggin' guy.
Brent Celek, PHI (133.4): An elite tight end in the 12-13th round? Hey, you tell me, I'm out of ideas.
Danny Woodhead, NE (135.6): Mind-boggling.
Jacoby Ford, OAK (139.8): While his choice of college is questionable, the fact remains that Ford can get it done both receiving and returning, but has more of an upside than a guy like Josh Cribbs because his involvement in the passing game will only go up, and he did register two 100-yard games in his rookie season after not playing on offense really until Week 7.
Danny Amendola, STL (142.7): As if Woodhead being this low is mind-boggling, this one might take the cake...jeesh...If you go Amendola in the 6th or 7th, that's still a good value pick...the 14th? Whhhhooooooooaaaaaa...
Tony Moeaki, KC (146.2): Great red zone target, makes acrobatic plays, on an up-and-coming offense, keep buying low while you still can.
Steve Breaston, KC (149.1): Basically the same as Moeaki, but Breaston is even more dangerous, and has showed it in flashes in 'Zona. Now with the #2 receiver title from the start, look for Breaston to have a huge season.
Derrick Mason, NYJ (151.0): Yup, he's old. Yup, he's on the Jets. Yup, he's #3 behind Santonio and Plax, but especially in PPR formats, he is fantastic, especially considering I strongly doubt Plax will be able to make it the whole season, meaning Mason becomes the #2, meaning he gets about 80 catches this year.

Guys Going 2-3 Rounds Too Early:

Frank Gore, SF (16.3): Yeah I gotta tell you, as a guy who has had Gore on my keeper team for three years (and don't now thanks to a crafty Week 1 pickup of Michael Vick last year), but Gore is nowhere close to this level...he's still a very good back, but he just doesn't score nearly as much as he used to consistently.
DeAngelo Williams, CAR (32.1): This was quite the change from last year, when I was certain De would prosper in Carolina even with Jon Stewart on board, but now, with injuries, and the emergence of yet another back in Mike Goodson, Williams looks like a shell of his former superstar-self. He will still put up points, but right now, there's no way you can justify him in the middle of the third.
Marques Colston, NO (46.8): This one I'm possibly the most confident on...here comes a homer statement: I honestly don't mind if the Saints are just okay this year, which seems to be where they're heading on paper...and we have their first round pick next year...I'm kind of rooting for 8-8...it's like they won't completely suck but don't go on and be overachievers and all that.
Jeremy Maclin, PHI (48.5): The guy is a talent, but in the top 50? Over Brandon Lloyd? Not so sure about that. I don't mean to be a dick or anything, but didn't Maclin just get over a cancer scare? I wouldn't deem that as being the best "stock up" news.
Ryan Grant, GB (54.2): This is now becoming like DeAngelo/Stewart in Carolina with James Starks and his 2nd half dominance. There's only so long you're going to be able to keep him on the bench. In other words, the days of Ryan Grant being a featured back are being at least temporarily put on hold.
Mark Ingram, NO (62.7): Yeah, they still have Pierre Thomas...everyone realizes that right? Even if Ingram outplays Thomas in the preseason, he's going to be in an at-best timeshare situation, and even if Thomas goes down for some reason, Ingram still will have Chris Ivory to contend with, and he's no slouch either.
Sidney Rice, SEA (80.5): Hate to put a Gamecock on the list, but going to Seattle was the best thing (financially) and the worst thing (stats) that Sidney Rice ever did for his career, or at least this season...their QB is Tarvaris Jackson...I shiver upon the mere mention of his name.

The "I Hate To Say This Because Everyone That Could Be In A League With Me Is Reading This, and You Jackals Will Steal It and Rub It In My Face Like Cayenne Pepper...But Every Single Patriot Is Completely Undervalued" Theory:

There is literally only one exception to this, and that is Wes Welker...I had "WELKER83" for a plate in NC...and that was his first year...needless to say I like the guy, but in a regular, non-PPR (Point Per Reception) league, he'ss valued, like, about right...but other than that, they're all steals. Brady is going outside of the top 15...I mean I think the recent receiving binge is Bill's continual apology for the Reche Caldwell "if we had gone out and signed someone elite to almost elite, he would have caught this, but this guy dropped it and his eyes burst out of their sockets afterward" play...he gets the Ocho (undervalued, probably is in the vicinity of 1,000 and 8 TDs, perhaps even northward of that), they're thinking about Housh, you already have Branch (oh yeah by the way, we still have Deion Branch...remember how he was almost like the Deion of old last year?...so he's back...undervalued!), Welker (again, in regular leagues, he's tricky because he's not the TD fiend, but usually scores in bunches when he gets going...PPR? This guy is a bonanza...it's his contract year, and I have to tell you, if Wes Welker ever leaves the Patriots, to me, it would be like just a sliver under Brady leaving), Gronk (him and Mercedes Lewis are the best red zone receivers going...he got 10 TDs in his rookie season! They can go to him whenever because he's the jump ball guy), and Aaron Hernandez (if you get points for receptions of 20 or more, this guy will be great for you). Through the preseason, Taylor Price is now also suddenly emerging to become the slot man opposite Welker.

