"We champs like Magic at the point, Jordan with the 2's, Bird with the 3's, Pip with the D."
8:33: I'm up super early...I have no idea why. Unfortunately, with work today, no running diary, no watching the Pats in real time (which means most likely hearing about what happened in the game before I can watch it in DVR land). Sooooooo, yeah, there's that. Pretty sure I'm gonna head back to bed here in a little bit, but while I have my eyes open, why not do some fake gambling? (although I didn't write it down, went GB (-4.5), Miami (+6...yeah I did), and Baltimore (-2) on Turkey Day...again, I conveniently didn't record those three games and won all of them, so choose to believe that...or not...I...I don't really care)
The Red, White, and Blue Express (-3.5) vs. Philly: Vince Young is clearly a wild card in all of this, something I probably should have seen coming when Philly beat the G-Men last week rather than simply writing them off. I think really that's my only problem with this game. We just have no idea what Philly team will show up today literally and figuratively. No Vick, no Nnamdi, probably no Maclin...they're going to have to get creative. Once again, Bill, please, run the freggin' ball. 121.9 yards a game on the ground in their seven wins, 85.7 in their three losses (although they did go just over 100 against the Bills and the Giants, but the Steelers game really helps my argument).
St. Louis (-2.5) vs. Arizona: The "Chris Myers Game" is the first on the board today. Don't gamble or watch this game...that's literally all I have to say about this.
Jets (-9) vs. Buffalo: Annnnnddddddd I'm officially off the Buffalo bandwagon. No Fred Jackson = no chance.
Cleveland (+7) vs. Cincinnati: Another game that would probably be foolish to place any money/interest on...wow, I'm almost glad I'm working today so I don't have to be subjected to this giant shit-fest of games...almost.
Houston (-6) vs. Jacksonville: So if Houston had any sense about them, they would run, and run...and run in this game. Andre Johnson pushed this line up to 6 from as low as 3, but again, Foster and Tate will determine the outcome of this game. Also, despite not having Mario Williams, this defense is still pretty nasty. Jacksonville scares me because they're one of those "grind it out against the really good teams, play like shit against the bad ones" kind of team.
Carolina (-2) vs. Indy: Even after last week's backdoor cover by Detroit over the Panthers, I refuse to pull against Cam Newton...also, because it feels great to say...YOU SUCK INDY!!!
Tampa (+3) vs. Tennessee: Wait, so all we have to do is run LeGarrette Blount and open up the passing game for JAASSSSHHHH Freeman, and we could win games? Wow, what a fascinating concept that they should have been doing ALL F***ING YEAR!!! Oh my God dude, this team has been the singular most frustrating freggin' team to watch. They have all the tools on offense, and yet they do nothing about it. Then, in perhaps the swan song to end Green Bay's undefeated run in the regular season, they put together by far their best performance. Blount had his monster run and went over 100 on the ground, Freeman went over 300...it's been right there the whole time!!! Ahhhhhh!!! Anyway, I'm hoping Tampa beats them down so the Titans can get Jake Locker in there with their season basically being done. You gotta love this guy. His first NFL action is on the road down 21 points, and he promptly throws two TDs against a stingy defense led by Dunta Robinson (Game-the F-Cocks!)...again, I think Hasselbeck is adequate, but there's a potential gold mine on the bench that needs to get the call at some point.
Atlanta (-9.5) vs. Minnesota: Boy, it's amazing how easy picks are when stud running backs are out. No Peterson for the Vikes? Forget it.
Oakland (-3) vs. Chicago: Hinne looked good against the Packers in the NFC Champ game last year, but again, you have to remember that the Pack give up yards in bunches, so not really a good barometer there. Carson Palmer has like two or three of his best receivers out, but I would just keep giving it to Michael Bush, who has been arguably the most valuable player in the league in the last two weeks.
Washington (+3.5) vs. Seattle: Jesus Shanahan, run Roy Helu. What is wrong with this guy? 'Skins have a sneaky good defense that I can see Tarvaris and Co. sleeping on. The key of course will be Marshawn Lynch, who went from being a god after "The Run" last year, to being completely irrelevant, to being one of the top 10 backs in this league right now...what a journey.
San Diego (-5.5) vs. Denver: Being a Gamecock, I found it to be very surprising how much I have thoroughly enjoyed Tim Tebow owning basically all of the non-Green Bay spotlight in the league. However, I see this game, and I'm thinking if San Diego has anything at all, they will destroy the Broncos today. The Chargers are playing like crap, and they are absolutely in the thick of things in the AFC West...man that division sucks.
Kansas City (+11) vs. Pittsburgh: NBC for the first time all year got a potential dud game due to injuries. I must be crazy to pick the Chiefs after their annihilation last week, but again, they're in the AFC West, and thus, in the playoff hunt despite being shitty.
New Orleans (-7) vs. The G-Men: Everyone needs to pray that New Orleans never plays in the Super Bowl at the Superdome...the roof would literally explode due to fan excitement or rioting...or both. Anyway, rule of thumb: Don't go against the Saints when it's a night game in the dome...I know the whole night thing shouldn't play a factor being as they play indoors and what not...but it totally does (I would go ahead and chalk that up to tailgaiting...if you know anything about southern football, you know it's on for hours and hours before the game).
One final note (you had to see this coming): USC beat the shit out of Clemson...again. This is now three years in a row that we've taken out the idiots who continue to wear orange and purple like it's so bad ass (seriously, who wears orange and purple?). If I said it a thousand times before, I'll say it again: We are here, we're not going anywhere. Quite honestly, given the passion that exists for this program, it's amazing that we have only eclipsed the 10-win mark twice in our history, and while most of the winning history of our athletic department has come recently, I would like to commend all those Gamecocks who were Gamecocks before I was born and before I went there. The history of USC sports pre-2001 can be summed up in one word...torturous. It takes heart to be a Gamecock, because no one knows about us (yet), and no one gives the proper respect that should be shown for someone who went to USC like they do with Florida and Georgia and basically every other big-time program in the south and, furthermore, in the country. I'm not sure if USC had a person like me in mind (mild-tempered in regular life, completely psycho in my sports life...and yes, I live two separate lives like that) in terms of spreading the good word about the USC, but I'm not going to rest until everyone knows us...I will say it is a lot easier when your football team is nasty and your baseball team is the defending back-to-back national champions! Ahhhhh yeah.
Alright, hope everything's going alright for ya out there. I'm going back to bed. Go Gamecocks!!!...and...
YOU SUCK CLEMSON!!!!...and....
YOU SUCK INDY!!!!
Oh peace out!
~Mell-o
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 11, 2011)
"Well it's soon one morning, down the road I'm gone."
10:13: Ahhhhhhh waaazzzzzuuuupppp?!?!? In NFL draft diaries, you need a two week bye period to get your shit together (and go to South Carolina...which was great in pretty much every regard...by the way, after the epic meltdowns of a few top teams, including a certain team that for whatever reason continues to wear orange and purple, heeeeelllllllllooooo top 10 USC!). So I'm back. I have a drive down the Cape to go, but once I'm there, it's gonna be cold, and most likely, the only thing left to do will be to write about football (and NASCAR...not gonna lie, I am hugely intrigued by the Carl Edwards/Tony Stewart duel, which pits the two top drivers head to head in the last race at Homestead today).
To recap Thursday's game, all Tim Tebow does is win, and I honestly encourage people to hate on him, because he only gets better amidst adversity it seems. Darrelle Revis said the Denver offense could get "boring"...well, it seems like that plan worked, as the almighty and powerful Jets D sleepwalked through the last drive, ending with an epic 20-yard Tebow run for the win. Tim Tebow perhaps just won the Pats the division, and he continues to frustrate the crap out of everyone playing against me in fantasy (going into the last drive, he had 4 pts., after: 17!)...I can Tebow to that.
Here's my preview of the Pats game: If we don't win by at least 20, I'll be stunned. The only way it's even close is if we are sooooooo amazingly rusty after a 7-day layoff that the Chiefs sneak like 14 on the board real quick. Otherwise, I see this as another game for the no-name defense to continue to iron out the kinks. How about that Jets game? Hahaha, what was going through Jet fans minds when Rob Nichlovich pick 6'd Sanchez inside his own 15? They absolutely had to win that game, and it seemed like they were at least keeping us in check up until the infamous Sanchez timeout with a minute and a half to go in the first half (Rex Ryan said it was the "dumbest play he'd ever seen"...he has been riding a rage-filled, stupefied roller coaster over these last two weeks).
We're looking at Tyler Palko, who I've never heard of...and I pretend like I know what I'm talking about. You do have to keep in mind the Chiefs, despite not having Matt Cassel, do set themselves up well in the passing game with D-Bowe, Breaston, and Jon Baldwin, who came out of nowhere to be their best deep threat option. On defense, it's all about Tamba Hali and Derrick Johnson. Hali is one of the best pass-rushers that's not mentioned in the "best pass rushers in the league, i.e. the Jared Allen/Clay Matthews" category, and Johnson, who was famous in Texas for the wrap-around punch-out technique of forcing fumbles, has become one of the best middle linebackers in the league.
So having said all that, we still have Tom Brady...so it's over.
Anyway, onto predictions...haha, I think I was so awful after proclaiming myself to be on fire that I needed a two week humblement (that's a made up word meaning a period of humbling...you're welcome world) to come back...so let's make it a f*ckin' good week shall we?
Da Pats (-14...or really any number here) vs. KC: His name is Tyler Palko...again, if they score 14, I will be really surprised. Dial up the WHONK (Welker-Hernandez-Gronk), a little neon Deion, and some Ocho Cinco (yeah, that guy who almost had 100 yards last week), and it is ovvvvvaaaaaahhhhh.
Buffalo (+2) vs. Miami: Eaaaassssssyyyyy does it people. Just because the Bills got decimated by the Cowboys, don't for a second think that this team still doesn't have it. Miami's offense has had a nice boost from 2005 Reggie Bush, but their team is still for the most part awful. We'll see how much magic Matt Moore has in his right arm...my guess is none.
With A.J. Green: Cincinnati (+6.5) vs. Baltimore
Without A.J. Green:...ehhhhh...Cincinnati (+6.5) vs. Baltimore: Why is it that right now, I would much rather start Andy Dalton over Joe Flacco against basically everyone but the Steelers (who Flacco apparently owns now). I really like how Cincy has emerged, and yet continues to be the team in the weeds...I don't know how you can be both simultaneously, but they're doing it. Also, keep in mind that there will be no Ray Lewis for the first time in like five years for Baltimore.
Jacksonville (+1) vs. Cleveland: All I have to say is this: I was pining to get Josh Scobee and Jags D specifically for this week. The O/U is 34.5!...and I'm leaning under! (15-12 or 18-15 I'm almost guaranteeing it).
Oakland (+1.5) vs. Minnesota: Who's liking road 'dogs this week? Ahhhh this guy! Denarius Moore could have a monster game here. The Vikings are coming off a short, mostly shame-filled week after getting embarrassed on MNF by the machine known as the Green Bay Packers. Carson Palmer, who, like Reggie Bush, is channeling his 2005 self and the Raiders looked great against the Bolts last Thursday. My suggestion: Crush the line with Michael Bush...who literally is crushing people the way he is running, and throw bombs to Moore and DHB (Derrius Heyward-Bey)...even with Adrian Peterson, the Vikes have no passing game to be able to keep up with the amount of scoring Oakland should do.
Carolina (+7) vs. Detroit: ROAD DOGS!!!!!!!!! Question: How could you possibly like Detroit right now? They went from being a top-5 team in the league, to perhaps not being able to beat the Panthers at home. In using the Tim Tebow axiom, don't bet against winners. Cam had a terrible game last week, but with Carolina able to load up on pass D with an ineffective Detroit rush attack, and the Lions having no defensive answer for the Carolina run game or Steve Smith, I'm looking for a monster bounce-back game from Cam (or Scam as it's pronounced in the south).
Green Bay (-13.5) vs. Tampa Bay: If Tampa's offense was anything close to what it really should be, they might only lose this game by two touchdowns...so with them being quite shitty right now, yeah, ride the Packers until they prove otherwise.
Dallas (-7) vs. Washington: If the 'Skins had some semblance of a passing game, I would be all over them in this game. I just don't see how they score more than 10 in this game though.
Atlanta (-6.5) vs. Tennessee: Finally Chris Johnson has returned from Suckyville and looks like a premiere back. The only problem here is that Atlanta has had their premiere back playing like one the whole season. How can you tackle Michael Turner? A question no one in the league has solved yet. With the emergence of Harry Douglas last week as an equal replacement to Julio Jones, the Falcons should have no problem piling on the points in the dome.
Arizona (+10.5) vs. San Francisco: I know Philly sucks, but I did see the Cards formulate some magic in that passing game, which, if you're going to beat or at least come close to beating the Niners, you absolutely have to have.
St. Louis (-3) vs. Seattle: In the NFC's version of the game that should never see the light of TV/radio/internet, or any other medium (this is what I call the "Chris Myers game," where invariably, FOX has Myers be the play-by-play guy for the absolute worst game on the schedule...and lemme check if he's calling this one (I'm 99% without checking)...hahaha I knew it!!!). Anyway, Marshawn Lynch has been a revelation lately after seemingly taking most of the first half of the year off (perhaps recovering from the greatest run in the history of the league). However, St. Louis seems to be able to put it together at home, especially with a healthy Steven Jackson bowling people over, and Brandon Lloyd putting together big game after big game (can you imagine if the Broncos held onto Lloyd?...Tebow would have McGahee/Moreno/Ball out of the backfield, and be throwing to Decker and Lloyd?...as if things weren't interesting enough in Denver).
Chicago (-4) vs. San Diego: I know it's normal for a team to have a letdown after a collosal beatdown (see: New Orleans getting thumped by St. Louis after beating the Colts 62-7), but the Bears basically won without having to utilize Matt Forte, who has arguably been the MVP of the season that is not named Aaron Rodgers. Also, the Bears absolutely need to win every game to keep pace in the wild card, while San Diego is looking at a division being dominated by Carson Palmer and Tim Tebow...in other words, even if they do go two games back, they are still very much in the playoff picture.
THE G-MEN (-5) vs. Philly: If the Giants can't avenge "The Crumble" from last year at home, I don't want them anywhere near the playoffs. Seriously, what more motivation will this team need? (sidenote: tonight is the first professional start for Mark Herzlich...you don't want to bet against that guy)
And now, the terrible:
Andrew Luck Sweepstakes (although lately, you could consider this to also be the Matt Barkley Sweepstakes...but I dunno...doesn't have quite the ring to it)
Ahhhh it was good to get all that Indy hate out. Alright, off to the Cape I go. Expect some updates right around the first half of the 1:00 games. Hope all your fantasy and gambling propositions go as well as they can possibly go...even if you're playing me (I've learned that my strong suit is not shit-talking, but rather being the silent, respectful one who beats people down). Take care everyone...
Update: A.J. Green will not play today for Cincy, but again, for some reason, I like them.
2:13: Annnnddd we're here. It's actually a glorious day in New England...sweatshirt weather in November. Niiiicccceeeee. Anyway, Miami is up 21-3? Haha, that prediction's not looking so hot. Less shocking, again, is Carolina way up on Detroit (although the Lions did just punch one in). Tampa keeping it close in Green Bay. I have only heard about the LeGarette Blount TD (I was literally 30 seconds from my parents' driveway), but apparently it was epic. Road dogs and Miami getting it done thus far.
2:19: Grossman is in for 6. Roy Helu has 3 yards? Really? I mean fantasy-wise, I'm stunned, but real-lifewise, the guy is clearly their best runner, and they go with Torain, who was awesome for one game, and Tashard Choice, who was cut by Dallas in the pre-DeMarco era.
2:23: The complexion of the Oakland/Minny game changed on a dime with the Adrian Peterson injury. He is the Peyton Manning of running backs in terms of how irreplaceable he is to this team.
2:26: I can't believe I'm saying this: I really wish I had Carson Palmer on my fantasy team. Oakland up BIG on the Vikes. Elsewhere, Torrey Smith just got dread-tackled, and Miami's TD was taken off the board after review.
2:28: Flacco's pick right there to Nate Clements reminds me of why I have Andy Dalton over him...shhhaaaakkkkyyyyy sometimes.
TD to Devone Bess...in Hawaii, the pecking order is Don Ho, Elvis, and Davone Bess...he's huuuggggeee over there...I seeeeeeeeeeemmmm to do the drawn out words thing a lot today.
2:37: Haha, remember the good times Florida fans. Tebow on Thursday, and now, the ever-potent Rex Grossman-Jabar Gaffney combo hooks up for six.
2:40: Jermichael Finley now out for the Pack. A huge blow, but if any team can get by without an all-pro TE, it's gotta be the Pack.
2:45: The most efficient QB of the day? Haha, Matty Moore in Miami! 3 TDs! He couldn't beat out Jimmy Clausen, but he's making it happen for the Fish as of late. Adrian Peterson is back on the sidelines, and I just saw the Blount run...and it was indeed epic.
2:51: Ray Rice breaks off a mammoth run, but he gets stopped on first and second, then Flacco for some reason tried to scramble against the grain of the D...okay Vick. Cundiff puts in a FG. 17-7 Ravens. Nate Burleson puts it in for Detroit, then mocks Cam's superman pose. Haha, we'll see if that pays off.
3:00: Cincy driving on Baltimore after a huge pass play to Brian Leonard, who, along with Ray Rice, created a Pony Express like backfield at Rutgers. Cedric Benson punches it in for 6 after a big completion to Gresham. 17-14...tellin' ya, Cincy is pesky.
3:05: Josh Freeman is having a big game against Green Bay's one lone weakness, their pass D. Blount with another jaw-dropping run through the middle. Kellen Winslow (soldier!) just got called for pass interference for pushing off in the end zone. On 3rd and long, Tampa stalls out and will settle for 3.
Miami just blocked a punt! 35-6!!! Oh my!
3:24: Ray Rice...what can you say? Dalton threw a horrendous pick to Jimmy Smith, who then fumbled all the way to the Bengal 3. The head ref nearly got jacked up, but the Ravens players diving for the fumble for the most part avoided him, although he did take a shot to the leg that looked like it hurt.
3:28: Mike Williams...remember him? He scores, but a botched 2PC attempt to Winslow keeps it at 21-19. It's games like these they make me remember why I'm not a sharp...I'm not a complete square but I definitely am not a sharp.
3:33: Speaking of gambling calls that aren't working out, Dalton gets picked again, and Flacco hooks up on a bomb to Torrey Smith, who has had a breakout season that is rivaling A.J. Green for best rookie receiver.
3:38: Oh yeah, Green Bay has James Starks too. He's been running a fool on Tampa this drive, currently putting the Pack at the 8 for a first and goal...and this is probably where the Bucs get put out of their misery.
3:41: John Kuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhnnnnn is in the end zone. Pack up 9. Andre Caldwell just destroyed Jimmy Smith on a route for a giant TD the Bungles desperately needed. Detroit seems like they're wearing the Panthers out on D, grounding and pounding down the field to make it a first and goal from the 2, and Kevin Smith just scored running straight through the Carolina D. Now over 100 yards on the day. Lions up 8.
3:47: The Raiders are coming undone with penalties, and then Ponder throws his third pick of the day inside the 5. Oakland goes from being kind of screwed on the momentum train to being in complete control.
3:53: Cam Newton is in yet again, and the Panthers convert on the 2PC to Steve Smith to tie the game at 35. Jacksonville/Cleveland is winding down to a wild finish with Jacksonville inside the 5 after a MoJoDo carry.
3:56: MoJo gets it on first down but is stopped short of the end zone, then Jason Hill drops a TD, then another incompletion on 3rd down ends the game. Cleveland takes it 14-10...again, the under in that game was the lock of the day, but there was definitely three TDs I didn't see coming.
4:03: Tampa again brought it down to 2 on a Dezmon Briscoe score, but the Pack answer right back with a Jordy Nelson TD and push the advantage up to 9. Washington is on the move at the 2 after a Fred Davis reception. 34 seconds left with Dallas up 7.
4:05: Donte Stallworth is in for the Skins! Yes, that Donte Stallworth that we haven't heard from in like two years. Wow Dallas. The play is under review, but from what I'm gathering, that's going to count. Cam Newton threw a pick, and Detroit just got another Kevin Smith rushing TD. Now that's called a backdoor cover by Detroit.
4:13: Skins/Cowboys officially into OT. The 4:00 games just kicked off. First look at San Fran/Zona, my pick for the upset special today.
4:16: Ohhhhhhhh man what a catch by Jerome Simpson. First and goal at the 8!
7:07: Sorry about that everyone. Nap and dinner time kind of foiled the updates on the 4:00 games. Dallas ended up pulling it out in Washington. Seattle is all over the STL, as is San Fran over Zona (John Skelton: 99 yards and 3 picks...yikes). Matty Ice and Roddy White are having huge games in the Hottie, and the Bears continue to stay hot at home against the Bolts.
7:13: Chicago tries a fake punt, which you have to admire from a balls standpoint, but the punter of course throws a terrible throw to a wide open tight end who would have had a 30 yard gain at least if the ball was there. The Chargers get the ball back, and Rivers promptly throws another pick to ice the game for da Bears.
