Sunday, October 30, 2011

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 8, 2011)

"Thanks for not making me wear a condom...f*ckin' classy move."

9:48: Welcome, welcome. Although we're not in snowshovel conditions yet in Boston (they are like everywhere else though...2 million without power?...ouch, that sucks bro), I have to tell you that the snow just doesn't do it for me at all. I'm an outdoorsman...but I'm not a winter outdoorsman...see what I mean? Born and raised here, but I have the thinnest blood because when I was a kid, I was fat and lazy and didn't go outside, like, ever in the winter, so now I'm really feeling the effects of that, especially after being down south from '03-'08. Anyway, the weather has me a little down (Fall lasted for one! the f*ck am I supposed to pick apples when there's six inches of snow on the ground!), but I'm feeling good about this week, and heeeeeeeeeeerrrrreeeeee's why...

It seems like a month since the Pats played against Dallas (upon further examination, apparently it's only been two weeks), but if any really good team needed a bye, it's us. We're 5-1 right now, and really, who is beating Buffalo at Buffalo ever? Amazing game against the Cowboys though. We held the 'Boys to 16 pts., but I have to say that their running attack was in shambles after Felix Jones went down (more on the Dallas running game later...DEMARCO!!!), and Romo threw for over 300 yards. I just wish we weren't so "bend not break." I mean obviously in that scenario, you would rather bend, but I still want to believe that we have the personnel to really dominate an opposing offense.

This is where the Steelers come in. Now before I get into belittling them, which I kind of will, I'll say that they really do have a good team. Mike Wallace is an animal, and there are significant odds he will scorch us for a big play/TD today. However, their line sucks to be blunt about it. Maurkice Pouncey can't play all five line positions, so there are going to be areas the Pats need to focus on exploiting. Jerod may be back in there today, but even if he isn't, the Pats should let Andre Carter and Jermaine Cunningham loose on Big Ben, and definitely throw in some Patrick Chung safety blitz action. The Steelers can move the ball on the ground, but considering there is a real possibility that the middle 4 starting today will consist of Mayo, Spikes, Haynesworth, and, of course, Vinnie Wilfork, I'm more than confident about slowing Mendy, Redman, and Mewelde down.

The big play is the out for the Steelers. They will be looking to exploit our secondary now that Leigh Bodden has been released (I really liked him if you've read any of my material, but I guess he may not have been the same player coming back from a season-ending rotator cuff surgery, not to mention the groin injury he sustained this year. Couple this with Ras-I being placed on IR, and clearly, we're thin at the CB position. The man of the hour will be Kyle Arrington, who has shown flashes of brilliance like another #24 (Ty Law), but can he put it all together and help this team march towards a Super Bowl? This will be a great game to kind of see into that snow globe of the future.

The Steelers' D you obviously know about. Will they make big plays? Most likely. Will they bring constant pressure on Brady? Without a doubt (although they will be playing without James Harrison, which is just huge for us). Once again, the running game is going to be absolutely critical for us. We went away from it against Dallas, and it nearly cost us the game. I just don't understand how the combo of The Firm/Woodhead/Mr. Ridley does not get at least 30 carries a game. If we're passing every time on second down, wouldn't there be reason to believe that the defense knows this, and will be blitzing and pass rushing every time? (DeMarcus had three sacks last game, and, yes, he nearly Reggie White'd us like I predicted). I'm hoping they just get the run game going immediately, make the crowd put their towels in their pocket, and just dominate like we should do up front.

Outside of the "Ty Law broken leg/end of the 21-game win streak", and the regular season we had with them two years ago, we have dominated this team, with most of its part in tact (Mike Wallace, Mendenhall, and Lawrence Timmons we haven't seen a whole lot from in fairness, and they're all really good). The game comes down to the recognition of the zone blitz, and right now, there are two guys who are money in that situation, and like you probably suspected, they are Aaron Rodgers, and your two time MVP and two time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady. Sure, everyone in New England gushes about Tom would too if he was your quarterback. Brady has shown through the years that he can carve defenses up. I would be stunned if the same didn't happen today.

I think a factor that can't be overlooked is the "what have you done for me lately?" factor. The Pats are coming off a bye after beating Dallas, a team many have winning the NFC East and potentially taking on Green Bay in the NFC Championship. Pittsburgh is coming off a game against arguably the worst non-winless team in the league. With Mayo and potentially Sebastian Vollmer returning (Vollmer has played one game this year...ONE!), I will really be surprised if the Steelers can pull this one out. They have beaten one .500 team this year (Tennessee), and the rest have been sub-.500. In addition, they get Baltimore on Sunday night next week...I know we're the shit, but some of those players have to be already mentally wanting to play them at home next week.

As if this was obvious enough, the Pats just have to get out to a fast start. The way to do that is to show the Steelers that even though they have Polamalu and Woodley, we own the middle. The Steelers have great defensive personnel, but they're totally getting WHONKed anyway (WHONK= Welker + Hernandez + Gronk) one in the league can figure it out, and I really hope they continue to have no clue because damn is it fun to watch these guys tear it up every week. Again, a medium to heavy size dusting of the Firm and whoever else you want to run at these guys, and we should blow them out. Will we? Ehhh...50/50, but definitely expecting a big game from the offense with Harrison out.

10:33: So, we have that one game covered pretty well, so on that note, it's time to get into gambling advice time (I know I said ya probably shouldn't take much of this into consideration, but with that being said, I've torn up three out of the last four weeks, so let's keep this train rolling).

What'cha Know About Tom Brady and Us? (-2.5) vs. Pittsburgh: Potentially the all-around offense's coming out party.

Indianapolis (+8.5) vs. Tennessee: I do realize that it's probably not the brightest idea to be banking on a team that just lost by 80 points (or whatever it was) last week, but I also believe it's not the brightest idea to be banking on a team that simply can't run the ball for some reason, and Matt Hasselbeck looking more and more like Carson Palmer sans the emotional outbursts (which may never know).

Jacksonville (+10) vs. Houston: Apparently a lot of people are expecting a let down game from the Jags, but they played Pittsburgh tight on the road two weeks ago, then beat the Ravens in what my chef deemed "the ugliest game I have ever seen in my life"...there may be something to the Jags. We'll find out.

Carolina (-3.5) vs. Minnesota: I love All Day, but I'm looking at Christian Ponder, and I just don't know. I know what I have with the Panthers. Cam is going to bomb the ball to Steve Smith, which he will be able to do because the Vikes don't really have a good secondary. Otah should be able to at least slow Jared Allen down a little of the corner, and the Panthers are loaded with playmakers on their secondary, a perfect recipe for a 250 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs line from Ponder.

New Orleans (-13) vs. St. Louis: The Saints scored 62 points last week, the Rams almost gave up the single-game all-time rushing record last week...the Rams are going to have to pray for a letdown of epic proportions to keep this close (let's not forget that A.J. Feeley is their QB).

Baltimore (-12.5) vs. Arizona: I will be stunned if Arizona scores in this game...stunned.

Miami (+10.5) vs. The G-MEN: After what happened against Seattle, why not take a shitty team playing the Giants at the Meadowlands?

Buffalo (-4.5) vs. Washington: This is one of those trap spreads that I cannot get around. Why would you ever take John Beck on the road in perhaps the most hostile home field we've seen this year? Also, why would you bet against Fred Jackson ever?

Denver (+3) vs. Detroit: Here's my theory on Detroit: The Jim Schwartz flip out after the Niners game has created an "Emperor With New Clothes" situation in which they looked terrible down the stretch of the SF game, then the flip out, then they looked terrible (at home again mind you) against Atlanta, now they travel to Denver, where Tebowroo is in full effect (I hope Tebowroo sticks...I probably has a better shot of surviving than WHONK though). The Tebow home effect is still applicable to the pros (I'm pretty sure he only lost the one game at the Swamp to Ole Miss, and outside of that he never lost...not saying Denver is like Gainesville for him, but they made freggin' billboards to get this guy to play...I think they like him).

San Francisco (-9) vs. Cleveland: I think once the Browns can figure out how to use the Hardesty/Hillis combo, or once they are both fully healthy, Cleveland might be okay. However, I'm looking at San Fran's D at home, and I'm thinking the Brownies won't get into double-digits today.

Seattle (+2) vs. Cincy: I never thought I would say this, but because Tarvaris Jackson is playing, I really like Seattle's chances (that and the crowd...actually it's mostly due to the crowd...who is enjoying the NBA lockout more than people in Seattle by the way?..."feel our pain for a year everyone!"...and then when they start playing next year, they will turn into a pumpkin again).

Philadelphia (-3) vs. Dallas: This is easy enough...if the Eagles lose, their season is finished. That enough motivation for ya?

Kansas City (+4) vs. San Diego: It could be let down city for the Chiefs, but they have to realize that even without Jamaal Charles and getting off to an incredibly slow start, they are actually still vying for a division title at 3-3. Also, Chargers: 3-0 at home, 1-2 on the road...yeahhhhh.

11:11: And now, probably my favorite thing to do in the world right now: Handicapping who is the shittiest team in the NFL...

The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes:
  1. Miami (3/2): Who honors the QB who is playing against you? It's like Tebow was sucking, then they did the halftime ceremony with the '08 Gators, and he turned back into the hero in the second half. Who would possibly do that unless they were trying to lose every game? Kudos Miami, you're halfway there.
  2. Indy (2/1): The Colts took a markedly good approach by losing by 55 points in New Orleans on Sunday to jump into the 2-spot. Again, it looks as though the infrastructure of their team alone would be worth 4-5 wins alone, but if they continue to play as disheartened as they did on Sunday, they could play a major factor down the stretch.
  3. St. Louis (5/2): While the Rams fell back one spot, they have time to make up ground this week with a potential blowout at home coupled with two perhaps winnable games from Miami and Indy. Also, the Rams getting Brandon Lloyd...I'm puzzled by that. There is no way they will win the division thanks to San Fran being who they thought they were (and yes, I just crowned their asses), and no way of stealing a wild card...why get better? There's not going to be a lot of guys that have their own sweepstakes columns, why not strive for futility? I think the fans might actually get it. Imagine a scenario where the Rams have Miami's first round pick for the next three years, including their own awesome pick because they will probably suck for a while...could they not turn that franchise around with five first round picks, including three or four in the top 10? And there's a rookie wage scale? Come on St. Louis, you're better (worse) than that.
  4. Arizona (6/1): The Cards continue to inch closer and closer to the top 3 after an abysmal performance against Pittsburgh at home. Now, they're on the road against Baltimore who, as I mentioned before, will probably shut them out (I'm feeling 23-0...I dunno, that score is sticking out to me right now). Kevin Kolb is looking like a backup, which, hey, he probably should be right? Shouldn't you have to earn your starting QB stripes on merit? The guy got concussed by Clay Matthews, benched for Michael Vick, and then gets a giant contract. That's like a 16-year old kid wrecking a Pontiac, and then once they're ready to get back on the road, you give them a stunk from the beginning, and it's really stinking right now.
  5. Minnesota (8/1): It's a dogfight right now between the Vikes and Seattle to get on the board. Based on the predictions for today, I'm going with Minny here, but Seattle could put up a stinkeroo against Cincy at home and climb back into the hunt. Drrraaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaa!!!
Alright guys, I'm going to brave the cold for about a half an hour to re-up my T pass ("it's the end of the month, so tap your pass and come on!") and get some Rumpelstiltskin for my passion fruit (35 degrees + snow on the ground = boat drinks blowout...all about some arithmetic today). Hope your fantasy matchups go as well as they possibly could, except of course if you're playing me...I'm out for blood now. Oh it's so on!!! Haha, see you in a bit peeps.

12:22: Got the cheap rum and the passion fruit. It's 35 degrees in ya might as well consider me dead to the outside world now (unless I get food...there's always that 10-15 min. possibility of undeadness).