Benjarvus Green-Ellis is the 23rd running back off the board right now (right now is 8/16 by the way)...the guys right above, Felix Jones and Knowshon Moreno? Dude no way! Benjarvus actually has a track record of being good since basically every time he's had the ball, even when he was the third string back. Also, Woodhead is going undrafted? Are you serious? Am I the only one doing fantasy football that watched the Pats games last year?...or Hard Knocks for that matter?...you should draft him for his endless middle finger at Rex Ryan for cutting him on national TV even though he probably deserved to make that team (hopefully the same happens with Shaun Ellis this year).

Even Gostkowski is undervalued! Right now, the Patriots have the best all-around offense in the league...I don't even know how many points they will put up, but it's going to probably be "Greatest Show On Turf" numbers again this year. Love this team...please let us have a pass rush.

Okay, so those are the theories I'm throwing around, now, here's comes the bread and butter...the "Dream Teams." I did a snake and an auction draft and basically drafted the best players I possibly could to kind of show you that a.) this is possible, and b.) I continue to drive and be the guy who drafts guys and elicits one moan or one "damn it" after every guy I take...

Snake (Picking 7th): "Mackin' and Hangin'" (an omage to "The Wood," one of the most wildly underrated movies of my generation)

7. Andre Johnson (Peterson, Foster, CJ, Jamaal, and Vick were off the board...definitely the #1 receiver in the game, and worthy of this high of a pick)
13. Tom Brady (heyyyyyyy now!)
27. Matt Forte (man, LeGarrette went 23rd in this one! wow...anyway, I'm huge on Forte...in PPR leagues, he's in the super-elite category, even in a regular one like this, he is going to put up points in bunches)
34. DeSean Jackson (can you really hate on going for a Andre Johnson/DeSean Jackson combo?...you're not telling me that in one week, they could both get like half the team's points?...loving it!...having said that, PPR?...it would be Welker time right here)
47. Brandon Lloyd (can I tell you, nothing wrong with having three of the top six to seven receivers in the game)
54. Fred Jackson (at this point, it became a "who do I want more, Fred Jackson or Daniel Thomas?" pick...I like them both, but I've seen Fred Jackson and I think he could be even better this year)
67. Daniel Thomas (hahaha, I believe I mentioned a certain pleasure on waiting on guys...hey, I got 'em both though!)
74. Chad Ochocinco ("I said how in the world you gonna stop Ochocinco?" God bless Steve Porter for doing what he does...all of it...amazing)

(for the record, Nate Kaeding just went 81st...take that how you will)

87. Ryan Williams (I love this pick, but the guy right before got Julio at 86! He stole my move!...update: every time you see the name "Ryan Williams," probably go ahead and switch it with DeMarco Murray at this point...actually I would have gone James Starks here)
94. Ryan Torain (how quickly an overbalanced receiving team become the "all-potential" running back ensemble...even though I kind of pictured his demise, it's the 10th round!...let's go f'ing Torain!...he's my 5th running back!...FIF!)
107. Rob Gronkowski (I don't know how it works for you, but even doing a random one like this, my stomach gets more tied in knots than the early rounds...it's like this is where things get interesting and you never know...Gronk! 10 TDs again, why not?!)
114. Matt Cassell (I mean if you're just going to let me have him, I say why not...he's probably going to the Pro Bowl, so I have a legit backup with huge trade value...that works...12th round?)

Random Note: I don't know if this is some kind of awakening for me, but I really don't care very much about bye weeks and all that...it's like let the chips fall where they may with the best guys you can get...so having said that, all of my bye weeks are totally matching up)

127. Danny Amendola (Woodhead just went off the board...I was bummed for a little bit, then I remembered this guy's there, and we're back on track)
134. Jared Cook (this was a Breaston vs. Cook decision, and I'm not going to lie at all, I am outrageously biased, and I just freggin' love Jared Cook and what he might do...one more time...GAMECOCKS!)
147. Patriots D/ST (I love the 4-3 they're doing right now, Carter looks like a beast, perhaps a little Haynesworth sprinkled in there...I wonder if they keep Edelman...I really hope they do...who doesn't love Welker clones?...fantastic return man, great slot guy if you need it)
154. Mason Crosby (this was probably my most objective pick of the evening, going Crosby over wooooooo Succop! (sorry but us USC people are nuts about Ryan Succop, the most successful Mr. Irrelevant perhaps all time already)...Crosby will have the better year, but Succop is amazing...yes, gushing over kickers)

Auction:

Okay, basically not going to bore you with the play-by plays of this (auction drafts are awesome, but auction drafts are long as hell...auction drafts are the Risk of fantasy sports). Here's some advice though:

Get A Kicker And A D/ST Before You Run Out Of Spots: By rule, I have to nominate Peyton Manning first because of the "Derek Jeter Nomination Principle" (and now, included is LeBron...which reminds me, if anyone wants a high school LeBron jersey, let me know because I, I just can't wear that anymore man...can't do it), but anyway, after that, go for an okay D and an okay kicker so you have all your $$ left to go after the "position" guys (I hate to say that, because kickers and D/ST matter so much in real life, but in fantasy?...I just don't buy into it that much)
Having said that, if you want to go crazy and spend $15 for the Steelers D, by all means. This format allows you to go nuts, so yeah, again, by all means. I kind of play it all by ear. The first few bids are very telling. If guys are going around where they have them ranked, then I'll shred it up because I basically already have a "extreme best-case scenario team"...and it goes a little something like this, hit it! (based on ESPN values as of 8/19):

