Sunday, October 02, 2011

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 4, 2011)

"Summer has come and passed
The innocent will never last."

10:04: Hey everybody. Man was I ready for last week to be over. Everyone of my teams had leads going into the last inning/quarter, and they all got snuffed out (Pats, Sox, Cocks...even my slow pitch softball team!). So, let's hope today we can start fresh...I think at least everyone from down the block to the adjacent states would like the same.

First I'm going to start off on a completely unrelated to football note. I want to use this space to say thanks to Terry Francona. Sure, the Sox were unbelievably bad down the stretch, and their season ended in an indescribable two-hour series of events that went from us wondering who was pitching Game 1 against Texas to asking "when are the Bruins starting?", but the man did lead us to two, count 'em, TWO World Series titles. I watched the '04 final out a few times lately because clearly that's the highlight of...I dunno, our lives (and particularly Tito's, which is probably why they were showing it so much), and I still can't believe it...we've won two, and I still can't believe the first happened.

I think it's become part of our (Boston fans) lifestyles to now just expect winning to happen. This is how we have not only been rewarded with some of the greatest moments of the past decade ('04 Sox vs. Yankees, '07 Sox vs. The Tribe, Brady's ascent to being the greatest QB of all time, Vinatieri's 2 winning Super Bowl kicks, The Big 3 winning Game 7 after Game 7 in '08, the 2011 B's), but we have also been subjected to the lowest of lows (Boone, the Indy AFC Champ game, Tyree, the Brady injury, the 2009 C's, the 2010 B's, and now, the 2011 Sox). This is what happens when you almost expect greatness to just happen. Sometimes, the pendulum can swing the other way and knock your teeth in. We are the luckiest fans alive, but the losses we have endured make me think that, over the long haul, I'm just hoping to have a 50/50 split of great and shitty moments.

What if you were a Buffalo fan? I couldn't even imagine how much last week's win vs. the Pats meant to them. Their entire history is hedged on losing in the most horrible fashions (of course most notably Scott Norwood and the Brett Hull in-the-crease goal), and they have never won anything!!! Same with Cleveland, although basically, their sports history runs parallel with that of the Cubs in that they have blown games in epic fashion (The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot), but they've really only got to the big dance once ever (Tribe vs. Marlins in '97). It must be bad just following a loser you're entire life. Update: Forgot that LeBron's Cavs made it to the Finals once and got swept by the Spurs, so sorry...twice I guess Cleveland.

Trust me, through the 90s, I thought I was heading that way. The closest any team ever got to even sniffing a title was the '96 Pats, and even Pats fans knew once Desmond Howard returned that kick for a touchdown, it was all over (by the way, Desmond Howard winning the MVP for that Super Bowl is one of the single most asinine decisions the NFL has ever made...he made one good return, and we gave it to him?...Favre (246 yds., 2 TDS, 0 INTs), Antonio Freeman (105 yds, 1 TD) or Reggie White (literally owned us the second half, 3 the way, A Football Life that featured him and Jerome Brown was fantastic) easily outdid Howard). I honestly didn't know what winning a big game was until Vinatieri's kick went through the uprights...and I didn't know how to react, which is basically what happened in '04 with the Sox. I think the thing I'm trying to get at is that we should be so lucky to be where we're from and root for the teams we root for. They were all laughing stocks just twenty years ago, and now we own professional sports...I think fans need to step back and kind of take it all in. We have been blessed these past ten years, and I hope there is more to come, but let's all be thankful for where we're at right now.

Terry Francona (yeah I remembered where I was going with this) took a team that melted down in an epic collapse and made them champions twice over and had us in the hunt for the playoffs basically every year he was in office (outside of '06, but he was basically playing with the PawSox for like half the year). I don't know who is coming in next, but they will be hard-pressed to pull us out of a collapse the way Tito did when he first arrived on the scene. Hopefully Terry will go somewhere where every asshole like me doesn't stay up all night wondering why he did the things he did even though he won us two freggin' titles. God speed Tito, off to a better place hopefully you go (wow, this is sounding funeraly...let's get back to football).

Okay, so Pats/Raiders at 4. I have to say I'm liking our chances. I believe J-Cam's career has been f***ed up enough by the Redskins that a career revival will not be happening. If it was coming, why would the Raiders have drafted the still-suspended Terrelle Pryor? That's not a move to add depth, rather, it's a move to be like "okay, I dunno what the hell Campbell is going to do this year, but in case he totally sucks, we may have a guy here." They didn't get him in case J-Cam goes down, but rather, if he started sucking. That can't be the most assuring thing to hear as a starting QB in the league (hellllllooooooo Kyle Orton!). The defense should have plenty to slow him down.