12:35: Watching an episode of Family Guy. Can you remember a show that has been more wildly hit and miss than this one? It was just amazing comedy for years and years, then all of a sudden, there was a big emphasis on the graphic upkeep and having guest stars, and it kind of went to shit after that. Don't get me wrong, they still have amazing moments and episodes (the "Brothers and Sisters" episode, when Adam West marries Lois' sister stands out in recent history), but you can tell they phone a lot of it fact, at the beginning of the third Star Wars spoof, they literally said they were phoning this in...and they were right...actually that was the funniest part of the entire episode. It has to be tough to stay completely hysterical for this length of time...I'm lucky to get a half hour out a week too.

12:58: We're in countdown mode. I just benched Larry Fitzgerald...that's called bold. He was I think #11 in receivers and top 20 overall...I'm going with Delone Carter...think about it like this: If I think a team will not score a point today ('Zona), should I really start their receiver no matter how good he is? Carter, meanwhile, likely gets the majority of both carries and red zone/goal line touches...hey, sometimes you need to take a chance (man do I wish I had DeMarco back on this team...I dropped him when it looked like Choice supplanted him to #2 behind Felix Jones, now Jones is hurt, Choice is off the team, and the name DeMarco Murray was probably in the top 10 google'd sports related names last how three weeks can change everything).

1:04: NFL record for touchbacks in one year is going down's still Week 8 right? They have nine more to go, and the record for touchbacks is already going down? Goddell, dude, put the kickoffs back at the 30. This is totally ridiculous.

1:06: Kevin Kolb just went down for an 18-yard sack...again, expect that to be something of a recurring theme.

Minny had a huge kick return on a rare non-touchback, then goes 3 and out, misses a FG, Ponder got sacked on 3rd down too. Not quite what we had in mind to start.

1:08: Houston is rocking those slick red jerseys today...I'm a fan. Inside the 20 right now after two straight to Kevin Walter...the other 83.

1:12: Rams are rocking the "these were ugly back in the day but now they look amazing" throwback blue uniforms...this has to be the only chance they have against the's their "orange jersey"-like go to.

1:14: Dolphins looking realllllllly fired up. Call me optimistic, but I'm really liking where that prediction's heading.

Rams again continue to look good early (again, you have to say "early")...someone's putting their first W on the board today.

1:17: Baltimore's offense looks atrocious again. What is happening with Joe Flacco right now? Not so bueno, esp. on the last attempt to Boldin.

We're gonna have 1st and Goal for the 'Fins at the 1 on a pass interference call. I have to say, just really, I have no reason to like either team, so I'll pull for the winless.

1:20: Steve Slaton punches it in for Miami. If you started him in fantasy today, you should automatically win this week regardless of what anyone else on your team does.

Fitzgerald with a huuuuggggggeeeee catch. Now they announce he's donating $10,000 for every TD to breast cancer research...even if he's on the bench, gotta love him. Kolb gets sacked on 3rd down. Baltimore's 3rd sack already...I'm totally bummed, they may actually score and get a FG.

1:24: Ooohhhhhh shit, Blaine Gabbert got worked after he slid in Houston. Cushing just crushed him. Probably one of those personal foul fines upcoming for him. Gabbert is out, Luke McCown did the dynamics just make a sharp left there (or right, whatever your preference is).

1:35: Cam is again getting it done on 3rd down, and end-around to Steve Smith for another first plus a 15-yard facemask on the play. Panthers in business to tie up the Vikes (also, Capt. Munnerlyn with a sack on Ponder earlier...Gamecocks bitch!...most likely coming to a top 10 near you).

1:37: Baltimore is inside the two after a pass to Boldin. Ricky Williams had a huge run earlier, and Ray Rice was moving the chains afterwards. Flacco needs this game for a little confidence boost with the Steelers looking for revenge (and most likely coming off a loss) next week.

1:41: Man Steve Smith made another amazing TD catch (review pending). Elsewhere, Blaine Gabbert is back in the gotta love it. Nothing like a guy who wants to be in there to be in there.

1:43: Feeley gets sacked inside the 2 for the Rams, and it turns out Steve Smith was short at the 1. On first down, they go to Stewart who lost yardage...I would go to Olsen or Shockey here.

1:46: Shockey for 6.

Dare I say, vintage Reggie Bush. Huge run followed by the rare combo of unnecessary roughness with a horse-collar tackle out of bounds. Miami is inside the 5.

1:50: Oh Miami goes for it on 4th down, they run the bootleg to absolute perfection. Matty Moore is in. That is another six for Miami. Wow, 14-3 in Jersey.

1:56: Wow the Colts are really bad. Delone Carter, give him the rock!!!

Annnnddddd the punt gets blocked in the end zone for six. Well...that means more Delone...give him the freggin' rock baby!

1:58: Beanie Wells puts it in for 'Zona. They've got 10 now...okay I'm impressed.

2:00: Cam throws another strike to a TE, this time to Greg Olsen for a score. 14-7 Carolina.

2:08: Ammmmaaaaazzzzzziiinnnngggg return by Patrick Peterson on a punt return for the touchdown, and then Flacco throws a pick...WOOOOOWWWW. 17-3 Cards with the ball inside the Raven 25.

2:12: Kevin Kolb to Early Doucet for six. 24-3 Cards...if you are a shitty team, chances are you're doing quite well right now.

Speaking of which, Captain Munnerlyn (Gamecock!), who was previously fighting with Percy Harvin on the sidelines 15 mins. ago, just stole the ball from him on a reception. First down Carolina.

2:48: Alright, quick food break, and again, if you've been sucking, you're doing amazing today. Ravens got a FG right before the half on 'Zona though, and now they have the ball at the 1 after a pass interference penalty. Ray Rice just exploded in for 6. Here we go.

2:59: Houston goes with goal line formation from the 8 twice in a row, they get stood up, but Schaub somehow fits it into Joel Dressien for a touchdown. Meanwhile, Kevin Kolb gets sacked again. Oh Arizona I feel it all just slipping away for ya.

3:04: Steven Jackson rolls in for another TD. 110 yards rushing and two scores. 24-zip Rams...that's what they call a letdown game for New Orleans.

Cam Newton with three passing TDs today, but Carolina is forced to punt. Minnesota is hanging in there.

3:11: Baltimore is beating Kolb senselessly right now. Zona is going to punt again. They are just opening the door wide for a comeback win. Flacco seems out of sync outside of their TD drive, but he'll have plenty of chances it seems.

3:17: All Day in for his second score ties the game up in Carolina. It continues to be the Anquan Boldin show in Baltimore. He's got three 20+ yard receptions on this drive. Finally, Zona just put Patrick Peterson on him, but Peterson was just flagged in the end zone for pass interference. First and goal Ravens in Ray Rice territory.

3:20: And Rice is in for the score. 24-20 Cards. G-Men w/ a FG to make it 17-13. Jon Vilma w/ a fumble recovery in the end zone to put New Orleans on the board (most interesting stat of the day thus far: Drew Brees has never been shut out in his professional career...ever).

3:24: Kolb throws another pick thanks to contact from Terrell Suggs. It's just a matter of time now. Zona went from climbing out of the Luck Sweepstakes to perhaps entrenching themselves even further. Another pass interference penalty coming on Anquan in the end zone. It's first and goal Ravens at the 1...time for #27.

3:29: As if there was ever a doubt. Ray Rice puts it in for his third score of the game. Vontae Leech, who was on Houston last year when Arian Foster won his rushing title, has been one of the more unheralded signings of this season, making a nice close-off block on Rice's TD.

3:35: Victor Cruz is perhaps better than anyone, maybe even Victor Cruz could imagine. After the catch, he shakes two tackles and makes it into the end zone for six. G-Men out front for the first time.

Arian Foster is in to the end zone in Houston. A bow to you. 21-7 Houston. Kolb just was sacked, fumbled, and Baltimore recovered, but holding on the defense negates it all. First down Zona over midfield.

3:39: Yet another Raven turnover (this time an Ed Reed pick) taken off the board because of a defensive penalty. You do realize Zona is just giving this game away, yet Baltimore for some reason wants no part of it.

3:42: Nate Washington is in for six, and that effectively ices the game for Tennessee. Indy will once again be in the Luck mix, but will they be #1? Zona, who is also very much in the mix, goes for it on 4th down and gets it inside the 30. First down Cards with less than 10 left down 3.

3:47: Feely ties the game for Zona at 27. Ponder continues to lead the Vikes down the field with passes to Aromashadu and Harvin. All Day continues to be ruthless on the Panther defense. First down Minny. Miami has the ball at their own 40, but Moore was just sacked by Umenyiora.

3:51: Minny falls short of the TD, has to settle for a Longwell FG. 24-21 w/ 3 mins. left. It's Cam time.

3:53: Matt Moore throws a pick to seal the fate of the winless Dolphins, but they covered, and if you cared about any aspect of this game, that was it.

3:55: Two minute warning in Charlotte. First down after a quick screen pass to Jonathan's happening Minnesota.

3:59: On fourth down, Cam unloads a 44 yard completion to Brandon LaFell. Unbelievable, yet very believable at the same time. Rams just picked Drew Brees, and it, is, ovah. Considering teams scoring 60 points in an NFL game are now 2-6 in their next game, probably should have seen that coming.

4:04: Wowwwwwwwwww. Olindo Mare missed a real short FG that would have tied the game. Minny escapes with a win. 10 minutes until the Pats!!!

4:07: Haha the Buffalo game is in Toronto? Whoooppps. Well that shows you how much I'm gambling on this stuff (big big fat zero).

4:10: Kevin Kolb rushes for the first down to get them out of inside their own 10. The Colts inexplicably threw four times on two separate occasions to end the game inside the running at all? Really? I mean I have Delone Carter (who was vultured inexplicably by Donald Brown on a goalline TD today), but really, what were they thinking?

4:14: Baltimore gets the ball back at midfield w/ a minute left in a tie game. I would just be going to Ray Rice all day, but Flacco goes deep, and Torrey Smith hauls it in inside the 5! First down looks like this comeback may happen.

Tebow nearly had a TD to Decker but apparently Decker couldn't get his 2nd foot down...that woulda helped me out on a lot of different fronts.

4:18: We're underway in Pittsburgh. This just in: You can pass on the Pats.

4:20: Three in a row to Miller. Wow we need Jerod Mayo in there big time.

4:22: Now four to Miller. Literally no one up the middle. This is what happens when you ask for Mayo at Heinz Field.

4:24: D looked horrendous on the opening drive, as the Steelers strike with Mewelde Moore on a quick slant. Elsewhere, apparently covering Titus Young results in some kind of penalty. He was wide, wide open for six. Then, the man known as Scott Chandler catches a TD for the Bills north of the border.

4:30: Captain Faulk is back!!!!!!! Over a year since he last played. Awesome to see him back. Farrior and Harrison are not playing today for the Steelers, but they force a three and out. Antonio Brown smartly makes a fair catch despite not having anyone within 15 yards of him. Thanks buddy!

4:35: I can't believe the Steelers got Jericho Cotchery...I thought I was done with this guy! Heath Miller gets yet another reception...this is getting ridiculous.

4:46: Mendenhall running all over us, but on 1st and goal, Big Ben needs a timeout because he is not feeling it...what "it" is, we shall see...probably never like seeing your starting QB just shaking his head his entire trip to the sidelines though.

4:49: And he's definitely not feeling any better after getting whacked by Vinnie Mac! (the rhymes do come unrehearsed)

Charlie Whitehurst is in at QB for Seattle? ABORT! ABORT!!!

4:55: Kevin Faulk is back! A rush and a reception, then a first down rush. Captain Faulk moving the chains!

4:59: William Gay called for groping, and a false start on's momentum, and there it goes...and Wes just dropped an easy one for someone named Wes Welker.

5:01: Yup, Brady had Welker open, didn't throw it to him, that resulted in an incomplete. Then, Brady gets bumrushed by Lamarr Woodley...yikes.

5:15: Neon Deion in for Six! Steelers with the ball...they continue to hound us over the middle. Also, a bad luck play with the corner slipping resulted in a 20 yard pass play to Sanders.