7:20: The Niners are a winner against Zona. Wow Skelton looked terrible today. So much for that. Nate Washington with 110 yards and two scores for Tennessee, but it seems like that won't be enough as the Falcons look like they're running out the clock. Again. predictions were way off today. No bueno.
7:24: In completely unrelated to football news, Tony Stewart is currently 4th, Carl Edwards is in 6th with 48 laps left in Miami. As of right now, Smoke is 2 pts. down to Edwards. Kyle Busch is in the lead, with his heir to the most polarizing driver in NASCAR, Brad Keselowski, in 2nd.
7:48: Finally the race just restarted, and Tony Stewart has taken the lead. Keselowski in 2nd, Edwards is in 3rd. If the race were to end now, Stewart would win the championship by 2 pts.
7:50: Edwards just passed Keselowski. We are at a dead heat with 2403 projected points for each driver, with Stewart holding the ultimate tiebreaker having four wins to Edwards' one...I have to say even to a non-race fan, this is riveting stuff.
7:58: With less than 20 laps to go, it remains Stewart-Edwards 1-2 in the race and for the championship with the deficit being about a second in the race. Keep in mind that NASCAR has made it a point to show more favortism towards wins while attempting to keep the consistency factor in play. Stewart of course has won more races, but Edwards has been by far the most consistent driver on the circuit this year. This theme has also carried into today, where Stewart has been up and down in terms of race status, while Edwards has been close to the top of the field all day. Ultimately though, it will come down to wins.
8:06: There was a little lap traffic that Smoke and Edwards had to overcome, and it seemed that perhaps Edwards could pull closer, and did, getting it to within 0.70 seconds, but once the traffic dissolved, Stewart has opened the lead back up to 1.3 seconds. We're now on the last lap. Stewart is in command, and he will win his 3rd championship. This was an amazing finish all things considered. Only two drivers had a shot to win the championship, they finish 1-2 in the final race, and in a dead heat in points in a season that started in mid-February in Daytona. Really astounding stuff. Now it's back to football to see if the G-Men can erase the memory of the Crumble...and if they can't, with Vick and Maclin and a sub-par Eagles team coming into Jersey, then they probably don't deserve to make the playoffs.
8:34: And we are underway in Jersey. Making the smooth transition to vodka/mango juice, and pulling for Vince Young...Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, Vince Young all starting now...for someone who is about three or four years behind my time, this is actually quite refreshing.
8:37: The Eagles are the bizarro Packers. Sure, VY is in at QB tonight, but they had Vick for the entire season, who was 2nd in MVP voting last year, and a super team on paper, and they're 3-6??? Again, the Washington Redskins method of making a fantasy super team rarely translates into real success. Draft, draft, draft. This is why I put so much personal emphasis on what the Pats do on draft day. You have to realize that if we had been smarter about like four or five picks, we would have had a Packer-like team for like the last five years.
8:44: VY forcing the deep ball already. I like the thought of getting DeSean more involved in this offense, especially with Maclin out tonight, but let's save that shall we? Haha, easy G-Men pick setting Eli and Co. up at midfield.
8:50: Eli throws an equally horrible pick right to Darryl Tapp up the middle of the field...that was one of those "I don't know who the intentional receiver was, wow was that freggin' terrible" throws...yeeeaaaaahhhhhh.
8:53: Now listening to Mitch Hedberg on Spotify because this game is boring the crap out of me, so expect a truckload of those jokes coming tonight. Three and out for Philly. G-Men ball inside their own 10 now...
"Man, I wish I played little league now, I'd kick some f*cking ass!"
8:59: 3rd and long for Eli, and he botches a screen pass. Wow, VY and Eli are looking like they did three years ago when Vince was in semi-suicide mode, and Eli sucked balls. Again, this has been a blast from the past weekend in the NFL...I am enjoying this thoroughly.
"On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield. On a banana, green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the f*ck did you get that banana?"
9:08: Yet another 3 and out...what a yawn-fest this is becoming. At least the two teams seem like they're getting almost to the Chicago/Detroit level of perhaps beating the crap out of each other, which would make this game at least somewhat interesting.
9:11: The BCS standings are out, and USC...is still 12th? Really? After everything that happened the past few days, we went nowhere? Oklahoma has lost to a borderline top 25 team (Baylor, although they were probably ranked lower than they should have been), and Texas Tech, who is nowhere close to any ranking whatsoever. USC lost to Arkansas on the road, they're currently 3rd, and Auburn by a point, although, again, we probably should have had two seconds at the end of the game to attempt a FG or at least a hail mary, but nothing. Anyway, Auburn is 24th...why are we not in the top 10?
"I have hotel room, and my friend came over, and he wanted to use the phone, and he said "do I have to dial 9," and I said "yeah, especially if it's in the number...I mean you can try dialing 4 and 5 really fast."
9:29: VY throws another pick (although to his credit, it probably should have been defensive pass interference). Wow this game sucks. I switched over to a 50/50 vodka/mango split. Pretty soon I'll be breaking out the oldies music. This is painful to watch. 3-0 after another G-Men 3 and out that did include Eli getting destroyed by Cullen Jenkins on 3rd down, so there's that.
9:36: Wow the Eagles just got screwed on that deal. A near 50-yard reception by DeSean is wiped out because he flicked the ball at a Giants coach, then brushed himself off in front of their bench...apparently that was unsportsmanlike. Why this wasn't assessed after the catch so the ball would be around the 35 yard line and not at the original line (Philly's own 2) is a mystery to me.
"No matter how good at tennis I get, I can never beat the wall...I played the wall, and they're f*cking relentless."
9:41: Corey Webster with an amazing pick, but the throw was equally amazing in a shitty way. Come on Vince!!! First down G-Men...there is a significant chance tomorrow's game, which hopefully will be a blowout, will be 100 times more entertaining than this (hey, at least we'll score points).
9:44: Upon further review, that shit totally bounced, so take away the pick, and we're back to 4th down Eagles.
"I get instant oatmeal and don't do shit for an hour. That makes me feel like I should get regular oatmeal and feel way more productive."
9:47: "I did a radio interview one time, and the DJ's first question was "who are you?" That made me think is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong radio station?"
9:50: DeSean nearly took another one back to the house in Jersey...why are they kicking to him again? I'm looking at the replay and I don't think he even stepped out, although they marked him out at the 11. Steve Smith, the former Giant version who wound up on Philly, just caught VY's first TD of the season. 10-0 Philly.
"Alcoholism is the only disease you get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you're an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have lupus...one of those doesn't sound right."
9:55: Jake Ballard is dropping everything in sight...where the f*ck was this two weeks ago? The lone bright spot for the Giants has been Zoo-Mass' own Victor Cruz.
"I don't get the regular AIDS test, I get the roundabout AIDS test. Say Brian, do you know anyone with AIDS?...No?...cool...because you know me."
10:00: "Some songs have special meaning for a man in regards to a special woman, but this can backfire, because maybe the song had deeper meaning, and got cheapened..."We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a better life so let's keep on giving."...remember that song baby?...the night I f*cked you in the pet cemetery...that's our song."
Giants FG makes it 10-3...seriously, Mitch Hedberg is way more f*cking interesting than this, and I've listened to this album (Strategic Grill Locations) about 50 times, but it's amazing.
10:09: Watching the video from the Occupy group out in UC Davis...really coppers? Spraying pepper spray on defenseless people with a group of people my age all gathered around? Did you not think they would be shooting this on their iPhone, Droids, whatever? You know all you have to do is wait them out, and they'll leave. Hahaha, do you really think there is going to be a tent village next year outside of South Station? Probably not.
By the way, it's 10-3 at half. I've switched it up to Aziz Asnari on my comedy playlist. This guy has to be my favorite comic going. This is like Mitch but more upbeat and with more cursing...absolutely love it. My friend turned me on to "Human Giant," which is a show he did on MTV. Check it out on YouTube, it's amazing.
10:25: Seriously, this game sucks, and it's keeping me from enjoying comedy and my parents' booze...slick move grabbing mango juice though...that was really my best call of the day.
10:40: "Nothing's happening, nothing's happening...something about a map...nothing's happening, nothing's happening...it's over...a lot of the people look pissed."
10:52: Huge pass to Hakeem Nicks has set the G-Men up inside the 25...wow, finally, something.
Victor Cruz!!! I love this guy. G-Men about to tie the game up.
11:04: VY converts on a 3rd and short. Philly is driving and are now down by the 30 after an eight yard run by Shady McCoy...where has he been all night?
11:10: Philly has it down around the Giant 30. They just took a time out. I hate Eli Manning, but do not give him any kind of time to get back into this game.
11:13: DeSean shakes a tackle and gets a first down (although he stepped out of bounds...every second counts). VY is crushing third down conversions. After a Shady run to the 5, we're under 3 minutes. This game is finally getting interesting.
11:16: Hanging with Mr. (Riley) Cooper for six. Florida's alma mater continues to have a big day. Philly takes the lead 17-10. 75 yards for Coop on the night. Vince freggin' Young man...vintage...
11:24: Victor Cruz with a huuuuggggeeeee catch down the sidelines. First down G-Men.
Oohhhhhhhhh! Manning is sacked from behind and fumbles! Philly ball with 1:20 left!
11:27: Shady McCoy all the way down to the G-Men 2 yard line. Victory formation! Down go the G-Men. Haha, I think I was like 3-11 in predictions, or in other words, way too shitty to actually go back and count all of the losses.
11:35: Alright, I've tired myself out trying to get drunk...you know how that is when you're drinking by yourself, and you want to get drunk, but the motivation/urgency just isn't there...it's a very tiring experience. One final thing: Jay Cutler broke his thumb, played through it, won, but could possibly miss the rest of the regular season because of it. Also, with Hasselbeck out, and Tennessee kinda sucking, can we please start the Jake Locker era already? You have a QB who can run like the wind and bomb the ball down the field...it might be too late this year, but if they can get this guy reps in a few games down the stretch, look out for this offense next year (they've had a miserable season from Chris Johnson and like one and a half games from Kenny Britt, and they're still like .500...not bad). Hope everyone has fun at work tomorrow. I'll most likely be completely wreck-loose, totally unproductive, and stuffing an entire weekend into a couple of hours, and obviously that's a plan destined for disaster. Sweet dreams y'all. GO PATS! Peace.
~Mell-o
10:13: Ahhhhhhh waaazzzzzuuuupppp?!?!? In NFL draft diaries, you need a two week bye period to get your shit together (and go to South Carolina...which was great in pretty much every regard...by the way, after the epic meltdowns of a few top teams, including a certain team that for whatever reason continues to wear orange and purple, heeeeelllllllllooooo top 10 USC!). So I'm back. I have a drive down the Cape to go, but once I'm there, it's gonna be cold, and most likely, the only thing left to do will be to write about football (and NASCAR...not gonna lie, I am hugely intrigued by the Carl Edwards/Tony Stewart duel, which pits the two top drivers head to head in the last race at Homestead today).
To recap Thursday's game, all Tim Tebow does is win, and I honestly encourage people to hate on him, because he only gets better amidst adversity it seems. Darrelle Revis said the Denver offense could get "boring"...well, it seems like that plan worked, as the almighty and powerful Jets D sleepwalked through the last drive, ending with an epic 20-yard Tebow run for the win. Tim Tebow perhaps just won the Pats the division, and he continues to frustrate the crap out of everyone playing against me in fantasy (going into the last drive, he had 4 pts., after: 17!)...I can Tebow to that.
Here's my preview of the Pats game: If we don't win by at least 20, I'll be stunned. The only way it's even close is if we are sooooooo amazingly rusty after a 7-day layoff that the Chiefs sneak like 14 on the board real quick. Otherwise, I see this as another game for the no-name defense to continue to iron out the kinks. How about that Jets game? Hahaha, what was going through Jet fans minds when Rob Nichlovich pick 6'd Sanchez inside his own 15? They absolutely had to win that game, and it seemed like they were at least keeping us in check up until the infamous Sanchez timeout with a minute and a half to go in the first half (Rex Ryan said it was the "dumbest play he'd ever seen"...he has been riding a rage-filled, stupefied roller coaster over these last two weeks).
We're looking at Tyler Palko, who I've never heard of...and I pretend like I know what I'm talking about. You do have to keep in mind the Chiefs, despite not having Matt Cassel, do set themselves up well in the passing game with D-Bowe, Breaston, and Jon Baldwin, who came out of nowhere to be their best deep threat option. On defense, it's all about Tamba Hali and Derrick Johnson. Hali is one of the best pass-rushers that's not mentioned in the "best pass rushers in the league, i.e. the Jared Allen/Clay Matthews" category, and Johnson, who was famous in Texas for the wrap-around punch-out technique of forcing fumbles, has become one of the best middle linebackers in the league.
So having said all that, we still have Tom Brady...so it's over.
Anyway, onto predictions...haha, I think I was so awful after proclaiming myself to be on fire that I needed a two week humblement (that's a made up word meaning a period of humbling...you're welcome world) to come back...so let's make it a f*ckin' good week shall we?
Da Pats (-14...or really any number here) vs. KC: His name is Tyler Palko...again, if they score 14, I will be really surprised. Dial up the WHONK (Welker-Hernandez-Gronk), a little neon Deion, and some Ocho Cinco (yeah, that guy who almost had 100 yards last week), and it is ovvvvvaaaaaahhhhh.
Buffalo (+2) vs. Miami: Eaaaassssssyyyyy does it people. Just because the Bills got decimated by the Cowboys, don't for a second think that this team still doesn't have it. Miami's offense has had a nice boost from 2005 Reggie Bush, but their team is still for the most part awful. We'll see how much magic Matt Moore has in his right arm...my guess is none.
With A.J. Green: Cincinnati (+6.5) vs. Baltimore
Without A.J. Green:...ehhhhh...Cincinnati (+6.5) vs. Baltimore: Why is it that right now, I would much rather start Andy Dalton over Joe Flacco against basically everyone but the Steelers (who Flacco apparently owns now). I really like how Cincy has emerged, and yet continues to be the team in the weeds...I don't know how you can be both simultaneously, but they're doing it. Also, keep in mind that there will be no Ray Lewis for the first time in like five years for Baltimore.
Jacksonville (+1) vs. Cleveland: All I have to say is this: I was pining to get Josh Scobee and Jags D specifically for this week. The O/U is 34.5!...and I'm leaning under! (15-12 or 18-15 I'm almost guaranteeing it).
Oakland (+1.5) vs. Minnesota: Who's liking road 'dogs this week? Ahhhh this guy! Denarius Moore could have a monster game here. The Vikings are coming off a short, mostly shame-filled week after getting embarrassed on MNF by the machine known as the Green Bay Packers. Carson Palmer, who, like Reggie Bush, is channeling his 2005 self and the Raiders looked great against the Bolts last Thursday. My suggestion: Crush the line with Michael Bush...who literally is crushing people the way he is running, and throw bombs to Moore and DHB (Derrius Heyward-Bey)...even with Adrian Peterson, the Vikes have no passing game to be able to keep up with the amount of scoring Oakland should do.
Carolina (+7) vs. Detroit: ROAD DOGS!!!!!!!!! Question: How could you possibly like Detroit right now? They went from being a top-5 team in the league, to perhaps not being able to beat the Panthers at home. In using the Tim Tebow axiom, don't bet against winners. Cam had a terrible game last week, but with Carolina able to load up on pass D with an ineffective Detroit rush attack, and the Lions having no defensive answer for the Carolina run game or Steve Smith, I'm looking for a monster bounce-back game from Cam (or Scam as it's pronounced in the south).
Green Bay (-13.5) vs. Tampa Bay: If Tampa's offense was anything close to what it really should be, they might only lose this game by two touchdowns...so with them being quite shitty right now, yeah, ride the Packers until they prove otherwise.
Dallas (-7) vs. Washington: If the 'Skins had some semblance of a passing game, I would be all over them in this game. I just don't see how they score more than 10 in this game though.
Atlanta (-6.5) vs. Tennessee: Finally Chris Johnson has returned from Suckyville and looks like a premiere back. The only problem here is that Atlanta has had their premiere back playing like one the whole season. How can you tackle Michael Turner? A question no one in the league has solved yet. With the emergence of Harry Douglas last week as an equal replacement to Julio Jones, the Falcons should have no problem piling on the points in the dome.
Arizona (+10.5) vs. San Francisco: I know Philly sucks, but I did see the Cards formulate some magic in that passing game, which, if you're going to beat or at least come close to beating the Niners, you absolutely have to have.
St. Louis (-3) vs. Seattle: In the NFC's version of the game that should never see the light of TV/radio/internet, or any other medium (this is what I call the "Chris Myers game," where invariably, FOX has Myers be the play-by-play guy for the absolute worst game on the schedule...and lemme check if he's calling this one (I'm 99% without checking)...hahaha I knew it!!!). Anyway, Marshawn Lynch has been a revelation lately after seemingly taking most of the first half of the year off (perhaps recovering from the greatest run in the history of the league). However, St. Louis seems to be able to put it together at home, especially with a healthy Steven Jackson bowling people over, and Brandon Lloyd putting together big game after big game (can you imagine if the Broncos held onto Lloyd?...Tebow would have McGahee/Moreno/Ball out of the backfield, and be throwing to Decker and Lloyd?...as if things weren't interesting enough in Denver).
Chicago (-4) vs. San Diego: I know it's normal for a team to have a letdown after a collosal beatdown (see: New Orleans getting thumped by St. Louis after beating the Colts 62-7), but the Bears basically won without having to utilize Matt Forte, who has arguably been the MVP of the season that is not named Aaron Rodgers. Also, the Bears absolutely need to win every game to keep pace in the wild card, while San Diego is looking at a division being dominated by Carson Palmer and Tim Tebow...in other words, even if they do go two games back, they are still very much in the playoff picture.
THE G-MEN (-5) vs. Philly: If the Giants can't avenge "The Crumble" from last year at home, I don't want them anywhere near the playoffs. Seriously, what more motivation will this team need? (sidenote: tonight is the first professional start for Mark Herzlich...you don't want to bet against that guy)
And now, the terrible:
Andrew Luck Sweepstakes (although lately, you could consider this to also be the Matt Barkley Sweepstakes...but I dunno...doesn't have quite the ring to it)
- Indy (Even): So in the two weeks since I wrote the last of these colums, Indy has emerged from the crowd to be the absolute shittiest team in the league. This team gets crushed by eeevvvvveeerrryyyybody. Plus, this could have been the best season to completely tank. Clearly, Peyton Manning has reached the back nine of his career, and could potentially be drinking at the 19th hole pretty soon...so it will probably be nice to have a potential franchise QB waiting in the wings.
Ahhhh it was good to get all that Indy hate out. Alright, off to the Cape I go. Expect some updates right around the first half of the 1:00 games. Hope all your fantasy and gambling propositions go as well as they can possibly go...even if you're playing me (I've learned that my strong suit is not shit-talking, but rather being the silent, respectful one who beats people down). Take care everyone...
Update: A.J. Green will not play today for Cincy, but again, for some reason, I like them.
2:13: Annnnddd we're here. It's actually a glorious day in New England...sweatshirt weather in November. Niiiicccceeeee. Anyway, Miami is up 21-3? Haha, that prediction's not looking so hot. Less shocking, again, is Carolina way up on Detroit (although the Lions did just punch one in). Tampa keeping it close in Green Bay. I have only heard about the LeGarette Blount TD (I was literally 30 seconds from my parents' driveway), but apparently it was epic. Road dogs and Miami getting it done thus far.
2:19: Grossman is in for 6. Roy Helu has 3 yards? Really? I mean fantasy-wise, I'm stunned, but real-lifewise, the guy is clearly their best runner, and they go with Torain, who was awesome for one game, and Tashard Choice, who was cut by Dallas in the pre-DeMarco era.
2:23: The complexion of the Oakland/Minny game changed on a dime with the Adrian Peterson injury. He is the Peyton Manning of running backs in terms of how irreplaceable he is to this team.
2:26: I can't believe I'm saying this: I really wish I had Carson Palmer on my fantasy team. Oakland up BIG on the Vikes. Elsewhere, Torrey Smith just got dread-tackled, and Miami's TD was taken off the board after review.
2:28: Flacco's pick right there to Nate Clements reminds me of why I have Andy Dalton over him...shhhaaaakkkkyyyyy sometimes.
TD to Devone Bess...in Hawaii, the pecking order is Don Ho, Elvis, and Davone Bess...he's huuuggggeee over there...I seeeeeeeeeeemmmm to do the drawn out words thing a lot today.
2:37: Haha, remember the good times Florida fans. Tebow on Thursday, and now, the ever-potent Rex Grossman-Jabar Gaffney combo hooks up for six.
2:40: Jermichael Finley now out for the Pack. A huge blow, but if any team can get by without an all-pro TE, it's gotta be the Pack.
2:45: The most efficient QB of the day? Haha, Matty Moore in Miami! 3 TDs! He couldn't beat out Jimmy Clausen, but he's making it happen for the Fish as of late. Adrian Peterson is back on the sidelines, and I just saw the Blount run...and it was indeed epic.