Run DMC is really the whole thing here. If Fred Jackson was the key to the game last week, McFadden, is the key, the lock, the door, the building, the power lines, the city ordinances...all of it. If he's good, they're good, if he's not...well I think you know where this is headed. Again, right now on the landscape of the NFL, the RB hierarchy goes Peterson, Ray Rice, DMC, Shady McCoy, and MoJoDo (with Fred Jackson barely outside the top 5). McFadden could win this game, but I'm under the impression he won't. Bill is going to be planning to stop him from the jump, which means it will be J-Cam over the top to Denarius Moore and Heyward-Bey to beat us. The Pats' corners and coverage in general will need a huge game because I just don't even want to get to the point where this game is close, and they can still run the ball to get back into the game. The key will be to demoralize them like we did with Buffalo early last week. The difference is that Buffalo has the tools to make the big comeback, while Oakland does not. The Raiders will be looking to keep this game under 45 total points. If they can do that, they have a very good chance of pulling this off or at least keeping it close. Me, personally, how could you possibly bet against the Pats coming off a loss? That's downright dangerous there.

10:51: Alright, time to show my face and my throwback Welker jersey to the world for a quick few, then I'll be back with more rantings and predictions. Until then, stay classy...or don't if you weren't classy before...I mean it does take un-classy people to make people classy right? I mean classiness isn't an assumed quality (although it should be), so keep on doing what you're doing...we do need people like classless sons of bitches! Haha.

11:50: I'm finishing up the end of Bridesmaids because I bootlegged it off the 'net, and they only give you 72 free minutes, then you gotta wait an hour, then you can watch the rest (who settled on 72 being the number anyway?...I guess they figured no movie is going to go under that, so we might as well spoil your free fun at some point). In any event, this is really a fantastic's a more real Hangover. Sure that movie was hilarious, but almost nothing outside of guys going to Vegas getting drunk and taking drugs before a wedding was real. This at least could have conceivably happened. So, I figured I'd throw my two cents in on that. Melissa McCarthy, who plays Megan in the movie, probably should have won some kind of award for best supporting actress. Were you not laughing at literally everything she said/did? Outstanding.

11:55: Okay, onto predictions. I honestly haven't paid attention to...anything this week. Maybe this is kind of like Two For The Money where I become way too cocky with how I've been picking (which has been quite good thus far...I think I was like 12-4 or 13-3 last week), but nevertheless, here comes the magic:

Pats (-6) vs. Oakland: I actually saw this spread at one point be something like 4.5...that's probably what it should have been last week vs. Buffalo (8 or 9 was completely ridiculous). Again, there is no way the Pats should lose this game unless McFadden has over 200 yds. way. Once again, no Aaron Hernandez, but Vollmer and Chung should be back, and that really helps. The Pats have allowed a 300+ yard passer in every game this year. If J-Cam gets 300 today and they're not losing by more than 2 TDs all game, it's time to hit the panic button. Oakland simply has no answer for Welker or Gronk, and it should be a monster game for both Brady and the running backs if we actually decide to...ya know, run.

Detroit (+3) vs. Dallas: I saw bad things happening to the Lions last week, and they did nearly lose to a terrible Minnesota team (Andrew Luck Sweepstakes segment following predictions...welcome to the party Vikings). This week, I see Dallas coming off a one point win to a kinda overrated Redskins team with a semi-healthy Dez Bryant returning and Tony Romo, whose lung may literally pop out of his mouth if Suh gets to him today. Also, why the hell would you root for the Cowboys in this game? Keep the Detroit dream alive!

New Orleans (-7.5) vs. Jacksonville: I mean, the Jags could cover in a backwards universe, I'll give you that.

San Francisco (+10) vs. Philadelphia: I have Philly with the straight up win, but the Niners are going to be incredibly annoying to the Eagles in this game. I think Vick actually lasts the entire game this time though, so have no fear fantasy people. He'll have a good game, but the Niners will be able to keep it close because the one guy that Nnamdi and Asante should be on is playing tight end. Another monster game from Vernon Davis (V-Dub) today.