5:34: The fake bad snap play to Kevin Faulk! It's like they're playing his greatest hits list. My request is the bubble screen! Do the bubble screen!!! Haha. Gostkowski for three.

5:38: Cincy looking great with their Dalton/Green combo. So, yeah, I guess I have to continue to apologize to A.J. about saying Julio was better than of right now, advantage A.J., and worth the #3 pick.

6:04: Mendenhall making it happen. Again, the middle of the field...what is happening there? Third and long upcoming for Pittsburgh.

6:05: Wow...another third down conversion...over the

6:14: Settle for the three...I hate saying that...why are we settling for anything. Meanwhile, Tebow is now getting annihilated, San Fran dominating, and Seattle and Cincy? No idea.

6:19: Pats come out w/ a first down to Gronk, then a unnecessary roughness call brings it up another 15. Neon Deion with a first down. Pats really perking up right now...we need points desperately here.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 7, 2011)

"It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie..."

11:14: That's right...bye (USC) bye (Pats)...bye (I have no third one here). What's up people. I'm hoping to get a lot in here today. Down the Cape now, but hopefully will be back to the homestead for about halftime of the 4:00 games (I can't help it...I have to see Tebow). In the meantime, hope your weeks are good. I'm stoked to not work today, so let's get right the hell into it.

Predictions...let's turn it around today!!!

JAAAAAAASSSSHHHHHH and the Bucs (+1.5) vs. Da Bears:
I love not picking a Pats game this week...fantastic...anyway. So, the Bucs just rolled on a team that is 75/25 offensively reliant last week (I mean no offense to Sproles, Ingram, and Thomas, but that team passes to win), now they get another one at home? I love Forte and Hester, but they are really gonna have to go ballistic for them to take this on the road...Freeman at home is a beast...keep it going with Earnest Graham in LeGarrette's absence man.

Carolina (-2.5) vs. Washington: I'm really surprised by how low this is. Washington's defense is going to have to come up with a monster effort. Never like seeing a guy's first start due to demotion be on the road either, especially when all things considered, Rex really had like the one terrible game, and that was about it. That can't be a good sign when the guy who did have you atop the division for a little bit (hopefully all my Redskins fans out there took pictures) gets pulled after one bad game...kind of a wavering situation there.

San Diego (Pk) vs. Jets: I had the Jets penciled (typed) in here...I it a feeling. They might also get crushed. I mean right now, the Jets have to be thinking every game is must win as the Pats keep rolling along, winning all kinds of games (close ones, games that were close on the scoreboard but really weren't that close (hellllloooooo Miami!!!...spoiler: you're still #1 in something!). However, I think the Jets play better when they are loose, and going into every game thinking you have to win rather than just playing your game might get them into trouble. Can we seriously give Mike Tolbert the ball? He became available in my league, I didn't know why, and then I read his stat line...dude has under 35 yards rushing in every game this year! (although his first game he did have three receiving TDs). Man if San Diego figured out how to make him a part of the plan.

Cleveland (-3) vs. Seattle: It figured Tarvaris Jackson has one of the more important wins of his career on the road, and now he's hurt. Sooooooo what you're telling me is you have a Clemson QB going up against an extremely underrated secondary and running attack at home? Yeahhhhhhh...

Oh, so my dad wants to go to lunch, I'm pretty sure I'm still on the payment plan in this situation (which will change soon, but I'm not that financially flush to turn down free beer and food), so, it's time for the lightning round!

Denver (-1) vs. Miami: Vegas clearly underestimated the Tebow effect and the potential that its tentacles (whoa that's a letter away from this going south) would spread to NFL gambling. Opened at Miami -3, now it's as high in some places as -2.5 Denver, and this is after they traded Brandon Lloyd away. It is Tebow to Decker time.

Atlanta (+5.5) vs. Detroit: Detroit will win by 30 or lose by 7 I feel.

KC (+3.5) vs. Oakland: The Raiders are a classic "play up to the level" of the opponent. They'll probably sleep on KC like Indy did, and hopefully Matt Cassel can remember that despite not having their star RB, they have one emerging in Battle and Bowe and Breaston (lots of B's) are monsters, esp. D-Bowe (what you got on my 40 homie?)

Pittsburgh (-4) vs. Arizona: This is going to feel like Heinz Field after a while.

St. Louis (+14) vs. Dallas: At some point, don't you get tired of getting your asses kicked?

Green Bay (-10) vs. Minnesota: At no point does kicking ass get tired.

New Orleans (-13.5) vs. Indy: Something about the SuperDome for a night's like they can push the A button for turbo (I wanna say I just referenced Madden '94 on Sega...I could be wrong...was it B?, no way!) and their stamina meter stays on glowing red.

Jacksonville (+10) vs. Baltimore: The Ravens may eventually travel as well as the Steelers do in terms of fans, but they're not there quite yet. Jag fans have no choice now but to get behind Gabbert. MoJoDo can divert some attention, and look at what happened against Pittsburgh (yes, them again) last week.

Luck Sweepstakes (he looked freggin' amazing against U-Dub yesterday):
  1. Miami (3/2): Still no sign of Kyle Orton
  2. St. Louis (2/1): No Bradford today. Again, I think they put up at least a bit of a fight today.
  3. Indy (8/1): I think the favorites are kind of separating a bit from the field. Again, Indy is winless, but I could see them winning at some point...those two above?...ehhhh...
  4. Minnesota (9/1): Christian Ponder is gonna have to be real good real quick.
  5. Arizona (12/1): Very much the dark horse in all of this. Their incompetency must be credited in print though. They have one win, and it was Cam Newton's first start...and let's be honest, they probably should have lost that one too. I think 'Zona's stock might be on the rise (or plummeting, depending on how you view things...but once you get into the top 5, you immediately have to start you realize whoever has the #1 pick will be locked into as many as three first round picks?...possibly more? is a sweepstakes people)
Alright, I'm feeling good, but that's always what happens before they play the games. Sometimes you're aware of impending doom (the Buffalo game), but sometimes you just feel good, which can only stay with you, or could thoroughly crush you in the balls with an ice pick...and that's why we watch. Alright kids, let's hope everyone but people I'm playing do great in fantasy. Time to sit back as the best team in the whole damn AFC takes a breather this week.

4:44: Alright, about to head home. Two thoughts: Arian F'ing Foster. If you looked down, then looked up again at Foster's stat line, you honestly wouldn't know at first if you were looking at running or receiving...that's what the f*ck is up), and if you were not aware of this, this is Tebow's league (you know, with Brady on a bye and all). Broncos in a screecher. DeMarco just went for a 91-yard TD's like I know what I'm talking about...scary shit. We'll see you later on in Cambridge (might be bowling tonight cause I'm feeling totally crappy, but that's an upgrade from totally shitty, so we'll see).

Saturday, October 15, 2011

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 6, 2011)

"Yo part two, bum rush the show."

Saturday (8:38...whoa, 8:39...time is flying!): So I'm working tomorrow, and I know, you're devastated, you're outraged!!! Buuuuutttttt...ehhh, don't feel too bad ($$, work I love, me busting Jack, Sinatra, the Beatles entire catalog, and a mellow (pun intended) soundtrack I made for a girl that I was in love with for two or so years...see here's the thing people: mixtapes are cheesy...if there is no meaning in the list...see when I make some shit, it means something. Like when I made that, my thought process was "hey, so this is definitively me , and it's really early in the morning, but this is gonna help you out BIG time," but I'm pretty sure she never heard it...
  1. Changes- David Bowie
  2. In The Waiting Line- Zero 7
  3. Glad Tidings- Van Morrison
  4. Candyman- Grateful Dead
  5. 1979- Smashing Pumpkins
  6. Please Me Like You Want To- Ben Harper
  7. Happiness Is A Warm Gun- Beatles
  8. Long Time Gone- CSNY
  9. Never Going Back- Fleetwood Mac
  10. The Only Living Boy in New York- Simon and Garfunkel (say what you will about me, but it's not my fault Zach Braff picked a good soundtrack for Garden State
  11. Ohio- Neil Young (a live version that has one of the most awkward audience clap-alongs when they are wildly off time to start, then on time, but still incredibly awkward, then a deathly silence the rest of the way, which makes that version so much know...when assholes like us aren't singing every word)
  12. Married With Children- Oasis
  13. House of Cards- Radiohead
  14. Sweet Black Angel- Rolling Stones
  15. Constellations- Jack
  16. We Never Change- Coldplay (they are a total pussy band those first two albums are absolutely some of the most groundbreaking shit of my lifetime)
  17. Shelter From The Storm- Bob Dylan
  18. Bad -U2

haha, someone will see this...

Okay, predictions, and then the segment I started that Rick Reilly stole even though I'm sure he thought he was wicked original considering not a lot of people read this and in no way could that have gotten back to him...thank God for timestamping (actually you can totally tamper with that shit...let's agree to agree on this).

Okay, picks. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really pissed at myself...I had Seattle, I had Pittsburgh...dunno why on Earth I changed it. Hopefully the lack of pregame coverage coming into this will help.

The Picks Dude:

Holy shit can we run the ball!!! Forget it. I mean seriously forget it if we remember the formula of run game + Brady = W's even if the defense doesn't show. Not saying that didn't happen last week (at least not the whole game), but we cannot be stopped if the Firm is running at full potential and Brady is given the time to's over.

Soooooooo, I'm a little tight on one issue, which is one that I have basically had my entire life with the Pats...pass f***in' rush man. Seriously, when will this happen? Could you imagine what we could do if Bill had any kind of elite pass rusher for basically the entire time he's been in New England (best pass rushers: Seymour and Vrabel)? I's frustrating to know going into every year, this is going to be your team's weakness, and they know it, and they continue to not improve at all because they got burned by the A-Train (Adalius Thomas) and Roosevelt Colvin.

Having said that, the pass rush will take a back seat to Romo combusting. I mean this guy could have 400 yards tomorrow...but will he make the big one? It's like racing at Talladega or know there's gonna be that "big one" eventually. The only problem I have is that he's underdogged, when more often than not, he fails when he's expected to do well. Hopefully my proclamation he would go for 400 jinxed him...and hopefully me just saying that didn't reverse jinx that...

Honestly, I think Sean Lee is the key to this whole equation. He's this deceptively fast MLB who quite frankly could potentially hang with Hernando down the middle. So hopefully Tom realizes this, and really starts to pick on the safety/some other linebacker on Gronk. He may have a huge game tomorrow...I mean the thing about this team is that anyone could have 100 and 2 TDs...even Woodhead, who will be back...that would be The Firm, Woodie, and Mr. Ridley all, day, long. Brady needs to utilize an over-aggressive team like he did last week. The Pats went for 450 yards and 30 pts. on Rex's D, which you know is basically like Rob's D...I mean the O/U is know they think we'll go for at least 30...again, if we really want to, we could destroy every team in the league (something Green Bay is grasping a little better than we are right now).

Green Bay (-14) vs. St. Louis: It is absolutely pointless to bet against Green Bay right now.

Jacksonville (+13) vs. Pittsbugh: Way too high of a spread for a team with a good running game and a pesky D.

Washington (+3) v.s Philly: Sorry Philly, I think you're waiting until the bye week to turn this around...and how sweet would it be for DC to come off the bye and score a revenge W against Vick and Co.?

Detroit (-4) vs. San Fran: San Fran is the team we thought they would be last year, and I think the key has had everything to do with the defense being completely menacing. I dunno though man. I see that Green Bay/Detroit game on Thanksgiving Day...and if they were both undefeated, it would be the most highly anticipated Turkey Day game of our lifetimes, possibly ever.

Carolina (+3.5) vs. Atlanta: Cam Newton is a covering machine. 4-0-1 ATS this continues to be tougher and tougher to root against this guy's success.

Indy (+6.5) vs. Cincy: I'm officially sold on Curtis Painter to be a better-than-average QB for this team. It took Dwayne Bowe and Steve Breaston to go out of their collective minds last week to beat them. Cincy has A.J. (who looks great), and Gresham (likewise), but that Painter/Pierre combo continues to be red hot right now, and least we forget they have Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark kinda chillin' right now. Throw some Delone Carter in there (biggggggg game for him), and I like Indy to get it, well, not back on track, but at least in the direction of it.