2:51: Ray Rice breaks off a mammoth run, but he gets stopped on first and second, then Flacco for some reason tried to scramble against the grain of the D...okay Vick. Cundiff puts in a FG. 17-7 Ravens. Nate Burleson puts it in for Detroit, then mocks Cam's superman pose. Haha, we'll see if that pays off.
3:00: Cincy driving on Baltimore after a huge pass play to Brian Leonard, who, along with Ray Rice, created a Pony Express like backfield at Rutgers. Cedric Benson punches it in for 6 after a big completion to Gresham. 17-14...tellin' ya, Cincy is pesky.
3:05: Josh Freeman is having a big game against Green Bay's one lone weakness, their pass D. Blount with another jaw-dropping run through the middle. Kellen Winslow (soldier!) just got called for pass interference for pushing off in the end zone. On 3rd and long, Tampa stalls out and will settle for 3.
Miami just blocked a punt! 35-6!!! Oh my!
3:24: Ray Rice...what can you say? Dalton threw a horrendous pick to Jimmy Smith, who then fumbled all the way to the Bengal 3. The head ref nearly got jacked up, but the Ravens players diving for the fumble for the most part avoided him, although he did take a shot to the leg that looked like it hurt.
3:28: Mike Williams...remember him? He scores, but a botched 2PC attempt to Winslow keeps it at 21-19. It's games like these they make me remember why I'm not a sharp...I'm not a complete square but I definitely am not a sharp.
3:33: Speaking of gambling calls that aren't working out, Dalton gets picked again, and Flacco hooks up on a bomb to Torrey Smith, who has had a breakout season that is rivaling A.J. Green for best rookie receiver.
3:38: Oh yeah, Green Bay has James Starks too. He's been running a fool on Tampa this drive, currently putting the Pack at the 8 for a first and goal...and this is probably where the Bucs get put out of their misery.
3:41: John Kuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhnnnnn is in the end zone. Pack up 9. Andre Caldwell just destroyed Jimmy Smith on a route for a giant TD the Bungles desperately needed. Detroit seems like they're wearing the Panthers out on D, grounding and pounding down the field to make it a first and goal from the 2, and Kevin Smith just scored running straight through the Carolina D. Now over 100 yards on the day. Lions up 8.
3:47: The Raiders are coming undone with penalties, and then Ponder throws his third pick of the day inside the 5. Oakland goes from being kind of screwed on the momentum train to being in complete control.
3:53: Cam Newton is in yet again, and the Panthers convert on the 2PC to Steve Smith to tie the game at 35. Jacksonville/Cleveland is winding down to a wild finish with Jacksonville inside the 5 after a MoJoDo carry.
3:56: MoJo gets it on first down but is stopped short of the end zone, then Jason Hill drops a TD, then another incompletion on 3rd down ends the game. Cleveland takes it 14-10...again, the under in that game was the lock of the day, but there was definitely three TDs I didn't see coming.
4:03: Tampa again brought it down to 2 on a Dezmon Briscoe score, but the Pack answer right back with a Jordy Nelson TD and push the advantage up to 9. Washington is on the move at the 2 after a Fred Davis reception. 34 seconds left with Dallas up 7.
4:05: Donte Stallworth is in for the Skins! Yes, that Donte Stallworth that we haven't heard from in like two years. Wow Dallas. The play is under review, but from what I'm gathering, that's going to count. Cam Newton threw a pick, and Detroit just got another Kevin Smith rushing TD. Now that's called a backdoor cover by Detroit.
4:13: Skins/Cowboys officially into OT. The 4:00 games just kicked off. First look at San Fran/Zona, my pick for the upset special today.
4:16: Ohhhhhhhh man what a catch by Jerome Simpson. First and goal at the 8!
7:07: Sorry about that everyone. Nap and dinner time kind of foiled the updates on the 4:00 games. Dallas ended up pulling it out in Washington. Seattle is all over the STL, as is San Fran over Zona (John Skelton: 99 yards and 3 picks...yikes). Matty Ice and Roddy White are having huge games in the Hottie, and the Bears continue to stay hot at home against the Bolts.
7:13: Chicago tries a fake punt, which you have to admire from a balls standpoint, but the punter of course throws a terrible throw to a wide open tight end who would have had a 30 yard gain at least if the ball was there. The Chargers get the ball back, and Rivers promptly throws another pick to ice the game for da Bears.
7:20: The Niners are a winner against Zona. Wow Skelton looked terrible today. So much for that. Nate Washington with 110 yards and two scores for Tennessee, but it seems like that won't be enough as the Falcons look like they're running out the clock. Again. predictions were way off today. No bueno.
7:24: In completely unrelated to football news, Tony Stewart is currently 4th, Carl Edwards is in 6th with 48 laps left in Miami. As of right now, Smoke is 2 pts. down to Edwards. Kyle Busch is in the lead, with his heir to the most polarizing driver in NASCAR, Brad Keselowski, in 2nd.
7:48: Finally the race just restarted, and Tony Stewart has taken the lead. Keselowski in 2nd, Edwards is in 3rd. If the race were to end now, Stewart would win the championship by 2 pts.
7:50: Edwards just passed Keselowski. We are at a dead heat with 2403 projected points for each driver, with Stewart holding the ultimate tiebreaker having four wins to Edwards' one...I have to say even to a non-race fan, this is riveting stuff.
7:58: With less than 20 laps to go, it remains Stewart-Edwards 1-2 in the race and for the championship with the deficit being about a second in the race. Keep in mind that NASCAR has made it a point to show more favortism towards wins while attempting to keep the consistency factor in play. Stewart of course has won more races, but Edwards has been by far the most consistent driver on the circuit this year. This theme has also carried into today, where Stewart has been up and down in terms of race status, while Edwards has been close to the top of the field all day. Ultimately though, it will come down to wins.
8:06: There was a little lap traffic that Smoke and Edwards had to overcome, and it seemed that perhaps Edwards could pull closer, and did, getting it to within 0.70 seconds, but once the traffic dissolved, Stewart has opened the lead back up to 1.3 seconds. We're now on the last lap. Stewart is in command, and he will win his 3rd championship. This was an amazing finish all things considered. Only two drivers had a shot to win the championship, they finish 1-2 in the final race, and in a dead heat in points in a season that started in mid-February in Daytona. Really astounding stuff. Now it's back to football to see if the G-Men can erase the memory of the Crumble...and if they can't, with Vick and Maclin and a sub-par Eagles team coming into Jersey, then they probably don't deserve to make the playoffs.
8:34: And we are underway in Jersey. Making the smooth transition to vodka/mango juice, and pulling for Vince Young...Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, Vince Young all starting now...for someone who is about three or four years behind my time, this is actually quite refreshing.
8:37: The Eagles are the bizarro Packers. Sure, VY is in at QB tonight, but they had Vick for the entire season, who was 2nd in MVP voting last year, and a super team on paper, and they're 3-6??? Again, the Washington Redskins method of making a fantasy super team rarely translates into real success. Draft, draft, draft. This is why I put so much personal emphasis on what the Pats do on draft day. You have to realize that if we had been smarter about like four or five picks, we would have had a Packer-like team for like the last five years.
8:44: VY forcing the deep ball already. I like the thought of getting DeSean more involved in this offense, especially with Maclin out tonight, but let's save that shall we? Haha, easy G-Men pick setting Eli and Co. up at midfield.
8:50: Eli throws an equally horrible pick right to Darryl Tapp up the middle of the field...that was one of those "I don't know who the intentional receiver was, wow was that freggin' terrible" throws...yeeeaaaaahhhhhh.
8:53: Now listening to Mitch Hedberg on Spotify because this game is boring the crap out of me, so expect a truckload of those jokes coming tonight. Three and out for Philly. G-Men ball inside their own 10 now...
"Man, I wish I played little league now, I'd kick some f*cking ass!"
8:59: 3rd and long for Eli, and he botches a screen pass. Wow, VY and Eli are looking like they did three years ago when Vince was in semi-suicide mode, and Eli sucked balls. Again, this has been a blast from the past weekend in the NFL...I am enjoying this thoroughly.
"On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield. On a banana, green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the f*ck did you get that banana?"
9:08: Yet another 3 and out...what a yawn-fest this is becoming. At least the two teams seem like they're getting almost to the Chicago/Detroit level of perhaps beating the crap out of each other, which would make this game at least somewhat interesting.
9:11: The BCS standings are out, and USC...is still 12th? Really? After everything that happened the past few days, we went nowhere? Oklahoma has lost to a borderline top 25 team (Baylor, although they were probably ranked lower than they should have been), and Texas Tech, who is nowhere close to any ranking whatsoever. USC lost to Arkansas on the road, they're currently 3rd, and Auburn by a point, although, again, we probably should have had two seconds at the end of the game to attempt a FG or at least a hail mary, but nothing. Anyway, Auburn is 24th...why are we not in the top 10?
"I have hotel room, and my friend came over, and he wanted to use the phone, and he said "do I have to dial 9," and I said "yeah, especially if it's in the number...I mean you can try dialing 4 and 5 really fast."
9:29: VY throws another pick (although to his credit, it probably should have been defensive pass interference). Wow this game sucks. I switched over to a 50/50 vodka/mango split. Pretty soon I'll be breaking out the oldies music. This is painful to watch. 3-0 after another G-Men 3 and out that did include Eli getting destroyed by Cullen Jenkins on 3rd down, so there's that.
9:36: Wow the Eagles just got screwed on that deal. A near 50-yard reception by DeSean is wiped out because he flicked the ball at a Giants coach, then brushed himself off in front of their bench...apparently that was unsportsmanlike. Why this wasn't assessed after the catch so the ball would be around the 35 yard line and not at the original line (Philly's own 2) is a mystery to me.
"No matter how good at tennis I get, I can never beat the wall...I played the wall, and they're f*cking relentless."
9:41: Corey Webster with an amazing pick, but the throw was equally amazing in a shitty way. Come on Vince!!! First down G-Men...there is a significant chance tomorrow's game, which hopefully will be a blowout, will be 100 times more entertaining than this (hey, at least we'll score points).
9:44: Upon further review, that shit totally bounced, so take away the pick, and we're back to 4th down Eagles.
"I get instant oatmeal and don't do shit for an hour. That makes me feel like I should get regular oatmeal and feel way more productive."
9:47: "I did a radio interview one time, and the DJ's first question was "who are you?" That made me think is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong radio station?"
9:50: DeSean nearly took another one back to the house in Jersey...why are they kicking to him again? I'm looking at the replay and I don't think he even stepped out, although they marked him out at the 11. Steve Smith, the former Giant version who wound up on Philly, just caught VY's first TD of the season. 10-0 Philly.
"Alcoholism is the only disease you get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you're an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have lupus...one of those doesn't sound right."
9:55: Jake Ballard is dropping everything in sight...where the f*ck was this two weeks ago? The lone bright spot for the Giants has been Zoo-Mass' own Victor Cruz.
"I don't get the regular AIDS test, I get the roundabout AIDS test. Say Brian, do you know anyone with AIDS?...No?...cool...because you know me."
10:00: "Some songs have special meaning for a man in regards to a special woman, but this can backfire, because maybe the song had deeper meaning, and got cheapened..."We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a better life so let's keep on giving."...remember that song baby?...the night I f*cked you in the pet cemetery...that's our song."
Giants FG makes it 10-3...seriously, Mitch Hedberg is way more f*cking interesting than this, and I've listened to this album (Strategic Grill Locations) about 50 times, but it's amazing.
10:09: Watching the video from the Occupy group out in UC Davis...really coppers? Spraying pepper spray on defenseless people with a group of people my age all gathered around? Did you not think they would be shooting this on their iPhone, Droids, whatever? You know all you have to do is wait them out, and they'll leave. Hahaha, do you really think there is going to be a tent village next year outside of South Station? Probably not.
By the way, it's 10-3 at half. I've switched it up to Aziz Asnari on my comedy playlist. This guy has to be my favorite comic going. This is like Mitch but more upbeat and with more cursing...absolutely love it. My friend turned me on to "Human Giant," which is a show he did on MTV. Check it out on YouTube, it's amazing.
10:25: Seriously, this game sucks, and it's keeping me from enjoying comedy and my parents' booze...slick move grabbing mango juice though...that was really my best call of the day.
10:40: "Nothing's happening, nothing's happening...something about a map...nothing's happening, nothing's happening...it's over...a lot of the people look pissed."
10:52: Huge pass to Hakeem Nicks has set the G-Men up inside the 25...wow, finally, something.
Victor Cruz!!! I love this guy. G-Men about to tie the game up.
11:04: VY converts on a 3rd and short. Philly is driving and are now down by the 30 after an eight yard run by Shady McCoy...where has he been all night?
11:10: Philly has it down around the Giant 30. They just took a time out. I hate Eli Manning, but do not give him any kind of time to get back into this game.
11:13: DeSean shakes a tackle and gets a first down (although he stepped out of bounds...every second counts). VY is crushing third down conversions. After a Shady run to the 5, we're under 3 minutes. This game is finally getting interesting.
11:16: Hanging with Mr. (Riley) Cooper for six. Florida's alma mater continues to have a big day. Philly takes the lead 17-10. 75 yards for Coop on the night. Vince freggin' Young man...vintage...
11:24: Victor Cruz with a huuuuggggeeeee catch down the sidelines. First down G-Men.
Oohhhhhhhhh! Manning is sacked from behind and fumbles! Philly ball with 1:20 left!
11:27: Shady McCoy all the way down to the G-Men 2 yard line. Victory formation! Down go the G-Men. Haha, I think I was like 3-11 in predictions, or in other words, way too shitty to actually go back and count all of the losses.
11:35: Alright, I've tired myself out trying to get drunk...you know how that is when you're drinking by yourself, and you want to get drunk, but the motivation/urgency just isn't there...it's a very tiring experience. One final thing: Jay Cutler broke his thumb, played through it, won, but could possibly miss the rest of the regular season because of it. Also, with Hasselbeck out, and Tennessee kinda sucking, can we please start the Jake Locker era already? You have a QB who can run like the wind and bomb the ball down the field...it might be too late this year, but if they can get this guy reps in a few games down the stretch, look out for this offense next year (they've had a miserable season from Chris Johnson and like one and a half games from Kenny Britt, and they're still like .500...not bad). Hope everyone has fun at work tomorrow. I'll most likely be completely wreck-loose, totally unproductive, and stuffing an entire weekend into a couple of hours, and obviously that's a plan destined for disaster. Sweet dreams y'all. GO PATS! Peace.
~Mell-o
Sunday, October 30, 2011
So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 8, 2011)
"Thanks for not making me wear a condom...f*ckin' classy move."
9:48: Welcome, welcome. Although we're not in snowshovel conditions yet in Boston (they are like everywhere else though...2 million without power?...ouch, that sucks bro), I have to tell you that the snow just doesn't do it for me at all. I'm an outdoorsman...but I'm not a winter outdoorsman...see what I mean? Born and raised here, but I have the thinnest blood because when I was a kid, I was fat and lazy and didn't go outside, like, ever in the winter, so now I'm really feeling the effects of that, especially after being down south from '03-'08. Anyway, the weather has me a little down (Fall lasted for one week...one!...how the f*ck am I supposed to pick apples when there's six inches of snow on the ground!), but I'm feeling good about this week, and heeeeeeeeeeerrrrreeeeee's why...
It seems like a month since the Pats played against Dallas (upon further examination, apparently it's only been two weeks), but if any really good team needed a bye, it's us. We're 5-1 right now, and really, who is beating Buffalo at Buffalo ever? Amazing game against the Cowboys though. We held the 'Boys to 16 pts., but I have to say that their running attack was in shambles after Felix Jones went down (more on the Dallas running game later...DEMARCO!!!), and Romo threw for over 300 yards. I just wish we weren't so "bend not break." I mean obviously in that scenario, you would rather bend, but I still want to believe that we have the personnel to really dominate an opposing offense.
This is where the Steelers come in. Now before I get into belittling them, which I kind of will, I'll say that they really do have a good team. Mike Wallace is an animal, and there are significant odds he will scorch us for a big play/TD today. However, their line sucks to be blunt about it. Maurkice Pouncey can't play all five line positions, so there are going to be areas the Pats need to focus on exploiting. Jerod may be back in there today, but even if he isn't, the Pats should let Andre Carter and Jermaine Cunningham loose on Big Ben, and definitely throw in some Patrick Chung safety blitz action. The Steelers can move the ball on the ground, but considering there is a real possibility that the middle 4 starting today will consist of Mayo, Spikes, Haynesworth, and, of course, Vinnie Wilfork, I'm more than confident about slowing Mendy, Redman, and Mewelde down.
The big play is the out for the Steelers. They will be looking to exploit our secondary now that Leigh Bodden has been released (I really liked him if you've read any of my material, but I guess he may not have been the same player coming back from a season-ending rotator cuff surgery, not to mention the groin injury he sustained this year. Couple this with Ras-I being placed on IR, and clearly, we're thin at the CB position. The man of the hour will be Kyle Arrington, who has shown flashes of brilliance like another #24 (Ty Law), but can he put it all together and help this team march towards a Super Bowl? This will be a great game to kind of see into that snow globe of the future.
The Steelers' D you obviously know about. Will they make big plays? Most likely. Will they bring constant pressure on Brady? Without a doubt (although they will be playing without James Harrison, which is just huge for us). Once again, the running game is going to be absolutely critical for us. We went away from it against Dallas, and it nearly cost us the game. I just don't understand how the combo of The Firm/Woodhead/Mr. Ridley does not get at least 30 carries a game. If we're passing every time on second down, wouldn't there be reason to believe that the defense knows this, and will be blitzing and pass rushing every time? (DeMarcus had three sacks last game, and, yes, he nearly Reggie White'd us like I predicted). I'm hoping they just get the run game going immediately, make the crowd put their towels in their pocket, and just dominate like we should do up front.
Outside of the "Ty Law broken leg/end of the 21-game win streak", and the regular season we had with them two years ago, we have dominated this team, with most of its part in tact (Mike Wallace, Mendenhall, and Lawrence Timmons we haven't seen a whole lot from in fairness, and they're all really good). The game comes down to the recognition of the zone blitz, and right now, there are two guys who are money in that situation, and like you probably suspected, they are Aaron Rodgers, and your two time MVP and two time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady. Sure, everyone in New England gushes about Tom Brady...you would too if he was your quarterback. Brady has shown through the years that he can carve defenses up. I would be stunned if the same didn't happen today.
I think a factor that can't be overlooked is the "what have you done for me lately?" factor. The Pats are coming off a bye after beating Dallas, a team many have winning the NFC East and potentially taking on Green Bay in the NFC Championship. Pittsburgh is coming off a game against arguably the worst non-winless team in the league. With Mayo and potentially Sebastian Vollmer returning (Vollmer has played one game this year...ONE!), I will really be surprised if the Steelers can pull this one out. They have beaten one .500 team this year (Tennessee), and the rest have been sub-.500. In addition, they get Baltimore on Sunday night next week...I know we're the shit, but some of those players have to be already mentally wanting to play them at home next week.
As if this was obvious enough, the Pats just have to get out to a fast start. The way to do that is to show the Steelers that even though they have Polamalu and Woodley, we own the middle. The Steelers have great defensive personnel, but they're totally getting WHONKed anyway (WHONK= Welker + Hernandez + Gronk)...no one in the league can figure it out, and I really hope they continue to have no clue because damn is it fun to watch these guys tear it up every week. Again, a medium to heavy size dusting of the Firm and whoever else you want to run at these guys, and we should blow them out. Will we? Ehhh...50/50, but definitely expecting a big game from the offense with Harrison out.
10:33: So, we have that one game covered pretty well, so on that note, it's time to get into gambling advice time (I know I said ya probably shouldn't take much of this into consideration, but with that being said, I've torn up three out of the last four weeks, so let's keep this train rolling).
What'cha Know About Tom Brady and Us? (-2.5) vs. Pittsburgh: Potentially the all-around offense's coming out party.
Indianapolis (+8.5) vs. Tennessee: I do realize that it's probably not the brightest idea to be banking on a team that just lost by 80 points (or whatever it was) last week, but I also believe it's not the brightest idea to be banking on a team that simply can't run the ball for some reason, and Matt Hasselbeck looking more and more like Carson Palmer sans the emotional outbursts (which may come...you never know).
Jacksonville (+10) vs. Houston: Apparently a lot of people are expecting a let down game from the Jags, but they played Pittsburgh tight on the road two weeks ago, then beat the Ravens in what my chef deemed "the ugliest game I have ever seen in my life"...there may be something to the Jags. We'll find out.
Carolina (-3.5) vs. Minnesota: I love All Day, but I'm looking at Christian Ponder, and I just don't know. I know what I have with the Panthers. Cam is going to bomb the ball to Steve Smith, which he will be able to do because the Vikes don't really have a good secondary. Otah should be able to at least slow Jared Allen down a little of the corner, and the Panthers are loaded with playmakers on their secondary, a perfect recipe for a 250 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs line from Ponder.
New Orleans (-13) vs. St. Louis: The Saints scored 62 points last week, the Rams almost gave up the single-game all-time rushing record last week...the Rams are going to have to pray for a letdown of epic proportions to keep this close (let's not forget that A.J. Feeley is their QB).