QB: Tom Brady, $30 (I do think Vick is the best fantasy player, but his value is $43 and TFB is 30?...not so sure about that)
RB: Arian Foster, $59 (I have to say, it's nice to have a guy who basically you can kind of totally lean on to come through every week...it's nice)
RB: Jamaal Charles, $54 (like I was saying)
RB/WR: LeGarrette Blount, $17 (at this point, we're talking about a standard league, in a PPR, the order is going to be almost reverse, where I would spend tons on big time receivers, and go receiver here as well)
WR: Mike Williams, $17 (continue my Tampa love)
WR: Julio Jones, $2 (this is probably the most unrealistic starting dollar value of them all, but it's great for the hypothetical)
TE: Rob Gronkowski, $1 (dolla dolla bills y'all)
D/ST: (Insert either Jets, Ravens, Pats, Chargers, Chiefs or Lions here) $1
K: Anyone...Gostkowski, $1, why not
BE: Danny Woodhead, $1
BE: Danny Amendola. $1
BE: Jake Locker $1 (as Bob Ross said, "let's have a little fun")
BE: Jacoby Ford $1
BE: Tony Gonzalez, $1 (man, no love for him...is it because I'm giving him love, now it's like hey let's hate him...I see how it is)
BE: Colt McCoy, $1 (if you picked Colt McCoy last year, you were laughed at, but not so much this year)
BE: Shonn Greene, $11 (had 11 bucks kicking around, why not?)

That's pretty much all that I can instill with you here. I mean you absolutely never know what you're going to get in an auction draft, but I guess my advice would be to not worry about the bench. The beauty of auction drafts is to get a starting lineup that there is no way you could have in any other format, so get the best QB, 2 RBs, 2 WRs and flex guys you possibly can (and a nasty tight end or defense if you're so inclined...you're freggin' pushing it bidding 5 bucks on a kicker though).

Well, as always, I'm here for you if you ever have any questions about anything, but have fun, be true to you, and kind of just use this as an outline written by a guy who really had nothing better to do...which is okay because fantasy freggin' rocks. Alright everyone, good luck this season. Don't draft Ryan Williams this year! Peace.

~Mell-o

2011 NFL Mock Draft (The Finale)

2011-04-28T08:23:00.008-04:00

"We was fined 50 dollars and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but that's not what I came to tell you about...I came to talk about the draft."

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bruins baby! Alright now! Huge, huge win not only for the 2011 Bruins, but for the Bruins en general. Tim Thomas and the B's were notoriously horrendous in Game 7's, but this is not the year that history is going to hold us back (at least that's my take on it). So I'm on whatever's higher than Cloud Nine right now...and it's DRAFT DAY BABY!!! Oh man! What a day. I have to work tonight, so I'm going to be living in DVR land, but it's all good right now. Here comes the last installation...