THE G-MEN (-3.5) vs. Buffalo: Okay, so this game screams at me to take the Bills...I'm learning to realize that, and just go opposite no matter how tempting it is to go otherwise.

Baltimore (-7) vs. Houston: It's gonna take more than one week to get over arguably the best player on your whole team going down for the me.

Cleveland (+7) vs. Oakland: Cleveland is not that bad at Oakland is not that good...they're both on the exact same level...+3 for the home field I get, but +7 is a little steep.

New Orleans (-7) vs. Tampa Bay: Is it possible that Tampa is like the Emperor With New Clothes, and we were all buying into this offense being great despite only having one reliable wide receiver (the Mike Williams), a good but not great tight end (Soldier), and a back who is unstoppable when he's in there, but yet has only been in there for like ten games? Also, New Orleans has a way of letting teams back in (Houston, Carolina) only to pound them out in the end.

Chicago (-2.5) vs. Minnesota: Just load up the box and see if McNabb can beat you...that has to be the strategy going into this week right? Especially after last week and what happened against 'Zona, the Bears have to throw everything they have at All Day, and they likely won't have Peppers for the game. However, Minny's defense is so suspect and, as with everyone else this year, they won't have an answer for what Forte brings to the table.

Jets (-6) vs. 'Fins: Shiiiitttttttttttttttyyy game. Matt Moore vs. a Rex Ryan D off of a Pats loss? Yeeeaaaahhhhh right dude!

Alright, here's the original:

The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes:
  1. Miami (3/1): So this is the team to watch out for tanking. Here's how you'll know: 1.) They in no way attempt to trade or at least inquire about Kyle Orton, 2.) Reggie Bush gets more carries out of the backfield, 3.) One of the coordinators gets fired. I think if Miami follows this simple three-step program, Luck and a 1-15 season will be theirs.
  2. St. Louis (4/1): Let's be honest...if they get the #1 pick, they won't go with Luck considering they already have a franchise #1 overall QB on the, it's just not as fun (this is of course if San Fran trades up to get him...that would be hysterical).
  3. Indy (6/1): I do think there's a chance they go like 6-10 this year because I think Painter is actually decent, and their offense and pass rush is good enough to knock off a few lightweights here and there...speaking of which...
  4. Kansas City (8/1): They are 2-3, but I see literally nothing happening the rest of the way unless Dwayne Bowe goes for 2000 yards and 20 TDs (which would be huuuuggggeeee fantasy wise). I still see 4-12...or am I missing something?
  5. Arizona (9/1): Of all the one-win teams, this one seems the most they could conceivably lose to every team in the league...can't say that about Philly, Minny, Carolina, or Denver.

Alright, short, and almost to the point. Have a great week everyone. Peace.


Sunday, October 09, 2011

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 5, 2011)

"I want an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin!"

8:50: Howdy, howdy. Off to an early start today due to a weird sleeping system I was on this weekend (sleep all morning Saturday, most of the afternoon, and all night), so the batteries are recharged, and we are ready for Week 5 to get going!...but there's still four more hours so don't get too excited.

I know last week I said something to the effect that I was going to tidy up the mess I made in concluding the thoughts, but I decided (procrastinated) to come in for some closure right here:

Again, Josh Freeman and LeGarrette Blount...Thank...You...Man oh man, it looked like Tampa was going into an offensive coma for a while, but two and a half straight showings of Freeman being the calm, cool, collected general that is his meal ticket, and Blount literally destroying everything in his path. Tampa is 3-1 after beating the Peyton-less Colts (told you it was going to be close...oh, and I'm probably going to use this space to tell you how nasty I've been with picks lately...I might as well, because I'm pretty sure it won't last).

I was surprised how bad the Jets looked against Baltimore. It's like they showed up to a fight, but forgot to strap the gloves on tight enough, so they wound up just jabbing while the Ravens came out with haymakers. I was secretly hoping the Jets would pull it out so the Pats would slam them today in a let-down game, but clearly, the dynamic of today's game has changed. Now at 2-2, the Jets are being pushed into a corner where if they lose this game, they all of a sudden fall into Buffalo's company of "might make the playoffs, but likely won't."

So, what's going to happen today? Well, I just can't see a blowout. I mean if the Jets had won last week, maybe. Right now though, the Jets have to be motivated to at least make a respectable showing. The two things I'm fearing the most:
  1. Losing The Run Game: I don't know why, but it seems like we get into a lot of trouble when we face early adversity in the running game. It's like all of a sudden, we decide that because it hasn't worked, it won't work. That simply won't be the case today. Yes, the Jets have a stout defense...clearly one of the best in the league, but they are 27th in the league against the run. Even with the great Danny Woodhead not out there sticking it to Rex today, we have The Firm and America's favorite backup pickup this week, Stevan Ridley. The number is 135. If the Pats gets to 135 on the ground (more than capable), they Jets should have absolutely no chance.
  2. Plaxico: While Santonio Holmes is a terror, at least Devin McCourty can slow him down a little. We simply have no answer for Plaxico right now. The one chance we have is that the Jets believe they can exploit the middle of the field with no Jerod Mayo. While I agree that Keller will have a decent game because of this, the Pats LB core is very underrated, and that space will not be there all game. If Sanchez is smart, he would work the ball from the outside-in, meaning go to Santonio and Plax early, then work it back to the middle to exploit a defense that will be overcompensating by playing too wide.
The defense will be tested today, but the offense should flourish even with Wes Welker's alleged move to Revis Island. By the way, please go ahead and do that Rex. Look, I think Revis is in the top 2 or 3 CBs in the league (Nnamdi, Revis, Woodson...I dunno, you decide), but putting him on Welker is not going to solve anything. All that's going to do is leave Cromartie and someone not named Revis on the outside (Kyle Wilson?) against Neion Deion and the Ocho...yes, again with the Ocho. Revis is set up for bump and run off the line, not chasing guys over the middle. So if all of this is true, Brady is going to have a mammoth game, and Wes will still get his as well.

9:43: Okay, time for predictions...again, I have been outstanding, and I quite frankly don't care if this jinxes me. Anytime you put up 12+ wins in back-to-back weeks, you should take time out to tell everyone that this is the reason you should tune in every week...I'm the f*cking man, and that's all there is to it. How about that action?...

Daaaaaaaaaaa Pats (-7) vs. The Jets: While I don't think it will be a blowout, that means no 45-3. What I do see happening is the Jets being completely out of place all game long. This Patriots team just put its best game up last week, so there's relatively no film of what Ridley does, what the Fletcher/Spikes combo brings up the middle, and also, we still haven't seen the Ocho in full effect. Playing at home and not having Revis on him should get him back up and running...oh, by the way, did I mention the Pats might be getting Aaron Hernandez back? Him and Gronk? Forget it.

Indy (-2) vs. KC:
I think we saw a little glimpse of what Curtis Painter can do last week. This week will be his coming out party. His expanded use of Garcon last week pushed the Bucs to the brink on Monday. Matt Cassel against Freeney and Mathis? Yeah I'll pass.

Minnesota (-3) vs. Arizona: How long can this possibly go on for? Here's yet another mediocre team for Minny, and this team should suit them perfectly. All Day should have his usual strong showing, but I'm more cuP=rious to see what McNabb does against this downright awful secondary.

Philly (-3) vs. Buffalo: I will be stunned if Philly doesn't totally drill Buffalo today. The Bills were exposed for the .500 team that they are. They need at least two weeks to get pumped up for playing anyone good. I know Philly is 1-3, but I think we all get the feeling that they aren't that bad. That loss to the Niners last week had to be a wake up call. I mean if they can't turn it around here, then when? (this is going to be a recurring theme I have a feeling...we've already had two "if not now, when?" games).

Oakland (+5) vs. Houston: I will lose this pick happily if not to just root for the Raiders for one day...just one.

Carolina (+7) vs. New Orleans: What can I say? I thought Chicago would put some kind of hurting on Cam to welcome him to the league properly, and instead, he was outstanding again. So, until otherwise noted, keep putting the money on Cam. This would be a massive win if they could get this one done at home.

Jacksonville (+1.5) vs. Cincy: In a battle of rookie QBs, I'm going with the Jags, who are on the upper cusp of the sucky teams (I assumed this would be the Gus Johnson game, so I looked it up, and he isn't on the schedule again!...what the hell is going on man???).

Tennessee (+3.5) vs. Pittsburgh: This line went from 8 to 2.5 in some places (and yes, I use the most favorable point spreads for my would too). I mean what is going on with the Steelers? I wouldn't put all the blame on the D, but they certainly have been playing under their level this year. The worst thing for them is going up against a vet QB who can side on his ability to not make mistakes and rely on the running game. I'm going Titans, but I mean really Pittsburgh...really?

The G-MEN (-10.5) vs. Seattle: A lot to a little.

San Fran (-3) vs. Tampa: This was a tough one. You have a great Niners defense (and yes, those words sounded funny thinking and writing them) against one of the best clutch QBs in the game. It will come down to the wire, but I'm going to take my chances with the defense and a heavy dose of the running game and V-Dub from the offense.

San Diego (-3.5) vs. Denver: I finally just decided to go with the better team and the likelihood there will be a mock mutiny at Mile High to get Tebow the starting gig.

Atlanta (+6.5) vs. Green Bay: Probably not the wisest decision to once again go against the best team in football, but Atlanta has looked phenomenal at the Hottie, and that Packer secondary is going to get worn out by Rowdy Roddy and Julio streaking up the sidelines, with Gonzo in the middle, and the Burner crushing it up the middle.

Detroit (-5) vs. Chicago: Hey, why wake up from this dream now?

11:27: Wow, that took a long time. I went back and forth on Denver/San Diego about 40 times, but that's finally over, now, onto more pressing issues...

The Andrew Luck Sweepstakes (oh, by the way Rick Reilly, you're a follower and your shit hasn't been good since you were on the back page of SI...once I saw that article, I knew I was officially done with that issue)
  1. Minnesota (3/1): Once the Vikings blew yet another lead and lost, they climbed to the top of the board. Now if they lose to 'Zona today, they will have a stranglehold over it come next week. I mean really Minnesota?
  2. Miami (7/2): You know it's bad when you get more sucky during a bye week. Chad Henne is done for the year...we have our long-term favorites in South Beach.
  3. Seattle (4/1): If Seattle can somehow pull this game off today, they may get themselves out of this discussion all together...YOU'RE SUBPOSED TO BE TANKING!!!
  4. KC (9/2): After a loss today, they will be right back in the thick of things.
  5. St. Louis (5/1): A bye week saves them from moving up the ranks...they are terrible right now though.
Alright, booze run, then it's time for Week 5! (by the way, Rashard Mendenhall will play today, but will be limited).

12:30: Wow, we almost had a situation there (man it feels good to say that again). Sunday before Columbus Day = closing of liquor stores apparently. Thank God for the 24/7 Tedeschi's (the less sucky 7-11 in the northeast). We're rocking Oktoberfest heard me (they actually call it "Fest"...which is wicked freggin' stupid guys). Okay, we're back on the right path.

12:37: I'm thinking Jacoby Jones and Michael Jenkins will be the biggest beneficiaries of injuries on the receiving front. Issac Redman could get the bulk of the carries today vs. the Titans.

12:42: Picks I'm most worried about: Houston, San Fran, San Diego...ummm...basically, stay away from them. Especially that San Fran game...if anything, they'll probably just cover with a field goal win. That game is gonna be real tight.

12:58: Countdown mode!!! Does it get any better than NFL Films music? I put "A New Game" in one of my power hours, and it was amazing!

1:01: Official review on 'Gansett "Fest"'ll appreciate the value or think it totally sucks.

1:01: Sorry, I know I shouldn't do this...I'm officially changing the pick to the Raiders...see above.