St. Louis (+3) vs. Washington: The 'Skins have no receiving depth, meaning the Rams can load up on Moss and Fred Davis. In addition, Steven Jackson is...playing? I mean that's pretty much what we know to this point, but even that knowledge should be enough for the Rams to get off the snide.

Tennessee (Pk) vs. Cleveland: The best passing defense so far has been Pittsburgh...okay that's no surprise. Second? The Tennessee Titans. Now that's surprising. Sure, the Titans lost Kenny Britt for the season last week, but they have another home run hitter in Nate Washington who can absolutely have a big game in this one. The same can be said for Jared Cook (Gamecock!) as well.

Cincinnati (+3) vs. Buffalo: This line is disturbingly low. Without even breaking it down (because breaking it down from every conceivable angle would suggest Buffalo kills them), I'm going Bungles with the trap spread. Buffalo hadn't beat the Pats in eight years. Cincy hasn't beat the Bills in twelve. Karma is a biiiiiiaaaaaaatttttttccccchhhhhh.

Minnesota (-3) vs. Kansas City: I really think the Chiefs put all they could into the San Diego game last week. The Vikings blew yet another game late...this game is tough because both teams reeeeeaaaaaalllllllllllllllly suck right now. I give the edge to the Vikes because how long can a .500 team keep blowing games?

Chicago (-7) vs. Carolina: Ummmm...this will be the official "welcome to the NFL" game for Cam.

Houston (-3.5) vs. Pittsburgh: Bad sign if you're the Steelers. They open up as underdogs to a team who choked another fourth quarter game away last week, and rather than the spread moving towards them, it's gone up a point and a half the other way. The Texans have to beat someone legit this year right?

The Hottie (-4.5) vs. Seattle: Trap spreads aside, this game is Matt Ryan vs. Tarvaris Jackson. Unless the Seahawks get spotted a 20-point lead, this should not even be close.

The G-MEN (-1) vs. 'Zona: As much as I can't stand betting on Eli, I really, really can't bet on the Cards' secondary in any situation right now.

San Diego (-6.5) vs. Miami: The Dolphins now have Steve Slaton at running back. The Chargers coming off what can only be called a disappointing win against KC. Why shouldn't this game be a total, epic blowout?

Denver (+13) vs. Green Bay: While the Pack are clearly the best team in the league right now, their pass D has been quietly sucky. Kyle Orton will once again be playing for his job, so I expect a monster game from him. A little McGahee sprinkled in...they should keep it close.

NY Jets (+5) vs. Baltimore: After the Pittsburgh game, everyone including myself thought that Baltimore perhaps may have taken the next step to "elite" status, but after seeing how they did against the Titans in Week 2, and watching Pittsburgh be...ehhhh...not so good, I say the Jets and Ravens are still on the same plane. All I'm hoping for is that they both beat the holy hell out of each other like last year.

Indy (+10) vs. The Bucs: Another terrible Monday nighter. Of course you're aware that I love JAAAAAAAASH Freeman and LeGarrette, but I don't think this offense has enough firepower to cover a double-digit spread right now.

12:46: And now, the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes Front Runners:
  1. Kansas City (2/1): I honestly think they threw their absolute best game at San Diego, and they still got outplayed basically the whole game and lost...again, this can't bode well for your future endeavors.
  2. Miami (4/1): They had a must-win game against a team that was shredded with injuries. They got 100 yards from their rookie running back...and they lost. No bueno.
  3. Seattle (9/2): Seattle gets bumped back to the 3rd spot after unfortunately winning last week. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TANKING!!! Get it together Seattle! Haha.
  4. Minnesota (5/1): And suddenly, a new contender has emerged. Hey, this team deserves it considering they can't hold a lead...ever. If they go up on KC and lose today, they will officially take the #1 spot next week regardless of what happens.
  5. Indy (6/1): The Colts narrowly edge out the Panthers for the last spot due to Carolina winning last week. However, after this week, when the Colts put up their 2nd back-to-back respectable showing, and Carolina most likely gets trampled in Chi-Town, they might be out of this discussion come next week.
12:58: We're in countdown mode people! Enjoy Week 4!!!

1:01: Two biggest things I'm looking at besides anything Pats related. 1.) If Detroit beats Dallas, they enter the discussion for top 5 teams in the league, and 2.) Kendall Hunter is starting in place of Frank Gore, who is active. Hunter could very well take the job if he has a big one today against Philly.