Carolina- Cam Newton, QB, Auburn: I'll be stunned if this doesn't happen...you have to know borderline Panther fans are waiting for a reason to get out and support this team...and here's the guy who can at least get people interested in the Panthers. Sure, Marcell Dareus and Patrick Peterson have excellent cases for going #1, but it seems like you're going to have to do an awful lot to slow Newton down (at least on the field), and the Panthers have to make a franchise-altering pick here.
Denver- Von Miller, OLB, Texas A&M: Again, Denver is a huge winner because they addressed their QB issues last year, now they have their choice of Miller, Peterson or Dareus here. Once Champ Bailey got locked up, Denver's need for a CB went way down (even though they still may take one down the line). I think Dareus has a better grade, but everyone out of Denver is saying Miller is their guy, and it's tough to argue with that.
Buffalo- Marcell Dareus, DT, Alabama: If ever there was a "steal" at #3, this is it.
Cincinnati- A.J. Green, WR, Georgia: I think he's a great player, but this is high for him all things considered. Cincy is in desperation mode trying to change the entire philosophy of what they do, because clearly everything has come to head there.
Arizona- Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU: It seems like everything, including free agency, may be in its right place very soon. If they go Gabbert here, it's an indication that they don't believe they can get that vet QB that they probably want to go to, whether that be Donovan McNabb or trading for Kevin Kolb...I heard a rumor about Philly trading Kolb and #24 to 'Zona for #5, which would make the Peterson pick here even more of a lock.
Cleveland- Julio Jones, WR, Alabama: If Peterson goes in the top 5, this has got to be where the Browns are heading. I think Jones needs to come into the league with a chip on his shoulder because people (like me) are questioning his motor.
San Francisco- Blaine Gabbert, QB, Missouri: This will be the final piece of the "we f%#*ed up the Alex Smith/Aaron Rodgers decision" puzzle...and I don't even know if this one will work out either.
Tennessee- Robert Quinn, DE/OLB, North Carolina: I had Fairley here for a while, but I get the suspicion he's going to be following Da'Quan Bowers in terms of a #1 guy at the end of the season, but once tape and medical history come out, they start falling. Quinn has a brain tumor, which would seem to be a big red flag, but he's been cleared, and right now, he's the best hybrid lineman in the draft. The Titans are also prime candidates to do something wild here like go QB (which would mean Jake Locker)...keep an eye on that.
Dallas- Cameron Jordan, DE/DT, California: No non-QB has as much buzz going on about him right now more than Jordan. I had J.J. Watt here, and it's entirely possible that who goes here, but from what I'm hearing, Jordan getting out of the top 10 would be surprising right now.
Washington- Tyron Smith, OT, Southern Cal: I said in my last one to watch out for Smith here, and with their big targets (Julio Jones, Robert Quinn) off the board, it's time to focus on the line.
Houston- Aldon Smith, DE/OLB, Missouri: They're talking about Smith, who right now stands at about 265 lbs., getting up to 280 for next season...that is a scary proposition. Very tough decision for the Texans here. They've been rumored to be looking to get into the top 5 to get Peterson, or if they stay here, they have a chance to get Prince Amukamara. In my mind though, I'm thinking about Wade Phillips, and I can't get over the idea that he wants to get the pass rush, 3-4 hybrid player here.
Minnesota- Jake Locker, QB, Washington: Locker is the lightning rod this year. I think people are starting to remember that 1.) this guy was the hands-down unanimous #1 guy last year, and 2.) after the Nebraska debacle, Locker was arguably the best QB in the country, including the revenge victory against the 'Huskers in the Holiday Bowl. Locker turned down a chance to be the #1 player in the draft to finish school and play one more year of college ball...there's a lot to be said about that.
Detroit- Prince Amukamara, CB, Nebraska: The draft will have to go exactly how I have it, or very close to it, for Prince to get down this far to Detroit. If I'm in that Lions' war room, I would have to be thinking about moving up to get Prince, and I'm targeting San Fran at #7 as the spot to move into.
St. Louis- Nick Fairley, DT, Auburn: The biggest loser of the process right now is Fairley, who was slotted to Carolina by everyone two months ago, and now falls out of the top 10 in this scenario. Not saying it's right, but that's how it is. This mock is about where players are going to go, not where they should...trust me, this would look a whole lot different if that were the case.
Miami- Mike Pouncey, OG, Florida: A guard in the top 15? My how things have changed. What's even crazier is that teams may be looking to move up to get Pouncey (including a certain team that plays in Foxboro).
Jacksonville- Ryan Kerrigan, DE, Purdue: The Jags need to go with a defensive end here, and all signs point to Kerrigan as being a guy they're big on.
New England- Anthony Costanzo, OT, Boston College: There is a large possibility that the Pats could be looking to move up, and while it probably won't be for Mike Pouncey (although it would make sense), it could definitely be for Cameron Jordan, whose name has become heavily intertwined with New England for almost the entire month it seems.
San Diego- J.J. Watt, DE/DT, Wisconsin: Huge value pick here if it goes down. Lots of people have Watt going to Dallas at #9, so snagging him in the second half of the first round would be great for the Bolts.
New York Giants- Nate Solder, OT, Colorado: Nothing changes here. Insert best offensive tackle on the board here.
Tampa Bay- Da'Quan Bowers, DE, Clemson: The knee injury is a big-time red flag, but I'm reading that the Bucs absolutely love this guy, and if you ever watched him strap it up, you can see where they're coming from.
Kansas City- Justin Houston, OLB/DE, Georgia: He's big enough that he can play with a hand down, but quick enough to play standing up...plain and simply put: this is my guy.
Indianapolis- Gabe Carimi, OT, Wisconsin: See #19's explanation.
Philadelphia- Derek Sherrod, OT, Mississippi State: Philly's going O-line or CB here, so the question is how much are they valuing the CB's that are left? They want to move up and take one of the top 2 guys (Peterson and Prince), but if they can't make that happen, either Carimi or Sherrod will be here, and while it's not the most glamorous pick, Philly's offensive line needs a lot of help (which would have been more evident if Michael Vick was a pocket passer, which thankfully, he isn't).
New Orleans- Corey Liuget, DT, Illinois: Again, it's tough to have Liuget down here when I have a strange suspicion that he goes higher than this...seriously, how good is this defensive crop?
Seattle- Jimmy Smith, CB, Colorado: I had QB here for a long, long time, but now I'm thinking that guys like Christian Ponder, Ryan Mallett, and Colin Kaepernick will be there in the second round, and the 'Hawks will be one of those teams burning up the phone on Friday to move up and take one.
Baltimore- Brandon Harris, CB, Miami: Sticking with Harris here, and just in case you needed a reminder, it's all about the U.
Atlanta- Torrey Smith, WR, Maryland: Smith or Kyle Rudolph, the TE from Notre Dame here.
New England- Muhammad Wilkerson, DE/DT, Temple: Wilkerson is one of the guys that the Pats could be targeting if they don't end up with Cam Jordan...I know I said there's a possibility that we could go Mark Ingram either here or at #33...call me a bad person, but I really don't want to see that happen. You can get Ryan Williams or DeMarco Murray in the third round, and I see both of them being as productive, if not more than Ingram.
Chicago- Marvin Austin, DT, North Carolina: The Bears want to go tackle here, but there's no one left that really has a first round grade. You can think about Ben Ijalana here, but he seems to project better at guard. They have nothing up the middle with Tommie Harris gone, so Austin would be a good value/need pick here.
New York Jets- Phil Taylor, NT, Baylor: It's gotta be defense here. I've said all along that the Jets are trying to get their Vince Wilfork in the middle of the 3-4, so look for them to go Taylor or Stephen Paea here.
Pittsburgh- Danny Watkins, OG, Baylor: Back-to-back for Baylor. Secondary could be addressed here (Aaron Williams comes to mind), but when it comes down to it, the Steelers really need help up front.
Green Bay- Akeem Ayers, OLB, UCLA: Whatever Green Bay does here, they're probably going to get a guy who should have gone in the 20s, but because they can sit back and watch the drama unfold, someone is going to fall through the cracks.
New England- Brooks Reed, OLB, Arizona: Reed is a guy who has been lost in the shuffle in terms of hype simply due to the fact that the draft is so incredibly stacked with blue-chip defensive prospects (namely D-linemen) that guys like Ayers and Reed, who would be closer to the top 20, are falling back.