1:05: Haha, Oakland looked horrrrreeennnndous on their first drive. If Oakland loses, I'll feel bad...I won't be crushed though. All I need is a close game and Arian Foster to have over 200 and two scores...I think that's what they've been projecting him to get this week.

1:06: The newest trend in fantasy: The Vulture Tight End Score...what can I say, you gotta have two real good ones to be making it happen now-a-days.

1:10: Vintage MoJoDo. The original bowling ball back.

I have a feeling that by switching my pick, I basically spotted Houston 30 we'll see how that goes.
1:11: Two inside runs to Foster on first and goal from the 7. Am I crazy for thinking that in the first two downs, you should attempt one throw every time?

1:13: From what I'm seeing in Jersey, the G-Men did not wake up for this one. Hmmm...not liking where that's headed ( reality sense, go Pete Carroll).

1:16: Pierre Garcon for six on a screen. The Painter/Pierre combo is on fire baby!

1:19: At least once a day, you have to mention that this game is going to commercial, but Red Zone doesn't do commercials!!!

1:21: Where's Jake Ballard going? A fantasy team near you, that's where.

Adrian Peterson...if ever an appropriate's All Day in a game Minny has to win.

1:23: Fred Jackson puts it in for the Bills. Their fans are insane this year. Vick needs a, ya know, Vick performance.

1:27: ALL...DAY...

A.J. Green for another score. Again, I like him, but over Julio...ehhh...hey I was wrong about Mario Williams, so I could be wrong again.

1:30: Schaub gets picked. Seriously, one day, go Oakland.

1:31: Antonio Brown with a big kick return and a big catch setting up a TD to HEATH. The walking wounded looking good against the Titans.

1:32: Yeah Minny's not losing this game.

1:33: Janikowski paints it from 54 yards! An arena league field goal kick. Strongest kicker evvvaaaaahhhhh dude.

1:35: Donovan doesn't do the Thriller TD dance anymore...what's with that? He can't do it once? (ohhhh wait, they've blown every lead they've had this year...riiiiggghhhhtttt).

1:38: Ohhhh huge Cam/Steve Smith hookup for 6. Hit in the end zone, Smith is throwing punches...classic "egging him on" move by New Orleans...that's a double-edged sword (he may get thrown out, he may get 250 yards)

1:40: Mario Williams is down in Houston? Can we please just get all the stars through one week unharmed please?

1:42: Marcedes with a drop in the end zone...he's good, but really off to a slow start thus far.

Joseph Addai just got pulled from the Indy's time to see what Delone Carter is all about.

1:43: Marshawn Lynch in for six. Seattle, the lone double-digit underdog this it possible that Tarvaris Jackson is battling Eli in the "who would you absolutely not any sum of money riding on" game?

1:45: Horrendous fumble call in the Philly/BUF game...even so, Philly needs something big to happen soon before this one gets out of hand.

They keep showing the replay, and it looks uglier and uglier every time.

1:49: Huge roughing the passer play on Vick! Man, he is getting pounded this year. Again, the game is better with him in it.

1:52: Vick to Maclin...okay I was wrong about him. He might be in the "nasty" category after all.

1:53: Steelers making a statement. Shitttttt, I should have seen this coming.

Painter/Pierre again! Oh my Dick Emberg!

1:55: Schaub throws a huge TD pass to Joel Dreissen. Raiders!!! Ahhhh...emotional let down was why I picked against you in the first place!

1:58: Woowwwww, Seattle driving again? Unreal. Every time you pick Eli, he loses. It's only when you least expect him when he strikes...

1:59: Huuugggggeeeee pass play to Fred Jackson...okay the picks might totally suck this week.

Dude, Philly's D should be embarrassed. They have looked completely unresponsive in a game that they absolutely need. Buffalo is apparently the toughest place to play in the league now.

2:05: I think perhaps we underestimated the Jonathan Dwyer/Issac Redman combo. It's 2nd and goal with Redman looking unstoppable to this point.

2:10: All systems go for teams who had to win: Minny, Indy, Steelers. Not a good omen going against a Jets team that probably has to win.

2:18: Delone know where he's going...

2:21: Gigantic option play to DeAngelo for six in Charlotte. My fantasy bench is lighting it up! (did I mention Dwayne Bowe had his second straight week with "oh no he didn't" TD catches?)

2:23: Big Ben is getting into like Vladimir Guerrero "this is getting painful to watch him do anything" range.

2:27: I'm calling it right now...Philly comes back...I'm sorry, I still just can't see them being this bad. It was the Redskin way to do things this offseason, but they had no QB. Vick with three picks...this won't get any worse right?

2:29: Why chase the points Oakland??? 14-12 in Houston...close.

2:33: G-MEN tie it up. Philly gets the ball down to the 30, Vick waits a second too long, and costs them 3 points. Wow. Elsewhere, Carolina calls an unspeakable timeout with the Saints scrambling to get into their FG formation, allowing the Saints to put 3 on the board before the half.

2:38: Oakland's on their own 30 w/ two seconds left...I was absolutely expecting at least a camera shot of Janikowski there.

2:39: Jacksonville/Cincy is already two minutes into the second it possible this game is commercial free? I would say that would be a nice promotion to do for the NFL...the absolute worst game each week gets finished as fast as is humanly possible.

2:46: Mario Williams is not walking through that door fans, and if he does, he'll be in street

2:48: Speaking of wow, Jimmy Graham makes another impressive catch. Sucks to play against him in anything most likely.

2:52: Philly gets bailed out of a total overcompensation call by going for the "surprise" onsides kick. Just let the defense do...something.

And as I say that, Buffalo goes over midfield...okay maybe that was a good idea.

2:55: Alright kids, going to take advantage of the Subway any foot long is 5 bucks campaign (yes, advertising does work people, as long as it's cheap/catchy or the rare combo). Back in a bit. While I'm gone, enjoy the Jack Chop's festive man...and wicked freggin' funny.

3:33: And we're back. Just in time to see Blaine Gabbert bomb one to a wide...WIDE open Jason Hill for a monster 6. In Buffalo, a Vick/DeSean combo leads to we go.

3:35 Run DMC and Jammaster Jay...McFadden on the loose in a 17-15 game going into 4th.

T-Jack out for Seattle? Dude no way! This was the one game he had a chance to pull off, now Charlie Whitehurst...I don't like where that's headed.

3:38 Smart timeout by J-Cam...I mean it's stupid that they couldn't get a play off, but they're down by the red zone and they had can't argue with them in a 2 pt. game.

3:40: Ohhhhhhh Victor Cruz with the tip catch! Huuuggggeeeee for the G, G, G, G, G-MEN!

J-Cam to Schillens for the first Oakland lead of the day. THHHEEEE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIDDEERRRSSS!!!

3:44: Here comes Philly. Down inside the red zone down 10. Ohhhhh Buffalo. They should just intentionally go down two scores a game. That's the one way you know you're in trouble with Buffalo.

3:46: Philly gets a TD wiped off the board with a block in the back. Cincy keeps the chains moving with a desperation fourth down play. I think there are as many Cincy fans as Jag fans in Jacksonville.

3:52: Fake punt by Oakland! That was genius. You will be reading that one was for Al tonight.

3:54: G-Men fumble. Gabbert just olayed a snap. Cincy ball in deep with the lead. Indy is trying to survive the KC passing game coming out party.

3;56: Indy trusting the defense...interesting. I would probably cover Bowe and Breaston who have torched them all game.

3:58: Janikowski is going to it Dano (hahaha, I'm priceless).

3:59: Jackie he comes.

4:01: Alright, time for some 5 dolla footlong action. Let's Go PATS!!! It's 83 time baby!

4:02: 5 dolla footlong action...gross out of context.

4:16: We are under way in Foxboro. Pats rocking the retro reds! Oh you're done! Haha, it is interesting to note that Mangold is back under center. Despite the egregious coverage of Mangold being out = why they suck, he is a big part of their offense.

4:18: Three and out! Leigh Bodden with the break up. Good pressure on the Sanchize. Here we go D!

4:20: Very spotty on the picks this afternoon...bummer. Well, I set myself up for that one.

4:21: We have a WELKER sighting, but nothing materializes. Richard Seymour is having a monster game for the silver and black.

4:26: Another series that goes nowhere for the Jets. Huge reception for Dub-Dub. Gunning with Wes, running with the Firm...we're all about it baby!

4:31: Seahawks get a 94 yard pick course I'll say this now, but I was thinking about going w/ T-Jack...oh well...was not happening early today. The Firm just punched it in though! 7-0 PATS baby!

4:37: Raiders get it done...another pick by Schaub. Great game though.

4:38: A Neon Deion catch is negated by a Gronk facemask call, we have a Brady sack, Hernando gets a false start (still, thank God he's back)...5 receiver on third down and 27...and Hernandez was interfered with!!! First down good guys over midfield!

4:41: False start on Solder (are all our young guys getting called today?). Ridley was in there for a bit, but we're back in business with the Firm.

4:43: Hernandez is beating guys off the line after being out for two weeks with a hamstring gotta love this guy, but the good guys do punt it into the end zone. First down Jersey.

4:45: Freeman gets pick-6'd. Wow I am not doing so hot picking who to start fantasy-wise so far.

4:49: Pats make another 3rd down stop. Well alright now! Welker on the punt return (Edelman inactive idea why), and Wes is getting a little bit of star treatment with a 15 yard "late hit" (look, I know there are rules and what not...if a guy is close to the sideline, it should be okay to push/deck him).

4:52: Al Davis was born in Brockton? I did not know that.

4:53: Chris Culliver with another pick thrown by Freeman. Sucks for me, but GAMECOCK! First career one too.

4:55: Kyle Wilson yells "all day!" to Gronk after making a tackle...then gets an illegal contact penalty the very next play. I'm telling you, throw it at that guy.

4:57: Ocho misses a block and Deion is stopped short on the bubble screen on third down. Gostkowski nails a 44 yarder. 10-0 Pats. Defense still needs to keep on keeping on. LT seems like he's intent on breaking our will today.

5:05: Heavy, heavy dose of Shonn Greene here. Close to another first down, that's five straight rushes.

5:11: Plaxico w/ another third down reception...this was what I was afraid of.

5:15: Shonn Grenne simply overpowering the line on that drive. 10-7. We gotta get some Firm, and definitely some Aaron Hernandez, who seems to be breaking away on every pass play.

5:55: WES FOR 73 YARDS!!! Then, Neon wide open in the back of the end zone for six. 17-7...and we are out of the gate running!

5:58: McKnight makes a huge return. Shonn Greene is pounding us...gotta hope it comes down to Sanchez trying to win this game.

6:18: Another 3 and out for the good guys. D is stepping up like I hoped they would.

6:19: Kyle Arrington nearly gets to Sanchez, but he gets out of it, and makes a great play to get it out of bounds...okay I admit he's one of the better ones...whatever. 10 yard return from Wes. Ridley gets the carry on first...I dunno...Benjarvus has been dominant today.

6:27: A pass exhibition and a lotta the Firm sets us up inside the 5 with first and goal.

6:29: THHHEEEEE FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMM BABY!!! Two-time that. 24-14 awesome uniforms.

6:31: V-Dub for another score in ' much for that nail-biter...the count is 41-3. Yikes Bucs.

6:34: The Jets' upcoming schedule is showed with Brady pictured right next to it. Yup, that's how much we're in their heads.

6:35: Plax makes a huge catch, but he steps on the line. Bill throws the challenge flag. Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to be off to the bonus challenge round!

6:50: Short Gostkowski field goal, but the Jets are currently driving with passes to Plax and Santonio and a first down run by Shonn Greene.

By the way. it's Tebow time in Denver.

6:53: Jets continue their methodical drive. Meanwhile, it's most certainly Tebow Time in Denver. Has no passing yards through over a quarter, yet there's no way he doesn't start next game.

6:58: Santonio for six...perfect...everything...damn it. 27-21...and yes, that means we're not covering.