1:14: Carolina looked impressive on their first drive. If they continue to use DeAngelo (who is still good by the way) and Jon Stewart, they could do something here.

1:16: Saints and 'Boys strike first with TDs. Dez Bryant continues to be an absolute animal, and on the other end of the physical spectrum, Darren Sproles (who didn't score, but set up a one-yard TD) is having an outstanding season.

1:20: Arian. Foster. Is. Back. Oh my! He's just tearing up the Steeler front. Schaub with a play action pass to a wide open Owen Daniels, and we have a 7-0 Texans lead.

1:21: Chicago already knocking on the Panther doorstep after giving up a FG. Cutler goes for a QB sneak on 3rd and goal from the 6...interesting. Bears settle for 3...that has to be a let down after a huge Forte run.

1:23: Vick throws a "Stephen Garcia" pick...which will henceforth be known as a "Garcia," throwing a jump ball 5 yards behind his receiver. Pick by San Fran...uh-oh Philly.

1:27: LaVelle have to love a guy who not only could you not name where he went to school, but probably couldn't name who he plays for (Titans by the way...and thhhhheeeeeeeyyyyyy're in the RED ZONE)

1:29: Whooooooooaaaaaaaaa we have a Kaepernick sighting! Could he possibly make Harbaugh forget about Andrew Luck? Most likely not, but I would love to see what this guy has.

1:30: Cowboys are taking it to Detroit right now. Laurent Robinson for a firsr down, Felix with a run to get to the 5...looking down the barrel of a 14-0 1st quarter deficit. Man if they could pull this comeback off...I can see it.

1:32: Cam Newton gets Pick 6'd. Yeeeeaaaahhhh, that'll happen. D.L. Moore is in a head to head match with D.L, Hughley for most known "D.L." going...Hughley has a huge lead, but if this guy makes Pro Bowls (he could, he's actually really good), you never know.

1:34: Detroit stuffs them on 4th and goal! Lights, Camera, MegaTron.

Kaepernick in the game because of an "undisclosed injury" to Alex they really care how it happens at this point?'s a J.D. Drew/Josh Reddick corollary.

1:37: Huuuugggggggeeeeee Steve Smith catch. How have they not figured out that all he does is make big plays? Really...this has been a legit five years where's he just the big-play beast, and yet they don't have any defense for it?

1:39: And now Smith is back in?...hmmmm....well, guess the Kaepernick unveiling will have to wait.

1:40: Wow, I mean Cam Newton kind of looking vintage like he's wearing #2 taking it into the end zone. Replay will totally stand, and if it doesn't, replay is utterly useless.

1:42: Mark Ingram: Probably overrated on how he would do fantasy-wise, but a Ingram/Sproles/Thomas is absolutely terrifying.

1:45: Jimmy Graham...all day...eeevvvvveeerrrrryyyy day dude! What a fantastic player.

1:46: Oh man, another fantastic Devin Hester return, another fantastic TD for Forte.

1:49: JARED COOK!!! 80 YARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's 6! We're talking Gamecocks baby! You might as well give me two seconds to talk about them...God knows they couldn't give us two last night.

1:50: Another Dez TD. Cowboys in firm control. Detroit's still got this...right?

1:53: Andy Dalton just got strip-sixed (you know, pick six, but with a striped fumble...well there should be some kind of term for it right?). Bills up 10-3...ehhh, but they don't look so good. They looked better against hopefully that's just a letdown feeling and not Cincy being at all better than us in any way.

1:56: Replay strikes twice! Andy Dalton got the tuck rule call. THE TUCK RULE!!! Cincy tied up. Wooowwwww. Then, All Day's fumble gets overturned in KC (Gus Johnson is back on the mic baby!).

1:58: All Day fumbles again, recovers, then McNabb throws a pick...not a good series of events there for the Vikes. Meanwhile, Andre Johnson just went down grabbing the back of his contact...ohhhhh wow.

1:59: Vick just slammed his right hand into Justin Smith's helmet. It seems unavoidable that he's gonna get hurt in every game.

2:00: By the way, I actually skipped over this for some reason, but Devin Hester had a breathtaking return for a score. He is literally just the man in that facet of the game. No offense Deion, but Devin Hester is Deion on all sorts of banned substances (in terms of the return game).

2:04: Is it just me, or does every time an unknown gets to around the 1-yard line, every fan, including the fans of his own team, have that "please don't score and rob me of the guy I have starting in fantasy" gasp?