The back end of this draft could potentially be completely insane, and it all revolves around QBs. Andy Dalton is almost a lock to be taken in the first round by a team attempting to trade back into the first (Cincy would be the favorites). I would say the ripple effect starts with, of course, your New England Patriots at #28, but it could start even earlier with Kansas City at #21.

One final thought: I really hope the Pats get Mark Herzlich, and it's not even because he's a great story, but he's back at 100%, and when he's at 100%, it's tough to find a better linebacker than him. Plus, he's going to be there in the third round, so there's some great value there. Here are some more guys I really hope we're targeting:

Tyrod Taylor, QB, Virginia Tech
DeMarco Murray, RB, Oklahoma
Ryan Williams, RB, Virginia Tech
Jacquizz Rodgers, RB, Oregon State
Leonard Hankerson, WR, Miami
Jonathan Baldwin, WR, Pittsburgh
Randall Cobb, WR, Kentucky
Greg Salas, WR, Hawaii
Allen Bailey, DE, Miami
Dontay Moch, OLB, Nevada
Greg Jones, ILB, Michigan State
Ras-I Dowling, CB, Virginia
Buster Skrine, CB, Chattanooga
Marcus Gilchrist, S, Clemson
Tyler Sash, S, Iowa

Alright everyone. Have a tremendous draft weekend, and one more time:

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BRUINS!!!!!

Haha, have a good one guys. Peace.

~Mell-o

2011 NFL Mock Draft 3.0

2011-04-02T10:29:00.018-04:00

"Our love needs protection, our love needs direction."

So incredibly happy the Sox are underway. I have to tell you that I honestly don't care that right now we're 0-4 (and currently losing tonight to the Tribe), because you have the nucleus of this team locked up for like five years. We need to turn our negative energies into positive ones for the Bruins anyway...they need it more for certain. So yeah, Sox, Bruins, mock drafts...just slipping it in there. Seriously, when is it not a good time to talk about the draft?...or the Masters, which starts tomorrow (mammoth dark horse: Fred Couples). So let's see what's new and completely the same here:

Carolina- Cam Newton, QB, Auburn: If this is the pick, there will be football in 2011...you're just going to have to trust me on this one. Warren Moon has suddenly become a player in the media again with his association to Newton, which has been both helpful and hurtful to Cam. Helpful because it's paving the way for him to go #1, but bad because when you start saying that people are hating on Cam because he's black, that couldn't be more ridiculous. People hate on him because everything that has happened off the field to him is for the most part incredibly shady...not a race thing...some people just rub you the wrong way.
Denver- Marcell Dareus, DT, Alabama: I think one of the bigger storylines leading up to the draft has been the ascension of Dareus moving past Nick Fairley into the #1 DT spot, and potentially being the best player in the draft (although I still say Patrick Peterson). I think the lingering health issues of Da'Quan Bowers ultimately will hurt him enough that Denver takes stock in what they have at D-tackle and realize that they have nothing there.
Buffalo- Von Miller, DE/OLB, Texas A&M: If this is Blaine Gabbert, I'll be really stunned because Ryan Fitzpatrick is actually serviceable to the point where he could be a starting quarterback on a playoff team...not that Buffalo will be there anytime soon, but Fitzpatrick could totally work out on one of those "on the cusp" teams (Oakland immediately comes to mind). I'm not seeing the giant step you're taking with Gabbert over Fitzpatrick. Von Miller is just going to work out for someone...he's more of a lock for me to pan out than Patrick Peterson, and again, I think Peterson is the best player "talent-wise" in the whole draft.
Cincinnati- A.J. Green, WR, Georgia: Once this video really starts to get into regular rotation on SportsCenter and NFL Network (which it has somewhat, but not to the degree that it probably will), there is going to be a tremendous push for the Bengals to secure a weapon that will keep Carson Palmer around. I think he will be able to play on a team with the Ocho and A.J. Green...just no T.O. please.
Arizona- Blaine Gabbert, QB, Missouri: I know there was a semi-rant about Gabbert above, but I'm totally convinced that Newton and Gabbert do not get out of the top 5. Most of the teams at the top of the draft are in absolute desperate need for a quarterback, and one team (Cincy) may soon be entering that argument. If you're the Cardinals though, you can't move forward with Derek Anderson...I saw what happens when Anderson is given total control, and it can be a bumpy road to say the least.
Cleveland- Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU: I love Sheldon Brown (Gamecock!) and all, but he's 32, and with Joe Haden already on board, Peterson would make this a downright scary corner combination. Cleveland, like Denver, will be the beneficiaries of not having to draft a QB or even have to think about drafting one. Both of them will get guys that they should not even have a chance on (with no Cam Newton, Dareus is probably going #1, if not Peterson).
San Francisco- Prince Amukamara, CB, Nebraska: Again, a giant hole in the secondary is being left with Nate Clements out. The only chance the Niners have on getting Peterson would be to trade with Denver...something perhaps to keep an eye on (although Amukamara is a guy you could potentially tag as "elite" in the league).
Tennessee- Nick Fairley, DT, Auburn: The Titans are arguably the biggest winners of all of this, getting Fairley at #8 when he was the #1 prospect to everyone once Andrew Luck decided to return to Stanford for his senior season. The Titans clearly missed Haynesworth, at least on the field, and Fairley brings the same kind of 4-3 run-stop/pass-rush DTs.
Dallas- Robert Quinn, DE/OLB, North Carolina: My gut is telling me Quinn or J.J. Watt here. I think both of them are extremely high on a Dallas' board and they are notorious for a) drafting defensively in the first round, and b.) drafting hyrbid linemen. Watt is more of an inside guy, while Quinn is a speed rusher. Right now, slight edge to Quinn.
Washington- Julio Jones, WR, Alabama: Receiver seems to be the #1 need, but I would keep an eye out for Tyron Smith from Southern Cal, which would be a continuing commitment to completely overhaul the offensive line. The big move would be for the quarterback here...if not Newton and Gabbert, then Mallett is their guy (who they can take here or hope he somehow gets to the top of the 2nd or bottom of the 1st and basically do what Denver did to get Tebow last year).
Houston- Aldon Smith, OLB, Missouri: If ever there was a "Wade Phillips guy," it's Aldon Smith...kind of reminiscent of DeMarcus Ware when he was coming out of Troy (who coincidentally or not was also picked #11).
Minnesota- J.J. Watt, DE, Wisconsin: Having Watt and Jared Allen on both ends would present total matchup nightmares for opposing teams with Pat and Kevin Williams occupying 4/5 of the opposing line.
Detroit- Tyron Smith, OT, Southern Cal: Tyron Smith claiming the #1 tackle position was also big news. It has become apparent after a strong combine and his pro day, which showcased his skills at both tackle positions, that he wanted to shed the "he can only play right tackle" label. It might be tough for Smith to last this long once draft day arrives.
St. Louis- Ryan Kerrigan, DE, Purdue: Whatever the Rams do here, they have got to address either their defensive line (with both tackles and the right end seriously up in the air), or outside linebacker, where more question surface in terms of who they can stack outside of Laurinitis.
Miami- Jake Locker, QB, Washington: So here is the stunner. I thought Mark Ingram would be locked in here, but I keep reading reports out of Miami that they are really, really hunting for a QB. Locker, from an athletic standpoint, fits the offense perfectly. He is a quarterback, but one that is really ideal for those "wildcat" situations, or whatever other kind of trickery Sparano can concoct. I think Ryan Mallett will be the franchise QB of this draft, but Locker's upside is seconded perhaps only by Cam Newton.
Jacksonville- Cameron Jordan, DE/DT, California: You never quite know with Jacksonville. They had two first rounders in Eugene Monroe and Reggie Nelson who were supposed to be slam dunks, and both of them ended up not panning out, then they decided to go off the reservation and got Tyson Alualu, and he actually wasn't terrible. Jordan represents basically what J.J. Watt brings to the table, and realistically, I can see Jordan sneaking into the top 10.