Tuesday: Ooooopps. Haha. You know a game is good when it's at the point where I don't want to type and I just wanna watch every second of the game and not have to worry about missing anything. Really a great game on Sunday. Pats get a win in a game the Jets clearly needed. I have a bad feeling about what could potentially happen south of the border in the Meadowlands...I honestly think they'll be like thirsty for our blood...that doesn't sit well with me as a rational fan. In any event, I'm gonna enjoy this while it lasts. Dallas is up next...I mean Ware has the potential to "Reggie White" us (Super Bowl XXXI, which I'm tired of bringing up, so henceforth, Reggie White = dude who single-handedly destroys teams). I dunno though...Dez Bryant and Miles Austin could sink us if we don't have a decent pass rush. 2 sacks last's something. Mike Anderson was a beast! Where do we get these guys man...Tully Banta-Cain 3.0. As previously noted, Romo is like one game away from losing bones, organs...both? I actually like our chances against Witten. Sanchez tried to get Keller into the equation numerous times, and nothing really transpired...RUN THE BALL!!!'s so simple man!!! The Firm baby!!! He was absolutely amazing. I love what Stevan Ridley is doing, but man, Benjarvus was rolling 7's on every carry it seemed! That was a great performance. Brady over 300, a long freggin' winning streak at Gillette prevails...I'm gonna be surprised if we lose any time before the Jets (not calling the Steelers out or anything, but we're gonna be favored in that game...favored = we should win...that's all).

Okay paragraph break because that looked lengthy...well past any paragraph/# of sentences in one of 'em. Anyway, I'm going to go outside because I know this shit won't last. Catch ya later. Peace.


Sunday, October 02, 2011

So I Talk To My NFL Diary (Week 4, 2011)

"Summer has come and passed
The innocent will never last."

10:04: Hey everybody. Man was I ready for last week to be over. Everyone of my teams had leads going into the last inning/quarter, and they all got snuffed out (Pats, Sox, Cocks...even my slow pitch softball team!). So, let's hope today we can start fresh...I think at least everyone from down the block to the adjacent states would like the same.

First I'm going to start off on a completely unrelated to football note. I want to use this space to say thanks to Terry Francona. Sure, the Sox were unbelievably bad down the stretch, and their season ended in an indescribable two-hour series of events that went from us wondering who was pitching Game 1 against Texas to asking "when are the Bruins starting?", but the man did lead us to two, count 'em, TWO World Series titles. I watched the '04 final out a few times lately because clearly that's the highlight of...I dunno, our lives (and particularly Tito's, which is probably why they were showing it so much), and I still can't believe it...we've won two, and I still can't believe the first happened.

I think it's become part of our (Boston fans) lifestyles to now just expect winning to happen. This is how we have not only been rewarded with some of the greatest moments of the past decade ('04 Sox vs. Yankees, '07 Sox vs. The Tribe, Brady's ascent to being the greatest QB of all time, Vinatieri's 2 winning Super Bowl kicks, The Big 3 winning Game 7 after Game 7 in '08, the 2011 B's), but we have also been subjected to the lowest of lows (Boone, the Indy AFC Champ game, Tyree, the Brady injury, the 2009 C's, the 2010 B's, and now, the 2011 Sox). This is what happens when you almost expect greatness to just happen. Sometimes, the pendulum can swing the other way and knock your teeth in. We are the luckiest fans alive, but the losses we have endured make me think that, over the long haul, I'm just hoping to have a 50/50 split of great and shitty moments.

What if you were a Buffalo fan? I couldn't even imagine how much last week's win vs. the Pats meant to them. Their entire history is hedged on losing in the most horrible fashions (of course most notably Scott Norwood and the Brett Hull in-the-crease goal), and they have never won anything!!! Same with Cleveland, although basically, their sports history runs parallel with that of the Cubs in that they have blown games in epic fashion (The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot), but they've really only got to the big dance once ever (Tribe vs. Marlins in '97). It must be bad just following a loser you're entire life. Update: Forgot that LeBron's Cavs made it to the Finals once and got swept by the Spurs, so sorry...twice I guess Cleveland.

Trust me, through the 90s, I thought I was heading that way. The closest any team ever got to even sniffing a title was the '96 Pats, and even Pats fans knew once Desmond Howard returned that kick for a touchdown, it was all over (by the way, Desmond Howard winning the MVP for that Super Bowl is one of the single most asinine decisions the NFL has ever made...he made one good return, and we gave it to him?...Favre (246 yds., 2 TDS, 0 INTs), Antonio Freeman (105 yds, 1 TD) or Reggie White (literally owned us the second half, 3 the way, A Football Life that featured him and Jerome Brown was fantastic) easily outdid Howard). I honestly didn't know what winning a big game was until Vinatieri's kick went through the uprights...and I didn't know how to react, which is basically what happened in '04 with the Sox. I think the thing I'm trying to get at is that we should be so lucky to be where we're from and root for the teams we root for. They were all laughing stocks just twenty years ago, and now we own professional sports...I think fans need to step back and kind of take it all in. We have been blessed these past ten years, and I hope there is more to come, but let's all be thankful for where we're at right now.

Terry Francona (yeah I remembered where I was going with this) took a team that melted down in an epic collapse and made them champions twice over and had us in the hunt for the playoffs basically every year he was in office (outside of '06, but he was basically playing with the PawSox for like half the year). I don't know who is coming in next, but they will be hard-pressed to pull us out of a collapse the way Tito did when he first arrived on the scene. Hopefully Terry will go somewhere where every asshole like me doesn't stay up all night wondering why he did the things he did even though he won us two freggin' titles. God speed Tito, off to a better place hopefully you go (wow, this is sounding funeraly...let's get back to football).

Okay, so Pats/Raiders at 4. I have to say I'm liking our chances. I believe J-Cam's career has been f***ed up enough by the Redskins that a career revival will not be happening. If it was coming, why would the Raiders have drafted the still-suspended Terrelle Pryor? That's not a move to add depth, rather, it's a move to be like "okay, I dunno what the hell Campbell is going to do this year, but in case he totally sucks, we may have a guy here." They didn't get him in case J-Cam goes down, but rather, if he started sucking. That can't be the most assuring thing to hear as a starting QB in the league (hellllllooooooo Kyle Orton!). The defense should have plenty to slow him down.

Run DMC is really the whole thing here. If Fred Jackson was the key to the game last week, McFadden, is the key, the lock, the door, the building, the power lines, the city ordinances...all of it. If he's good, they're good, if he's not...well I think you know where this is headed. Again, right now on the landscape of the NFL, the RB hierarchy goes Peterson, Ray Rice, DMC, Shady McCoy, and MoJoDo (with Fred Jackson barely outside the top 5). McFadden could win this game, but I'm under the impression he won't. Bill is going to be planning to stop him from the jump, which means it will be J-Cam over the top to Denarius Moore and Heyward-Bey to beat us. The Pats' corners and coverage in general will need a huge game because I just don't even want to get to the point where this game is close, and they can still run the ball to get back into the game. The key will be to demoralize them like we did with Buffalo early last week. The difference is that Buffalo has the tools to make the big comeback, while Oakland does not. The Raiders will be looking to keep this game under 45 total points. If they can do that, they have a very good chance of pulling this off or at least keeping it close. Me, personally, how could you possibly bet against the Pats coming off a loss? That's downright dangerous there.

10:51: Alright, time to show my face and my throwback Welker jersey to the world for a quick few, then I'll be back with more rantings and predictions. Until then, stay classy...or don't if you weren't classy before...I mean it does take un-classy people to make people classy right? I mean classiness isn't an assumed quality (although it should be), so keep on doing what you're doing...we do need people like classless sons of bitches! Haha.

11:50: I'm finishing up the end of Bridesmaids because I bootlegged it off the 'net, and they only give you 72 free minutes, then you gotta wait an hour, then you can watch the rest (who settled on 72 being the number anyway?...I guess they figured no movie is going to go under that, so we might as well spoil your free fun at some point). In any event, this is really a fantastic's a more real Hangover. Sure that movie was hilarious, but almost nothing outside of guys going to Vegas getting drunk and taking drugs before a wedding was real. This at least could have conceivably happened. So, I figured I'd throw my two cents in on that. Melissa McCarthy, who plays Megan in the movie, probably should have won some kind of award for best supporting actress. Were you not laughing at literally everything she said/did? Outstanding.

11:55: Okay, onto predictions. I honestly haven't paid attention to...anything this week. Maybe this is kind of like Two For The Money where I become way too cocky with how I've been picking (which has been quite good thus far...I think I was like 12-4 or 13-3 last week), but nevertheless, here comes the magic:

Pats (-6) vs. Oakland: I actually saw this spread at one point be something like 4.5...that's probably what it should have been last week vs. Buffalo (8 or 9 was completely ridiculous). Again, there is no way the Pats should lose this game unless McFadden has over 200 yds. way. Once again, no Aaron Hernandez, but Vollmer and Chung should be back, and that really helps. The Pats have allowed a 300+ yard passer in every game this year. If J-Cam gets 300 today and they're not losing by more than 2 TDs all game, it's time to hit the panic button. Oakland simply has no answer for Welker or Gronk, and it should be a monster game for both Brady and the running backs if we actually decide to...ya know, run.

Detroit (+3) vs. Dallas: I saw bad things happening to the Lions last week, and they did nearly lose to a terrible Minnesota team (Andrew Luck Sweepstakes segment following predictions...welcome to the party Vikings). This week, I see Dallas coming off a one point win to a kinda overrated Redskins team with a semi-healthy Dez Bryant returning and Tony Romo, whose lung may literally pop out of his mouth if Suh gets to him today. Also, why the hell would you root for the Cowboys in this game? Keep the Detroit dream alive!

New Orleans (-7.5) vs. Jacksonville: I mean, the Jags could cover in a backwards universe, I'll give you that.

San Francisco (+10) vs. Philadelphia: I have Philly with the straight up win, but the Niners are going to be incredibly annoying to the Eagles in this game. I think Vick actually lasts the entire game this time though, so have no fear fantasy people. He'll have a good game, but the Niners will be able to keep it close because the one guy that Nnamdi and Asante should be on is playing tight end. Another monster game from Vernon Davis (V-Dub) today.

St. Louis (+3) vs. Washington: The 'Skins have no receiving depth, meaning the Rams can load up on Moss and Fred Davis. In addition, Steven Jackson is...playing? I mean that's pretty much what we know to this point, but even that knowledge should be enough for the Rams to get off the snide.

Tennessee (Pk) vs. Cleveland: The best passing defense so far has been Pittsburgh...okay that's no surprise. Second? The Tennessee Titans. Now that's surprising. Sure, the Titans lost Kenny Britt for the season last week, but they have another home run hitter in Nate Washington who can absolutely have a big game in this one. The same can be said for Jared Cook (Gamecock!) as well.

Cincinnati (+3) vs. Buffalo: This line is disturbingly low. Without even breaking it down (because breaking it down from every conceivable angle would suggest Buffalo kills them), I'm going Bungles with the trap spread. Buffalo hadn't beat the Pats in eight years. Cincy hasn't beat the Bills in twelve. Karma is a biiiiiiaaaaaaatttttttccccchhhhhh.

Minnesota (-3) vs. Kansas City: I really think the Chiefs put all they could into the San Diego game last week. The Vikings blew yet another game late...this game is tough because both teams reeeeeaaaaaalllllllllllllllly suck right now. I give the edge to the Vikes because how long can a .500 team keep blowing games?

Chicago (-7) vs. Carolina: Ummmm...this will be the official "welcome to the NFL" game for Cam.

Houston (-3.5) vs. Pittsburgh: Bad sign if you're the Steelers. They open up as underdogs to a team who choked another fourth quarter game away last week, and rather than the spread moving towards them, it's gone up a point and a half the other way. The Texans have to beat someone legit this year right?

The Hottie (-4.5) vs. Seattle: Trap spreads aside, this game is Matt Ryan vs. Tarvaris Jackson. Unless the Seahawks get spotted a 20-point lead, this should not even be close.