2:08: Speaking of fantasy, Clay Harbor, coming to a fantasy team near you.

2:10: Is Washington that good or St. Louis that bad...we may have the answer by the end of the day.

2:12: Cassel and Todd Haley get into it on the sidelines...just give the ball to Dwayne Bowe. Sure I have him on my fantasy team, but sometimes, the real and fantasy intertwine themselves.

2:13: I don't remember a year of my life that Jason Hanson wasn't kicking for Detroit. The Lions, despite being dominated, are only down 11.

2:15: I make some good decisions...most bad...some terrible. I would say that I have like a 50/50 on good/absolutely shitty decisions. Today though, cider and rum...I'm thinking pumpkin spice to kick it up a notch. Also, I can call it CHR for Cider House Rules (you have cider, and the house rule is football = drinking).

2:18: Pittsburgh fans are deafening with their "HEATH" chant in Houston. Steelers on the move by yet another huge play from Mike Wallace. Him and Steve Smith are head and shoulders above the rest in the big play category...where the hell is DeSean Jackson by the way?

2:19: Oh man, the Bills get a pick 6 from the guy who had a fumble return TD called back earlier! What are the odds? And this one was far more impressive!

2:24: Unbelievable stuff going on here. Daniel Manning, who had just blocked a field goal with a clear path for Jonathan Joseph (Gamecock!) to return it for a TD. However, rather than use his head and not commit a block in the back that happened 15 yards from the return...he did. Wow. Texans go from 17-0 to 10-0 for no reason.

2:30: The Cowboys and Bills with big leads going into the half. Cincy has to be broken up about a ball hitting their receiver while he's on the ground, having it bounce up, and have it returned for a TD at home. That just sucks.

3:00: Alright, back after a short "linner" break. The Eagles block a FG, setting themselves up nicely. Vick looks human, and while even that is still a really good's not Vick ya know?

3:04: The non-blocked FG for a TD continues to haunt Houston. They allow Big Ben and Co. to stay in the game, now in the red zone w/ 2 mins. left in the 3rd. Houston up 10-7.

3:08: Gresham for 6 in Cincy! Ohhhhhh Buffalo...not easy being the kings.

3:10: Jeesh, Matt Cassel looks terrible unless he's throwing to Steve Breaston today. Speaking of Cassel, one hour to the Pats baby!!!

3:12: Bobby Carpenter takes a pick back to the 1, fumbles to his teammate for a TD...okay Detroit. Signs of life are encouraging. 27-10...that's a long way to go though.

3:16: Fred Jackson is slowly killing Cincy's will to live with relentless pressure up the middle, then gets another first down with Jackson catching a screen.

3:18: Detroit might have gotten another pick 6 (sure, the first one wasn't one really, but the guy got to the one then fumbled)! This time, Chris Houston, who does the Deion highstep (if you've been doing it for your whole career, you're allowed to do it). Tennessee gets a pick 6 of their 142 yards and a score. That's a Texans lead.

3:22: Dwayne Bowe...did I not say this would help? 52 yards and a score. We're talking Chiefs lead, we're talking "I know what the f*ck I'm talking about"...LET'S GO PATS!!! Haha.

3:26: If you have anyone on my fantasy team, you're in the money right now baby. V-Dub for 6. San Fran is closing in on Philly.

3:29: Thank God Gus is calling the Minny/KC game. Without him, where would mediocre to shitty games go? Monday night? Ohhhhhhhh...that's right ESPN! You guys are clowns putting these games on!!!

3:31: Something kind of getting lost today is Cam keeping it close in Chicago. He hasn't really been as brutalized as I thought he might have been.

Speaking of brutal...St. Louis? Wooooowwwww they suck.

3:36: Big Ben is getting brutalized in Houston. Meanwhile, San Fran/Philly could become a David Akers revenge game after Alex Henery just missed for Philly. Imagine a kicker revenge game? Sometimes that will happen in the No Ferocity League.

3:40: Haha, there is absolutely no stopping MegaTron...this is absolutely sickening how good he is. In triple coverage he brings it down. Detroit climbing back 30-24.

3:41: Schaub goes for the home run ball. Then, the report is that Andre Johnson is in street clothes on the sideline. A.) that totally blows, and B.) why aren't they running non-stop with Foster and Tate? 170 yards on the ground for Houston today. Pittsburgh with a huge return up to midfield.