New England (from OAK)- Anthony Costanzo, OT, Boston College: With no free agency this year (at least not yet), the draft will have a much more "need-based" feel than it ever has. Matt Light's salary figure is going to be huge once he comes to the bargaining table, a number I again feel will be way more than the Pats ever dreamed of paying a tackle on the back nine of his career. So, look for left tackle to be addressed either here or at 28, or wherever they end up drafting.
San Diego- Muhammad Wilkerson, DE/DT, Temple: Stock is on the rise to the point where he may enter the top 15 after having a 3rd-4th round grade to begin this process.
New York Giants- Nate Solder, OT, Colorado: Solder is seeing his draft stock slip after Tyron Smith and Costanzo outperformed him at the combine, but again, myself, and pretty much every other evaluator, had this guy as the #1 tackle, so the G-Men could get a steal at 19.
Tampa Bay- Justin Houston, OLB/DE, Georgia: The most shocking part of the draft for me will be if the Bucs don't draft a defensive end or a speed rusher here. Of course I am not thrilled about this pick at all with my love of Justin Houston clearly at its all-time high knowing that he's amazing and if the Pats don't draft a guy who can sack the quarterback in the first two rounds this year, there's going to be a riot in Foxboro...okay maybe not a riot, but I'll drive down Route 1 and scream "what the f%*#!!!," then grab a beer at the Red Wing.
Kansas City- Phil Taylor, NT, Baylor: Tough not to believe that the Chiefs will try and snag the nose tackle to complete their 3-4 renovation.
Indianapolis- Derek Sherrod, OT, Mississippi State: There's a growing buzz on Sherrod which has propelled him from a borderline late 1, early 2 to a top 20 talent with no chance of getting out of the first round. The Colts have got to make sure they have protection for Peyton. The Pats went 11-5 without Brady, but I think it will almost be impossible for the Colts to even break .500 without Manning.
Philadelphia- Brandon Harris, CB, Miami: While it is true that the Eagles' O-line is hurting big time, I think they can hold off on spending a first round pick on a tackle (which, in this scenario, would likely be Gabe Carimi) and focus on their secondary. Also, as workouts and tape continue to become more available, it seems like Harris is being completely overshadowed by Peterson and the Prince because he is on their level in terms of attributes and just great instincts.
New Orleans- Da'Quan Bowers, DE, Clemson: The bottom line about Bowers is that some people are saying that they wouldn't even draft him in the first round based on the medical info that has come out in the latter stages of the evaluation process (pretty much right after his pro day). Even so, you're looking at a guy who could have possibly been the #1 pick in the draft if it were held at the end of the college season. The Saints have enough ammo even after their fallout last year on "The Run" that they can take a gamble with Bowers and hope that, with patience, he becomes the total beast that everyone thinks he will be when he's at his best.
Seattle- Ryan Mallett, QB, Arkansas: In my mind, there is no way Mallett should get out of the first round. He is clearly the most pro-ready of any QB in this class, and while it was fun to see Matt Hasselbeck take over the reigns of a playoff team again, he has probably one more year left in Seattle, so the 'Hawks should be looking for someone they can introduce to the system now so they are ready for the post-Hasselbeck era in 2012.
Baltimore- Aaron Williams, CB, Texas: A team in just dire need of a corner, and Williams, for being the #4 corner off the board, can start immediately for about half the teams in the league.
Atlanta- Torrey Smith, WR, Maryland: The pick from Day One, and I'm not seeing any reason to change yet. They might think about a pass rusher, but Smith's upside and the lethal combination he would have with Roddy White will be too enticing.
New England- Mike Pouncey, OG, Florida: The Pats will again be looking at a pass rusher if they don't take one at 17, but they will be able to wait on the three that will most likely be available here (Akeem Ayers, Bruce Carter, Brooks Reed to name three). I really have no problem with the Pats going O-line for both of their first round picks. I figure with Costanzo and Pouncey in the fold, you can lock up the right side of the line, move Vollmer over to the left side, and hope that Logan Mankins can get signed (although that continually seems highly unlikely). A lot of people have suddenly penciled Mark Ingram in here...I'll say this: It probably won't happen in the first round, but we pick again at the top of the second round, and I wouldn't rule him out there. They have to go Pouncey here because I've begun to figure out that there's no way the Steelers are going to pass on Pouncey at 31. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they moved up and got him to create the Pouncey brother superforce in the trenches.
Chicago- Corey Liuget, DT, Illinois: I've been reading stories out of St. Louis on whether to draft Kerrigan or Liuget...and that's at 14. Basically what I'm saying is that I'm finding it harder and harder to believe Liuget falls this far.
New York Jets- Stephen Paea, DT, Oregon State: Paea has the size to play in the middle of the 3-4 in Jersey, and with no Kris Jenkins, that becomes the Jets' #1 need.
Pittsburgh- Ben Ijalana, OT/OG, Villanova: This was the toughest pick for me of the whole first round because the race between Ijalana and Danny Watkins is so close for "that offensive lineman who sneaks into the first round." Slight edge to Ijalana because of positional flexibility.
Green Bay- Akeem Ayers, OLB, UCLA: His combine really hurt his stock because he was slated by everyone to be in at least the top 20 a month ago. Again, the Pack will be in a position where they can get the best available player.
New England- Brooks Reed, OLB, Arizona: I feel like with Ayers off the board, the Pats have got to pull the trigger here to get their pass rusher, because after Reed, it seems like you're looking at a lot of third-to-fourth round talent at the DE/OLB position. Another thing: I'm watching this guy, and he's got the Clay Matthews thing happening, which reminds me that we traded out of the first round with Green Bay so they could take Clay, so maybe this becomes a make-up pick? Hmmm...well, we'll see.