The G-MEN (-1) vs. 'Zona: As much as I can't stand betting on Eli, I really, really can't bet on the Cards' secondary in any situation right now.

San Diego (-6.5) vs. Miami: The Dolphins now have Steve Slaton at running back. The Chargers coming off what can only be called a disappointing win against KC. Why shouldn't this game be a total, epic blowout?

Denver (+13) vs. Green Bay: While the Pack are clearly the best team in the league right now, their pass D has been quietly sucky. Kyle Orton will once again be playing for his job, so I expect a monster game from him. A little McGahee sprinkled in...they should keep it close.

NY Jets (+5) vs. Baltimore: After the Pittsburgh game, everyone including myself thought that Baltimore perhaps may have taken the next step to "elite" status, but after seeing how they did against the Titans in Week 2, and watching Pittsburgh be...ehhhh...not so good, I say the Jets and Ravens are still on the same plane. All I'm hoping for is that they both beat the holy hell out of each other like last year.

Indy (+10) vs. The Bucs: Another terrible Monday nighter. Of course you're aware that I love JAAAAAAAASH Freeman and LeGarrette, but I don't think this offense has enough firepower to cover a double-digit spread right now.

12:46: And now, the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes Front Runners:
  1. Kansas City (2/1): I honestly think they threw their absolute best game at San Diego, and they still got outplayed basically the whole game and lost...again, this can't bode well for your future endeavors.
  2. Miami (4/1): They had a must-win game against a team that was shredded with injuries. They got 100 yards from their rookie running back...and they lost. No bueno.
  3. Seattle (9/2): Seattle gets bumped back to the 3rd spot after unfortunately winning last week. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TANKING!!! Get it together Seattle! Haha.
  4. Minnesota (5/1): And suddenly, a new contender has emerged. Hey, this team deserves it considering they can't hold a lead...ever. If they go up on KC and lose today, they will officially take the #1 spot next week regardless of what happens.
  5. Indy (6/1): The Colts narrowly edge out the Panthers for the last spot due to Carolina winning last week. However, after this week, when the Colts put up their 2nd back-to-back respectable showing, and Carolina most likely gets trampled in Chi-Town, they might be out of this discussion come next week.
12:58: We're in countdown mode people! Enjoy Week 4!!!

1:01: Two biggest things I'm looking at besides anything Pats related. 1.) If Detroit beats Dallas, they enter the discussion for top 5 teams in the league, and 2.) Kendall Hunter is starting in place of Frank Gore, who is active. Hunter could very well take the job if he has a big one today against Philly.

1:14: Carolina looked impressive on their first drive. If they continue to use DeAngelo (who is still good by the way) and Jon Stewart, they could do something here.

1:16: Saints and 'Boys strike first with TDs. Dez Bryant continues to be an absolute animal, and on the other end of the physical spectrum, Darren Sproles (who didn't score, but set up a one-yard TD) is having an outstanding season.

1:20: Arian. Foster. Is. Back. Oh my! He's just tearing up the Steeler front. Schaub with a play action pass to a wide open Owen Daniels, and we have a 7-0 Texans lead.

1:21: Chicago already knocking on the Panther doorstep after giving up a FG. Cutler goes for a QB sneak on 3rd and goal from the 6...interesting. Bears settle for 3...that has to be a let down after a huge Forte run.

1:23: Vick throws a "Stephen Garcia" pick...which will henceforth be known as a "Garcia," throwing a jump ball 5 yards behind his receiver. Pick by San Fran...uh-oh Philly.

1:27: LaVelle have to love a guy who not only could you not name where he went to school, but probably couldn't name who he plays for (Titans by the way...and thhhhheeeeeeeyyyyyy're in the RED ZONE)

1:29: Whooooooooaaaaaaaaa we have a Kaepernick sighting! Could he possibly make Harbaugh forget about Andrew Luck? Most likely not, but I would love to see what this guy has.

1:30: Cowboys are taking it to Detroit right now. Laurent Robinson for a firsr down, Felix with a run to get to the 5...looking down the barrel of a 14-0 1st quarter deficit. Man if they could pull this comeback off...I can see it.

1:32: Cam Newton gets Pick 6'd. Yeeeeaaaahhhh, that'll happen. D.L. Moore is in a head to head match with D.L, Hughley for most known "D.L." going...Hughley has a huge lead, but if this guy makes Pro Bowls (he could, he's actually really good), you never know.

1:34: Detroit stuffs them on 4th and goal! Lights, Camera, MegaTron.

Kaepernick in the game because of an "undisclosed injury" to Alex they really care how it happens at this point?'s a J.D. Drew/Josh Reddick corollary.

1:37: Huuuugggggggeeeeee Steve Smith catch. How have they not figured out that all he does is make big plays? Really...this has been a legit five years where's he just the big-play beast, and yet they don't have any defense for it?

1:39: And now Smith is back in?...hmmmm....well, guess the Kaepernick unveiling will have to wait.

1:40: Wow, I mean Cam Newton kind of looking vintage like he's wearing #2 taking it into the end zone. Replay will totally stand, and if it doesn't, replay is utterly useless.

1:42: Mark Ingram: Probably overrated on how he would do fantasy-wise, but a Ingram/Sproles/Thomas is absolutely terrifying.

1:45: Jimmy Graham...all day...eeevvvvveeerrrrryyyy day dude! What a fantastic player.

1:46: Oh man, another fantastic Devin Hester return, another fantastic TD for Forte.

1:49: JARED COOK!!! 80 YARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's 6! We're talking Gamecocks baby! You might as well give me two seconds to talk about them...God knows they couldn't give us two last night.

1:50: Another Dez TD. Cowboys in firm control. Detroit's still got this...right?

1:53: Andy Dalton just got strip-sixed (you know, pick six, but with a striped fumble...well there should be some kind of term for it right?). Bills up 10-3...ehhh, but they don't look so good. They looked better against hopefully that's just a letdown feeling and not Cincy being at all better than us in any way.

1:56: Replay strikes twice! Andy Dalton got the tuck rule call. THE TUCK RULE!!! Cincy tied up. Wooowwwww. Then, All Day's fumble gets overturned in KC (Gus Johnson is back on the mic baby!).

1:58: All Day fumbles again, recovers, then McNabb throws a pick...not a good series of events there for the Vikes. Meanwhile, Andre Johnson just went down grabbing the back of his contact...ohhhhh wow.

1:59: Vick just slammed his right hand into Justin Smith's helmet. It seems unavoidable that he's gonna get hurt in every game.

2:00: By the way, I actually skipped over this for some reason, but Devin Hester had a breathtaking return for a score. He is literally just the man in that facet of the game. No offense Deion, but Devin Hester is Deion on all sorts of banned substances (in terms of the return game).

2:04: Is it just me, or does every time an unknown gets to around the 1-yard line, every fan, including the fans of his own team, have that "please don't score and rob me of the guy I have starting in fantasy" gasp?

2:08: Speaking of fantasy, Clay Harbor, coming to a fantasy team near you.

2:10: Is Washington that good or St. Louis that bad...we may have the answer by the end of the day.

2:12: Cassel and Todd Haley get into it on the sidelines...just give the ball to Dwayne Bowe. Sure I have him on my fantasy team, but sometimes, the real and fantasy intertwine themselves.

2:13: I don't remember a year of my life that Jason Hanson wasn't kicking for Detroit. The Lions, despite being dominated, are only down 11.

2:15: I make some good decisions...most bad...some terrible. I would say that I have like a 50/50 on good/absolutely shitty decisions. Today though, cider and rum...I'm thinking pumpkin spice to kick it up a notch. Also, I can call it CHR for Cider House Rules (you have cider, and the house rule is football = drinking).

2:18: Pittsburgh fans are deafening with their "HEATH" chant in Houston. Steelers on the move by yet another huge play from Mike Wallace. Him and Steve Smith are head and shoulders above the rest in the big play category...where the hell is DeSean Jackson by the way?

2:19: Oh man, the Bills get a pick 6 from the guy who had a fumble return TD called back earlier! What are the odds? And this one was far more impressive!

2:24: Unbelievable stuff going on here. Daniel Manning, who had just blocked a field goal with a clear path for Jonathan Joseph (Gamecock!) to return it for a TD. However, rather than use his head and not commit a block in the back that happened 15 yards from the return...he did. Wow. Texans go from 17-0 to 10-0 for no reason.

2:30: The Cowboys and Bills with big leads going into the half. Cincy has to be broken up about a ball hitting their receiver while he's on the ground, having it bounce up, and have it returned for a TD at home. That just sucks.

3:00: Alright, back after a short "linner" break. The Eagles block a FG, setting themselves up nicely. Vick looks human, and while even that is still a really good's not Vick ya know?

3:04: The non-blocked FG for a TD continues to haunt Houston. They allow Big Ben and Co. to stay in the game, now in the red zone w/ 2 mins. left in the 3rd. Houston up 10-7.

3:08: Gresham for 6 in Cincy! Ohhhhhh Buffalo...not easy being the kings.

3:10: Jeesh, Matt Cassel looks terrible unless he's throwing to Steve Breaston today. Speaking of Cassel, one hour to the Pats baby!!!

3:12: Bobby Carpenter takes a pick back to the 1, fumbles to his teammate for a TD...okay Detroit. Signs of life are encouraging. 27-10...that's a long way to go though.

3:16: Fred Jackson is slowly killing Cincy's will to live with relentless pressure up the middle, then gets another first down with Jackson catching a screen.

3:18: Detroit might have gotten another pick 6 (sure, the first one wasn't one really, but the guy got to the one then fumbled)! This time, Chris Houston, who does the Deion highstep (if you've been doing it for your whole career, you're allowed to do it). Tennessee gets a pick 6 of their 142 yards and a score. That's a Texans lead.

3:22: Dwayne Bowe...did I not say this would help? 52 yards and a score. We're talking Chiefs lead, we're talking "I know what the f*ck I'm talking about"...LET'S GO PATS!!! Haha.

3:26: If you have anyone on my fantasy team, you're in the money right now baby. V-Dub for 6. San Fran is closing in on Philly.

3:29: Thank God Gus is calling the Minny/KC game. Without him, where would mediocre to shitty games go? Monday night? Ohhhhhhhh...that's right ESPN! You guys are clowns putting these games on!!!

3:31: Something kind of getting lost today is Cam keeping it close in Chicago. He hasn't really been as brutalized as I thought he might have been.

Speaking of brutal...St. Louis? Wooooowwwww they suck.

3:36: Big Ben is getting brutalized in Houston. Meanwhile, San Fran/Philly could become a David Akers revenge game after Alex Henery just missed for Philly. Imagine a kicker revenge game? Sometimes that will happen in the No Ferocity League.

3:40: Haha, there is absolutely no stopping MegaTron...this is absolutely sickening how good he is. In triple coverage he brings it down. Detroit climbing back 30-24.

3:41: Schaub goes for the home run ball. Then, the report is that Andre Johnson is in street clothes on the sideline. A.) that totally blows, and B.) why aren't they running non-stop with Foster and Tate? 170 yards on the ground for Houston today. Pittsburgh with a huge return up to midfield.

3:45: Houston holds the Steelers on fourth down. Attention Gary Kubiak: RUN THE F***ING BALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

3:46: Cincy inside the 35 with 7 to go down seven. Minny gets a huge end around from Percy Harvin. They're down 5 over midfield with two to play. Wild stuff.

3:48: Wow, riveting stuff here in Cincy. Down at the 10 with a second down, we have a Dalton/Andre Caldwell connection. First and goal at the 3. Believe in the Bungles!

3:51: Dalton is in for 6! We are tied at the Brownie (Paul Brown Stadium). Elsewhere, Minny is in an all or nothing situation in KC down 5 w/ a minute 45 to go. Detroit just got the ball back. STL scores (they still suck a lot)...this is unreal!

3:53: Stafford just missed MegaTron for a huge connection. Detroit hanging on for dear life. Minny just turned it over on downs. KC is out of the top spot in the Luck sweepstakes!