Baltimore (-12.5) vs. Arizona: I will be stunned if Arizona scores in this game...stunned.
Miami (+10.5) vs. The G-MEN: After what happened against Seattle, why not take a shitty team playing the Giants at the Meadowlands?
Buffalo (-4.5) vs. Washington: This is one of those trap spreads that I cannot get around. Why would you ever take John Beck on the road in perhaps the most hostile home field we've seen this year? Also, why would you bet against Fred Jackson ever?
Denver (+3) vs. Detroit: Here's my theory on Detroit: The Jim Schwartz flip out after the Niners game has created an "Emperor With New Clothes" situation in which they looked terrible down the stretch of the SF game, then the flip out, then they looked terrible (at home again mind you) against Atlanta, now they travel to Denver, where Tebowroo is in full effect (I hope Tebowroo sticks...I dunno...it probably has a better shot of surviving than WHONK though). The Tebow home effect is still applicable to the pros (I'm pretty sure he only lost the one game at the Swamp to Ole Miss, and outside of that he never lost...not saying Denver is like Gainesville for him, but they made freggin' billboards to get this guy to play...I think they like him).
San Francisco (-9) vs. Cleveland: I think once the Browns can figure out how to use the Hardesty/Hillis combo, or once they are both fully healthy, Cleveland might be okay. However, I'm looking at San Fran's D at home, and I'm thinking the Brownies won't get into double-digits today.
Seattle (+2) vs. Cincy: I never thought I would say this, but because Tarvaris Jackson is playing, I really like Seattle's chances (that and the crowd...actually it's mostly due to the crowd...who is enjoying the NBA lockout more than people in Seattle by the way?..."feel our pain for a year everyone!"...and then when they start playing next year, they will turn into a pumpkin again).
Philadelphia (-3) vs. Dallas: This is easy enough...if the Eagles lose, their season is finished. That enough motivation for ya?
Kansas City (+4) vs. San Diego: It could be let down city for the Chiefs, but they have to realize that even without Jamaal Charles and getting off to an incredibly slow start, they are actually still vying for a division title at 3-3. Also, Chargers: 3-0 at home, 1-2 on the road...yeahhhhh.
11:11: And now, probably my favorite thing to do in the world right now: Handicapping who is the shittiest team in the NFL...
The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes:
12:22: Got the cheap rum and the passion fruit. It's 35 degrees in Boston...so ya might as well consider me dead to the outside world now (unless I get food...there's always that 10-15 min. possibility of undeadness).
12:35: Watching an episode of Family Guy. Can you remember a show that has been more wildly hit and miss than this one? It was just amazing comedy for years and years, then all of a sudden, there was a big emphasis on the graphic upkeep and having guest stars, and it kind of went to shit after that. Don't get me wrong, they still have amazing moments and episodes (the "Brothers and Sisters" episode, when Adam West marries Lois' sister stands out in recent history), but you can tell they phone a lot of it in...in fact, at the beginning of the third Star Wars spoof, they literally said they were phoning this in...and they were right...actually that was the funniest part of the entire episode. It has to be tough to stay completely hysterical for this length of time...I'm lucky to get a half hour out a week too.
12:58: We're in countdown mode. I just benched Larry Fitzgerald...that's called bold. He was I think #11 in receivers and top 20 overall...I'm going with Delone Carter...think about it like this: If I think a team will not score a point today ('Zona), should I really start their receiver no matter how good he is? Carter, meanwhile, likely gets the majority of both carries and red zone/goal line touches...hey, sometimes you need to take a chance (man do I wish I had DeMarco back on this team...I dropped him when it looked like Choice supplanted him to #2 behind Felix Jones, now Jones is hurt, Choice is off the team, and the name DeMarco Murray was probably in the top 10 google'd sports related names last Sunday...my how three weeks can change everything).
1:04: NFL record for touchbacks in one year is going down today...it's still Week 8 right? They have nine more to go, and the record for touchbacks is already going down? Goddell, dude, put the kickoffs back at the 30. This is totally ridiculous.
1:06: Kevin Kolb just went down for an 18-yard sack...again, expect that to be something of a recurring theme.
Minny had a huge kick return on a rare non-touchback, then goes 3 and out, misses a FG, Ponder got sacked on 3rd down too. Not quite what we had in mind to start.
1:08: Houston is rocking those slick red jerseys today...I'm a fan. Inside the 20 right now after two straight to Kevin Walter...the other 83.
1:12: Rams are rocking the "these were ugly back in the day but now they look amazing" throwback blue uniforms...this has to be the only chance they have against the Saints...it's their "orange jersey"-like go to.
1:14: Dolphins looking realllllllly fired up. Call me optimistic, but I'm really liking where that prediction's heading.
Rams again continue to look good early (again, you have to say "early")...someone's putting their first W on the board today.
1:17: Baltimore's offense looks atrocious again. What is happening with Joe Flacco right now? Not so bueno, esp. on the last attempt to Boldin.
We're gonna have 1st and Goal for the 'Fins at the 1 on a pass interference call. I have to say, just really, I have no reason to like either team, so I'll pull for the winless.
1:20: Steve Slaton punches it in for Miami. If you started him in fantasy today, you should automatically win this week regardless of what anyone else on your team does.
Fitzgerald with a huuuuggggggeeeee catch. Now they announce he's donating $10,000 for every TD to breast cancer research...even if he's on the bench, gotta love him. Kolb gets sacked on 3rd down. Baltimore's 3rd sack already...I'm totally bummed, they may actually score and get a FG.
1:24: Ooohhhhhh shit, Blaine Gabbert got worked after he slid in Houston. Cushing just crushed him. Probably one of those personal foul fines upcoming for him. Gabbert is out, Luke McCown in...wow did the dynamics just make a sharp left there (or right, whatever your preference is).
1:35: Cam is again getting it done on 3rd down, and end-around to Steve Smith for another first plus a 15-yard facemask on the play. Panthers in business to tie up the Vikes (also, Capt. Munnerlyn with a sack on Ponder earlier...Gamecocks bitch!...most likely coming to a top 10 near you).
1:37: Baltimore is inside the two after a pass to Boldin. Ricky Williams had a huge run earlier, and Ray Rice was moving the chains afterwards. Flacco needs this game for a little confidence boost with the Steelers looking for revenge (and most likely coming off a loss) next week.
1:41: Man Steve Smith made another amazing TD catch (review pending). Elsewhere, Blaine Gabbert is back in the game...you gotta love it. Nothing like a guy who wants to be in there to be in there.
1:43: Feeley gets sacked inside the 2 for the Rams, and it turns out Steve Smith was short at the 1. On first down, they go to Stewart who lost yardage...I would go to Olsen or Shockey here.
1:46: Shockey for 6.
Dare I say, vintage Reggie Bush. Huge run followed by the rare combo of unnecessary roughness with a horse-collar tackle out of bounds. Miami is inside the 5.
1:50: Oh Miami goes for it on 4th down, they run the bootleg to absolute perfection. Matty Moore is in. That is another six for Miami. Wow, 14-3 in Jersey.
1:56: Wow the Colts are really bad. Delone Carter, give him the rock!!!
Annnnddddd the punt gets blocked in the end zone for six. Well...that means more Delone...give him the freggin' rock baby!
1:58: Beanie Wells puts it in for 'Zona. They've got 10 now...okay I'm impressed.
2:00: Cam throws another strike to a TE, this time to Greg Olsen for a score. 14-7 Carolina.
2:08: Ammmmaaaaazzzzzziiinnnngggg return by Patrick Peterson on a punt return for the touchdown, and then Flacco throws a pick...WOOOOOWWWW. 17-3 Cards with the ball inside the Raven 25.
2:12: Kevin Kolb to Early Doucet for six. 24-3 Cards...if you are a shitty team, chances are you're doing quite well right now.
Speaking of which, Captain Munnerlyn (Gamecock!), who was previously fighting with Percy Harvin on the sidelines 15 mins. ago, just stole the ball from him on a reception. First down Carolina.
2:48: Alright, quick food break, and again, if you've been sucking, you're doing amazing today. Ravens got a FG right before the half on 'Zona though, and now they have the ball at the 1 after a pass interference penalty. Ray Rice just exploded in for 6. Here we go.
2:59: Houston goes with goal line formation from the 8 twice in a row, they get stood up, but Schaub somehow fits it into Joel Dressien for a touchdown. Meanwhile, Kevin Kolb gets sacked again. Oh Arizona I feel it all just slipping away for ya.
3:04: Steven Jackson rolls in for another TD. 110 yards rushing and two scores. 24-zip Rams...that's what they call a letdown game for New Orleans.
Cam Newton with three passing TDs today, but Carolina is forced to punt. Minnesota is hanging in there.
3:11: Baltimore is beating Kolb senselessly right now. Zona is going to punt again. They are just opening the door wide for a comeback win. Flacco seems out of sync outside of their TD drive, but he'll have plenty of chances it seems.
3:17: All Day in for his second score ties the game up in Carolina. It continues to be the Anquan Boldin show in Baltimore. He's got three 20+ yard receptions on this drive. Finally, Zona just put Patrick Peterson on him, but Peterson was just flagged in the end zone for pass interference. First and goal Ravens in Ray Rice territory.
3:20: And Rice is in for the score. 24-20 Cards. G-Men w/ a FG to make it 17-13. Jon Vilma w/ a fumble recovery in the end zone to put New Orleans on the board (most interesting stat of the day thus far: Drew Brees has never been shut out in his professional career...ever).
3:24: Kolb throws another pick thanks to contact from Terrell Suggs. It's just a matter of time now. Zona went from climbing out of the Luck Sweepstakes to perhaps entrenching themselves even further. Another pass interference penalty coming on Anquan in the end zone. It's first and goal Ravens at the 1...time for #27.
3:29: As if there was ever a doubt. Ray Rice puts it in for his third score of the game. Vontae Leech, who was on Houston last year when Arian Foster won his rushing title, has been one of the more unheralded signings of this season, making a nice close-off block on Rice's TD.
3:35: Victor Cruz is perhaps better than anyone, maybe even Victor Cruz could imagine. After the catch, he shakes two tackles and makes it into the end zone for six. G-Men out front for the first time.
Arian Foster is in to the end zone in Houston. A bow to you. 21-7 Houston. Kolb just was sacked, fumbled, and Baltimore recovered, but holding on the defense negates it all. First down Zona over midfield.
3:39: Yet another Raven turnover (this time an Ed Reed pick) taken off the board because of a defensive penalty. You do realize Zona is just giving this game away, yet Baltimore for some reason wants no part of it.
3:42: Nate Washington is in for six, and that effectively ices the game for Tennessee. Indy will once again be in the Luck mix, but will they be #1? Zona, who is also very much in the mix, goes for it on 4th down and gets it inside the 30. First down Cards with less than 10 left down 3.
3:47: Feely ties the game for Zona at 27. Ponder continues to lead the Vikes down the field with passes to Aromashadu and Harvin. All Day continues to be ruthless on the Panther defense. First down Minny. Miami has the ball at their own 40, but Moore was just sacked by Umenyiora.
3:51: Minny falls short of the TD, has to settle for a Longwell FG. 24-21 w/ 3 mins. left. It's Cam time.
3:53: Matt Moore throws a pick to seal the fate of the winless Dolphins, but they covered, and if you cared about any aspect of this game, that was it.
3:55: Two minute warning in Charlotte. First down after a quick screen pass to Jonathan Stweart...it's happening Minnesota.
3:59: On fourth down, Cam unloads a 44 yard completion to Brandon LaFell. Unbelievable, yet very believable at the same time. Rams just picked Drew Brees, and it, is, ovah. Considering teams scoring 60 points in an NFL game are now 2-6 in their next game, probably should have seen that coming.
4:04: Wowwwwwwwwww. Olindo Mare missed a real short FG that would have tied the game. Minny escapes with a win. 10 minutes until the Pats!!!
4:07: Haha the Buffalo game is in Toronto? Whoooppps. Well that shows you how much I'm gambling on this stuff (big big fat zero).
4:10: Kevin Kolb rushes for the first down to get them out of inside their own 10. The Colts inexplicably threw four times on two separate occasions to end the game inside the 10...no running at all? Really? I mean I have Delone Carter (who was vultured inexplicably by Donald Brown on a goalline TD today), but really, what were they thinking?
4:14: Baltimore gets the ball back at midfield w/ a minute left in a tie game. I would just be going to Ray Rice all day, but Flacco goes deep, and Torrey Smith hauls it in inside the 5! First down Ravens...it looks like this comeback may happen.
Tebow nearly had a TD to Decker but apparently Decker couldn't get his 2nd foot down...that woulda helped me out on a lot of different fronts.
4:18: We're underway in Pittsburgh. This just in: You can pass on the Pats.
4:20: Three in a row to Miller. Wow we need Jerod Mayo in there big time.
4:22: Now four to Miller. Literally no one up the middle. This is what happens when you ask for Mayo at Heinz Field.
4:24: D looked horrendous on the opening drive, as the Steelers strike with Mewelde Moore on a quick slant. Elsewhere, apparently covering Titus Young results in some kind of penalty. He was wide, wide open for six. Then, the man known as Scott Chandler catches a TD for the Bills north of the border.
4:30: Captain Faulk is back!!!!!!! Over a year since he last played. Awesome to see him back. Farrior and Harrison are not playing today for the Steelers, but they force a three and out. Antonio Brown smartly makes a fair catch despite not having anyone within 15 yards of him. Thanks buddy!
4:35: I can't believe the Steelers got Jericho Cotchery...I thought I was done with this guy! Heath Miller gets yet another reception...this is getting ridiculous.
4:46: Mendenhall running all over us, but on 1st and goal, Big Ben needs a timeout because he is not feeling it...what "it" is, we shall see...probably never like seeing your starting QB just shaking his head his entire trip to the sidelines though.
4:49: And he's definitely not feeling any better after getting whacked by Vinnie Mac! (the rhymes do come unrehearsed)
Charlie Whitehurst is in at QB for Seattle? ABORT! ABORT!!!
4:55: Kevin Faulk is back! A rush and a reception, then a first down rush. Captain Faulk moving the chains!
4:59: William Gay called for groping, and a false start on us...here's momentum, and there it goes...and Wes just dropped an easy one for someone named Wes Welker.
5:01: Yup, Brady had Welker open, didn't throw it to him, that resulted in an incomplete. Then, Brady gets bumrushed by Lamarr Woodley...yikes.
5:15: Neon Deion in for Six! Steelers with the ball...they continue to hound us over the middle. Also, a bad luck play with the corner slipping resulted in a 20 yard pass play to Sanders.
5:34: The fake bad snap play to Kevin Faulk! It's like they're playing his greatest hits list. My request is the bubble screen! Do the bubble screen!!! Haha. Gostkowski for three.
5:38: Cincy looking great with their Dalton/Green combo. So, yeah, I guess I have to continue to apologize to A.J. about saying Julio was better than him...as of right now, advantage A.J., and worth the #3 pick.
6:04: Mendenhall making it happen. Again, the middle of the field...what is happening there? Third and long upcoming for Pittsburgh.
6:05: Wow...another third down conversion...over the middle...wow.
6:14: Settle for the three...I hate saying that...why are we settling for anything. Meanwhile, Tebow is now getting annihilated, San Fran dominating, and Seattle and Cincy? No idea.
6:19: Pats come out w/ a first down to Gronk, then a unnecessary roughness call brings it up another 15. Neon Deion with a first down. Pats really perking up right now...we need points desperately here.
9:48: Welcome, welcome. Although we're not in snowshovel conditions yet in Boston (they are like everywhere else though...2 million without power?...ouch, that sucks bro), I have to tell you that the snow just doesn't do it for me at all. I'm an outdoorsman...but I'm not a winter outdoorsman...see what I mean? Born and raised here, but I have the thinnest blood because when I was a kid, I was fat and lazy and didn't go outside, like, ever in the winter, so now I'm really feeling the effects of that, especially after being down south from '03-'08. Anyway, the weather has me a little down (Fall lasted for one week...one!...how the f*ck am I supposed to pick apples when there's six inches of snow on the ground!), but I'm feeling good about this week, and heeeeeeeeeeerrrrreeeeee's why...
It seems like a month since the Pats played against Dallas (upon further examination, apparently it's only been two weeks), but if any really good team needed a bye, it's us. We're 5-1 right now, and really, who is beating Buffalo at Buffalo ever? Amazing game against the Cowboys though. We held the 'Boys to 16 pts., but I have to say that their running attack was in shambles after Felix Jones went down (more on the Dallas running game later...DEMARCO!!!), and Romo threw for over 300 yards. I just wish we weren't so "bend not break." I mean obviously in that scenario, you would rather bend, but I still want to believe that we have the personnel to really dominate an opposing offense.
This is where the Steelers come in. Now before I get into belittling them, which I kind of will, I'll say that they really do have a good team. Mike Wallace is an animal, and there are significant odds he will scorch us for a big play/TD today. However, their line sucks to be blunt about it. Maurkice Pouncey can't play all five line positions, so there are going to be areas the Pats need to focus on exploiting. Jerod may be back in there today, but even if he isn't, the Pats should let Andre Carter and Jermaine Cunningham loose on Big Ben, and definitely throw in some Patrick Chung safety blitz action. The Steelers can move the ball on the ground, but considering there is a real possibility that the middle 4 starting today will consist of Mayo, Spikes, Haynesworth, and, of course, Vinnie Wilfork, I'm more than confident about slowing Mendy, Redman, and Mewelde down.
The big play is the out for the Steelers. They will be looking to exploit our secondary now that Leigh Bodden has been released (I really liked him if you've read any of my material, but I guess he may not have been the same player coming back from a season-ending rotator cuff surgery, not to mention the groin injury he sustained this year. Couple this with Ras-I being placed on IR, and clearly, we're thin at the CB position. The man of the hour will be Kyle Arrington, who has shown flashes of brilliance like another #24 (Ty Law), but can he put it all together and help this team march towards a Super Bowl? This will be a great game to kind of see into that snow globe of the future.
The Steelers' D you obviously know about. Will they make big plays? Most likely. Will they bring constant pressure on Brady? Without a doubt (although they will be playing without James Harrison, which is just huge for us). Once again, the running game is going to be absolutely critical for us. We went away from it against Dallas, and it nearly cost us the game. I just don't understand how the combo of The Firm/Woodhead/Mr. Ridley does not get at least 30 carries a game. If we're passing every time on second down, wouldn't there be reason to believe that the defense knows this, and will be blitzing and pass rushing every time? (DeMarcus had three sacks last game, and, yes, he nearly Reggie White'd us like I predicted). I'm hoping they just get the run game going immediately, make the crowd put their towels in their pocket, and just dominate like we should do up front.
Outside of the "Ty Law broken leg/end of the 21-game win streak", and the regular season we had with them two years ago, we have dominated this team, with most of its part in tact (Mike Wallace, Mendenhall, and Lawrence Timmons we haven't seen a whole lot from in fairness, and they're all really good). The game comes down to the recognition of the zone blitz, and right now, there are two guys who are money in that situation, and like you probably suspected, they are Aaron Rodgers, and your two time MVP and two time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady. Sure, everyone in New England gushes about Tom Brady...you would too if he was your quarterback. Brady has shown through the years that he can carve defenses up. I would be stunned if the same didn't happen today.
I think a factor that can't be overlooked is the "what have you done for me lately?" factor. The Pats are coming off a bye after beating Dallas, a team many have winning the NFC East and potentially taking on Green Bay in the NFC Championship. Pittsburgh is coming off a game against arguably the worst non-winless team in the league. With Mayo and potentially Sebastian Vollmer returning (Vollmer has played one game this year...ONE!), I will really be surprised if the Steelers can pull this one out. They have beaten one .500 team this year (Tennessee), and the rest have been sub-.500. In addition, they get Baltimore on Sunday night next week...I know we're the shit, but some of those players have to be already mentally wanting to play them at home next week.
As if this was obvious enough, the Pats just have to get out to a fast start. The way to do that is to show the Steelers that even though they have Polamalu and Woodley, we own the middle. The Steelers have great defensive personnel, but they're totally getting WHONKed anyway (WHONK= Welker + Hernandez + Gronk)...no one in the league can figure it out, and I really hope they continue to have no clue because damn is it fun to watch these guys tear it up every week. Again, a medium to heavy size dusting of the Firm and whoever else you want to run at these guys, and we should blow them out. Will we? Ehhh...50/50, but definitely expecting a big game from the offense with Harrison out.
10:33: So, we have that one game covered pretty well, so on that note, it's time to get into gambling advice time (I know I said ya probably shouldn't take much of this into consideration, but with that being said, I've torn up three out of the last four weeks, so let's keep this train rolling).
What'cha Know About Tom Brady and Us? (-2.5) vs. Pittsburgh: Potentially the all-around offense's coming out party.
Indianapolis (+8.5) vs. Tennessee: I do realize that it's probably not the brightest idea to be banking on a team that just lost by 80 points (or whatever it was) last week, but I also believe it's not the brightest idea to be banking on a team that simply can't run the ball for some reason, and Matt Hasselbeck looking more and more like Carson Palmer sans the emotional outbursts (which may come...you never know).