3:45: Houston holds the Steelers on fourth down. Attention Gary Kubiak: RUN THE F***ING BALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

3:46: Cincy inside the 35 with 7 to go down seven. Minny gets a huge end around from Percy Harvin. They're down 5 over midfield with two to play. Wild stuff.

3:48: Wow, riveting stuff here in Cincy. Down at the 10 with a second down, we have a Dalton/Andre Caldwell connection. First and goal at the 3. Believe in the Bungles!

3:51: Dalton is in for 6! We are tied at the Brownie (Paul Brown Stadium). Elsewhere, Minny is in an all or nothing situation in KC down 5 w/ a minute 45 to go. Detroit just got the ball back. STL scores (they still suck a lot)...this is unreal!

3:53: Stafford just missed MegaTron for a huge connection. Detroit hanging on for dear life. Minny just turned it over on downs. KC is out of the top spot in the Luck sweepstakes!

3:55: Jonathan Joseph gets robbed of another TD, but have no fear Texan fans, your running back is back, and the Texans are going to get a big-time win vs. the Steelers. Meanwhile, Rex Grossman is reverting back to his old sucky self, throwing a pick to James Lauranitis, which sets Bradford and Co. up inside the 25.

3:57: Matt Forte goes over 200, and the Bears just iced the game with a Marion Barber TD. The Rams are shooting themselves in the foot trying to tie the game up. Buffalo somehow cannot figure out the Cincy defense today. Detroit gets the ball inside the 50. This is great stuff. Pats in 10!!!

4:01: Henery misses another one! Oh man let's go Niners!!!

4:04: We've gone QuadBox on RedZone...that's when you officially know shit it going down. Not gonna lie, I'm going against MegaTron...I feel the doom coming.

4:06: Cam Newton gets the garbage TD that gamblers dread. The Panthers cover, but are looking like they're done. San Fran all over Philly. Kendall Hunter and Frank Gore are all over them...and Gore just scored. Akers for the lead against Philly!

4:08: Jason Hanson man...forget about it. 52-yard FG puts Detroit down 3.

4:09: The Bills are attempting to ice Mike Nugent. If he makes, Buffalo is no longer undefeated, and I'm a genius.

4:10: I'M A F***ING GENIUS BABY! Buh-bye Buffalo. We'll see you at the top in three hours baby!

4:12: Woooooowwwwww Romo is dogging it. He throws a "Garcia," Lions ball at midfield. Detroit continues to hang on. Don't let the dream die!!!

4:13: MegaTron is ripping up Dallas...this looks like it could be it for Detroit right here...this is where to make the statement.

4:15: Niners up 1 after an Akers XP. Philly is at midfield with a little over 2 to play.

4:16: LET's GO PATS!!!!!!!!!! (uh-oh, ball fell off the tee on the opening kickoff, then Gostkowski kicks the ball out of bounds...auspicious start here)

4:18: First looks at Denarius Moore and Run all comes down to those two on offense for us today. Raiders take a timeout...I'll take it.

4:20: Screen pass to McFadden for 15. He seems...healthy...that can't be good for business. McCourty makes the stop on DMC on first down. Please just keep putting them in passing situations.

4:23: Maclin fumbles at midfield! San Fran ball at the 2 minute warning. Wowsers. I'm looking really good today.

3rd and long right here for the Raiders. We absolutely need this stop just to halt whatever momentum they have going...and they make the pass, but it's short of the first. Bring on that fat bastard! (Janikowski)

4:25: MegaTron again! I knew it! I freggin' knew it! Haha, today's fantasy day was going way too good!

4:27: Philly and San team is 3-1, the other is 1-3...yeah it's exactly the opposite of what it probably should be.

4:28: Detroit is 4-0! Felix Jones stepped out of bounds! What the hell was he thinking??? Haha.

4:30: Brady uses an early timeout...ughhhhhh...that's what bad teams like the Raiders do! Haha, oh come on they're not that good...sure they have a chance to win, but in the overall scheme of things, they're not even close to us. Come know the truth...can you handle it!!!

4:37: Seymour gets 15 for slamming Brady to the ground after a delay of game penalty blew that play dead. The Firm has been busy early...let's keep that trend going.

4:38: Seymour gets another 15 yarder for grabbing The Firm by the facemask. What's his deal today? Ridley gets his first carry of the game for a first down. See, running the ball...isn't this nice?