3:55: Jonathan Joseph gets robbed of another TD, but have no fear Texan fans, your running back is back, and the Texans are going to get a big-time win vs. the Steelers. Meanwhile, Rex Grossman is reverting back to his old sucky self, throwing a pick to James Lauranitis, which sets Bradford and Co. up inside the 25.

3:57: Matt Forte goes over 200, and the Bears just iced the game with a Marion Barber TD. The Rams are shooting themselves in the foot trying to tie the game up. Buffalo somehow cannot figure out the Cincy defense today. Detroit gets the ball inside the 50. This is great stuff. Pats in 10!!!

4:01: Henery misses another one! Oh man let's go Niners!!!

4:04: We've gone QuadBox on RedZone...that's when you officially know shit it going down. Not gonna lie, I'm going against MegaTron...I feel the doom coming.

4:06: Cam Newton gets the garbage TD that gamblers dread. The Panthers cover, but are looking like they're done. San Fran all over Philly. Kendall Hunter and Frank Gore are all over them...and Gore just scored. Akers for the lead against Philly!

4:08: Jason Hanson man...forget about it. 52-yard FG puts Detroit down 3.

4:09: The Bills are attempting to ice Mike Nugent. If he makes, Buffalo is no longer undefeated, and I'm a genius.

4:10: I'M A F***ING GENIUS BABY! Buh-bye Buffalo. We'll see you at the top in three hours baby!

4:12: Woooooowwwwww Romo is dogging it. He throws a "Garcia," Lions ball at midfield. Detroit continues to hang on. Don't let the dream die!!!

4:13: MegaTron is ripping up Dallas...this looks like it could be it for Detroit right here...this is where to make the statement.

4:15: Niners up 1 after an Akers XP. Philly is at midfield with a little over 2 to play.

4:16: LET's GO PATS!!!!!!!!!! (uh-oh, ball fell off the tee on the opening kickoff, then Gostkowski kicks the ball out of bounds...auspicious start here)

4:18: First looks at Denarius Moore and Run all comes down to those two on offense for us today. Raiders take a timeout...I'll take it.

4:20: Screen pass to McFadden for 15. He seems...healthy...that can't be good for business. McCourty makes the stop on DMC on first down. Please just keep putting them in passing situations.

4:23: Maclin fumbles at midfield! San Fran ball at the 2 minute warning. Wowsers. I'm looking really good today.

3rd and long right here for the Raiders. We absolutely need this stop just to halt whatever momentum they have going...and they make the pass, but it's short of the first. Bring on that fat bastard! (Janikowski)

4:25: MegaTron again! I knew it! I freggin' knew it! Haha, today's fantasy day was going way too good!

4:27: Philly and San team is 3-1, the other is 1-3...yeah it's exactly the opposite of what it probably should be.

4:28: Detroit is 4-0! Felix Jones stepped out of bounds! What the hell was he thinking??? Haha.

4:30: Brady uses an early timeout...ughhhhhh...that's what bad teams like the Raiders do! Haha, oh come on they're not that good...sure they have a chance to win, but in the overall scheme of things, they're not even close to us. Come know the truth...can you handle it!!!

4:37: Seymour gets 15 for slamming Brady to the ground after a delay of game penalty blew that play dead. The Firm has been busy early...let's keep that trend going.

4:38: Seymour gets another 15 yarder for grabbing The Firm by the facemask. What's his deal today? Ridley gets his first carry of the game for a first down. See, running the ball...isn't this nice?

4:40: It's Dub-Dub...and it's for the SIX! Yeah Wes!!! 7-3 good guys (in this league, if you put all 32 teams in this field, and said "who would be the "good guys" and who would be the "bad guys,"' wouldn't it be Pats vs. Raiders?...Oh I think so).

4:44: Hey, Jordy! Baby I got your money, don't you worry!

4:45: The Raiders are playing like...the Raiders (ya know, the sucky ones)...I'm liking it. Nothing going yet for Oakland on offense.

4:49: Oh wow, just found out Vollmer is out today again. Why did I think he was playing? Anyway, J-Cam hits on a 15-yarder to Heyward-Bey, and he was wide the F open..."can't have it...can I win with them...can't do it."

4:51: We have been horrendous for the last two plus years on third down defense. What is it about backing teams into a corner that makes us want to lay off so much? I hate when Bill shows compassion.

4:53: Charles Woodson Pick-Six...when is it time Denver? When is it time to push the Tebow button? I say if it goes 21-3, that's it.

4:54: Oakland intentionally takes a delay of game penalty on 4th and 2 from the 40...they know they would have got it if they went for it right? I mean we still don't really have an answer for the running game or the screen game. Oh well, they hit a nice punt pinning us inside the 5...that just means more passing yards for TFB.

4:56: We have a GROONNNKKK sighting. First down Pats, but we just hit the end of the quarter...could that have gone any better for Oakland? Down 4 after the first. They have to be taking that.

4:59: He's talented, and he's Mr. Ridley for 25. Seymour jumps offsides on the play...seriously? Is he looking for blood? That can't be good for us.

5:00: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh man, nearly a huge Brady-Welker hookup yet again. Man, he is most dangerous little man in the league. Sorry Darren Sproles.

5:09: Run DMC with a huge gain, setting up Oakland to punch it in w/ Michael Bush. 10-7 bad guys. Orton to my man Eric Decker up in Green Bay. 21-10 Pack with an A-Rod rushing TD. Julio Jones has been an animal the last two weeks. I believe I remember saying something about this about 1,000 times before the season started.

5:12: Another stupid penalty, then it's, oh you know it's Welker time baby! 24 for the first down, then an illegal contact penalty on the Raiders trying to stop the Dubster. First down good guys. The Firm gets three up the middle.

5:17: Another huge catch by your NFL leader in receiving yards Wes Welker, and then, well Bill must have been reading John Grisham because you gotta ride The Firm in for 6! 14-10 red, white and, blue.

5:22: Oh sweet Jesus, Mayo is being helped off the field without being able to put pressure on his oh man we gotta step it up big time right now. Arrington makes a great stop on 2nd down. Can we get a stop please?

5:24: Un-freggin'-believable.

5:26: Without Mayo, you're looking at an even weaker run stop. Look for J-Cam to be almost taken out of this game by his own team and have them just run it down our throats with DMC and Michael Bush, who could pick up any short yardage play they need from him.

5:27: Jacoby Ford unfortunately decided to play today. Another missed tackle by the Pats (another unfortunate recurring theme), and he's down by the 5 on the end-around.

5:29: Ba-da-da-da-da-dum-dum Patrick Chung! First down good guys. J-Cam, thank you for being who we thought you were!!!

5:30: It's Woodhead, it's a first down. Two minute warning. Let the good guys go to work!

5:31: Denver keeping it interesting down 21-17, but GB and A-rod are driving to end the half. Pass to JJ for the first down, then a near pick that would have stolen all the momentum, then Starks, who with Ryan Grant out makes that RB decision much simpler, gets a screen play for 18. Pack in the bizzie.

5:33: Woodhead barely limps off the field. Man what is going on today with the injuries? We have back-to-back Ocho receptions which sandwiched an eerily similar underthrown attempt to Gronk which would have gone for 6...again.

5:35: The Firm makes a catch out of the backfield...perhaps a new wrinkle with what happened to Woodie. An incomplete pass to Welker, but he had the defenders beat yet again, which he's done all game long.

5:37: Oakland calls a timeout with the clock running and 15 secs. left on 3rd down. Okay, so they're making stupid penalties, making bad clock decisions...we should be capitalizing on this no

5:39: Okay, no 6, but Gostkowski puts it up to 17-10...hey the way this game is going, I like where we're at (minus the injuries to the two guys I absolutely love).

5:40: We are at halftime in Oakland. Elsewhere around the league, the Bolts just made it 13-10 right before halftime. Again, it seems like the Chargers like to let shitty teams hang around. Dunno what's with that.

5:46: Wow Larry Fitzgerald is simply unbelievable. 'Zona is in business in the red zone. Julio Jones is over 100 as the Hottie keep putting to the Nottie (hey-oh!).

5:50: 'Zona is going 1st and goal from the 1. A Matt Bryant FG gives Atlanta the lead by a lot to a little.

5:53: Von Miller for defensive rookie of the year is going to be as easy of a pick as Suh was for it last year. Imagine that, the #1 and #2 picks get offensive and defensive players of the's like hey, finally some teams are getting their shit together in the draft!

5:55: Here comes the 2nd half, and here comes Tom F'ing Brady baby!

5:57: It's's Welker time! First down baby!

5:59: Oh I was wondering earlier where DeSean Jackson went...six catches, 171 yards today...hey there he is!

6:00: The Firm with a big run to get the first, and then Stevan Ridley rolls in for a huggggeeeee TD run. Oh yeah running game!!! 24-10 you know who!

6:03: A-Rod close for the TD, they review it, and apparently he got in (he didn't, oh well). Pack up 34-17. Two rushing TDs for A-Rod. G-Men sputtering in 'Zona. They're punting again...this is what happens when you bet on Eli Manning (I could change my blog name to "Shit-Talking Eli Manning," write for three hours a day, and have absolutely no problem with it...don't push me!).

6:06: McFadden getting only 11 is totally disappointing to the Oakland spoiled bunch of face-painters.

6:08: Another third down conversion by Oakland, then a pass to Boss...I remember him having fumble issues...perhaps exploit that a little?

6:10: Again, 3rd down = 1st down. Absolutely no pass rush today. We are so terrified of the run that we're playing prevent along the D-Line...and they're still getting a bunch of rushing yards too.

6:13: Can't stop Michael Bush...again, I'm surprised this isn't a 3:1 run/pass ratio right now. Why would you want Campbell to try and win this game when you can control the clock and just beat the hell out of a Mayo-less defense.

6:14: Wooowwwwww, they waive off a pass interference penalty...and it was pass interference against Arrington...oh for the love of God make a third down stop!!!

6:17: Yessssssssss!!!! Bring on that fat bastard!!! 24-13 America's Team.

Can you tell I'm by myself in my place today? Haha, I've been updating every two seconds for crying out loud!

6:21: Wow, Aaron Rodgers is destroying Denver. Five total TDs for him...he's always going to be #2 in this league with our guy around, but he is a phenomenal talent.

6:25: The money train is now leaving off of track 83. 130 yards for the biggest little man in the league. Your NFL receiving leader will be in New England for yet another week. Here comes the Flying Elvises!!!

6:31: Dub-dub puts it up to 158, and then it's Neon Deion for Six! It's now us winning by way more than they ever should have a chance to come back from. Yeah Pats!

6:38: 3rd. Down. Defense. It continues to be the theme of the day...I honestly don't get it. We have no pass rush where J-Cam looks horrendous when he has even a speckle of a rush against him.

6:40: Oh man Colt McCoy had 61 attempts today? You have Hillis and Hardesty, yet the best way to score points against the second ranked pass defense in the league is by...passing? Haha, dude really? Haha, I can't even get over it...61 attempts. Man oh man.

6:42: Patrick Chung gets a bullshit helmet-to-helmet call. Fifteen yards, first down, but then, IT'S VINNIE MAC ON THE PICK!!! First down non-shitty guys at midfield. Suck it Oakland!!!

6:48: Ryan Torain...he is coming to fantasy team near you (and if I'm lucky, incredibly close to me).

6:52: Wow Green Back in the Silver Bridge City (Oakland), the Pats stop the Raiders because Heyward-Bey has a drop on third down...that's one way to do it. Seattle has brought it down to a 30-28 score. Drrrraaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaaaa,

7:00: And good night Oakland. We win, and again, y'all can suck it. Tuck rule bitch! Your New England Patriots are once again on top of the division (sure we have company, but who cares?). Well, the dude's gotta go bowling. Have a great night everyone. If you don't have Wes Welker, he will destroy your team...real or don't stop, and it just don't stop. I'll be back mid-week to clean up this mess I've left. Until then, I'll just go Don Cornelius on ya and bid you a bit of peace, love, and soul my brothers.