Jacksonville (+10) vs. Houston: Apparently a lot of people are expecting a let down game from the Jags, but they played Pittsburgh tight on the road two weeks ago, then beat the Ravens in what my chef deemed "the ugliest game I have ever seen in my life"...there may be something to the Jags. We'll find out.
Carolina (-3.5) vs. Minnesota: I love All Day, but I'm looking at Christian Ponder, and I just don't know. I know what I have with the Panthers. Cam is going to bomb the ball to Steve Smith, which he will be able to do because the Vikes don't really have a good secondary. Otah should be able to at least slow Jared Allen down a little of the corner, and the Panthers are loaded with playmakers on their secondary, a perfect recipe for a 250 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs line from Ponder.
New Orleans (-13) vs. St. Louis: The Saints scored 62 points last week, the Rams almost gave up the single-game all-time rushing record last week...the Rams are going to have to pray for a letdown of epic proportions to keep this close (let's not forget that A.J. Feeley is their QB).
Baltimore (-12.5) vs. Arizona: I will be stunned if Arizona scores in this game...stunned.
Miami (+10.5) vs. The G-MEN: After what happened against Seattle, why not take a shitty team playing the Giants at the Meadowlands?
Buffalo (-4.5) vs. Washington: This is one of those trap spreads that I cannot get around. Why would you ever take John Beck on the road in perhaps the most hostile home field we've seen this year? Also, why would you bet against Fred Jackson ever?
Denver (+3) vs. Detroit: Here's my theory on Detroit: The Jim Schwartz flip out after the Niners game has created an "Emperor With New Clothes" situation in which they looked terrible down the stretch of the SF game, then the flip out, then they looked terrible (at home again mind you) against Atlanta, now they travel to Denver, where Tebowroo is in full effect (I hope Tebowroo sticks...I dunno...it probably has a better shot of surviving than WHONK though). The Tebow home effect is still applicable to the pros (I'm pretty sure he only lost the one game at the Swamp to Ole Miss, and outside of that he never lost...not saying Denver is like Gainesville for him, but they made freggin' billboards to get this guy to play...I think they like him).
San Francisco (-9) vs. Cleveland: I think once the Browns can figure out how to use the Hardesty/Hillis combo, or once they are both fully healthy, Cleveland might be okay. However, I'm looking at San Fran's D at home, and I'm thinking the Brownies won't get into double-digits today.
Seattle (+2) vs. Cincy: I never thought I would say this, but because Tarvaris Jackson is playing, I really like Seattle's chances (that and the crowd...actually it's mostly due to the crowd...who is enjoying the NBA lockout more than people in Seattle by the way?..."feel our pain for a year everyone!"...and then when they start playing next year, they will turn into a pumpkin again).
Philadelphia (-3) vs. Dallas: This is easy enough...if the Eagles lose, their season is finished. That enough motivation for ya?
Kansas City (+4) vs. San Diego: It could be let down city for the Chiefs, but they have to realize that even without Jamaal Charles and getting off to an incredibly slow start, they are actually still vying for a division title at 3-3. Also, Chargers: 3-0 at home, 1-2 on the road...yeahhhhh.
11:11: And now, probably my favorite thing to do in the world right now: Handicapping who is the shittiest team in the NFL...
The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes:
- Miami (3/2): Who honors the QB who is playing against you? It's like Tebow was sucking, then they did the halftime ceremony with the '08 Gators, and he turned back into the hero in the second half. Who would possibly do that unless they were trying to lose every game? Kudos Miami, you're halfway there.
- Indy (2/1): The Colts took a markedly good approach by losing by 55 points in New Orleans on Sunday to jump into the 2-spot. Again, it looks as though the infrastructure of their team alone would be worth 4-5 wins alone, but if they continue to play as disheartened as they did on Sunday, they could play a major factor down the stretch.
- St. Louis (5/2): While the Rams fell back one spot, they have time to make up ground this week with a potential blowout at home coupled with two perhaps winnable games from Miami and Indy. Also, the Rams getting Brandon Lloyd...I'm puzzled by that. There is no way they will win the division thanks to San Fran being who they thought they were (and yes, I just crowned their asses), and no way of stealing a wild card...why get better? There's not going to be a lot of guys that have their own sweepstakes columns, why not strive for futility? I think the fans might actually get it. Imagine a scenario where the Rams have Miami's first round pick for the next three years, including their own awesome pick because they will probably suck for a while...could they not turn that franchise around with five first round picks, including three or four in the top 10? And there's a rookie wage scale? Come on St. Louis, you're better (worse) than that.
- Arizona (6/1): The Cards continue to inch closer and closer to the top 3 after an abysmal performance against Pittsburgh at home. Now, they're on the road against Baltimore who, as I mentioned before, will probably shut them out (I'm feeling 23-0...I dunno, that score is sticking out to me right now). Kevin Kolb is looking like a backup, which, hey, he probably should be right? Shouldn't you have to earn your starting QB stripes on merit? The guy got concussed by Clay Matthews, benched for Michael Vick, and then gets a giant contract. That's like a 16-year old kid wrecking a Pontiac, and then once they're ready to get back on the road, you give them a Benz...it stunk from the beginning, and it's really stinking right now.
- Minnesota (8/1): It's a dogfight right now between the Vikes and Seattle to get on the board. Based on the predictions for today, I'm going with Minny here, but Seattle could put up a stinkeroo against Cincy at home and climb back into the hunt. Drrraaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaa!!!
12:22: Got the cheap rum and the passion fruit. It's 35 degrees in Boston...so ya might as well consider me dead to the outside world now (unless I get food...there's always that 10-15 min. possibility of undeadness).
12:35: Watching an episode of Family Guy. Can you remember a show that has been more wildly hit and miss than this one? It was just amazing comedy for years and years, then all of a sudden, there was a big emphasis on the graphic upkeep and having guest stars, and it kind of went to shit after that. Don't get me wrong, they still have amazing moments and episodes (the "Brothers and Sisters" episode, when Adam West marries Lois' sister stands out in recent history), but you can tell they phone a lot of it in...in fact, at the beginning of the third Star Wars spoof, they literally said they were phoning this in...and they were right...actually that was the funniest part of the entire episode. It has to be tough to stay completely hysterical for this length of time...I'm lucky to get a half hour out a week too.
12:58: We're in countdown mode. I just benched Larry Fitzgerald...that's called bold. He was I think #11 in receivers and top 20 overall...I'm going with Delone Carter...think about it like this: If I think a team will not score a point today ('Zona), should I really start their receiver no matter how good he is? Carter, meanwhile, likely gets the majority of both carries and red zone/goal line touches...hey, sometimes you need to take a chance (man do I wish I had DeMarco back on this team...I dropped him when it looked like Choice supplanted him to #2 behind Felix Jones, now Jones is hurt, Choice is off the team, and the name DeMarco Murray was probably in the top 10 google'd sports related names last Sunday...my how three weeks can change everything).
1:04: NFL record for touchbacks in one year is going down today...it's still Week 8 right? They have nine more to go, and the record for touchbacks is already going down? Goddell, dude, put the kickoffs back at the 30. This is totally ridiculous.
1:06: Kevin Kolb just went down for an 18-yard sack...again, expect that to be something of a recurring theme.
Minny had a huge kick return on a rare non-touchback, then goes 3 and out, misses a FG, Ponder got sacked on 3rd down too. Not quite what we had in mind to start.
1:08: Houston is rocking those slick red jerseys today...I'm a fan. Inside the 20 right now after two straight to Kevin Walter...the other 83.
1:12: Rams are rocking the "these were ugly back in the day but now they look amazing" throwback blue uniforms...this has to be the only chance they have against the Saints...it's their "orange jersey"-like go to.
1:14: Dolphins looking realllllllly fired up. Call me optimistic, but I'm really liking where that prediction's heading.
Rams again continue to look good early (again, you have to say "early")...someone's putting their first W on the board today.
1:17: Baltimore's offense looks atrocious again. What is happening with Joe Flacco right now? Not so bueno, esp. on the last attempt to Boldin.
We're gonna have 1st and Goal for the 'Fins at the 1 on a pass interference call. I have to say, just really, I have no reason to like either team, so I'll pull for the winless.
1:20: Steve Slaton punches it in for Miami. If you started him in fantasy today, you should automatically win this week regardless of what anyone else on your team does.
Fitzgerald with a huuuuggggggeeeee catch. Now they announce he's donating $10,000 for every TD to breast cancer research...even if he's on the bench, gotta love him. Kolb gets sacked on 3rd down. Baltimore's 3rd sack already...I'm totally bummed, they may actually score and get a FG.
1:24: Ooohhhhhh shit, Blaine Gabbert got worked after he slid in Houston. Cushing just crushed him. Probably one of those personal foul fines upcoming for him. Gabbert is out, Luke McCown in...wow did the dynamics just make a sharp left there (or right, whatever your preference is).
1:35: Cam is again getting it done on 3rd down, and end-around to Steve Smith for another first plus a 15-yard facemask on the play. Panthers in business to tie up the Vikes (also, Capt. Munnerlyn with a sack on Ponder earlier...Gamecocks bitch!...most likely coming to a top 10 near you).
1:37: Baltimore is inside the two after a pass to Boldin. Ricky Williams had a huge run earlier, and Ray Rice was moving the chains afterwards. Flacco needs this game for a little confidence boost with the Steelers looking for revenge (and most likely coming off a loss) next week.
1:41: Man Steve Smith made another amazing TD catch (review pending). Elsewhere, Blaine Gabbert is back in the game...you gotta love it. Nothing like a guy who wants to be in there to be in there.
1:43: Feeley gets sacked inside the 2 for the Rams, and it turns out Steve Smith was short at the 1. On first down, they go to Stewart who lost yardage...I would go to Olsen or Shockey here.
1:46: Shockey for 6.
Dare I say, vintage Reggie Bush. Huge run followed by the rare combo of unnecessary roughness with a horse-collar tackle out of bounds. Miami is inside the 5.
1:50: Oh Miami goes for it on 4th down, they run the bootleg to absolute perfection. Matty Moore is in. That is another six for Miami. Wow, 14-3 in Jersey.
1:56: Wow the Colts are really bad. Delone Carter, give him the rock!!!
Annnnddddd the punt gets blocked in the end zone for six. Well...that means more Delone...give him the freggin' rock baby!
1:58: Beanie Wells puts it in for 'Zona. They've got 10 now...okay I'm impressed.
2:00: Cam throws another strike to a TE, this time to Greg Olsen for a score. 14-7 Carolina.
2:08: Ammmmaaaaazzzzzziiinnnngggg return by Patrick Peterson on a punt return for the touchdown, and then Flacco throws a pick...WOOOOOWWWW. 17-3 Cards with the ball inside the Raven 25.
2:12: Kevin Kolb to Early Doucet for six. 24-3 Cards...if you are a shitty team, chances are you're doing quite well right now.
Speaking of which, Captain Munnerlyn (Gamecock!), who was previously fighting with Percy Harvin on the sidelines 15 mins. ago, just stole the ball from him on a reception. First down Carolina.
2:48: Alright, quick food break, and again, if you've been sucking, you're doing amazing today. Ravens got a FG right before the half on 'Zona though, and now they have the ball at the 1 after a pass interference penalty. Ray Rice just exploded in for 6. Here we go.
2:59: Houston goes with goal line formation from the 8 twice in a row, they get stood up, but Schaub somehow fits it into Joel Dressien for a touchdown. Meanwhile, Kevin Kolb gets sacked again. Oh Arizona I feel it all just slipping away for ya.
3:04: Steven Jackson rolls in for another TD. 110 yards rushing and two scores. 24-zip Rams...that's what they call a letdown game for New Orleans.
Cam Newton with three passing TDs today, but Carolina is forced to punt. Minnesota is hanging in there.
3:11: Baltimore is beating Kolb senselessly right now. Zona is going to punt again. They are just opening the door wide for a comeback win. Flacco seems out of sync outside of their TD drive, but he'll have plenty of chances it seems.
3:17: All Day in for his second score ties the game up in Carolina. It continues to be the Anquan Boldin show in Baltimore. He's got three 20+ yard receptions on this drive. Finally, Zona just put Patrick Peterson on him, but Peterson was just flagged in the end zone for pass interference. First and goal Ravens in Ray Rice territory.
3:20: And Rice is in for the score. 24-20 Cards. G-Men w/ a FG to make it 17-13. Jon Vilma w/ a fumble recovery in the end zone to put New Orleans on the board (most interesting stat of the day thus far: Drew Brees has never been shut out in his professional career...ever).
3:24: Kolb throws another pick thanks to contact from Terrell Suggs. It's just a matter of time now. Zona went from climbing out of the Luck Sweepstakes to perhaps entrenching themselves even further. Another pass interference penalty coming on Anquan in the end zone. It's first and goal Ravens at the 1...time for #27.
3:29: As if there was ever a doubt. Ray Rice puts it in for his third score of the game. Vontae Leech, who was on Houston last year when Arian Foster won his rushing title, has been one of the more unheralded signings of this season, making a nice close-off block on Rice's TD.
3:35: Victor Cruz is perhaps better than anyone, maybe even Victor Cruz could imagine. After the catch, he shakes two tackles and makes it into the end zone for six. G-Men out front for the first time.
Arian Foster is in to the end zone in Houston. A bow to you. 21-7 Houston. Kolb just was sacked, fumbled, and Baltimore recovered, but holding on the defense negates it all. First down Zona over midfield.
3:39: Yet another Raven turnover (this time an Ed Reed pick) taken off the board because of a defensive penalty. You do realize Zona is just giving this game away, yet Baltimore for some reason wants no part of it.
3:42: Nate Washington is in for six, and that effectively ices the game for Tennessee. Indy will once again be in the Luck mix, but will they be #1? Zona, who is also very much in the mix, goes for it on 4th down and gets it inside the 30. First down Cards with less than 10 left down 3.
3:47: Feely ties the game for Zona at 27. Ponder continues to lead the Vikes down the field with passes to Aromashadu and Harvin. All Day continues to be ruthless on the Panther defense. First down Minny. Miami has the ball at their own 40, but Moore was just sacked by Umenyiora.
3:51: Minny falls short of the TD, has to settle for a Longwell FG. 24-21 w/ 3 mins. left. It's Cam time.
3:53: Matt Moore throws a pick to seal the fate of the winless Dolphins, but they covered, and if you cared about any aspect of this game, that was it.
3:55: Two minute warning in Charlotte. First down after a quick screen pass to Jonathan Stweart...it's happening Minnesota.
3:59: On fourth down, Cam unloads a 44 yard completion to Brandon LaFell. Unbelievable, yet very believable at the same time. Rams just picked Drew Brees, and it, is, ovah. Considering teams scoring 60 points in an NFL game are now 2-6 in their next game, probably should have seen that coming.
4:04: Wowwwwwwwwww. Olindo Mare missed a real short FG that would have tied the game. Minny escapes with a win. 10 minutes until the Pats!!!
4:07: Haha the Buffalo game is in Toronto? Whoooppps. Well that shows you how much I'm gambling on this stuff (big big fat zero).
4:10: Kevin Kolb rushes for the first down to get them out of inside their own 10. The Colts inexplicably threw four times on two separate occasions to end the game inside the 10...no running at all? Really? I mean I have Delone Carter (who was vultured inexplicably by Donald Brown on a goalline TD today), but really, what were they thinking?
4:14: Baltimore gets the ball back at midfield w/ a minute left in a tie game. I would just be going to Ray Rice all day, but Flacco goes deep, and Torrey Smith hauls it in inside the 5! First down Ravens...it looks like this comeback may happen.
Tebow nearly had a TD to Decker but apparently Decker couldn't get his 2nd foot down...that woulda helped me out on a lot of different fronts.
4:18: We're underway in Pittsburgh. This just in: You can pass on the Pats.
4:20: Three in a row to Miller. Wow we need Jerod Mayo in there big time.
4:22: Now four to Miller. Literally no one up the middle. This is what happens when you ask for Mayo at Heinz Field.
4:24: D looked horrendous on the opening drive, as the Steelers strike with Mewelde Moore on a quick slant. Elsewhere, apparently covering Titus Young results in some kind of penalty. He was wide, wide open for six. Then, the man known as Scott Chandler catches a TD for the Bills north of the border.
4:30: Captain Faulk is back!!!!!!! Over a year since he last played. Awesome to see him back. Farrior and Harrison are not playing today for the Steelers, but they force a three and out. Antonio Brown smartly makes a fair catch despite not having anyone within 15 yards of him. Thanks buddy!
4:35: I can't believe the Steelers got Jericho Cotchery...I thought I was done with this guy! Heath Miller gets yet another reception...this is getting ridiculous.
4:46: Mendenhall running all over us, but on 1st and goal, Big Ben needs a timeout because he is not feeling it...what "it" is, we shall see...probably never like seeing your starting QB just shaking his head his entire trip to the sidelines though.
4:49: And he's definitely not feeling any better after getting whacked by Vinnie Mac! (the rhymes do come unrehearsed)
Charlie Whitehurst is in at QB for Seattle? ABORT! ABORT!!!
4:55: Kevin Faulk is back! A rush and a reception, then a first down rush. Captain Faulk moving the chains!
4:59: William Gay called for groping, and a false start on us...here's momentum, and there it goes...and Wes just dropped an easy one for someone named Wes Welker.
5:01: Yup, Brady had Welker open, didn't throw it to him, that resulted in an incomplete. Then, Brady gets bumrushed by Lamarr Woodley...yikes.
5:15: Neon Deion in for Six! Steelers with the ball...they continue to hound us over the middle. Also, a bad luck play with the corner slipping resulted in a 20 yard pass play to Sanders.
5:34: The fake bad snap play to Kevin Faulk! It's like they're playing his greatest hits list. My request is the bubble screen! Do the bubble screen!!! Haha. Gostkowski for three.
5:38: Cincy looking great with their Dalton/Green combo. So, yeah, I guess I have to continue to apologize to A.J. about saying Julio was better than him...as of right now, advantage A.J., and worth the #3 pick.
6:04: Mendenhall making it happen. Again, the middle of the field...what is happening there? Third and long upcoming for Pittsburgh.
6:05: Wow...another third down conversion...over the middle...wow.
6:14: Settle for the three...I hate saying that...why are we settling for anything. Meanwhile, Tebow is now getting annihilated, San Fran dominating, and Seattle and Cincy? No idea.
6:19: Pats come out w/ a first down to Gronk, then a unnecessary roughness call brings it up another 15. Neon Deion with a first down. Pats really perking up right now...we need points desperately here.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 7, 2011)
"It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie..."
11:14: That's right...bye (USC) bye (Pats)...bye (I have no third one here). What's up people. I'm hoping to get a lot in here today. Down the Cape now, but hopefully will be back to the homestead for about halftime of the 4:00 games (I can't help it...I have to see Tebow). In the meantime, hope your weeks are good. I'm stoked to not work today, so let's get right the hell into it.
Predictions...let's turn it around today!!!
JAAAAAAASSSSHHHHHH and the Bucs (+1.5) vs. Da Bears: I love not picking a Pats game this week...fantastic...anyway. So, the Bucs just rolled on a team that is 75/25 offensively reliant last week (I mean no offense to Sproles, Ingram, and Thomas, but that team passes to win), now they get another one at home? I love Forte and Hester, but they are really gonna have to go ballistic for them to take this on the road...Freeman at home is a beast...keep it going with Earnest Graham in LeGarrette's absence man.
Carolina (-2.5) vs. Washington: I'm really surprised by how low this is. Washington's defense is going to have to come up with a monster effort. Never like seeing a guy's first start due to demotion be on the road either, especially when all things considered, Rex really had like the one terrible game, and that was about it. That can't be a good sign when the guy who did have you atop the division for a little bit (hopefully all my Redskins fans out there took pictures) gets pulled after one bad game...kind of a wavering situation there.
San Diego (Pk) vs. Jets: I had the Jets penciled (typed) in here...I dunno...call it a feeling. They might also get crushed. I mean right now, the Jets have to be thinking every game is must win as the Pats keep rolling along, winning all kinds of games (close ones, games that were close on the scoreboard but really weren't that close (hellllloooooo Miami!!!...spoiler: you're still #1 in something!). However, I think the Jets play better when they are loose, and going into every game thinking you have to win rather than just playing your game might get them into trouble. Can we seriously give Mike Tolbert the ball? He became available in my league, I didn't know why, and then I read his stat line...dude has under 35 yards rushing in every game this year! (although his first game he did have three receiving TDs). Man if San Diego figured out how to make him a part of the plan.
Cleveland (-3) vs. Seattle: It figured Tarvaris Jackson has one of the more important wins of his career on the road, and now he's hurt. Sooooooo what you're telling me is you have a Clemson QB going up against an extremely underrated secondary and running attack at home? Yeahhhhhhh...
Oh, so my dad wants to go to lunch, like...now...and I'm pretty sure I'm still on the payment plan in this situation (which will change soon, but I'm not that financially flush to turn down free beer and food), so, it's time for the lightning round!
Denver (-1) vs. Miami: Vegas clearly underestimated the Tebow effect and the potential that its tentacles (whoa that's a letter away from this going south) would spread to NFL gambling. Opened at Miami -3, now it's as high in some places as -2.5 Denver, and this is after they traded Brandon Lloyd away. It is Tebow to Decker time.