4:40: It's Dub-Dub...and it's for the SIX! Yeah Wes!!! 7-3 good guys (in this league, if you put all 32 teams in this field, and said "who would be the "good guys" and who would be the "bad guys,"' wouldn't it be Pats vs. Raiders?...Oh I think so).

4:44: Hey, Jordy! Baby I got your money, don't you worry!

4:45: The Raiders are playing like...the Raiders (ya know, the sucky ones)...I'm liking it. Nothing going yet for Oakland on offense.

4:49: Oh wow, just found out Vollmer is out today again. Why did I think he was playing? Anyway, J-Cam hits on a 15-yarder to Heyward-Bey, and he was wide the F open..."can't have it...can I win with them...can't do it."

4:51: We have been horrendous for the last two plus years on third down defense. What is it about backing teams into a corner that makes us want to lay off so much? I hate when Bill shows compassion.

4:53: Charles Woodson Pick-Six...when is it time Denver? When is it time to push the Tebow button? I say if it goes 21-3, that's it.

4:54: Oakland intentionally takes a delay of game penalty on 4th and 2 from the 40...they know they would have got it if they went for it right? I mean we still don't really have an answer for the running game or the screen game. Oh well, they hit a nice punt pinning us inside the 5...that just means more passing yards for TFB.

4:56: We have a GROONNNKKK sighting. First down Pats, but we just hit the end of the quarter...could that have gone any better for Oakland? Down 4 after the first. They have to be taking that.

4:59: He's talented, and he's Mr. Ridley for 25. Seymour jumps offsides on the play...seriously? Is he looking for blood? That can't be good for us.

5:00: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh man, nearly a huge Brady-Welker hookup yet again. Man, he is most dangerous little man in the league. Sorry Darren Sproles.

5:09: Run DMC with a huge gain, setting up Oakland to punch it in w/ Michael Bush. 10-7 bad guys. Orton to my man Eric Decker up in Green Bay. 21-10 Pack with an A-Rod rushing TD. Julio Jones has been an animal the last two weeks. I believe I remember saying something about this about 1,000 times before the season started.

5:12: Another stupid penalty, then it's, oh you know it's Welker time baby! 24 for the first down, then an illegal contact penalty on the Raiders trying to stop the Dubster. First down good guys. The Firm gets three up the middle.

5:17: Another huge catch by your NFL leader in receiving yards Wes Welker, and then, well Bill must have been reading John Grisham because you gotta ride The Firm in for 6! 14-10 red, white and, blue.

5:22: Oh sweet Jesus, Mayo is being helped off the field without being able to put pressure on his oh man we gotta step it up big time right now. Arrington makes a great stop on 2nd down. Can we get a stop please?

5:24: Un-freggin'-believable.

5:26: Without Mayo, you're looking at an even weaker run stop. Look for J-Cam to be almost taken out of this game by his own team and have them just run it down our throats with DMC and Michael Bush, who could pick up any short yardage play they need from him.

5:27: Jacoby Ford unfortunately decided to play today. Another missed tackle by the Pats (another unfortunate recurring theme), and he's down by the 5 on the end-around.

5:29: Ba-da-da-da-da-dum-dum Patrick Chung! First down good guys. J-Cam, thank you for being who we thought you were!!!

5:30: It's Woodhead, it's a first down. Two minute warning. Let the good guys go to work!

5:31: Denver keeping it interesting down 21-17, but GB and A-rod are driving to end the half. Pass to JJ for the first down, then a near pick that would have stolen all the momentum, then Starks, who with Ryan Grant out makes that RB decision much simpler, gets a screen play for 18. Pack in the bizzie.

5:33: Woodhead barely limps off the field. Man what is going on today with the injuries? We have back-to-back Ocho receptions which sandwiched an eerily similar underthrown attempt to Gronk which would have gone for 6...again.

5:35: The Firm makes a catch out of the backfield...perhaps a new wrinkle with what happened to Woodie. An incomplete pass to Welker, but he had the defenders beat yet again, which he's done all game long.

5:37: Oakland calls a timeout with the clock running and 15 secs. left on 3rd down. Okay, so they're making stupid penalties, making bad clock decisions...we should be capitalizing on this no

5:39: Okay, no 6, but Gostkowski puts it up to 17-10...hey the way this game is going, I like where we're at (minus the injuries to the two guys I absolutely love).