So we'll see what happens in the coming weeks, but one thing is for certain: The calendar says April, so it's all about the Sox and the Pats in the draft...hopefully both my teams can make it happen. Here's hoping for warm weather and someone who can take that ridiculous grin off of Mark Sanchez's face. See you in a few weeks. Peace.

~Mell-o

March Madness Dossier 2.0 (Part II: What We've Learned, Where We're Heading)

2011-03-24T15:30:00.004-04:00

"Nobody would fall cause everyone would be each others crutches."

The Sweet Sixteen is starting up tonight, so I thought maybe a quick preview would be in order...

What We've Learned:

Everybody Tanked On Me: I honestly don't feel bad at all about my bracket tanking. I put most of the blame on teams completely under-performing and not living up to any of my expectations. Missouri got slammed by Cincy, Gonzaga similarly by BYU, Wofford going 2-for-whatever from 3's against the same BYU team, and Michigan State and Utah State putting themselves behind the 8-ball way too early in games they clearly should have won (especially in Michigan State's case). So I bummed out, but at the same time, it was nice to have Dick Vitale jump on my "Gonzaga to the Final Four" bandwagon after they beat St. John's, even if his name doesn't carry the kind of weight it perhaps used to (I still love the guy, but the difference between fans and haters has narrowed).
I Will Remember This Year For Richmond: All my other cinderellas folded, but those Richmond Spiders really helped me out. At least all of the plan did not fail. The greater VA region is a nice spot for tourney sleepers like Richmond, George Mason, Old Dominion and...
VCU: This was by far the biggest surprise of the entire tournament...way more stunning than Morehead State (by the way, that center on Morehead State is a surefire first round pick just based on the two games he played in the tournament). VCU didn't even belong in the tournament, yet they have been dominant in their first two games of the tournament. Sometimes, you can't account for how teams will handle adversity, because plenty of people wrote them off, myself included. Speaking of which...
It's All About The Jimmer: BYU and UConn I couldn't have been more wrong about. I thought UConn perhaps had peaked, but they are continuing their wave of momentum. I was totally stunned about BYU just thrashing Gonzaga like they did. Again, probably fuel to the fire when people (again, like me) were convinced that they were nothing except Fredette. The problem with that is that Fredette is by far the best player in the country, and he's totally worth all the hype. When given the chance, he can produce like three guys. They have some nice pieces in Jackson Emery and Noah Hartsock, but when all is said and done, BYU's chances of a Final Four birth rest on the Jimmer.

Where We're Headed:

Hottest Team Going: UConn: While Fredette is the best player in the country, it would be hard to argue the fact that Kemba Walker has been the best player in the last two weeks, and frankly, that's all you need. With Shabazz Napier (unbelievable name) at the point, UConn can once again get back to the Final Four through the West Region. Oh yeah, forgot about this one: Every time UConn has gone to the Final Four in the modern era ('99, '04, '09), they came out of the West region...really wish I remembered that before bumping them out after the first round.
Team That Is Totally Screwed: San Diego State: How they got by Temple I'll never know. Seriously...how? In any event, they get UConn next, and if that goes well, Duke or Arizona...good luck with that.
The Team In The Money: Kansas: You can't ask for anything better than what Kansas got. Instead of the Southeast being the crazy bracket, it turned out to be the Southwest, with a 10, 11, and 12 seeds standing in between them and the Final Four. Now I'm really feeling good about my pick for them in the National Championship.
Final Four: Kansas, BYU, UConn, Kentucky: Had to change up my Duke pick because I'm steadily losing confidence in them. While I think it's admirable trying to get Kyrie Irving back into action, but it's taking away from their synergy to the point where them against Arizona is a risky proposition. The only problem I can forsee happening is if Wisconsin gets by Butler and take on BYU. Wisconsin matches up really well with them, and the defense might be enough to stop the Jimmer.

And now, predictions with spreads...because that's pretty much what it's all about now (at least for me and my broken bracket):

BYU (+3) over Florida: Yup, the Jimmer. Also, Florida is a huge team that stinks from the free throw line, BYU is the perimeter friendly, solid A/TO, great shooting team that you're looking for.
Butler (+4) over Wisconsin: More than anything, I would be betting the under (123) on this one. This game is going to probably be played in the 50s with both teams showing a great post presence and fantastic defenses. Butler gets the nod because if they get another shot at the Final Four, we're not going to be talking about Butler sneaking up on anyone for too much longer.
UConn (-1) over San Diego State: Anytime you are 'dogged against a lower seed when you are playing them in your own backyard while they have to travel 3000 miles, it's usually a bad sign.
Arizona (+9) over Duke: This will be the game to show if Duke can make it into the Final Four. I just think their chemistry really got messed up trying to re-introduce Irving. While I think it was an admirable move, it was just really bad timing.
Marquette (+4.5) over North Carolina: This might be a straight up win, but I'm banking on when the comfort factor is taken away (UNC played its first two games in Charlotte) and when the spread is this low for a 2 vs. 11 that this is at least a thrilling win for UNC if they pull it off.
Kentucky (+5.5) over Ohio State: Okay, I have to say that this is mostly based on the fact that I have Kentucky in the Final Four, and along with Richmond, those are the last good calls I have left (saying that the Big East would go down in flames was a good guess too though). If you had to look at this objectionably though, it would be tough to be betting against the Buckeyes right now. So Kentucky, but with not a whole lot of confidence behind it.
Richmond (+10.5) over Kansas: I have more confidence in this than I do my Kentucky pick. Something about Richmond tells me they're not going to go into this game thinking about how much they're going to lose by. Kansas may definitely become complacent about having to only play double-digit seeds from here until Houston.
Florida State (-4) over VCU: I actually hope I'm wrong about this because you have to like the Rams right now, but after Florida State tore Notre Dame apart, and seeing the impact Chris Singleton has on this team, I don't have it in me to pick against them.

So, hopefully the spread picks work out. If not, I won't be completely shocked given how many teams simply folded as soon as I picked them. However, I won't let that stop me...I'm pretty sure percentage-wise, I'm still coming out on top in the long run. Take care everyone. Peace.

~Mell-o