Atlanta (+5.5) vs. Detroit: Detroit will win by 30 or lose by 7 I feel.
KC (+3.5) vs. Oakland: The Raiders are a classic "play up to the level" of the opponent. They'll probably sleep on KC like Indy did, and hopefully Matt Cassel can remember that despite not having their star RB, they have one emerging in Battle and Bowe and Breaston (lots of B's) are monsters, esp. D-Bowe (what you got on my 40 homie?)
Pittsburgh (-4) vs. Arizona: This is going to feel like Heinz Field after a while.
St. Louis (+14) vs. Dallas: At some point, don't you get tired of getting your asses kicked?
Green Bay (-10) vs. Minnesota: At no point does kicking ass get tired.
New Orleans (-13.5) vs. Indy: Something about the SuperDome for a night game...it's like they can push the A button for turbo (I wanna say I just referenced Madden '94 on Sega...I could be wrong...was it B?...no, no way!) and their stamina meter stays on glowing red.
Jacksonville (+10) vs. Baltimore: The Ravens may eventually travel as well as the Steelers do in terms of fans, but they're not there quite yet. Jag fans have no choice now but to get behind Gabbert. MoJoDo can divert some attention, and look at what happened against Pittsburgh (yes, them again) last week.
Luck Sweepstakes (he looked freggin' amazing against U-Dub yesterday):
4:44: Alright, about to head home. Two thoughts: Arian F'ing Foster. If you looked down, then looked up again at Foster's stat line, you honestly wouldn't know at first if you were looking at running or receiving...that's what the f*ck is up), and if you were not aware of this, this is Tebow's league (you know, with Brady on a bye and all). Broncos in a screecher. DeMarco just went for a 91-yard TD run...it's like I know what I'm talking about...scary shit. We'll see you later on in Cambridge (might be bowling tonight cause I'm feeling totally crappy, but that's an upgrade from totally shitty, so we'll see).
11:14: That's right...bye (USC) bye (Pats)...bye (I have no third one here). What's up people. I'm hoping to get a lot in here today. Down the Cape now, but hopefully will be back to the homestead for about halftime of the 4:00 games (I can't help it...I have to see Tebow). In the meantime, hope your weeks are good. I'm stoked to not work today, so let's get right the hell into it.
Predictions...let's turn it around today!!!
JAAAAAAASSSSHHHHHH and the Bucs (+1.5) vs. Da Bears: I love not picking a Pats game this week...fantastic...anyway. So, the Bucs just rolled on a team that is 75/25 offensively reliant last week (I mean no offense to Sproles, Ingram, and Thomas, but that team passes to win), now they get another one at home? I love Forte and Hester, but they are really gonna have to go ballistic for them to take this on the road...Freeman at home is a beast...keep it going with Earnest Graham in LeGarrette's absence man.
Carolina (-2.5) vs. Washington: I'm really surprised by how low this is. Washington's defense is going to have to come up with a monster effort. Never like seeing a guy's first start due to demotion be on the road either, especially when all things considered, Rex really had like the one terrible game, and that was about it. That can't be a good sign when the guy who did have you atop the division for a little bit (hopefully all my Redskins fans out there took pictures) gets pulled after one bad game...kind of a wavering situation there.
San Diego (Pk) vs. Jets: I had the Jets penciled (typed) in here...I dunno...call it a feeling. They might also get crushed. I mean right now, the Jets have to be thinking every game is must win as the Pats keep rolling along, winning all kinds of games (close ones, games that were close on the scoreboard but really weren't that close (hellllloooooo Miami!!!...spoiler: you're still #1 in something!). However, I think the Jets play better when they are loose, and going into every game thinking you have to win rather than just playing your game might get them into trouble. Can we seriously give Mike Tolbert the ball? He became available in my league, I didn't know why, and then I read his stat line...dude has under 35 yards rushing in every game this year! (although his first game he did have three receiving TDs). Man if San Diego figured out how to make him a part of the plan.
Cleveland (-3) vs. Seattle: It figured Tarvaris Jackson has one of the more important wins of his career on the road, and now he's hurt. Sooooooo what you're telling me is you have a Clemson QB going up against an extremely underrated secondary and running attack at home? Yeahhhhhhh...
Oh, so my dad wants to go to lunch, like...now...and I'm pretty sure I'm still on the payment plan in this situation (which will change soon, but I'm not that financially flush to turn down free beer and food), so, it's time for the lightning round!
Denver (-1) vs. Miami: Vegas clearly underestimated the Tebow effect and the potential that its tentacles (whoa that's a letter away from this going south) would spread to NFL gambling. Opened at Miami -3, now it's as high in some places as -2.5 Denver, and this is after they traded Brandon Lloyd away. It is Tebow to Decker time.
Atlanta (+5.5) vs. Detroit: Detroit will win by 30 or lose by 7 I feel.
KC (+3.5) vs. Oakland: The Raiders are a classic "play up to the level" of the opponent. They'll probably sleep on KC like Indy did, and hopefully Matt Cassel can remember that despite not having their star RB, they have one emerging in Battle and Bowe and Breaston (lots of B's) are monsters, esp. D-Bowe (what you got on my 40 homie?)
Pittsburgh (-4) vs. Arizona: This is going to feel like Heinz Field after a while.
St. Louis (+14) vs. Dallas: At some point, don't you get tired of getting your asses kicked?
Green Bay (-10) vs. Minnesota: At no point does kicking ass get tired.
New Orleans (-13.5) vs. Indy: Something about the SuperDome for a night game...it's like they can push the A button for turbo (I wanna say I just referenced Madden '94 on Sega...I could be wrong...was it B?...no, no way!) and their stamina meter stays on glowing red.
Jacksonville (+10) vs. Baltimore: The Ravens may eventually travel as well as the Steelers do in terms of fans, but they're not there quite yet. Jag fans have no choice now but to get behind Gabbert. MoJoDo can divert some attention, and look at what happened against Pittsburgh (yes, them again) last week.
Luck Sweepstakes (he looked freggin' amazing against U-Dub yesterday):
- Miami (3/2): Still no sign of Kyle Orton
- St. Louis (2/1): No Bradford today. Again, I think they put up at least a bit of a fight today.
- Indy (8/1): I think the favorites are kind of separating a bit from the field. Again, Indy is winless, but I could see them winning at some point...those two above?...ehhhh...
- Minnesota (9/1): Christian Ponder is gonna have to be real good real quick.
- Arizona (12/1): Very much the dark horse in all of this. Their incompetency must be credited in print though. They have one win, and it was Cam Newton's first start...and let's be honest, they probably should have lost that one too. I think 'Zona's stock might be on the rise (or plummeting, depending on how you view things...but once you get into the top 5, you immediately have to start tanking...do you realize whoever has the #1 pick will be locked into as many as three first round picks?...possibly more?...it is a sweepstakes people)
4:44: Alright, about to head home. Two thoughts: Arian F'ing Foster. If you looked down, then looked up again at Foster's stat line, you honestly wouldn't know at first if you were looking at running or receiving...that's what the f*ck is up), and if you were not aware of this, this is Tebow's league (you know, with Brady on a bye and all). Broncos in a screecher. DeMarco just went for a 91-yard TD run...it's like I know what I'm talking about...scary shit. We'll see you later on in Cambridge (might be bowling tonight cause I'm feeling totally crappy, but that's an upgrade from totally shitty, so we'll see).
Saturday, October 15, 2011
So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 6, 2011)
"Yo part two, bum rush the show."
Saturday (8:38...whoa, 8:39...time is flying!): So I'm working tomorrow, and I know, you're devastated, you're outraged!!! Buuuuutttttt...ehhh, don't feel too bad ($$, work I love, me busting Jack, Sinatra, the Beatles entire catalog, and a mellow (pun intended) soundtrack I made for a girl that I was in love with for two or so years...see here's the thing people: mixtapes are cheesy...if there is no meaning in the list...see when I make some shit, it means something. Like when I made that, my thought process was "hey, so this is definitively me , and it's really early in the morning, but this is gonna help you out BIG time," but I'm pretty sure she never heard it...
haha, someone will see this...
Okay, predictions, and then the segment I started that Rick Reilly stole even though I'm sure he thought he was wicked original considering not a lot of people read this and in no way could that have gotten back to him...thank God for timestamping (actually you can totally tamper with that shit...let's agree to agree on this).
Okay, picks. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really pissed at myself...I had Seattle, I had Pittsburgh...dunno why on Earth I changed it. Hopefully the lack of pregame coverage coming into this will help.
The Picks Dude:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PATS BIIIAAATTTTCCCHHHHH (-6.5) vs. Dallas: Holy shit can we run the ball!!! Forget it. I mean seriously forget it if we remember the formula of run game + Brady = W's even if the defense doesn't show. Not saying that didn't happen last week (at least not the whole game), but we cannot be stopped if the Firm is running at full potential and Brady is given the time to operate...it's over.
Soooooooo, I'm a little tight on one issue, which is one that I have basically had my entire life with the Pats...pass f***in' rush man. Seriously, when will this happen? Could you imagine what we could do if Bill had any kind of elite pass rusher for basically the entire time he's been in New England (best pass rushers: Seymour and Vrabel)? I dunno...it's frustrating to know going into every year, this is going to be your team's weakness, and they know it, and they continue to not improve at all because they got burned by the A-Train (Adalius Thomas) and Roosevelt Colvin.
Having said that, the pass rush will take a back seat to Romo combusting. I mean this guy could have 400 yards tomorrow...but will he make the big one? It's like racing at Talladega or Daytona...you know there's gonna be that "big one" eventually. The only problem I have is that he's underdogged, when more often than not, he fails when he's expected to do well. Hopefully my proclamation he would go for 400 jinxed him...and hopefully me just saying that didn't reverse jinx that...
Honestly, I think Sean Lee is the key to this whole equation. He's this deceptively fast MLB who quite frankly could potentially hang with Hernando down the middle. So hopefully Tom realizes this, and really starts to pick on the safety/some other linebacker on Gronk. He may have a huge game tomorrow...I mean the thing about this team is that anyone could have 100 and 2 TDs...even Woodhead, who will be back...that would be The Firm, Woodie, and Mr. Ridley all, day, long. Brady needs to utilize an over-aggressive team like he did last week. The Pats went for 450 yards and 30 pts. on Rex's D, which you know is basically like Rob's D...I mean the O/U is 55...you know they think we'll go for at least 30...again, if we really want to, we could destroy every team in the league (something Green Bay is grasping a little better than we are right now).
Green Bay (-14) vs. St. Louis: It is absolutely pointless to bet against Green Bay right now.
Jacksonville (+13) vs. Pittsbugh: Way too high of a spread for a team with a good running game and a pesky D.
Washington (+3) v.s Philly: Sorry Philly, I think you're waiting until the bye week to turn this around...and how sweet would it be for DC to come off the bye and score a revenge W against Vick and Co.?
Detroit (-4) vs. San Fran: San Fran is the team we thought they would be last year, and I think the key has had everything to do with the defense being completely menacing. I dunno though man. I see that Green Bay/Detroit game on Thanksgiving Day...and if they were both undefeated, it would be the most highly anticipated Turkey Day game of our lifetimes, possibly ever.
Carolina (+3.5) vs. Atlanta: Cam Newton is a covering machine. 4-0-1 ATS this year...it continues to be tougher and tougher to root against this guy's success.
Indy (+6.5) vs. Cincy: I'm officially sold on Curtis Painter to be a better-than-average QB for this team. It took Dwayne Bowe and Steve Breaston to go out of their collective minds last week to beat them. Cincy has A.J. (who looks great), and Gresham (likewise), but that Painter/Pierre combo continues to be red hot right now, and least we forget they have Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark kinda chillin' right now. Throw some Delone Carter in there (biggggggg game for him), and I like Indy to get it, well, not back on track, but at least in the direction of it.
THE G-MEN (-3.5) vs. Buffalo: Okay, so this game screams at me to take the Bills...I'm learning to realize that, and just go opposite no matter how tempting it is to go otherwise.
Baltimore (-7) vs. Houston: It's gonna take more than one week to get over arguably the best player on your whole team going down for the season...trust me.
Cleveland (+7) vs. Oakland: Cleveland is not that bad at Oakland is not that good...they're both on the exact same level...+3 for the home field I get, but +7 is a little steep.
New Orleans (-7) vs. Tampa Bay: Is it possible that Tampa is like the Emperor With New Clothes, and we were all buying into this offense being great despite only having one reliable wide receiver (the Mike Williams), a good but not great tight end (Soldier), and a back who is unstoppable when he's in there, but yet has only been in there for like ten games? Also, New Orleans has a way of letting teams back in (Houston, Carolina) only to pound them out in the end.
Chicago (-2.5) vs. Minnesota: Just load up the box and see if McNabb can beat you...that has to be the strategy going into this week right? Especially after last week and what happened against 'Zona, the Bears have to throw everything they have at All Day, and they likely won't have Peppers for the game. However, Minny's defense is so suspect and, as with everyone else this year, they won't have an answer for what Forte brings to the table.
Jets (-6) vs. 'Fins: Shiiiitttttttttttttttyyy game. Matt Moore vs. a Rex Ryan D off of a Pats loss? Yeeeaaaahhhhh right dude!
Alright, here's the original:
The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes:
Alright, short, and almost to the point. Have a great week everyone. Peace.
~Mell-o
Saturday (8:38...whoa, 8:39...time is flying!): So I'm working tomorrow, and I know, you're devastated, you're outraged!!! Buuuuutttttt...ehhh, don't feel too bad ($$, work I love, me busting Jack, Sinatra, the Beatles entire catalog, and a mellow (pun intended) soundtrack I made for a girl that I was in love with for two or so years...see here's the thing people: mixtapes are cheesy...if there is no meaning in the list...see when I make some shit, it means something. Like when I made that, my thought process was "hey, so this is definitively me , and it's really early in the morning, but this is gonna help you out BIG time," but I'm pretty sure she never heard it...
- Changes- David Bowie
- In The Waiting Line- Zero 7
- Glad Tidings- Van Morrison
- Candyman- Grateful Dead
- 1979- Smashing Pumpkins
- Please Me Like You Want To- Ben Harper
- Happiness Is A Warm Gun- Beatles
- Long Time Gone- CSNY
- Never Going Back- Fleetwood Mac
- The Only Living Boy in New York- Simon and Garfunkel (say what you will about me, but it's not my fault Zach Braff picked a good soundtrack for Garden State
- Ohio- Neil Young (a live version that has one of the most awkward audience clap-alongs when they are wildly off time to start, then on time, but still incredibly awkward, then a deathly silence the rest of the way, which makes that version so much better...you know...when assholes like us aren't singing every word)
- Married With Children- Oasis
- House of Cards- Radiohead
- Sweet Black Angel- Rolling Stones
- Constellations- Jack
- We Never Change- Coldplay (they are a total pussy band now...man those first two albums are absolutely some of the most groundbreaking shit of my lifetime)
- Shelter From The Storm- Bob Dylan
- Bad -U2
haha, someone will see this...
Okay, predictions, and then the segment I started that Rick Reilly stole even though I'm sure he thought he was wicked original considering not a lot of people read this and in no way could that have gotten back to him...thank God for timestamping (actually you can totally tamper with that shit...let's agree to agree on this).
Okay, picks. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really pissed at myself...I had Seattle, I had Pittsburgh...dunno why on Earth I changed it. Hopefully the lack of pregame coverage coming into this will help.
The Picks Dude:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PATS BIIIAAATTTTCCCHHHHH (-6.5) vs. Dallas: Holy shit can we run the ball!!! Forget it. I mean seriously forget it if we remember the formula of run game + Brady = W's even if the defense doesn't show. Not saying that didn't happen last week (at least not the whole game), but we cannot be stopped if the Firm is running at full potential and Brady is given the time to operate...it's over.
Soooooooo, I'm a little tight on one issue, which is one that I have basically had my entire life with the Pats...pass f***in' rush man. Seriously, when will this happen? Could you imagine what we could do if Bill had any kind of elite pass rusher for basically the entire time he's been in New England (best pass rushers: Seymour and Vrabel)? I dunno...it's frustrating to know going into every year, this is going to be your team's weakness, and they know it, and they continue to not improve at all because they got burned by the A-Train (Adalius Thomas) and Roosevelt Colvin.
Having said that, the pass rush will take a back seat to Romo combusting. I mean this guy could have 400 yards tomorrow...but will he make the big one? It's like racing at Talladega or Daytona...you know there's gonna be that "big one" eventually. The only problem I have is that he's underdogged, when more often than not, he fails when he's expected to do well. Hopefully my proclamation he would go for 400 jinxed him...and hopefully me just saying that didn't reverse jinx that...
Honestly, I think Sean Lee is the key to this whole equation. He's this deceptively fast MLB who quite frankly could potentially hang with Hernando down the middle. So hopefully Tom realizes this, and really starts to pick on the safety/some other linebacker on Gronk. He may have a huge game tomorrow...I mean the thing about this team is that anyone could have 100 and 2 TDs...even Woodhead, who will be back...that would be The Firm, Woodie, and Mr. Ridley all, day, long. Brady needs to utilize an over-aggressive team like he did last week. The Pats went for 450 yards and 30 pts. on Rex's D, which you know is basically like Rob's D...I mean the O/U is 55...you know they think we'll go for at least 30...again, if we really want to, we could destroy every team in the league (something Green Bay is grasping a little better than we are right now).
Green Bay (-14) vs. St. Louis: It is absolutely pointless to bet against Green Bay right now.
Jacksonville (+13) vs. Pittsbugh: Way too high of a spread for a team with a good running game and a pesky D.
Washington (+3) v.s Philly: Sorry Philly, I think you're waiting until the bye week to turn this around...and how sweet would it be for DC to come off the bye and score a revenge W against Vick and Co.?
Detroit (-4) vs. San Fran: San Fran is the team we thought they would be last year, and I think the key has had everything to do with the defense being completely menacing. I dunno though man. I see that Green Bay/Detroit game on Thanksgiving Day...and if they were both undefeated, it would be the most highly anticipated Turkey Day game of our lifetimes, possibly ever.
Carolina (+3.5) vs. Atlanta: Cam Newton is a covering machine. 4-0-1 ATS this year...it continues to be tougher and tougher to root against this guy's success.
Indy (+6.5) vs. Cincy: I'm officially sold on Curtis Painter to be a better-than-average QB for this team. It took Dwayne Bowe and Steve Breaston to go out of their collective minds last week to beat them. Cincy has A.J. (who looks great), and Gresham (likewise), but that Painter/Pierre combo continues to be red hot right now, and least we forget they have Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark kinda chillin' right now. Throw some Delone Carter in there (biggggggg game for him), and I like Indy to get it, well, not back on track, but at least in the direction of it.
THE G-MEN (-3.5) vs. Buffalo: Okay, so this game screams at me to take the Bills...I'm learning to realize that, and just go opposite no matter how tempting it is to go otherwise.
Baltimore (-7) vs. Houston: It's gonna take more than one week to get over arguably the best player on your whole team going down for the season...trust me.
Cleveland (+7) vs. Oakland: Cleveland is not that bad at Oakland is not that good...they're both on the exact same level...+3 for the home field I get, but +7 is a little steep.
New Orleans (-7) vs. Tampa Bay: Is it possible that Tampa is like the Emperor With New Clothes, and we were all buying into this offense being great despite only having one reliable wide receiver (the Mike Williams), a good but not great tight end (Soldier), and a back who is unstoppable when he's in there, but yet has only been in there for like ten games? Also, New Orleans has a way of letting teams back in (Houston, Carolina) only to pound them out in the end.
Chicago (-2.5) vs. Minnesota: Just load up the box and see if McNabb can beat you...that has to be the strategy going into this week right? Especially after last week and what happened against 'Zona, the Bears have to throw everything they have at All Day, and they likely won't have Peppers for the game. However, Minny's defense is so suspect and, as with everyone else this year, they won't have an answer for what Forte brings to the table.
Jets (-6) vs. 'Fins: Shiiiitttttttttttttttyyy game. Matt Moore vs. a Rex Ryan D off of a Pats loss? Yeeeaaaahhhhh right dude!
Alright, here's the original:
The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes:
- Miami (3/1): So this is the team to watch out for tanking. Here's how you'll know: 1.) They in no way attempt to trade or at least inquire about Kyle Orton, 2.) Reggie Bush gets more carries out of the backfield, 3.) One of the coordinators gets fired. I think if Miami follows this simple three-step program, Luck and a 1-15 season will be theirs.
- St. Louis (4/1): Let's be honest...if they get the #1 pick, they won't go with Luck considering they already have a franchise #1 overall QB on the roster...so, it's just not as fun (this is of course if San Fran trades up to get him...that would be hysterical).
- Indy (6/1): I do think there's a chance they go like 6-10 this year because I think Painter is actually decent, and their offense and pass rush is good enough to knock off a few lightweights here and there...speaking of which...
- Kansas City (8/1): They are 2-3, but I see literally nothing happening the rest of the way unless Dwayne Bowe goes for 2000 yards and 20 TDs (which would be huuuuggggeeee fantasy wise). I still see 4-12...or am I missing something?