5:40: We are at halftime in Oakland. Elsewhere around the league, the Bolts just made it 13-10 right before halftime. Again, it seems like the Chargers like to let shitty teams hang around. Dunno what's with that.

5:46: Wow Larry Fitzgerald is simply unbelievable. 'Zona is in business in the red zone. Julio Jones is over 100 as the Hottie keep putting to the Nottie (hey-oh!).

5:50: 'Zona is going 1st and goal from the 1. A Matt Bryant FG gives Atlanta the lead by a lot to a little.

5:53: Von Miller for defensive rookie of the year is going to be as easy of a pick as Suh was for it last year. Imagine that, the #1 and #2 picks get offensive and defensive players of the's like hey, finally some teams are getting their shit together in the draft!

5:55: Here comes the 2nd half, and here comes Tom F'ing Brady baby!

5:57: It's's Welker time! First down baby!

5:59: Oh I was wondering earlier where DeSean Jackson went...six catches, 171 yards today...hey there he is!

6:00: The Firm with a big run to get the first, and then Stevan Ridley rolls in for a huggggeeeee TD run. Oh yeah running game!!! 24-10 you know who!

6:03: A-Rod close for the TD, they review it, and apparently he got in (he didn't, oh well). Pack up 34-17. Two rushing TDs for A-Rod. G-Men sputtering in 'Zona. They're punting again...this is what happens when you bet on Eli Manning (I could change my blog name to "Shit-Talking Eli Manning," write for three hours a day, and have absolutely no problem with it...don't push me!).

6:06: McFadden getting only 11 is totally disappointing to the Oakland spoiled bunch of face-painters.

6:08: Another third down conversion by Oakland, then a pass to Boss...I remember him having fumble issues...perhaps exploit that a little?

6:10: Again, 3rd down = 1st down. Absolutely no pass rush today. We are so terrified of the run that we're playing prevent along the D-Line...and they're still getting a bunch of rushing yards too.

6:13: Can't stop Michael Bush...again, I'm surprised this isn't a 3:1 run/pass ratio right now. Why would you want Campbell to try and win this game when you can control the clock and just beat the hell out of a Mayo-less defense.

6:14: Wooowwwwww, they waive off a pass interference penalty...and it was pass interference against Arrington...oh for the love of God make a third down stop!!!

6:17: Yessssssssss!!!! Bring on that fat bastard!!! 24-13 America's Team.

Can you tell I'm by myself in my place today? Haha, I've been updating every two seconds for crying out loud!

6:21: Wow, Aaron Rodgers is destroying Denver. Five total TDs for him...he's always going to be #2 in this league with our guy around, but he is a phenomenal talent.

6:25: The money train is now leaving off of track 83. 130 yards for the biggest little man in the league. Your NFL receiving leader will be in New England for yet another week. Here comes the Flying Elvises!!!

6:31: Dub-dub puts it up to 158, and then it's Neon Deion for Six! It's now us winning by way more than they ever should have a chance to come back from. Yeah Pats!

6:38: 3rd. Down. Defense. It continues to be the theme of the day...I honestly don't get it. We have no pass rush where J-Cam looks horrendous when he has even a speckle of a rush against him.

6:40: Oh man Colt McCoy had 61 attempts today? You have Hillis and Hardesty, yet the best way to score points against the second ranked pass defense in the league is by...passing? Haha, dude really? Haha, I can't even get over it...61 attempts. Man oh man.

6:42: Patrick Chung gets a bullshit helmet-to-helmet call. Fifteen yards, first down, but then, IT'S VINNIE MAC ON THE PICK!!! First down non-shitty guys at midfield. Suck it Oakland!!!

6:48: Ryan Torain...he is coming to fantasy team near you (and if I'm lucky, incredibly close to me).

6:52: Wow Green Back in the Silver Bridge City (Oakland), the Pats stop the Raiders because Heyward-Bey has a drop on third down...that's one way to do it. Seattle has brought it down to a 30-28 score. Drrrraaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaaaa,

7:00: And good night Oakland. We win, and again, y'all can suck it. Tuck rule bitch! Your New England Patriots are once again on top of the division (sure we have company, but who cares?). Well, the dude's gotta go bowling. Have a great night everyone. If you don't have Wes Welker, he will destroy your team...real or don't stop, and it just don't stop. I'll be back mid-week to clean up this mess I've left. Until then, I'll just go Don Cornelius on ya and bid you a bit of peace, love, and soul my brothers.

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