- Arizona (9/1): Of all the one-win teams, this one seems the most helpless...like they could conceivably lose to every team in the league...can't say that about Philly, Minny, Carolina, or Denver.
Alright, short, and almost to the point. Have a great week everyone. Peace.
~Mell-o
Sunday, October 09, 2011
So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 5, 2011)
"I want an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin!"
8:50: Howdy, howdy. Off to an early start today due to a weird sleeping system I was on this weekend (sleep all morning Saturday, most of the afternoon, and all night), so the batteries are recharged, and we are ready for Week 5 to get going!...but there's still four more hours so don't get too excited.
I know last week I said something to the effect that I was going to tidy up the mess I made in concluding the thoughts, but I decided (procrastinated) to come in for some closure right here:
Again, Josh Freeman and LeGarrette Blount...Thank...You...Man oh man, it looked like Tampa was going into an offensive coma for a while, but two and a half straight showings of Freeman being the calm, cool, collected general that is his meal ticket, and Blount literally destroying everything in his path. Tampa is 3-1 after beating the Peyton-less Colts (told you it was going to be close...oh, and I'm probably going to use this space to tell you how nasty I've been with picks lately...I might as well, because I'm pretty sure it won't last).
I was surprised how bad the Jets looked against Baltimore. It's like they showed up to a fight, but forgot to strap the gloves on tight enough, so they wound up just jabbing while the Ravens came out with haymakers. I was secretly hoping the Jets would pull it out so the Pats would slam them today in a let-down game, but clearly, the dynamic of today's game has changed. Now at 2-2, the Jets are being pushed into a corner where if they lose this game, they all of a sudden fall into Buffalo's company of "might make the playoffs, but likely won't."
So, what's going to happen today? Well, I just can't see a blowout. I mean if the Jets had won last week, maybe. Right now though, the Jets have to be motivated to at least make a respectable showing. The two things I'm fearing the most:
9:43: Okay, time for predictions...again, I have been outstanding, and I quite frankly don't care if this jinxes me. Anytime you put up 12+ wins in back-to-back weeks, you should take time out to tell everyone that this is the reason you should tune in every week...I'm the f*cking man, and that's all there is to it. How about that action?...
Daaaaaaaaaaa Pats (-7) vs. The Jets: While I don't think it will be a blowout, that means no 45-3. What I do see happening is the Jets being completely out of place all game long. This Patriots team just put its best game up last week, so there's relatively no film of what Ridley does, what the Fletcher/Spikes combo brings up the middle, and also, we still haven't seen the Ocho in full effect. Playing at home and not having Revis on him should get him back up and running...oh, by the way, did I mention the Pats might be getting Aaron Hernandez back? Him and Gronk? Forget it.
Indy (-2) vs. KC: I think we saw a little glimpse of what Curtis Painter can do last week. This week will be his coming out party. His expanded use of Garcon last week pushed the Bucs to the brink on Monday. Matt Cassel against Freeney and Mathis? Yeah I'll pass.
Minnesota (-3) vs. Arizona: How long can this possibly go on for? Here's yet another mediocre team for Minny, and this team should suit them perfectly. All Day should have his usual strong showing, but I'm more cuP=rious to see what McNabb does against this downright awful secondary.
Philly (-3) vs. Buffalo: I will be stunned if Philly doesn't totally drill Buffalo today. The Bills were exposed for the .500 team that they are. They need at least two weeks to get pumped up for playing anyone good. I know Philly is 1-3, but I think we all get the feeling that they aren't that bad. That loss to the Niners last week had to be a wake up call. I mean if they can't turn it around here, then when? (this is going to be a recurring theme I have a feeling...we've already had two "if not now, when?" games).
Oakland (+5) vs. Houston: I will lose this pick happily if not to just root for the Raiders for one day...just one.
Carolina (+7) vs. New Orleans: What can I say? I thought Chicago would put some kind of hurting on Cam to welcome him to the league properly, and instead, he was outstanding again. So, until otherwise noted, keep putting the money on Cam. This would be a massive win if they could get this one done at home.
Jacksonville (+1.5) vs. Cincy: In a battle of rookie QBs, I'm going with the Jags, who are on the upper cusp of the sucky teams (I assumed this would be the Gus Johnson game, so I looked it up, and he isn't on the schedule again!...what the hell is going on man???).
Tennessee (+3.5) vs. Pittsburgh: This line went from 8 to 2.5 in some places (and yes, I use the most favorable point spreads for my picks...you would too). I mean what is going on with the Steelers? I wouldn't put all the blame on the D, but they certainly have been playing under their level this year. The worst thing for them is going up against a vet QB who can side on his ability to not make mistakes and rely on the running game. I'm going Titans, but I mean really Pittsburgh...really?
The G-MEN (-10.5) vs. Seattle: A lot to a little.
San Fran (-3) vs. Tampa: This was a tough one. You have a great Niners defense (and yes, those words sounded funny thinking and writing them) against one of the best clutch QBs in the game. It will come down to the wire, but I'm going to take my chances with the defense and a heavy dose of the running game and V-Dub from the offense.
San Diego (-3.5) vs. Denver: I finally just decided to go with the better team and the likelihood there will be a mock mutiny at Mile High to get Tebow the starting gig.
Atlanta (+6.5) vs. Green Bay: Probably not the wisest decision to once again go against the best team in football, but Atlanta has looked phenomenal at the Hottie, and that Packer secondary is going to get worn out by Rowdy Roddy and Julio streaking up the sidelines, with Gonzo in the middle, and the Burner crushing it up the middle.
Detroit (-5) vs. Chicago: Hey, why wake up from this dream now?
11:27: Wow, that took a long time. I went back and forth on Denver/San Diego about 40 times, but that's finally over, now, onto more pressing issues...
The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes (oh, by the way Rick Reilly, you're a follower and your shit hasn't been good since you were on the back page of SI...once I saw that article, I knew I was officially done with that issue)
12:30: Wow, we almost had a situation there (man it feels good to say that again). Sunday before Columbus Day = closing of liquor stores apparently. Thank God for the 24/7 Tedeschi's (the less sucky 7-11 in the northeast). We're rocking Oktoberfest Narragansetts...you heard me (they actually call it "Fest"...which is wicked freggin' stupid guys). Okay, we're back on the right path.
12:37: I'm thinking Jacoby Jones and Michael Jenkins will be the biggest beneficiaries of injuries on the receiving front. Issac Redman could get the bulk of the carries today vs. the Titans.
12:42: Picks I'm most worried about: Houston, San Fran, San Diego...ummm...basically, stay away from them. Especially that San Fran game...if anything, they'll probably just cover with a field goal win. That game is gonna be real tight.
12:58: Countdown mode!!! Does it get any better than NFL Films music? I put "A New Game" in one of my power hours, and it was amazing!
1:01: Official review on 'Gansett "Fest"...you'll appreciate the value or think it totally sucks.
1:01: Sorry, I know I shouldn't do this...I'm officially changing the pick to the Raiders...see above.
1:05: Haha, Oakland looked horrrrreeennnndous on their first drive. If Oakland loses, I'll feel bad...I won't be crushed though. All I need is a close game and Arian Foster to have over 200 and two scores...I think that's what they've been projecting him to get this week.
1:06: The newest trend in fantasy: The Vulture Tight End Score...what can I say, you gotta have two real good ones to be making it happen now-a-days.
1:10: Vintage MoJoDo. The original bowling ball back.
I have a feeling that by switching my pick, I basically spotted Houston 30 points...so we'll see how that goes.
.
1:11: Two inside runs to Foster on first and goal from the 7. Am I crazy for thinking that in the first two downs, you should attempt one throw every time?
1:13: From what I'm seeing in Jersey, the G-Men did not wake up for this one. Hmmm...not liking where that's headed (pick-wise...in reality sense, go Pete Carroll).
1:16: Pierre Garcon for six on a screen. The Painter/Pierre combo is on fire baby!
1:19: At least once a day, you have to mention that this game is going to commercial, but Red Zone doesn't do commercials!!!
1:21: Where's Jake Ballard going? A fantasy team near you, that's where.
Adrian Peterson...if ever an appropriate nickname...it's All Day in a game Minny has to win.
1:23: Fred Jackson puts it in for the Bills. Their fans are insane this year. Vick needs a, ya know, Vick performance.
1:27: ALL...DAY...
A.J. Green for another score. Again, I like him, but over Julio...ehhh...hey I was wrong about Mario Williams, so I could be wrong again.
1:30: Schaub gets picked. Seriously, one day, go Oakland.
1:31: Antonio Brown with a big kick return and a big catch setting up a TD to HEATH. The walking wounded looking good against the Titans.
1:32: Yeah Minny's not losing this game.
1:33: Janikowski paints it from 54 yards! An arena league field goal kick. Strongest kicker evvvaaaaahhhhh dude.
1:35: Donovan doesn't do the Thriller TD dance anymore...what's with that? He can't do it once? (ohhhh wait, they've blown every lead they've had this year...riiiiggghhhhtttt).
1:38: Ohhhh huge Cam/Steve Smith hookup for 6. Hit in the end zone, Smith is throwing punches...classic "egging him on" move by New Orleans...that's a double-edged sword (he may get thrown out, he may get 250 yards)
1:40: Mario Williams is down in Houston? Can we please just get all the stars through one week unharmed please?
1:42: Marcedes with a drop in the end zone...he's good, but really off to a slow start thus far.
Joseph Addai just got pulled from the Indy game...it's time to see what Delone Carter is all about.
1:43: Marshawn Lynch in for six. Seattle, the lone double-digit underdog this week...is it possible that Tarvaris Jackson is battling Eli in the "who would you absolutely not any sum of money riding on" game?
1:45: Horrendous fumble call in the Philly/BUF game...even so, Philly needs something big to happen soon before this one gets out of hand.
They keep showing the replay, and it looks uglier and uglier every time.
1:49: Huge roughing the passer play on Vick! Man, he is getting pounded this year. Again, the game is better with him in it.
1:52: Vick to Maclin...okay I was wrong about him. He might be in the "nasty" category after all.
1:53: Steelers making a statement. Shitttttt, I should have seen this coming.
Painter/Pierre again! Oh my Dick Emberg!
1:55: Schaub throws a huge TD pass to Joel Dreissen. Raiders!!! Ahhhh...emotional let down was why I picked against you in the first place!
1:58: Woowwwww, Seattle driving again? Unreal. Every time you pick Eli, he loses. It's only when you least expect him when he strikes...
1:59: Huuugggggeeeee pass play to Fred Jackson...okay the picks might totally suck this week.
Dude, Philly's D should be embarrassed. They have looked completely unresponsive in a game that they absolutely need. Buffalo is apparently the toughest place to play in the league now.
2:05: I think perhaps we underestimated the Jonathan Dwyer/Issac Redman combo. It's 2nd and goal with Redman looking unstoppable to this point.
2:10: All systems go for teams who had to win: Minny, Indy, Steelers. Not a good omen going against a Jets team that probably has to win.
2:18: Delone Carter...you know where he's going...
2:21: Gigantic option play to DeAngelo for six in Charlotte. My fantasy bench is lighting it up! (did I mention Dwayne Bowe had his second straight week with "oh no he didn't" TD catches?)
2:23: Big Ben is getting into like Vladimir Guerrero "this is getting painful to watch him do anything" range.
2:27: I'm calling it right now...Philly comes back...I'm sorry, I still just can't see them being this bad. It was the Redskin way to do things this offseason, but they had no QB. Vick with three picks...this won't get any worse right?
2:29: Why chase the points Oakland??? 14-12 in Houston...close.
2:33: G-MEN tie it up. Philly gets the ball down to the 30, Vick waits a second too long, and costs them 3 points. Wow. Elsewhere, Carolina calls an unspeakable timeout with the Saints scrambling to get into their FG formation, allowing the Saints to put 3 on the board before the half.
2:38: Oakland's on their own 30 w/ two seconds left...I was absolutely expecting at least a camera shot of Janikowski there.
2:39: Jacksonville/Cincy is already two minutes into the second half...is it possible this game is commercial free? I would say that would be a nice promotion to do for the NFL...the absolute worst game each week gets finished as fast as is humanly possible.
2:46: Mario Williams is not walking through that door fans, and if he does, he'll be in street clothes...wow.
2:48: Speaking of wow, Jimmy Graham makes another impressive catch. Sucks to play against him in anything most likely.
2:52: Philly gets bailed out of a total overcompensation call by going for the "surprise" onsides kick. Just let the defense do...something.
And as I say that, Buffalo goes over midfield...okay maybe that was a good idea.
2:55: Alright kids, going to take advantage of the Subway any foot long is 5 bucks campaign (yes, advertising does work people, as long as it's cheap/catchy or the rare combo). Back in a bit. While I'm gone, enjoy the Jack Chop video...it's festive man...and wicked freggin' funny.
3:33: And we're back. Just in time to see Blaine Gabbert bomb one to a wide...WIDE open Jason Hill for a monster 6. In Buffalo, a Vick/DeSean combo leads to six...here we go.
3:35 Run DMC and Jammaster Jay...McFadden on the loose in a 17-15 game going into 4th.
T-Jack out for Seattle? Dude no way! This was the one game he had a chance to pull off, now Charlie Whitehurst...I don't like where that's headed.
3:38 Smart timeout by J-Cam...I mean it's stupid that they couldn't get a play off, but they're down by the red zone and they had two...you can't argue with them in a 2 pt. game.
3:40: Ohhhhhhh Victor Cruz with the tip catch! Huuuggggeeeee for the G, G, G, G, G-MEN!
J-Cam to Schillens for the first Oakland lead of the day. THHHEEEE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIDDEERRRSSS!!!
3:44: Here comes Philly. Down inside the red zone down 10. Ohhhhh Buffalo. They should just intentionally go down two scores a game. That's the one way you know you're in trouble with Buffalo.
3:46: Philly gets a TD wiped off the board with a block in the back. Cincy keeps the chains moving with a desperation fourth down play. I think there are as many Cincy fans as Jag fans in Jacksonville.
3:52: Fake punt by Oakland! That was genius. You will be reading that one was for Al tonight.
3:54: G-Men fumble. Gabbert just olayed a snap. Cincy ball in deep with the lead. Indy is trying to survive the KC passing game coming out party.
3;56: Indy trusting the defense...interesting. I would probably cover Bowe and Breaston who have torched them all game.
3:58: Janikowski is going to Hawaii...book it Dano (hahaha, I'm priceless).
3:59: Jackie Battle...here he comes.
4:01: Alright, time for some 5 dolla footlong action. Let's Go PATS!!! It's 83 time baby!
4:02: 5 dolla footlong action...gross out of context.
4:16: We are under way in Foxboro. Pats rocking the retro reds! Oh you're done! Haha, it is interesting to note that Mangold is back under center. Despite the egregious coverage of Mangold being out = why they suck, he is a big part of their offense.
4:18: Three and out! Leigh Bodden with the break up. Good pressure on the Sanchize. Here we go D!
4:20: Very spotty on the picks this afternoon...bummer. Well, I set myself up for that one.
4:21: We have a WELKER sighting, but nothing materializes. Richard Seymour is having a monster game for the silver and black.
4:26: Another series that goes nowhere for the Jets. Huge reception for Dub-Dub. Gunning with Wes, running with the Firm...we're all about it baby!
4:31: Seahawks get a 94 yard pick 6...ballgame...man...of course I'll say this now, but I was thinking about going w/ T-Jack...oh well...was not happening early today. The Firm just punched it in though! 7-0 PATS baby!
4:37: Raiders get it done...another pick by Schaub. Great game though.
4:38: A Neon Deion catch is negated by a Gronk facemask call, we have a Brady sack, Hernando gets a false start (still, thank God he's back)...5 receiver on third down and 27...and Hernandez was interfered with!!! First down good guys over midfield!
4:41: False start on Solder (are all our young guys getting called today?). Ridley was in there for a bit, but we're back in business with the Firm.
4:43: Hernandez is beating guys off the line after being out for two weeks with a hamstring injury...you gotta love this guy, but the good guys do punt it into the end zone. First down Jersey.
4:45: Freeman gets pick-6'd. Wow I am not doing so hot picking who to start fantasy-wise so far.
4:49: Pats make another 3rd down stop. Well alright now! Welker on the punt return (Edelman inactive today...no idea why), and Wes is getting a little bit of star treatment with a 15 yard "late hit" (look, I know there are rules and what not...if a guy is close to the sideline, it should be okay to push/deck him).
4:52: Al Davis was born in Brockton? I did not know that.
4:53: Chris Culliver with another pick thrown by Freeman. Sucks for me, but GAMECOCK! First career one too.
4:55: Kyle Wilson yells "all day!" to Gronk after making a tackle...then gets an illegal contact penalty the very next play. I'm telling you, throw it at that guy.
4:57: Ocho misses a block and Deion is stopped short on the bubble screen on third down. Gostkowski nails a 44 yarder. 10-0 Pats. Defense still needs to keep on keeping on. LT seems like he's intent on breaking our will today.
5:05: Heavy, heavy dose of Shonn Greene here. Close to another first down, that's five straight rushes.
5:11: Plaxico w/ another third down reception...this was what I was afraid of.
5:15: Shonn Grenne simply overpowering the line on that drive. 10-7. We gotta get some Firm, and definitely some Aaron Hernandez, who seems to be breaking away on every pass play.
5:55: WES FOR 73 YARDS!!! Then, Neon wide open in the back of the end zone for six. 17-7...and we are out of the gate running!
5:58: McKnight makes a huge return. Shonn Greene is pounding us...gotta hope it comes down to Sanchez trying to win this game.
6:18: Another 3 and out for the good guys. D is stepping up like I hoped they would.
6:19: Kyle Arrington nearly gets to Sanchez, but he gets out of it, and makes a great play to get it out of bounds...okay I admit he's one of the better ones...whatever. 10 yard return from Wes. Ridley gets the carry on first...I dunno...Benjarvus has been dominant today.
6:27: A pass exhibition and a lotta the Firm sets us up inside the 5 with first and goal.
6:29: THHHEEEEE FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMM BABY!!! Two-time that. 24-14 awesome uniforms.
6:31: V-Dub for another score in 'Frisco...so much for that nail-biter...the count is 41-3. Yikes Bucs.
6:34: The Jets' upcoming schedule is showed with Brady pictured right next to it. Yup, that's how much we're in their heads.
6:35: Plax makes a huge catch, but he steps on the line. Bill throws the challenge flag. Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to be off to the bonus challenge round!
6:50: Short Gostkowski field goal, but the Jets are currently driving with passes to Plax and Santonio and a first down run by Shonn Greene.
By the way. it's Tebow time in Denver.
6:53: Jets continue their methodical drive. Meanwhile, it's most certainly Tebow Time in Denver. Has no passing yards through over a quarter, yet there's no way he doesn't start next game.
6:58: Santonio for six...perfect...everything...damn it. 27-21...and yes, that means we're not covering.
Tuesday: Ooooopps. Haha. You know a game is good when it's at the point where I don't want to type and I just wanna watch every second of the game and not have to worry about missing anything. Really a great game on Sunday. Pats get a win in a game the Jets clearly needed. I have a bad feeling about what could potentially happen south of the border in the Meadowlands...I honestly think they'll be like thirsty for our blood...that doesn't sit well with me as a rational fan. In any event, I'm gonna enjoy this while it lasts. Dallas is up next...I mean Ware has the potential to "Reggie White" us (Super Bowl XXXI, which I'm tired of bringing up, so henceforth, Reggie White = dude who single-handedly destroys teams). I dunno though...Dez Bryant and Miles Austin could sink us if we don't have a decent pass rush. 2 sacks last week...it's something. Mike Anderson was a beast! Where do we get these guys man...Tully Banta-Cain 3.0. As previously noted, Romo is like one game away from losing bones, organs...both? I actually like our chances against Witten. Sanchez tried to get Keller into the equation numerous times, and nothing really transpired...RUN THE BALL!!! Hahaha....it's so simple man!!! The Firm baby!!! He was absolutely amazing. I love what Stevan Ridley is doing, but man, Benjarvus was rolling 7's on every carry it seemed! That was a great performance. Brady over 300, a long freggin' winning streak at Gillette prevails...I'm gonna be surprised if we lose any time before the Jets (not calling the Steelers out or anything, but we're gonna be favored in that game...favored = we should win...that's all).
Okay paragraph break because that looked lengthy...well past any paragraph/# of sentences in one of 'em. Anyway, I'm going to go outside because I know this shit won't last. Catch ya later. Peace.
~Mell-o
8:50: Howdy, howdy. Off to an early start today due to a weird sleeping system I was on this weekend (sleep all morning Saturday, most of the afternoon, and all night), so the batteries are recharged, and we are ready for Week 5 to get going!...but there's still four more hours so don't get too excited.
I know last week I said something to the effect that I was going to tidy up the mess I made in concluding the thoughts, but I decided (procrastinated) to come in for some closure right here:
Again, Josh Freeman and LeGarrette Blount...Thank...You...Man oh man, it looked like Tampa was going into an offensive coma for a while, but two and a half straight showings of Freeman being the calm, cool, collected general that is his meal ticket, and Blount literally destroying everything in his path. Tampa is 3-1 after beating the Peyton-less Colts (told you it was going to be close...oh, and I'm probably going to use this space to tell you how nasty I've been with picks lately...I might as well, because I'm pretty sure it won't last).
I was surprised how bad the Jets looked against Baltimore. It's like they showed up to a fight, but forgot to strap the gloves on tight enough, so they wound up just jabbing while the Ravens came out with haymakers. I was secretly hoping the Jets would pull it out so the Pats would slam them today in a let-down game, but clearly, the dynamic of today's game has changed. Now at 2-2, the Jets are being pushed into a corner where if they lose this game, they all of a sudden fall into Buffalo's company of "might make the playoffs, but likely won't."
So, what's going to happen today? Well, I just can't see a blowout. I mean if the Jets had won last week, maybe. Right now though, the Jets have to be motivated to at least make a respectable showing. The two things I'm fearing the most:
- Losing The Run Game: I don't know why, but it seems like we get into a lot of trouble when we face early adversity in the running game. It's like all of a sudden, we decide that because it hasn't worked, it won't work. That simply won't be the case today. Yes, the Jets have a stout defense...clearly one of the best in the league, but they are 27th in the league against the run. Even with the great Danny Woodhead not out there sticking it to Rex today, we have The Firm and America's favorite backup pickup this week, Stevan Ridley. The number is 135. If the Pats gets to 135 on the ground (more than capable), they Jets should have absolutely no chance.
- Plaxico: While Santonio Holmes is a terror, at least Devin McCourty can slow him down a little. We simply have no answer for Plaxico right now. The one chance we have is that the Jets believe they can exploit the middle of the field with no Jerod Mayo. While I agree that Keller will have a decent game because of this, the Pats LB core is very underrated, and that space will not be there all game. If Sanchez is smart, he would work the ball from the outside-in, meaning go to Santonio and Plax early, then work it back to the middle to exploit a defense that will be overcompensating by playing too wide.
9:43: Okay, time for predictions...again, I have been outstanding, and I quite frankly don't care if this jinxes me. Anytime you put up 12+ wins in back-to-back weeks, you should take time out to tell everyone that this is the reason you should tune in every week...I'm the f*cking man, and that's all there is to it. How about that action?...
Daaaaaaaaaaa Pats (-7) vs. The Jets: While I don't think it will be a blowout, that means no 45-3. What I do see happening is the Jets being completely out of place all game long. This Patriots team just put its best game up last week, so there's relatively no film of what Ridley does, what the Fletcher/Spikes combo brings up the middle, and also, we still haven't seen the Ocho in full effect. Playing at home and not having Revis on him should get him back up and running...oh, by the way, did I mention the Pats might be getting Aaron Hernandez back? Him and Gronk? Forget it.
Indy (-2) vs. KC: I think we saw a little glimpse of what Curtis Painter can do last week. This week will be his coming out party. His expanded use of Garcon last week pushed the Bucs to the brink on Monday. Matt Cassel against Freeney and Mathis? Yeah I'll pass.
Minnesota (-3) vs. Arizona: How long can this possibly go on for? Here's yet another mediocre team for Minny, and this team should suit them perfectly. All Day should have his usual strong showing, but I'm more cuP=rious to see what McNabb does against this downright awful secondary.
Philly (-3) vs. Buffalo: I will be stunned if Philly doesn't totally drill Buffalo today. The Bills were exposed for the .500 team that they are. They need at least two weeks to get pumped up for playing anyone good. I know Philly is 1-3, but I think we all get the feeling that they aren't that bad. That loss to the Niners last week had to be a wake up call. I mean if they can't turn it around here, then when? (this is going to be a recurring theme I have a feeling...we've already had two "if not now, when?" games).
Oakland (+5) vs. Houston: I will lose this pick happily if not to just root for the Raiders for one day...just one.
Carolina (+7) vs. New Orleans: What can I say? I thought Chicago would put some kind of hurting on Cam to welcome him to the league properly, and instead, he was outstanding again. So, until otherwise noted, keep putting the money on Cam. This would be a massive win if they could get this one done at home.
Jacksonville (+1.5) vs. Cincy: In a battle of rookie QBs, I'm going with the Jags, who are on the upper cusp of the sucky teams (I assumed this would be the Gus Johnson game, so I looked it up, and he isn't on the schedule again!...what the hell is going on man???).
Tennessee (+3.5) vs. Pittsburgh: This line went from 8 to 2.5 in some places (and yes, I use the most favorable point spreads for my picks...you would too). I mean what is going on with the Steelers? I wouldn't put all the blame on the D, but they certainly have been playing under their level this year. The worst thing for them is going up against a vet QB who can side on his ability to not make mistakes and rely on the running game. I'm going Titans, but I mean really Pittsburgh...really?
The G-MEN (-10.5) vs. Seattle: A lot to a little.
San Fran (-3) vs. Tampa: This was a tough one. You have a great Niners defense (and yes, those words sounded funny thinking and writing them) against one of the best clutch QBs in the game. It will come down to the wire, but I'm going to take my chances with the defense and a heavy dose of the running game and V-Dub from the offense.
San Diego (-3.5) vs. Denver: I finally just decided to go with the better team and the likelihood there will be a mock mutiny at Mile High to get Tebow the starting gig.
Atlanta (+6.5) vs. Green Bay: Probably not the wisest decision to once again go against the best team in football, but Atlanta has looked phenomenal at the Hottie, and that Packer secondary is going to get worn out by Rowdy Roddy and Julio streaking up the sidelines, with Gonzo in the middle, and the Burner crushing it up the middle.
Detroit (-5) vs. Chicago: Hey, why wake up from this dream now?
11:27: Wow, that took a long time. I went back and forth on Denver/San Diego about 40 times, but that's finally over, now, onto more pressing issues...
The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes (oh, by the way Rick Reilly, you're a follower and your shit hasn't been good since you were on the back page of SI...once I saw that article, I knew I was officially done with that issue)
- Minnesota (3/1): Once the Vikings blew yet another lead and lost, they climbed to the top of the board. Now if they lose to 'Zona today, they will have a stranglehold over it come next week. I mean really Minnesota?
- Miami (7/2): You know it's bad when you get more sucky during a bye week. Chad Henne is done for the year...we have our long-term favorites in South Beach.
- Seattle (4/1): If Seattle can somehow pull this game off today, they may get themselves out of this discussion all together...YOU'RE SUBPOSED TO BE TANKING!!!
- KC (9/2): After a loss today, they will be right back in the thick of things.
- St. Louis (5/1): A bye week saves them from moving up the ranks...they are terrible right now though.
12:30: Wow, we almost had a situation there (man it feels good to say that again). Sunday before Columbus Day = closing of liquor stores apparently. Thank God for the 24/7 Tedeschi's (the less sucky 7-11 in the northeast). We're rocking Oktoberfest Narragansetts...you heard me (they actually call it "Fest"...which is wicked freggin' stupid guys). Okay, we're back on the right path.
12:37: I'm thinking Jacoby Jones and Michael Jenkins will be the biggest beneficiaries of injuries on the receiving front. Issac Redman could get the bulk of the carries today vs. the Titans.
12:42: Picks I'm most worried about: Houston, San Fran, San Diego...ummm...basically, stay away from them. Especially that San Fran game...if anything, they'll probably just cover with a field goal win. That game is gonna be real tight.
12:58: Countdown mode!!! Does it get any better than NFL Films music? I put "A New Game" in one of my power hours, and it was amazing!
1:01: Official review on 'Gansett "Fest"...you'll appreciate the value or think it totally sucks.
1:01: Sorry, I know I shouldn't do this...I'm officially changing the pick to the Raiders...see above.
1:05: Haha, Oakland looked horrrrreeennnndous on their first drive. If Oakland loses, I'll feel bad...I won't be crushed though. All I need is a close game and Arian Foster to have over 200 and two scores...I think that's what they've been projecting him to get this week.
1:06: The newest trend in fantasy: The Vulture Tight End Score...what can I say, you gotta have two real good ones to be making it happen now-a-days.
1:10: Vintage MoJoDo. The original bowling ball back.
I have a feeling that by switching my pick, I basically spotted Houston 30 points...so we'll see how that goes.
.
1:11: Two inside runs to Foster on first and goal from the 7. Am I crazy for thinking that in the first two downs, you should attempt one throw every time?
1:13: From what I'm seeing in Jersey, the G-Men did not wake up for this one. Hmmm...not liking where that's headed (pick-wise...in reality sense, go Pete Carroll).
1:16: Pierre Garcon for six on a screen. The Painter/Pierre combo is on fire baby!
1:19: At least once a day, you have to mention that this game is going to commercial, but Red Zone doesn't do commercials!!!
1:21: Where's Jake Ballard going? A fantasy team near you, that's where.
Adrian Peterson...if ever an appropriate nickname...it's All Day in a game Minny has to win.
1:23: Fred Jackson puts it in for the Bills. Their fans are insane this year. Vick needs a, ya know, Vick performance.
1:27: ALL...DAY...
A.J. Green for another score. Again, I like him, but over Julio...ehhh...hey I was wrong about Mario Williams, so I could be wrong again.
1:30: Schaub gets picked. Seriously, one day, go Oakland.
1:31: Antonio Brown with a big kick return and a big catch setting up a TD to HEATH. The walking wounded looking good against the Titans.
1:32: Yeah Minny's not losing this game.
1:33: Janikowski paints it from 54 yards! An arena league field goal kick. Strongest kicker evvvaaaaahhhhh dude.
1:35: Donovan doesn't do the Thriller TD dance anymore...what's with that? He can't do it once? (ohhhh wait, they've blown every lead they've had this year...riiiiggghhhhtttt).
1:38: Ohhhh huge Cam/Steve Smith hookup for 6. Hit in the end zone, Smith is throwing punches...classic "egging him on" move by New Orleans...that's a double-edged sword (he may get thrown out, he may get 250 yards)
1:40: Mario Williams is down in Houston? Can we please just get all the stars through one week unharmed please?
1:42: Marcedes with a drop in the end zone...he's good, but really off to a slow start thus far.
Joseph Addai just got pulled from the Indy game...it's time to see what Delone Carter is all about.
1:43: Marshawn Lynch in for six. Seattle, the lone double-digit underdog this week...is it possible that Tarvaris Jackson is battling Eli in the "who would you absolutely not any sum of money riding on" game?
1:45: Horrendous fumble call in the Philly/BUF game...even so, Philly needs something big to happen soon before this one gets out of hand.
They keep showing the replay, and it looks uglier and uglier every time.
1:49: Huge roughing the passer play on Vick! Man, he is getting pounded this year. Again, the game is better with him in it.
1:52: Vick to Maclin...okay I was wrong about him. He might be in the "nasty" category after all.
1:53: Steelers making a statement. Shitttttt, I should have seen this coming.
Painter/Pierre again! Oh my Dick Emberg!
1:55: Schaub throws a huge TD pass to Joel Dreissen. Raiders!!! Ahhhh...emotional let down was why I picked against you in the first place!
1:58: Woowwwww, Seattle driving again? Unreal. Every time you pick Eli, he loses. It's only when you least expect him when he strikes...
1:59: Huuugggggeeeee pass play to Fred Jackson...okay the picks might totally suck this week.
Dude, Philly's D should be embarrassed. They have looked completely unresponsive in a game that they absolutely need. Buffalo is apparently the toughest place to play in the league now.
2:05: I think perhaps we underestimated the Jonathan Dwyer/Issac Redman combo. It's 2nd and goal with Redman looking unstoppable to this point.
2:10: All systems go for teams who had to win: Minny, Indy, Steelers. Not a good omen going against a Jets team that probably has to win.
2:18: Delone Carter...you know where he's going...
2:21: Gigantic option play to DeAngelo for six in Charlotte. My fantasy bench is lighting it up! (did I mention Dwayne Bowe had his second straight week with "oh no he didn't" TD catches?)
2:23: Big Ben is getting into like Vladimir Guerrero "this is getting painful to watch him do anything" range.
2:27: I'm calling it right now...Philly comes back...I'm sorry, I still just can't see them being this bad. It was the Redskin way to do things this offseason, but they had no QB. Vick with three picks...this won't get any worse right?
2:29: Why chase the points Oakland??? 14-12 in Houston...close.
2:33: G-MEN tie it up. Philly gets the ball down to the 30, Vick waits a second too long, and costs them 3 points. Wow. Elsewhere, Carolina calls an unspeakable timeout with the Saints scrambling to get into their FG formation, allowing the Saints to put 3 on the board before the half.
2:38: Oakland's on their own 30 w/ two seconds left...I was absolutely expecting at least a camera shot of Janikowski there.
2:39: Jacksonville/Cincy is already two minutes into the second half...is it possible this game is commercial free? I would say that would be a nice promotion to do for the NFL...the absolute worst game each week gets finished as fast as is humanly possible.
2:46: Mario Williams is not walking through that door fans, and if he does, he'll be in street clothes...wow.
2:48: Speaking of wow, Jimmy Graham makes another impressive catch. Sucks to play against him in anything most likely.
2:52: Philly gets bailed out of a total overcompensation call by going for the "surprise" onsides kick. Just let the defense do...something.
And as I say that, Buffalo goes over midfield...okay maybe that was a good idea.
2:55: Alright kids, going to take advantage of the Subway any foot long is 5 bucks campaign (yes, advertising does work people, as long as it's cheap/catchy or the rare combo). Back in a bit. While I'm gone, enjoy the Jack Chop video...it's festive man...and wicked freggin' funny.
3:33: And we're back. Just in time to see Blaine Gabbert bomb one to a wide...WIDE open Jason Hill for a monster 6. In Buffalo, a Vick/DeSean combo leads to six...here we go.
3:35 Run DMC and Jammaster Jay...McFadden on the loose in a 17-15 game going into 4th.
T-Jack out for Seattle? Dude no way! This was the one game he had a chance to pull off, now Charlie Whitehurst...I don't like where that's headed.
3:38 Smart timeout by J-Cam...I mean it's stupid that they couldn't get a play off, but they're down by the red zone and they had two...you can't argue with them in a 2 pt. game.
3:40: Ohhhhhhh Victor Cruz with the tip catch! Huuuggggeeeee for the G, G, G, G, G-MEN!
J-Cam to Schillens for the first Oakland lead of the day. THHHEEEE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIDDEERRRSSS!!!
3:44: Here comes Philly. Down inside the red zone down 10. Ohhhhh Buffalo. They should just intentionally go down two scores a game. That's the one way you know you're in trouble with Buffalo.
3:46: Philly gets a TD wiped off the board with a block in the back. Cincy keeps the chains moving with a desperation fourth down play. I think there are as many Cincy fans as Jag fans in Jacksonville.
3:52: Fake punt by Oakland! That was genius. You will be reading that one was for Al tonight.
3:54: G-Men fumble. Gabbert just olayed a snap. Cincy ball in deep with the lead. Indy is trying to survive the KC passing game coming out party.
3;56: Indy trusting the defense...interesting. I would probably cover Bowe and Breaston who have torched them all game.
3:58: Janikowski is going to Hawaii...book it Dano (hahaha, I'm priceless).
3:59: Jackie Battle...here he comes.
4:01: Alright, time for some 5 dolla footlong action. Let's Go PATS!!! It's 83 time baby!
4:02: 5 dolla footlong action...gross out of context.
4:16: We are under way in Foxboro. Pats rocking the retro reds! Oh you're done! Haha, it is interesting to note that Mangold is back under center. Despite the egregious coverage of Mangold being out = why they suck, he is a big part of their offense.
4:18: Three and out! Leigh Bodden with the break up. Good pressure on the Sanchize. Here we go D!
4:20: Very spotty on the picks this afternoon...bummer. Well, I set myself up for that one.
4:21: We have a WELKER sighting, but nothing materializes. Richard Seymour is having a monster game for the silver and black.
4:26: Another series that goes nowhere for the Jets. Huge reception for Dub-Dub. Gunning with Wes, running with the Firm...we're all about it baby!
4:31: Seahawks get a 94 yard pick 6...ballgame...man...of course I'll say this now, but I was thinking about going w/ T-Jack...oh well...was not happening early today. The Firm just punched it in though! 7-0 PATS baby!
4:37: Raiders get it done...another pick by Schaub. Great game though.
4:38: A Neon Deion catch is negated by a Gronk facemask call, we have a Brady sack, Hernando gets a false start (still, thank God he's back)...5 receiver on third down and 27...and Hernandez was interfered with!!! First down good guys over midfield!
4:41: False start on Solder (are all our young guys getting called today?). Ridley was in there for a bit, but we're back in business with the Firm.
4:43: Hernandez is beating guys off the line after being out for two weeks with a hamstring injury...you gotta love this guy, but the good guys do punt it into the end zone. First down Jersey.
4:45: Freeman gets pick-6'd. Wow I am not doing so hot picking who to start fantasy-wise so far.
4:49: Pats make another 3rd down stop. Well alright now! Welker on the punt return (Edelman inactive today...no idea why), and Wes is getting a little bit of star treatment with a 15 yard "late hit" (look, I know there are rules and what not...if a guy is close to the sideline, it should be okay to push/deck him).
4:52: Al Davis was born in Brockton? I did not know that.
4:53: Chris Culliver with another pick thrown by Freeman. Sucks for me, but GAMECOCK! First career one too.
4:55: Kyle Wilson yells "all day!" to Gronk after making a tackle...then gets an illegal contact penalty the very next play. I'm telling you, throw it at that guy.
4:57: Ocho misses a block and Deion is stopped short on the bubble screen on third down. Gostkowski nails a 44 yarder. 10-0 Pats. Defense still needs to keep on keeping on. LT seems like he's intent on breaking our will today.
5:05: Heavy, heavy dose of Shonn Greene here. Close to another first down, that's five straight rushes.
5:11: Plaxico w/ another third down reception...this was what I was afraid of.
5:15: Shonn Grenne simply overpowering the line on that drive. 10-7. We gotta get some Firm, and definitely some Aaron Hernandez, who seems to be breaking away on every pass play.
5:55: WES FOR 73 YARDS!!! Then, Neon wide open in the back of the end zone for six. 17-7...and we are out of the gate running!
5:58: McKnight makes a huge return. Shonn Greene is pounding us...gotta hope it comes down to Sanchez trying to win this game.
6:18: Another 3 and out for the good guys. D is stepping up like I hoped they would.
6:19: Kyle Arrington nearly gets to Sanchez, but he gets out of it, and makes a great play to get it out of bounds...okay I admit he's one of the better ones...whatever. 10 yard return from Wes. Ridley gets the carry on first...I dunno...Benjarvus has been dominant today.
6:27: A pass exhibition and a lotta the Firm sets us up inside the 5 with first and goal.
6:29: THHHEEEEE FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMM BABY!!! Two-time that. 24-14 awesome uniforms.
6:31: V-Dub for another score in 'Frisco...so much for that nail-biter...the count is 41-3. Yikes Bucs.
6:34: The Jets' upcoming schedule is showed with Brady pictured right next to it. Yup, that's how much we're in their heads.
6:35: Plax makes a huge catch, but he steps on the line. Bill throws the challenge flag. Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to be off to the bonus challenge round!
6:50: Short Gostkowski field goal, but the Jets are currently driving with passes to Plax and Santonio and a first down run by Shonn Greene.
By the way. it's Tebow time in Denver.
6:53: Jets continue their methodical drive. Meanwhile, it's most certainly Tebow Time in Denver. Has no passing yards through over a quarter, yet there's no way he doesn't start next game.
6:58: Santonio for six...perfect...everything...damn it. 27-21...and yes, that means we're not covering.
Tuesday: Ooooopps. Haha. You know a game is good when it's at the point where I don't want to type and I just wanna watch every second of the game and not have to worry about missing anything. Really a great game on Sunday. Pats get a win in a game the Jets clearly needed. I have a bad feeling about what could potentially happen south of the border in the Meadowlands...I honestly think they'll be like thirsty for our blood...that doesn't sit well with me as a rational fan. In any event, I'm gonna enjoy this while it lasts. Dallas is up next...I mean Ware has the potential to "Reggie White" us (Super Bowl XXXI, which I'm tired of bringing up, so henceforth, Reggie White = dude who single-handedly destroys teams). I dunno though...Dez Bryant and Miles Austin could sink us if we don't have a decent pass rush. 2 sacks last week...it's something. Mike Anderson was a beast! Where do we get these guys man...Tully Banta-Cain 3.0. As previously noted, Romo is like one game away from losing bones, organs...both? I actually like our chances against Witten. Sanchez tried to get Keller into the equation numerous times, and nothing really transpired...RUN THE BALL!!! Hahaha....it's so simple man!!! The Firm baby!!! He was absolutely amazing. I love what Stevan Ridley is doing, but man, Benjarvus was rolling 7's on every carry it seemed! That was a great performance. Brady over 300, a long freggin' winning streak at Gillette prevails...I'm gonna be surprised if we lose any time before the Jets (not calling the Steelers out or anything, but we're gonna be favored in that game...favored = we should win...that's all).
Okay paragraph break because that looked lengthy...well past any paragraph/# of sentences in one of 'em. Anyway, I'm going to go outside because I know this shit won't last. Catch ya later. Peace.
~Mell-o
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